I wouldn’t date or marry most of the Black females that I've ever known in life. Now you might suggest that I meet some new chicks before I draw this conclusion but hear me out. I say this as a person who observes their lives from a close vantage point and I say this as a woman that is actually open to dating another women but there is no way in HELL I would participate in some of the dramatic zoo like behavior that I see displayed by some Black females (and it very well could be white women too but I've observed those chicks and they have a different type of trifling).
Now that I’m writing this I’m wondering if this revelation is the real reason I exclusively date men: some women are just bat shit crazy. There are also plenty that are disillusioned and will protest themselves to be "Good Women" who are waiting on that suitable Black man to become their mate. Let’s talk about this shall we?
I have quite a few platonic Black male friends some of which are younger than I. I also have a single, younger brother who wants to get married and have a family sooner rather than later. I know PLENTY of Black men like these that are beginning to look for a woman to marry so when I hear that Black women can’t find mates you’ll understand why I’m confused. The kicker is that both of them WANT A BLACK WOMAN but haven’t found one suitable enough to marry yet.
So, a lady who works at my wife's office was killed by her boyfriend, and then later killed himself at the scene because she broke up with him. This is the second or maybe third murder-suicide incident here in Memphis in recent weeks. There was another case a few weeks ago where a woman broke up with a guy only to have him hold her and her roommates hostage in her apartment. Only to shoot and kill her and her father who showed up to mediate before turning the gun on himself. And then there's this other guy who "allegedly" killed his ex-girlfriend and stuffed her in a car trunk the other week. I guess he didn't like the idea of her putting a restraining order on him so he did** what he did.
In the case of my wife's co-worker, it was revealed that the ex-boyfriend didn't take the break up well, and was even hospitalized on a psych ward. Only to be released by whom we don't know, to commit yet another senseless act in the name of love and heartbreak. I've had some pretty shitty breakups, and yes, I've even had my heart broken and trampled on a time or two. And yeah I've been an emotional wreck after a breakup before - thank God for Mary J. Blige's "What The 411" album. But never in my life have I ever imagined or even envisioned causing harm to the women who in my opinion did me wrong. I may have wanted to shake the shit out of 'em, but never kill them.
I have this Black male guy friend. He just landed on the opposite side of 30 and finds himself single. Very marriage minded; he eagerly waits for the day when he can meet that special lady and have children. He’s a successful entrepreneur in New York City. He has a devilish sense of humor. He LOVES his Momma and always conducts himself as a gentleman.
His body is cut up like a Greek statute thanks to his daily body building and yoga routines. His smile can light up a room. And above all else he is a man of principles; this guy is honest and refuses to play games with a person’s heart. So Single Black woman having trouble finding a ‘Good’ Black man…interested yet?
This worldly Libra has his own place in Brooklyn (with Brooklyn swagger included). He enjoys spoiling a lover with time, affection and attention. He travels frequently and runs in some very interesting circles. He’s also a personal trainer so you know he’s got ‘stamina’ and what Good Black woman doesn’t want that in a man?
He shoots hoops with the (equally fine) fellas! He’s a collector of African art! He’s a writer, poet and photographer! He’s also a very active and in demand MODEL!!!! Are you sold yet? Oh, yeah. There’s one more thing I forgot to mention. This single, marriage minded, eligible Black man is also bisexual. That’s not a problem, right? Because he still possesses ALL of the qualities listed above, doesn’t he?
He wants to marry a woman and have kids some day soon. Like any other man, he wants to make a baby and one day be known to the world as ‘Daddy’. He has everything these single Black women say they want in a ‘Good Black’ man, no?
When I heard that Mo'Nique was married or got married I was crushed. What can I say, I've always been attracted to her and thought she was sexy as hell; and I swear, I would kick Oprah Winfrey's ass to the curb if Mo' ever gave me the time of day (sorry Oprah). See I heard she kicked it with Gerald Levert, so naturally a big bonededed brotha like me just knew he had a chance, right? But she got married and not being one to break up a happy home I figured it was best to crush on her from afar, knawmean? But then yesterday I read this and it has given new life to my infatuation with the woman:
In Barbara Walter's annual Oscar Special, nominee Mo'Nique revealed her open marriage with husband Sidney Hicks isn't quite so open. "Let me say this," she said. "I have not had sex outside my marriage with Sidney."
But the same might not be true for him, NY Daily News reports. "Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me?" the 'Precious' star asked. "Yes. That's not a deal-breaker. That's not something that would make us say, 'Pack your things and let's end the marriage.'"
Even if it happened more than once, Mo'Nique said she wouldn't hold it against him. "What if it's 20 times? So what?" she said. "We've been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don't know who they're laying next to. I'm very comfortable and secure with my husband." (source)
Damn, its like that Mo'? F'real?!! Holla at the kid, Ma! Nah I'm just playin, y'all. Trust me, I'm happily married, and no, Mrs. RiPPa isn't into the sharing thing or as "open" as my girl Mo'Nique is with hers. But hey if it works for them who am I to judge, right? Unfortunately, not everyone thinks like me, and is of the same opinion (which is too bad because life would be better for them if they did).
On my Facebook profile I asked for thoughts on this revelation and I was kinda surprised by some of the views expressed (I was shocked that this was old news for some - how come I didn't know?). In particular, some people didn't agree with her choice and suggested that she obviously has self esteem issues. If you ask me, I think it all boils down to the fact that muthaf*ckas don't like seeing black folks happy; especially married black folks; which explains all the headlines like Mo'Nique says hubby is allowed to cheat . Personally I think most people chalk it up to a low self esteem issue simple because she's a big girl. I mean, why would they assume that she has low self esteem based on this information?
So I rolled over and looked at my wife this morning and wondered to myself, "How did these kids get here, and why aren't we having sex right now?" Ah yes, Valentine's Day, the day for lovers; and, it's on a Sunday. Here we are on the morning after the guy who sells roses in the club made off like a fat rat with enough to put one of his kids through college. The morning where in-spite of said roses being bought, and alcohol consumed, someone has to skip out at 5am from the bed of a stranger hoping to slip back into the house without his or her wife or husband noticing.
Here we are on the day that Jamaal, the brother who hasn't seen his kids in more than a few months, makes nice with his "baby momma" and try to get back in good under the guise of love. When the real truth is that he's just trying to get a cut of that tax refund check because, well, that earned income tax credit comes in handy. Valentine's Day, the day of love, the day when hate reigns supreme birthed by the happiness of people you know. The day when a woman's best friend begrudgingly utters the line, "So what he bought you a ring for Valentine's Day; he ain't shit noway. You lucky you my girl that I'm even telling you that he fucked me last week." But hey, every cloud has a silver lining (except for the mushroom shaped ones, which have a lining of Iridium & Strontium 90). And sure you may say that there's more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
So by now I'm sure everybody has seen the YouTube segment from ABC's Nightline discussing the issue of single successful lonely black women. In recent weeks it seems to be the hot topic. As a result, tonight on Freedom Through Speech Radio we'll be discussing the phenomenon with Paul Carrick Brunson, The Modern Day Matchmaker; check him out:
Over at Racialicious they've been discussing Helena Andrews' book "Bitch Is the New Black" via a piece at the Washington Post that once again seeks to figure out why black women are single and apparently lonely.
Andrews and others go on about their misfortune with dating (what I gather to be black men) in the DC area:
Andrews writes about what it is like for a young, black woman dating in D.C., trying to find a mate who seems ever elusive. The futile rituals are familiar: the dressing up, the eager cab ride over to the party, the hold-your-breath as you walk in, scanning the room quickly for any looks returned. The mantra sounding in the back of your head: "So-and-so found a man last year at a party like this. Maybe tonight is my night." Then one by one, the men prove to be disappointments and disappointing: married, uninteresting or uninterested.
The disappointment as you end up at the bar once again, committing straw violence in your drink (stirring the drink frantically and unconsciously).
Andrews writes the truth of those nights. The truth is for too many, they never work out. Not for Andrews and not for her friend, Gina, who is a prominent character in her life and in the book.
You know I get tired of reading about how single black women are and how lonely and basically unloved we are if we are "successful" (more on that later).
I've been called racist by few people who have visited this blog and on other online forums. One thing that is consistent about that, is the fact that this assertion is always expressed by non-minorities. But hey, studies have shown that the stronger a person of color identifies with his/her culture the more likely it is for them to be perceived as such. Which is funny when you think about it because I have a hard time recalling Black Supremacists groups obtaining permits to march through cities and towns and give hate speeches.
Even more ironic, is when I ask the people or persons levying those claims to define racism. They almost always have a hard time doing so and I've came to realize that often they didn't know what the hell they were talking about.
But after reviewing the recent news from Louisiana surrounding the denial of a marriage license to an interracial couple by a white justice of the peace. I've now come to realize that yes, I am racist. I've never married a white couple in my home nor have I had a white person use my bathroom so obviously I am racist. Never mind the fact that I have piles and piles of white friends; those friendships are just for show. So yeah, using Keith Bardwell's logic and that of others like him, I'm definitely a racist individual.
I don't know how many people from the great state of Louisiana read my blog, but I have some information to share. Now before I go ahead lemme remind you readers that Louisiana is indeed located in the United States, and it is not a foreign country like Mississippi. OK, so now that I got that out of the way, what's the deal down in Tangipahoa Parish, Louisiana? Why aren’t marriage licenses issued to interracial couples?
HAMMOND, La. — A Louisiana justice of the peace said he refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for any children the couple might have.
Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says it is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long.
Neither Bardwell nor the couple immediately returned phone calls from The Associated Press. But Bardwell told the Daily Star of Hammond that he was not a racist.
"I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house," Bardwell said. "My main concern is for the children."
Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.
"I don't do interracial marriages because I don't want to put children in a situation they didn't bring on themselves," Bardwell said. "In my heart, I feel the children will later suffer."
If he does an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said.
Well at least Bardwell was honest enough to say that he tries to treat everyone equally. I try to wake up every day knowing that bigotry is a thing of the past, but I don't break any laws doing it. But Mr. Bardwell on the other hand? Well, let’s just say that he's a man who lives by his own rules. How in the hell is he the Justice of the Peace? And didn't he get the post-racial memo?
Of course it’s often said that love is blind, and so too is Lady Justice, but then I have to remember that it’s the “Dirty South” we’re talking about here. Even so, there is no way this couple (Terence McKay and Beth Humphrey) are going to lose any lawsuit especially considering that the ACLU is in on this.
Did you like the “I’m not racist, I do ceremonies for Black couples in my house,” line? I did. I love it when they say stupid shit like that. You know, like, “I'm not racist, I went to Gym with a Black guy!” I'm assuming that there aren't that many interracial couples looking to get married down there or else this would have been a well known story way before now. But maybe this isn’t about race mixing and the production of mongrels as is the old thought.
Maybe he truly does care about the kids. I mean, the groom in this case is Black, and maybe he doesn’t want any future children they bear growing up in a single parent home after daddy bounces – you know those Black guys are good at that, right? But then again, look at how a certain well known U.S. president who happened to be a product of an interracial marriage turned out. But hey, I guess in the mind of Keith Bardwell he's an anomaly.
Albert Einstein once said, “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” With that said I’d like to know what would possess a married man with a wife and eight kids to sneak out and get some side booty. Oh and let’s not forget that this married man at the time had a very successful television show centered on the fact that he and his wife are raising eight kids. You know, eight kids who without a television contract they would be in a commercial with Sally Struthers begging for money with flies on their faces while daddy is out on the corner slinging crack?
Seriously Jon, I’d like to hear your excuse for that one. Now grant it, having eight kids at home would mean you’re gonna jerk off 94.6% of your time for the rest of your life when you and the wife aren’t sneaking into the closet to get some. But damn man, you’re on TV, on a reality show – nothing you do is ever going to be private, or on the down low as you think. Shit, TMZ knew Michael Jackson was dead a week before you, I, and the rest of the world. Did you really think your wife would never find out about you creeping with that young chick? C’mon son! At least have the brains to mess around with a Black woman if it was all about the booty. Oh don't look at me crazy, you know a “sister” would have made sure none of this would ever come out.
Equally as foolish was the woman with whom he had “the affair” if you ask me. I’m sorry, but maybe it’s just that I’m used to Black women making a conscious effort not to get involved with Black men with kids, and the baby momma drama that comes with it. But err, if I were a woman, why would I want to get with a guy with eight children unless we lived in some polygamist compound, and I was obviously brain washed? I mean I could understand wanting to be with someone famous, or at least some form of celebrity assuming they may have some money; actually, I think that’s how The Flava of Love got started, no? No but seriously, how much money could this guy have with a wife and eight kids at home?
Well let’s see, shall we…
Oh so now he decides that he “cares” about the kids and doesn’t want them on television anymore. Yep, now that his “role” on the show will be limited, he decides to act an ass. Not only act like an ass, but act selfishly as well by withdrawing all of that money from their bank account! I’m sorry Jon, but you f*cked up royally with that one. Yes Jon, $1000.00 dollars won't buy enough Ramen Noodles to feed those kids. C'mon son! Just in that one move you went from idiot status to super douche bag; yep, and old wrinkled up red one like my grandmother used to have. Forget about even getting laid after pulling a stunt like that. What about the kids Jon? The only thing keeping them afloat is in fact the show. So what they dropped your name from the show; if you were against them being on TV you would not and should not have agreed to the show in the first place!
What’s surprising to me is that when the “Octomom” was in the news “certain people” gave her hell. People were all over her case and had her pegged as a “Welfare Queen” for being unmarried with fourteen children. But yet no such outrage at the actions of Jon Gosselin; imagine that. The way people are treating this, you’d think Kate Gosselin was a Black woman...
White folks, you people need to get it together and show this guy how he’s messing it up for you people. If you don’t, I’m afraid that this will become the new trend in America with white men. I mean damn, we Black men already have the running out on the wife and kids thing covered; can’t we just leave it that way? You folks are always quick to talk about and down to us for what we do. Can’t you all at least do the same for one of your own? Who knew white men were capable of the same type of behavior; I dunno, bad parenting, maybe?
The cherished concept of family which as you know is exclusive to white folks, is in jeopardy. So white people, since you’ve never cared about anything other than white women as evidenced by the love you all collectively share for Orenthal J. Simpson. I urge you to stand up and do your part to protect American family values as only you people can. I know you people hate Barack Obama and all, but he takes care of his kids. I’m sorry, but Jon Gosselin makes you people look bad, and next thing you know, single white mothers at the welfare office will be the rage, and we can’t have that now, can we?
Well, from what I've read and have been hearing recently, the economy is slowly getting better. Isn't that positive? I remember reading several months ago that many couples who would ordinarily split up or get divorces were choosing to stay together because of the economic meltdown. I suppose if there was never a time the "it's cheaper to keep her" mindset ever existed it did within the last year. But like I said, obviously things are getting better, hence this recent ad online:
I couldn't help but to notice whether the husband for sale was employed. Surely such pertinent information is too valuable in these economic times to be left out. I did notice however that she listed him in the Pets & Livestock section.What I'd like to know, is as bad as things are economically for most. Who would be willing to buy or trade for a fat Ricky Williams look alike reject who when he eats, looks like he's scarfing down some Alpo?
I don't know how much it costs to place ads online or in the newspaper in this day and age. But I damn sure hope it ws worth it to this woman. The sad thing about it, is that if she had set his ass outside right next to the trash, some silly female would be more than happy to welcome him in. I don't know about you, but if I were single, I doubt I would ever waste my time talking to some forty-something year old woman with four kids who lives in her mother's basement. That said, why do women do this?
QUESTION(S): Why do women continue to get caught up with loser men? Aren't women to blame for this? Do they not bear some responsibility for their choice(s) in men?
[Editors Note: I am extremely honored to have this contribution from the sister SjP from the blog Sojourner's Place. As usual she brings forth her sage-like wisdon with this piece. I hope you folks enjoy the piece. And fellas, I sure hope y'all pay attention.]
I’ll bet you my neck and I ain’t got but one, that John Ensign and Mark Sanford are down on their knees right now thanking the every supreme being known to man for Michael Jackson right now. And while I mean no disrespect to the King of Pop, you just got to know that Ensign and Sanford were probably cutting big fat checks back then to help defray the costs of the recent memorial and funeral ceremonies. If they weren’t then they should have, because - at least for the time being - they have been able to dodge the bullet.
But, if either one of these two men was married to a “different” kind of woman, they would probably be sleeping with one eye open and cooking all of their own meals. A “different” kind of woman would have them so afraid right in through here that they would be afraid to say “good morning” let alone go on international television to apologize. APOLOGIZE! I GOT YOUR APOLOGIZE – a “different” kind of woman might say.
I mean a different kind of woman might have a Waiting to Exhale burning up all your clothes moment. A different kind of woman might have baby oil pouring pure ass-whooping This Christmas moment. A different kind of woman might have an OH HELL NAW grits bath –Madea's Family Reunion moment.
So, just in case, RiPPa, you have readers that are hooked-up with a different kind of woman, I offer...
SjP’s Top 6 Ways NOT to Come Face to Face with a Hot Grits Bath:
#6. If you hook up with the wife of your assistant - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.
#5. If you apologize to your wife as an afterthought for screwing around - you might just come face to face with a grits bath.
#4. If the beautiful and suggestive love notes you wrote to someone other than your wife becomes public - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.
#3. If you tell the entire world that you’re going on a trip to fall back in love with your wife - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.
#2. If you ask your wife to go with you to break up with your soul mate - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.
#1. If you tell the entire world that your soul mate is other than your wife - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.
The above title to this post is actually a line from my man Mos Def's song of the hip hop classic "Black On Both Sides". This is one of my favorite hip hop albums of all time as is Mos Def the entertainer. The line come from the song "Ms. Fat Booty" which tells the tale of boy meets girl in the average nightclub in anywhere USA. In the song he meets this woman and is smitten by her beauty; he even proclaims playfully that she had an ass so fat that you can see it from the front.
Well, to make a long story short, he fell in love with her, they had a fling and in the end she broke his heart. In other words dude was sick; yup, shorty put in on him seriously like that; watch the video at the end of this post. Now this song was made back in the late 90s. And this is why I was surprised to read over at necolebitchie.com - my number one source for celebrity entertainment news and gossip - that my man met a stripper in the club back in 2005, and married her after only knowing her for two days. Uh huh, and now dude refuses to sign the divorce papers for the last two years. Shit, Mos Def's Umi told him to shine his light on the world, but I wonder what she would have to say about this. Of course the marriage never worked; was it supposed to? His wife filed for divorce only two months after the wedding. In an upcoming documentary called "Rapper Wives" on E, this story and many more are exposed.
Check it out:
Now a part of me thinks that Mos Def should have known better. I’m thinking that when you’re an artist in the industry you have to be leery of situations such as this. But then again I don’t know where or what he was going through at the time. I mean clearly this woman has some issues as a result of her upbringing - ok, yeah, so everyone has issues; I'm not picking on this woman. However, when you barely know someone and marry them after two days of meeting them this is what you get. Would I have married her only after knowing her for two days? Hell fuck no I wouldn't, and I don't care how fat the booty is or just how fine she is, I will never do something like that.
Yeah whatever RiPPa you know you lyin.
Ok yeah, I might be lyin’; my bad, I forgot, I did the same thing. Well, see, I got married to a woman that I barely knew as well. I didn't do it in two days; in my case I knew her for six months. In retrospect, it was a bad move. For two reasons: 1) I met her in a nightclub just like Mos Def, and yes the ass was fat, and well...2) I was only 24yrs old and fresh out of college; looking back I was too young. Yes, now that I am a lot older and wiser I can say this. So would I have done differently? Of course I would, but looking back it’s always easy to say something like that. After all, hindsight is 20/20, no?
Our marriage managed to last 9yrs; the last two we were separated pending a divorce. A lot of what I dealt with and went through during the marriage without giving much detail could have and should have been avoided. In other words, if I hadn't taken my ass out to the club that one night in question when I was 23yrs old none of it would have happened. Two days after meeting her we had sex, and I ain't gonna front, I was hooked. Yeah, I was running around with my nose wide open. Shit I cancelled my other stable of women just because. Shit, I had everything else I could ever want in life at the time with the exception of “the one”.
I guess kinda like Mos Def, back then I was quite the catch, and without enough thought I allowed myself to get reeled in. I must admit that although it could have been avoided, it was a lesson learned, and well worth it. You see, unlike Moss Def, I learned and decided not to make the same mistake in my older years as he did. You know that whole “fool me once shame on you” thing? Now I can say that I am happily married, for a second time, to a woman unlike the little girl the little boy that was me fell for a long long time ago. I'm not one for giving out unsolicited advice, but I can't help but to tell you that it's not a good idea marrying someone you meet in the club.
“He who warned uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.” -- Sarah Palin on Paul Revere
