Grammar Lesson #4: Hyphens

This just covers the most commonly confused use of hyphens:

compound modifiers:
A 3-year-old child went out.
The child is 3 years old.

In the first sentence, the words describing the age are hyphenated because it describes a thing that immediately follows it. In the second sentence, the description comes after the noun, so it’s not hyphenated.

Other examples: a full-time job, a well-known person, a better-qualified person. Likewise: He works full time. She is better qualified.

The exception is the word very and adverbs that end in -ly. These are never hyphenated: a very good time, an easily remembered rule, a continually barking dog.

Hyphens are also used to clear up ambiguity: a small-business owner. This verifies that the business and not the owner is small.

Suspended hyphenation can be tricky. It goes like this: the 3- and 4-year-old class.

A "Special" Job

As a senior in college I worked for the school newspaper. At the beginning of each semester we had to do the reporting plus editing jobs for about two weeks since we didn’t have reporters yet (they were students in a class).

At the beginning of the second semester, I was helping a new editor get started. He was very excited to be part of the paid staff. We began writing our newspaper articles, which began with our bylines. (A macro shortcut would automatically put in your name and title for you.) My title was Special Sections Editor. So we began playing around with our titles and then finished writing our serious work.

After submitting my story, I realized I hadn’t fixed my byline. So I sent it again and told the computer to save over the first version. I guess that didn’t work. Even the night editor said she remembered correcting it again before it went to press. But the next day, there was my story published in the newspaper with the title “The Most Special Editor” under my name.

Grammar Lesson #3: Fewer/Fess, Much/Many, Continual/Continuous

How to use fewer/less, much/many, continual/continuous

These are pairs of words that mean the same but are used in different situations. Fewer, many, and continual are for things that can be counted one at a time. Less, much, and continuous are for things that have infinite variations of degrees or volume. (In math terms, it’s the difference between discrete and continuous.)

You can have less time but fewer hours; much money but many coins. You can be interrupted continually but hear a hum continuously.

Most people use much and many just fine but have problems with the other two. Much goes with less (and continuous), and many goes with fewer (and continual).

How to Drive in Utah

Can I say I miss California drivers?

1. When approaching a green light, be sure to brake.
2. When approaching a red light, keep going if it’s only been green for thirty seconds.
3. Signal left, drive straight.
4. Get on the freeway at 25 mph. Merging is not a word (let alone skill) you know.
5. Pick a lane … or two … or three.
6. When the light turns green, don’t move until it’s almost yellow.
7. Don’t drive faster than 10 mph over railroad tracks.
8. Pedestrian? What’s a pedestrian?
9. Wait until you are parallel with your freeway exit before crossing three lanes to it.
10. If you’re at one of those rare lights that gives you a green left-turn arrow, wait to go until it’s yellow, thus ensuring that you are the only car to make it through the light.
11. When it snows, go as fast as you can so you can hit as many other cars as possible.
12. When pulling onto a street, wait until a car is coming so you can pull right in front of it and drive 15 mph to your destination.

Kiddisms

Glenn gave me a Lego Knight Bus for my birthday a couple years ago. Deven was very taken with it and asked, “Can I have it when you die?” He still tells his friends, “My mom has a Lego Knight Bus, but I can have it when she dies.”

Jaelyn invented this joke:
Knock-Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Don’t eat me!

Jaelyn, for some reason, goes to a public restroom, locks the stall, uses the potty, and then crawls out from under it, leaving an empty locked stall.

Grammar Lesson #2: Colons

Colons can only occur in place of a period: at the end of a complete sentence. This means you cannot write, “The ingredients include: raisins, eggplant, nachos, and thyme.”

The phrase following a colon begins with a capital if it’s the beginning of a complete sentence. Otherwise, begin with a lowercase

There were many colors on the flag: white, green, blue, black, pink, and turquoise.

I really hate spiders: Those hairy legs are creepy.

The Secret Poisson Society

This is an experience from high school:

I had the same math teacher in 9th and 11th grades. He was very silly and entertaining but not very good at explaining math concepts to me. So near the end of 11th grade he was giving us surprise tests almost every day. I don’t know why I was always surprised since they happened so often.

To vent my frustrations, I would write, in pencil, in the score space, little notes like, “You’re mean” or whatever. Then I’d erase the notes before handing in my test. But one day, to my horror, I forgot to erase a note that said, “I hate you.” I got my test back. He had added the note, “Dork!” at the top in red marker.

Soon after, I wrote a note that said, “Il y a un poisson dans vuetre biblioteque.” This is the only phrase I know in French. (I may not remember it correctly now; it was a long time ago.) It means, “There is a fish in your library.” So I’m doing classwork after the test while the teacher is grading them. In the silence he calls out, “What’s a poisson?” It takes a lot of effort not to laugh or cry or give myself away. He gets the two Asian students sitting nearby to translate the sentence. (It takes him a while.) Even in English, it doesn’t make sense to him. I continue to leave strange notes on my tests during the school year.

At the end of the school year, I have him sign my yearbook. He signed everybody’s yearbook over a picture of himself beating his rival, my chemistry teacher, in an arm wrestling contest. In mine he wrote, “I try not to hurt people, just like all members of the secret poisson society.”

Hospital Advice

My advice for new moms in the hospital and postpartum:

1. Don’t wear your socks during labor if you want to keep them.
2. Don’t eat during labor if you can help it.
3. Use your husband (or support person) to communicate to the nurses and doctors for you since you will probably be less coherent to anyone else.
4. Bring your own snacks to the hospital just in case.
5. Bring ear plugs/blinders to the hospital.
6. For entertainment, watch movies on your laptop, bring a CD player, or bring small games. It will probably be hard to concentrate on reading or any other mental activities.
7. When you go home, sleep with a baby blanket or towel under you to protect your bed from leaking breast milk. (You should only need it for a few weeks.)
8. Since babies’ fingernails grow with their skin, don’t bother cutting nails for a few months. Just peel them across when they start breaking on their own.
9. Get Lansinoh for nursing.
10. Use a heating pad and/or ice for afterpains.

Our Aging Church

Our ward building is pretty old. It was built during WWII at the sacrifice of local members. Still, it now has some major structural problems with the cultural hall. It’s now being supported by a large system of support beams and strung around with yellow tape. It’s usually closed off, but at our ward’s last baby blessing it was opened up for overflow use. We sat in the very back between wooden pillars and surrounded by yellow tape. It felt like listening to church from a crime scene.

Grammar Lesson #1: The Difference Between Lie and Lay

Most people use lay to mean both lie and lay. Here’s how it’s supposed to work:

The jargon goes like this: Lie is an intransitive verb. Lay is a transitive verb. This means lay must have a word after it: It does something to something. Think of it this way: It’s transient. It cannot be by itself. Other similar pairs are sit/set and rise/raise.

I sit I set it
I rise I raise it
I lie (down) I lay it (down)

The confusion occurs because the past tense of lie is lay:
Present: Lie Lay
Past: Lay Laid
Participle: (Have) Lain (Have) Laid

So if it’s just you, you lie. If you’re doing it to something, it’s lay.