341/365

when you love it
all you can do
is commit to it
for its own sake.
no amount of
ambition or praise
titles or roles
are needed to justify
your love of it.

279/365

i wish i could take you all out for shots,
i celebrate in clinks and cheers and
excessive proclamations and rounds of
appetisers and sweet desserts.

i wish i could take you all out for a quiet hike in the woods,
and hear your stories about your hopes and dreams
and families and why you got into this business and
what you are struggling with at the moment.

i wish i could take you all out for rounds of beers,
to show that i see you and appreciate your
time and energy and commitment and  
devotion to your craft and our team and these kids.

i wish i could take you all out to a bookstore,
to see where you linger, what you choose, and how
you build your stacks and which ones you leave behind.

i wish i could take you all out for fancy cocktails,
to share too much, swear too much, connect as humans
peaking behind the mask of professionalism and false images.

i wish i could take you all out for whatever brings you joy
and see you in your element and meet your kids and
let our hair down and play each other records and tell
stories about remember-whens.

i wish i could-
after ten years of
working together-
get to know the real you,
so i can thank you
properly.

266/365

i grabbed the book he gave me
looking for wisdom.
flipping and sniffing the pages
like i always do to get a whiff of the tree spirit
lodged in the thin pages. olfactory triggers:
choose your own adventure books and mad magazine.
our roots are mired in the strangest of places.

the distance between vision and reality
obfuscated by the distractions they’ve trained
us to believe necessary.

i’m sitting with the weight of ceremony,
forgotten how to re-enage with the vehicle
of belonging. allowing the pace and pressure
of their systems dictate how we connect,
how we communicate. how we might live
near each other when so far apart.  

she told me that the content is in the people
when i asked how not to choke
on what i have bitten off.
is there an answer you need answered?
i shook my head, unsure how to respond.

what are ceremonies that magnify life?
how do i turn attention to intention?
how do i release myself
from the dominant culture’s clutches?
how do i unlearn hurrying,
celebrate joy?
where might i feel indigenous?

i have always been awash in longing-
what kind of leader does that make me?

264/365

i’m tired of saying this is complex,
that its a long journey, that we need
to meet people where they are, that systems
are tough to change and that politics abound.

i’m tired of only saying i hear you and value you,
with no action or change, filling pockets with empty promises.
of constantly redirecting intent back to impact, of allowing
people to suffer while in harms way. designing
curricula to raise awareness about privilege,
building a lexicon to name white supremacy,
feeling the need to lessen the weight of that word,
for fear of alienating the fragile who think those words
are just a step too far.

i’m tired of begging you to hold yourself accountable,
of demanding apologies and waiting for you to do better.
of managing your emotions and worrying about your guilt, shame and anger,  
at the expense of other people’s humanity,
especially when you are privileged. at the center. dominant.

i’m tired and i don’t have to much lose.
i am privileged
in nearly every area
that’s measurable:
male
white passing
cisgendered
straight
able bodied
english speaking
upper middle class.

i’m tired and i just started this work.
imagine the exhaustion of those who have been
doing working for justice their entire lives.
imagine the exhaustion of those for whom
this is not work or a professional development certificate.  
imagine the exhaustion of people who need systems to change
so they can breathe.

but here i am again centering
my experience,
my feelings,
my life,
again.
just like i’ve been taught to do,
my entire life.

exhaustion means nothing
in the face of the journey ahead.

256/365

feeling like a well oiled machine
pushing the limit of what
this old procrastinating slacker can do.
they said that ambition needs experience
and experience feeds off time and tasks
and leadership apparently is doing it all.
the masters course has begun with a low
hum behind the screech of the lesson
planning and the emails and the portfolio
work and launching the diversity, equity and inclusion
pod and the course on critical race theory
and the weekend workshop on justice and still with
the daily guitar and the twenty pages of attica,
and the push ups and the running and the parenting
and the husbanding and the raider game tomorrow
and the social on friday and the band practice next week
and the and the and the and the deep breaths.
feeling like a well oiled machine,
tonight after getting a lot done.

242/365

i could only wait
so long before taking
a deep measured breath
and this first step.
never one to visit fortune tellers,
with their tarot cards and starsigns,
superstitious relics in a museum
of memories and faded ambition.

getting into trouble, for falling behind
unawares the journey had begun long ago,
who’ll be the arbiter of justice
when there is no map or compass.

lost in an empty factory-
the machines long gone quiet,
the labor fled,
commodities left to rot
in an invented country without borders,
it’s flag an old soothsayers robe soaked
in lavender and rosemary.

it was the longest minute of my life,
choosing to act, instead of
watching and waiting.

we all have happy childhoods
if we squint and pretend.

i could only wait
so long before taking
a deep measured breath
and this first step.

231/365

you ever get that feeling
like you just jumped off a cliff
and the descent has slowed down
so that you can feel the water
moving toward you, and
the terror of impact ricochets
around your head,
imposter syndrome feels real
and you may have bitten off
more than you can chew, but
hey you wanted leadership experience
so you better figure this out
and find a way to move everything
forward and not drop the ball
and get it right enough so at least
you feel you did what you could,
so you grab an old tattered copy of
rilke’s letter to a young poet,
remembering that years ago you gave
copies to your favorite students,
complete with an inscription,
wishing then good luck,
but tonight your mind is racing
so you grab your highlighted copy
and open it like a hymnal, hoping
that the first line will either douse
the fire in your mind or ignite it
further in you heart:

almost everything
serious
is difficult.
and everything is
serious.

and so with calm mind
and twinkling heart,
you point your toes
and embrace for impact.

229/365

earning respect by knowing your shit
and being good at what you do is easy,
doing it by admitting you are lost and confused
and unsure is more complex.

the books say that vulnerability is en vogue
and we should embrace leading with doubt:

everywhere i go to get away from myself
i end up right where i started. a roller coaster
of self-loathing and over confidence. lazy empty
attempts at growth and evolution mired
in the predictable pit of regression.

not sure how it’s being done-
this leading day-to-day,
but there is crafts(persons)ship in education
like everything else. even after twenty plus
years, honing our craft and practicing new skills.

authenticity may not always appear to be
the pukka thing to do, but should be applauded
when recognised and strived for in practice.

159/365

there is something criminal
about being awakened
from a dream by an alarm—
like a premature birth,
or the lights on in the bar.

i tried to be many things
for many people today.
i was successful.
i was not successful.

in the end,
i melted into a cup
of whisky with cherries
before bed to see,
if could find
that dream again.

125/365

some days you’re just good at your job
every interaction is meaningful and sincere,
some more complex than others, but all necessary.
there’s a spring in your weary step
like you’re floating from place to place.
calendar invite, after calendar invite, after calendar invite:
pre-school emergency safe guarding meeting,
quick curriculum planning session, focusing on
new conceptual questions, integration of
learner profiles dispositions, and new assessments.
teach a class: going deep into logic
and how to skilfully weave evidence into analysis.
quick lunch, then duty on the field, where you help
two groups of sixth graders resolves a dispute
about who was using the goal first,
respond to an email about a student who is struggling,
touch base with the secretaries about the
form to help class placement for next year.
on to a meeting with the service team
and high school daraja about their
planned event for next year. quick chat with the designer
in communications about the visual you are working
on for the personal and social education working group.
respond to emails about students who are struggling.
talk to teachers about next steps with a kid, their class.
receive a thank you note from the student
who was a slow reader,
who you wrote a poem about a few weeks ago.
attend a meeting with the k-12 social committee
about end of the year gifts and celebrations.
it’s now five o’clock.
end the day asking questions on a panel
for the new principal hire.

wonder
if this is what they mean
when they ask
for experience
in leadership. 

The Eighth Grader...

...can be a surly individual. One who can often be seen slouching in a corner under the weight of his or her own heavy sighs and slumped shoulders, too cool for school, but unsure how to walk or dress or how to simply be comfortable in their own skin. The older ones, play up their maturity and lord their attempts at coolness and popularity over the rest- those who might still throw tantrums and prefer more childish pursuits.

The boys have made their way through the magic summer and to the surprise of the girls can now actually carry on conversations that do not involve them drooling all over themselves. They are suddenly bigger, taller, some of their voices have dropped and it appears that they can now feed themselves and sit still in classrooms. The girls have found some swagger in their confidence.

The eighth grader can now play their instruments better, dribble a basketball better, uncover a truth in a novel better, understand their peers, parents, teachers and selves better

The chaos and tension of seventh grade has been replaced by cynicism and apathy for these new creatures.

The eighth grader has also changed in intellectual ways. Suddenly they can see the world beyond themselves. There are other people, countries, issues that have been enlightened and appear to be on fire. Their place in the universe has shifted from the center to one of awareness and compassion.

The eighth grade will make you work much harder to gain their trust and attention, but once you have it, they can now carry on a meaningful conversation, understand sarcasm and tell a decent joke. Their taste in music will expand, they will start to read better books and they start to understand adults in ways that are more comfortable and relatable.

The eight grader is truly on the cusp of young adulthood, and while their core is still a child the outer shell begins to grow. It is their parent and teachers job to help with the construction of this shell. Because if it is built too quickly and too thick, the eight grader loses the sparkle of middle school. They become too obsessed with growing up and being responsible and looking forward too fast and too far.

The eighth grader is a creature that needs to be looked after with care and patience. One who stands at the cross of two worlds- childhood and adulthood and this year is one of the most important years of their lives.

Looking back on my grade eight life I feel I was left alone too often to figure too many things out on my own. Eighth graders are why I teach middle school. I know what they need to ignite and burn bright.

The eighth grader needs someone to trust. Someone to guide and nudge, and lead and teach, but most importantly someone to listen.

What the eight grade needs more than anything is respect. From their parents, teachers, and friends, but most importantly this year is the year that they learn how to gather respect for themselves.

Walk Away

Overheard today during my duty at lunch in the Grade 8 pod:


Student One: Did you check out that Frank Zappa I sent you.
Student Two: Yeah. It was okay. Pretty weird though.
Me: Wait are you guys talking about Frank Zappa?
Student Two: Yeah.
Me: Wow. That’s pretty impressive.
Student Two: Yeah, student one is a rock music expert.
Student One: Actually I am more of a fusion jazz expert.
Me: Carry on boys. Carry on.


I walked away.


…


Me: I just planned to say exactly what I wanted and then had to temper it way down so as not to upset people.
Richard: And that is the very nature of leadership.


…


A sixth grade shared some of his writing with me in class today. He showed me a few leads he was working on, using the mentor text as a model. He is not the strongest writer, but he seemed so please with his work. I high fived him. We smiled. I could see in his eyes that he finally understood that writing is not a magical trait some people possess. It is the everyday practice of working on skills and getting better.


…


My brain is pretty fired right now. Long day, behind the eight ball today. Played a lot of catch up and then a 3 hour after school meeting and a few hours of work at home. Feeling better about where I am, but not well enough to write much more than this.


It is early in the evening and I need some entertainment and escape. Atlanta final episode is on cue and I am looking forward to some extended reading tonight.

Terror and Wonder

A Day In Four Acts


Act I


Swallowed my doubt and anxiety and took Tricia's advice to just think of my meetings like the many workshops I have led, and to see my team like the many teachers I have taught throughout the years in various roles.


I headed into school and got to thinking and planning and building a meeting. Not sure if I will get to everything or if I am making too big a deal about this, but I want to try and make at least a few of my meetings like workshops and experiences. There is nothing more precious to a teacher than time, so if we are going to decide to meet then that time should be spent feeling something, learning something or making some sound and necessary decisions.


I have sat through my share of uninspired meetings, and while I know that you cannot please everyone, or that not every meeting should be life-changing, it is important to try different things that will make the participants feel valued and appreciated. You want people to look forward to your meetings, so that even when they are feeling frantic or tired, they still come energized and ready to work and move toward whatever goal you had set at the start.


I’m still not sure how this will all go, but I am pretty excited to be trying it and learning from my mistakes. After four years at UWCSEA it is time for me to shake things up and I am feeling pretty great about the next few days, weeks, and the year as a whole.


Act II


I got some terrible news about someone I love who is in a lot of pain and suffering greatly. This is not my story to tell, so I will not share many details. But it was hard to hear the news, because it reminded me how powerless we are to help the people we love when they are in pain. The next few days will be touch and go and this news will weigh heavy on everything I do, but it has reminded me how important it is not to sweat the small stuff.


When all is said and done, so many of our trivial worries and issues are meaningless. When you look at life as a whole, and really ponder things like our purpose here, the meaning of our lives, the relationships that we build and the love that we share, nothing else should matter.


Today was a dark one as my mind flickered back and forth from the reality of my job and the work I love to do and the thoughts of this person.


I don't know how to feel.


Act III


After I got home from work and settled in a bit, Mairin asked if I could go to the store and grab a few things we had forgotten. Seeing that I am sick of driving and have done little exercise all summer, I decided to take my skateboard. I strapped on the headphones and made my way along the sidewalks.


Seeing that I was feeling a bit down all day, I thought about the music that makes me feel young and alive and the first band that came to mind was Jane’s Addiction. I hit play on Three Days and cruised to the store. Careful not to crash or hit a curb, I am still not a competent skater, I am feeling more comfortable on the board. Bend your knees. Lean forward. That’s it. Relax.


Act IV


Nothing. Numb. Watched some TV with the girls while Mairin unpacked and made dinner. I felt guilty again for not helping out, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I must make an effort to insist on doing more of my share around the house.


I am in Skye’s room waiting for her to sleep and the night is quiet and young. I have little imagination for its possibilities. Perhaps some reading, a beer, TV and a yearning back to the dream I had last night- a bizarre Fellini inspired wonderland that had me terrified and laughing at every turn.


It’s hard to believe that we are all filled with such terror and wonder. We put on the cloths, brush the teeth, comb the hair, become the professionals, do the jobs, maintain society, but inside? Inside, there is so much more.


All of us with wings.
All of us with wings.
All of us with wings…

Anxious

“Oh my god. I don’t feel like writing this crap.” He mumbled to himself as he pulled out the laptop and felll into bed. It was just before midnight and he had had a pretty long day. He attended two meetings about how to run meetings and he was nervous and anxious about what his first meeting would look like. He had been asked to think about what his leadership style would look like and how he would set the tone for the year.

As he settled into bed to crank out his 221st post of the year, he didn’t know where to start. He had just come home from a small get together at a friend's house and the exhaustion coupled with the beers made him feel loose and free, but still unsure of how to capture his many contradictory thoughts.

He tried to remember the moments in the day that warranted attention. The only one that stuck was when he was in his classroom at the end of the day, the first time he had to respond to a few emails and gather his thoughts. A colleague walked by and popped in to say hello and ask about his summer. They played the obligatory game of catch up until the conversation landed on his anxiety about his first meeting on Wednesday. She was on his team, and one of the recipients of his newly forming “leadership style.”

“Just be you and it will be great.” She said smiling.

“But I am not sure which version of me people will respond to best.”

“Yes you do. Just be you and stop stressing.”

“But this is a two hour meeting. That is a lot of time to assume I can can fill with being me.”

“You know what to do. You’ll be great.”

She walked out and he sat in his room alone, thinking about what she had said. He still didn’t have a clear picture of what this meeting would look like, but he knew that he would figure it out, because she was right, being himself had always been enough.

Later in bed, as he was writing he wasn’t sure if he could continue to be so open and vulnerable with his writing. Maybe people had different expectations of what he would say, share, write…who he could be. This caused more anxiety.

Maybe these big career changes were not the best idea. But in his heart he knew that he would learn what he needed to learn and that when it was all said and done he would have grown and learned and that he would be enough.

He didn’t want to write this crap after the first day of school and a social gather, but the words just came spilling out and now he was ready for sleep. 

Skating Beats Homework

Time is both shrinking and expanding at the same time. It feels like the days are flying by one minute, and the next it feels like time has stood still.


"What? There are only four weeks left of school."
"Are you kidding me? There are still four weeks of school left?"


Teaching in May is schizophrenic. There’s still a lot to do, like I should be working on mentor comments as we speak, but the need to look into the near future, which include summer plans, make procrastination so much more appealing. Maybe this year those mentor comments will write themselves.

The days, in the classroom, teaching the kids, going through the lessons seem to fly by. It is the spaces in between- you know the life you are living when you are not working that seems to take forever.

...

Kaia’s skateboarding class will be cancelled this Sunday so we arranged to do it tonight, a midweek treat, instead. And it was great. She had finished all her homework, so we came home, she chatted with some friends on the computer, read for a tiny bit and we were off to the skatepark for her lesson. The air was cool. The park nearly empty. We all spent time cruising the curves. Kaia on her board with her teacher. Skye on her scooter. And me itching to get started fiddled with a penny board. I was wearing flip flops and no helmet or pads, so needless to say I was terrified and cautious, but man was it fun. So much harder than I thought. Skating is a physical activity that takes a lot of courage and balance. It’s amazing how much more of both of those kids my kids have than me.


After only three lessons, Kaia is already pumping and dropping into tiny slopes and Skye took a few big ramps on her scooter like a ….well whatever animal cruises on cement inclines.


I just want to reiterate how much more meaningful this evening was for our family, and how much more was learned at the skatepark, than if we had stayed at home and lumbered our way through spelling words and a math sheet.

…

All learning starts the moment you overcome fear. Fear comes in many forms and degrees, but I think the role of a good teacher is to help a learner gauge the impact or damage that excessive risk can have on a person and teach them how to get to the edge of their fear and overcome it.


So much of the damage we do to ourselves and others is caused by our inability to overcome fear. We become trapped by it and unable to grow or evolve. We dwell on doubt and guilt and shame, and we lash out with jealousy, revenge or spite. But really, we need to take inventory of our fears and learn how to push the boundaries until we feel safe and capable.


These are some of the things I was thinking about while I was trying not to break my wrist or my back on the tiny skateboard tonight. Or as I psyche myself up for my guitar performance on the 3rd of June. Through my big mouth I turned our tiny gig into Gareth’s going away party and that means a much large crowd of colleagues than I had plan. This terrifies me to know end, but overcoming this fear is a step to learning how to be a better singer/performer. I know this, but it doesn’t make it easier.


The closer we get to the end of the year, the more afraid I become of failing at my new job next year. What if I can’t keep up? What if I am not organized enough? What if people don’t respect me and I don’t know how to lead? The fear is real, but I know that overcoming this doubt is how I will become a better leader and hopefully a better teacher. All learning starts the moment you overcome fear.


Maybe the true learners seek out things to be afraid of, risks to face, challenges and obstacles that need overcoming.


What are you afraid of? What fears have you overcome that have been great learning experiences?

The Tricky Part

The tricky part about writing everyday, is that on the days where you do a lot, the ones that are chalk full of activities and blazing thoughts, you are the most exhausted and not really in a mood to tackle your thoughts and pin them to the page.


Take today for example- I had two classes of read-alouds that went pretty well, and between my three classes I must have conferenced with at least fifteen kids. Lunch time was a high pressure Daraja meeting hell-bent on being productive. All fourteen members showed up, on time, and were busy at work. This is no small feat.


My afternoon included a forty-five minute chat with an independent leadership consultant we work with at school. She is meant to play the role of critical-friend for the admin and mid-level leaders at school. She gave me some good advice and things to think about as I transition into the head of grade role. I am equal parts excited and terrified.


Then Daraja was asked to help run a wine and cheese night for grade eight parents. After some initial miscommunication, the team pulled together and it was a success. The three student volunteers were simply spectacular. I am so happy that after four years of work, our GC is sustainable and effective enough where I can ask for volunteers for two events in one week, and not only do they volunteer their free time at night, but they do it with grace and enthusiasm. Tomorrow night another set of volunteers will help launch our Lit Mag at a launch party the students have planned.


There is a lot to say about the leadership conversation and the beauty of student centered learning, but on a night like this- after I inhaled a vegan pizza from Alt and an entire box of Pizza cinnamon Dough-balls, finding the energy to clearly articulate any of it, feels difficult to muster.


There many thoughts hatched today, many things learned, a few moments of awe and the overcoming of panic, keeping it cool, there was complaining and negotiating, waiting and doing. And now the only thing left to do is sleeping.

Vacancy of Days

The hardest part is knowing where to start. Usually the music greases the wheels and makes it easier. These days it’s Carrie and Lowell by Sufan Stevens that gets me to the spot where I feel ready to say something about something. The blank page defeated by an inaugural sentence.

A few minutes ago I tweeted the following:

The #whenIwas hashtag should be an eye opening, somber look at what it means to deal with @EverydaySexism. Something most men never face.

It is filled with disturbing sexist comments many women face as young as seven years old. It ranges from suggestive sexual advances forced upon children to flagrant outdated remarks about what is and what is not acceptable for girls-- apparently math and science seldom fit this bill. On this hashtag women share stories of being cat called or spoken to about their sexuality as young as ten years old. It got me thinking about how ill-equipped Kaia is to deal with such disgusting suggestions. It got me thinking about the world she must learn to navigate and how different this world will be from my male-privileged course. 

As a young man, I was able to be and do whatever I wanted. There was no one leering at me or suggesting that my only value was sexual. There was no one passively aggressively hinting that I couldn’t do anything because of my gender. Sure there were unrealistic expectations of what it meant to be a man, but I still had the advantage of being a man.


The sadder and scarier point I want to make is that after I posted that tweet, several people immediately called me a faggot and hurled insults. There is this emerging dangerous culture of attacking people when they say what you don’t agree with online, and these attacks more and more often are directed at women or people who talk about equality and sexism.


I guess rather than getting discouraged, we have to stay vigilant. If I want my daughters to live in a world where they are not objectified or taken less seriously than their male counterparts, I have to keep speaking up and taking back our collective spaces. I think this standing firm is equally more important for men; we cannot leave this battle for women alone. We have to be in it together.

…

did you remember
that the vacancy of days
is where loved is stored?

…

My desk at work is such a crazy mess and every time I interact with it, I doubt whether or not I will be a good head of grade. I am hoping my ideas are more important than my organisational skills. I can do motivation and inspiration, I think, but administration is not my strong suit. I hope to try and clean it, the desk, tomorrow if I can make some time. I cleaned my inbox today, so that was a start.

I am also contemplating changes in my wardrobe for next year. How extreme will it need to be? More long sleeve shirts? Ties? Vests? Same-same? These are things I think about as I brush my teeth in the morning. Any ideas for new professional yet hip wardrobe choices are welcome in the comments below. Feel free to include photos and where items can be purchased. I am open to radical changes.

People Care So Much

Some nights writing these posts is hard. It could be that I have processed too many thought. Or not enough happened in the day. Or I might be too tired or slightly drunk. Or maybe I just don’t want to write, but when you make some thing a habit, a routine, a rule, you have no choice, but to suck up it up and write the words.


Tonight my excuses is that I processed too much information. I am tired and I am slightly buzzed. Just got back from a lovely meal of organic vegan food. I didn’t even suggest the place, but that was the vibe that the crew wanted, and this is a good thing. Had a few drinks before we went and some lovely micro-brews with dinner. We chatted about how to teach kids and save the world and how to be better at our jobs and how to be better people. We spoke about sustainability and Monsanto and Tyson meats and class and problems and solutions.


It is so cool to think how many people care so much to do the work we do. I am so proud to have dedicated my life to education and while sometimes it gets me down, it feels great to talk and share and fail and succeed.


Back in my room, I am listening to Sufjan Stevens and contemplating what is better- just turning out the lights and sleeping or watching Room.


My session went well today. Thanks for asking. I had about 14 people there and they were excited and engaged and asking all the right questions about the power of deliberately designed learning spaces. The rest of the day was useful and provocative.


I am so excited about my new head of grade role. And now that I have stepped even one tiny step away from my immediate teaching role, now that I have seen how many moving parts there are, I am starting to think that maybe I do have some interest in administration and leadership on a larger scale in the future. Now sure what that means or what that could look like. Let’s see how next year goes, but maybe there is some bigger leadership roles in my future.

...

The excitement of travel and solitude in hotel rooms is slowly being replaced by fatigue and missing my family. Can’t wait to see them in a few days.

…

Not everyday can be some profound epiphany. Today was well spent. I learned a lot. I thought a lot. I taught. I learned. I ate. I drank. I shared and received. Maybe these are the days that matter when we add them all up.


Random observations- The service industry in Manilla is amazing, So nice and warm and accommodating. Singaporeans should come here and take some hospitality courses.
The reaches of globalisation and American imperialism in the Philippines are both familiar and comforting, but at times nauseating.


That is all.

Basking In Its Light

About an hour ago I was sitting outside at a local restaurant eating vegetarian Sushi and veggie Udon whist drinking a Gin Martini. I was enjoying the breeze and the calm fluid conversation that comes from hanging out with a group of female friends. Never in my life have I had a group of women friends that I just hang out with. I am not sure this is a common thing for men, but it should be.

AlI know is that hanging out with Jenn, Shruti, Paula and Georgina is like a secret look behind the curtain for me, and I love it. It’s just interesting to watch women hang-out without men around. Yes, of course I am around- and I am sure there is still a level of reservation because of my presence, but for the most part we just hang out and it is one of the times in y life that I feel the most comfortable in my skin. This friendship group started in Kenya two years ago and we still try to meet for a meal or a drink every few months.

Tonight we watched the IB play together and had a quick bite and drink before I crawled home on the bus exhausted after a long day of teaching and student led conferences after school.

The light at the end of the tunnel is here and in a few short hours I will be basking in its light. This holiday is well earned and necessary.

…

Not sure if I made the official announcement- I know I said I was going to be head of grade, but now I know which grade: Next year I will be the head of grade six.

This is a big change for me, as my comfort zone is with grade eights, but I am looking forward to the challenges and the new learning, as I get ready to work with kids at this stage of their development. Lot’s to learn for sure, but exciting times ahead.

…

There’s not much else left in the tank tonight, so good night.

Huff and a Puff

Facebook gets a bum rap. Many people, myself included, complain about what a cesspool it can be, or what a time suck it is, but I have been having a fairly positive and healthy relationship with Facebook lately.

In case you haven’t noticed I like to share stuff: Ideas, thoughts, feelings, opinions, photos, news, reflections- anything really, and more importantly I like feedback, validation, and conversation. I also like to see you what you all are up to. I like seeing pics of your kids, your food, and yes, even your cats. I want to see photos of your latest mountain bike ride on Mr. Tam, or your thoughts on Bernie versus Hillary. I want to know what you thought about the Kendrick Lamar Grammy clip and also I want to read about your good news.

Sharing good news on Facebook feels pretty great. People from around the world want to jump in and make your day brighter by offering a congratulations or positive encouragement. So thanks for all the hi-fives and pats on the back. It always feels good to be valued and appreciated, and today, for me at least, Facebook allowed me to feel those things.

…

I was asked to perform at a grade twelve assembly this morning by Georgina​’s mentor class. It was a bit of a disaster. I was stressed because I had to get some standardized testing ready in my mentor room and we were running late in the morning. So in a huff and puff, I ran to the Black Box theatre to sing Little Boxes by Malvina Reynolds- it felt appropriate for a group of kids heading off to university in a few months.

Problem was I kept missing a key chord change, so I hit the wrong note on every line. I had to start over a few times and felt like an idiot. I might have muttered an F-Bomb to which the kids clapped and laughed. They were generally supportive and I finally made my way through the simple three verses, but I was a neurotic sweaty mess by the end. I even changed one verse from:

And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to school,
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same.

to

And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to UWC,
And the children go on service trips
And then to the university
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same.

It was a last minute rash decision, but again they seemed to appreciate it. I am nothing if not an entertainer. Just having a little fun. Later Georgina told me that the kids told her that they appreciated the authenticity and honesty of me even being up there. That they are tired of the formal conversations and people who are always doing things perfectly. That I reminded them to have fun.

So anytime you need someone to not to do something perfectly or even well, I am your man.

In the spirit of full disclosure and transparency here is the questionable performance:

…

I was having lunch with Rebecca​ today and she says to me with the straightest face, after she congratulated me on my new job, “I am not being difficult, but why do you want to do this job?” I think I muttered something about change and freshness and learning, whatever I said I am sure it was barely coherent. Here are some more carefully crafted thoughts.

I have always been interested in the idea of leadership. I am not too keen on administration, but I want to learn how to effectively inspire and motivate teachers to be their best selves. A few years ago I was doing work as a DLC, and while working with adults was different than working with kids, there were elements that I really enjoyed. I want to hone those skills.

I also love the idea of being a kind of glue that binds the teachers, students, parents and the admin. I like leading meetings and talking to large groups of people. I love the idea of getting to know all the kids and working with the ELT to make policy and find ways to authentically implement it.

Sound crazy? I know. I swore I never had any aspirations for admin, that the world of an educator is in the classroom and the classroom only, maybe I want to try this job to prove myself wrong. I want to learn how to improve learning by working with all the stakeholders. I just want to see what it feels like and see if I am good at it.