Mom's Passing

On Wednesday, July 28, the hospice nurse told everyone that from what she could tell, Mom had no more than 48 hours of life left in her.  So I finished up what I needed to in Saratoga Springs and got to Gunnison around 2:30.  Sylvia Duke had volunteered to play the piano for mom and when I got there, I pulled out one of Mom's favorite songbooks and had Sylvia play "The City of New Orleans" and other Reenie favorites while I crooned along.  Mom didn't really show much reaction, but I'm sure she was singing along in her mind.  The next day was Thursday.  I mentioned to Karen that mom smelled of death.  Karen agreed.  Mom looked "grey" and the fluid coming out of her catheter was rust colored - the color they said it would be once mom's kidney's started shutting down.

We tried to be close to mom throughout the day - sitting with her, holding her hand, whispering in her ear that we loved her.  Her heart rate had skyrocketed this day - letting us know that her body was working extra hard to try to sustain life.

This picture is the last picture of mom and me together - although I had felt like mom had really "died" a few weeks prior when she lost her mental capacities.  I look worn out, but not as much as mom.  Mom's poor body had been put through the wringer.  She had gone through 10 radiation treatments - finishing just days prior to this.  Each treatment sucked more of her life away.  I had to wonder if it was worth it, but the radiation doctor had given my dad a false sense of hope and Dad was clinging to any little piece of hope he could.  In the end, the radiation was pointless.  In my eyes, it did nothing for mom - except either prolonged or expedited the whole dying process - I'm not sure which.  Mom had stopped eating days prior, but dad wouldn't let her not eat.  He'd try to get food down mom's throat one way or another.  It hurt me to see mom this way, and it hurt me to see Dad so desperate to try to help what couldn't be helped.  The radiation took out the bit of hair mom had grown back.  Dad and I shaved it off a week prior to this picture when it started falling out on its own and getting her pillow all gross.

 That evening around 6:30, Tyler and family came to say one last goodbye to Mom.  They left then shortly after, Karen left as well as Carl and his family.  Around 7:50, Dad and I had just put together a cot Dad was going to sleep on next to the hospice bed.  It was then that Mom started breathing quite heavily.  Matt came in the room and we tried to adjust her neck so she could breath easier.  Nothing seemed to work.  Around 8:10, Mom had tears coming out of her eyes.  I didn't know it then, but in retrospect know now that that was when Mom was passing through the veil.  I'm sure she had so many feelings - feelings of joy, sadness, relief, and love.  Dad got the oximeter and put it on Mom's finger.  There wasn't a reading and dad cursed the grandkids for playing with it and ruining it.  I took the oximeter, put it on my finger and a reading came up just fine.  I looked at Dad, and we knew.  Mom continued to breath heavily though for 15-20 more minutes.  Dad called Carl to come over asap then he called Tyler so he could listen to some of Mom's last breaths.  Carl got to the house quite quickly.  He and Danielle sat on the loveseat and cried.  Dad was in front of mom and I was to her side.  Both of us were telling mom, between sobs and tears, to go... go with grandpa.  It's okay to leave us.  You are needed on the other side.  At 8:28, mom's body took its last breath.  It was finished.  Mom's life on this earth was over.  The heavens rained (literally).  If you were to look at the sky outside, there was a spectacular lightning storm in the distance - perhaps God's fireworks, celebrating a life well-lived.

The on-call hospice nurse came then the mortuary came.  (Both took a while to get here because they both couldn't find the turn off on Farmer's Freeway!)  Dad's cousin, Mark Anderson, drove out to be with dad - talking to him in the driveway.  I helped give mom one final sponge bath then helped get her body onto a stretcher to be wheeled away.

Mom loved a quote she had come across this past year and hung it on the fridge.  It's words brought her solace as they do for me.  The quote reads:

Mom isn't gone.  Her spirit lives on.  She is free of life's early sorrows and pains.  I miss her, and feel like she was taken from me here on earth all too soon, but I have a testimony of the plan of salvation and know she is close by - still being my mother in just a different capacity and in a different place.

Pioneer Day 2021

I wasn't able to celebrate Pioneer Day with my family because I was in Gunnison, taking care of Mom.  Instead, Matt took the kids to Provo City's pioneer celebration at a park then held THE craziest fireworks display our neighborhood had ever seen - thanks to Justin and Joni!  They supplied all the fireworks that lit up the sky that night.

The next day (Sunday) I came home and Matt had saved a few fireworks for the kids to let off.  We sat on the driveway and enjoyed a fountain, a couple of screamers, and a few disco balls - compliments of Grandpa Anderson - the fireworks he brought by that didn't get lit the night before.

On Wednesday, July 28th, I had planned a pioneer activity day for the boys in our ward.  We trekked from Nauvoo to Winter Quarters to Martin's Cove and finally made it to the SLValley.  At each stop, we watched a segment of video, explaining what it was like at each place and did an activity.

Laynie came along because she was intrigued by this activity.  Here she is making butter.

This is Chelsea - my partner - spinning a button on a string.  We both dressed up like pioneer ladies.

The boys hammering in nail holes for their tin art.

At the 4th station, we all sang Come, Come Ye Saints while I strummed the guitar.

 

YOU, Summer of 2021, you take the cake!

I'm not going to lie - this was the least enjoyable summer of my life!  The summer of 2018 (when I went through my cancer treatments) came real close, but YOU, summer of 2021, you take the cake!

May - Mom went in for brain surgery on the 14th.  leaked cerebral fluid and went in for a 2nd brain surgery 5 days later. After 2 weeks in and out of the icu at the U of U hospital, mom found out her tumor was cancerous.  She then got transferred to the Gunnison Hospital and spend 1 week in the rehab wing.

June - Mom worked hard at her daily physical therapy exercises.  Each day she improved slightly.  She went from being able to walk 40 steps to walking down to the gate, over to the horses and back home.  We all thought, maybe mom has a bit more time left on this earth...  6 months, maybe even a year!

July - On July 2nd, Mom work up and said she didn't feel like herself.  She complete only half of her usual PT routines.  This day was a turning point and Mom's health once again started to decline rapidly.  She started losing her balance and had multiple falls.  There was just no stopping the tumor.  Mom started her 10 rounds of radiation on July 9th, finishing on July 22nd.  But it was too late.  The tumor took vengeance on her body and mind.  I began spending 3-4 days in Gunnison each week helping care for mom.  It wasn't easy - being away from my kids and having to be in a hot house, listening to the cow's stall clang all night long.  Mom needed to use the bathroom 2 times during the night and it took 2 people to help get her there.  So Dad and I woke up at 1:30 am and 5:30 am so mom could have her potty breaks.  We went from having 2 people support her - one on each side while mom moved her legs forward, to having 2 people put her in a wheelchair, wheel her to the bathroom door then place her on the toilet.  It was like taking care of a 150 pound baby.  I'm not even sure how we got her in and out of the car for radiation appointments.  I wouldn't doubt it if angels attended Dad on the occasions he did it all by himself.

Mom's 2nd day of radiation.

Feeding mom.  Her paralysis became debilitating toward the end.

Mom wanted to record her voice singing a song for Dad - to be played at her funeral.  The song was "Close to the Edge of Heaven."  Mom wasn't able to sing much, but we wheeled her out to the living room as Sylvia Duke played piano, Loy Deskins at pan flute, and mom's daughters all sang the beautiful message that song conveyed.

This was the day my mom "died" for me.  She lost her mental capacities on Sunday the 18th of July.  Brian had mom sit outside on the porch and everyone who was at the house gathered round her.

 

July 4, 2021

Mom's last hurrah...

Somehow I think Mom knew.  Somehow I think we ALL knew that July 4, 2021 would be Mom's last holiday to celebrate here on earth.

She insisted on coming to the auction.  I drove home to get her, she stayed for 30 minutes or so, then I took her home.

Earlier that day, she insisted on writing the words for Tyler's vet float.  She was kneeling down on the kitchen floor, painting the letters onto the poster board when she lost her balance and would have fallen over had Tyler and I not been right next to her and grabbed her.

The concert was a flashback to Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.

Laynie being silly with cousins.

The fireworks were spectacular!

And mom insisted on riding shotgun in the parade.  I'm glad she got to wave to the people of Gunnison one last time...

We let the kids play a few games, get cotton candy and a snow cone, then went to Cousin Dixie's house for a Sorensen Family BBQ.  Mom stayed for just a while.  Another last for mom - one last time with the Sorensens...