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Tuesday, March 29
the signs of misfortune

something odd has laid it's misfortunate paws on my life and I've got to do something about it.. last nite at my aunt's, my aunt fell down and dislocated her wrist bone maybe brokened and a concusion resulting swelling and blood clotting on the right eye also consequentially triggered a infernal conflict between my uncle and my cousin in front of Timberland before being referred to General Hospital.. and AGAIN for the 3rd time I had to step foot into the emergency ward in the hospital.. by gosh I think the guy at the reception counter should've noticed the familiarity of my presence by then..

later that nite at 12 am.. ken called from JB in shock saying that an earthquake just happened there and people were running to the streets out of tall buildings for their lives.. sigh.. today's is just 28th of march and two more days to ge before April starts and I'm not still not sure whether by April the "alignment of the planets or stars" would be in favour of me or worst.. I'm jinxed..

today's english comprehension was a lil tough since all the answers were all correct in sense.. math's paper 2 is going to be on tomorow covering four chapters thankfully followed by MUET essay paper.. and the grand finale on thursday with subject PA paper 2 on 50 objectives questions based on "Kenegaraan"... let's just hope the bad luck ends by the limit of my exam results and not beyond it..

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/29/2005 04:31:00 PM | Permalink


Sunday, March 27
I want April

I need April.. I don't care about April Fool's day or the month of death! I just want April! things must change! this month have been really annoyingly tense for me.. first,. the accidents, it was 3 accidents.. a friend of mine whom his dad happens to be a driving instructor with no records of any serious cases ever before involving cars had an accident last weekend.. Thank God no injuries were done... which makes 3 accidents and 3 deaths.. all people that I care about.. not just that.. the so called semester "holidays" were also during this month which I couldn't really say that it WAS a holiday since we're having an exam a day after our one week break..

owh Goad, for me.. doing the exams is like Forrest Gump trying to find the angular velocity of the Earth spinning on it's axis in radian per second or it's nett gravitational force on the moon.. like most of my classmates say.. I think we all used an average of 28 bullets on all the 30 objective questions, I'd be really happy if I get at least 5 to 10 questions on the bull's eye..

I can't seem to study or get all those facts and concepts inside my puny brain! I think I really need to do something about it coz if I dun, I'll be done for.. which means no movies, no hanging out at nights.. no midnight outings.. basically meaning total isolation from the world.. sigh.. next monday's math's paper and I have yet to figure out how to do my math exercises..

this is pathetic! Ugh...

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/27/2005 12:36:00 AM | Permalink


Sunday, March 20
Pissed...

I'm SO fucking pissed Right NOw!!!!

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shit! FUCking Mother Fucking BasTARDS! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That UnciviLisEd FUckTard!!!! SHEESH!! All my moNths Of EfforTs! all gone in one BlazE!!! FUcK!!! I was looking after these plants that ken's mom gave me so I could place it on the corner of the class as decoration! I had it put behind my aunt's place where there's sunlight and rain! and they were almost going to bloom! Flower buds are gradually turning yellow and leaves are starting to form!! this Fucktard next door was clearing out stuff behind his store by reacting them with oxygen!! in other words, BURNING them! those big-cans, shown on TV as those toxic-hazardous waste storing big metal cylindrical thingies were placed just beside my plants! and burned!!! FucK! and just now as I was going to water them, I noticed almost HALF of the plants were gone of their leaves and a portion of the green leaves turned brown! on the surface of the leaves as well as the buds!!! Argh!! they even left debris of the burnt stuff inside the pots and the big cylindrical shit beside the plants!!! By ALL means, I'm gonna fucking Curse them To The depths of hell deep deep deeeeeep down under..! I dun Fucking care!!! ARgh!!! may God have NO mercy on their souls! and the DEvil have their fucking souls inflamed with pain and agony for the rest of eternity!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/20/2005 09:44:00 AM | Permalink


Saturday, March 19
I live for another day...

friday's history and saturday's almost gone... and miraculously I'm still alive typing this post.. hopefully not my last.. make it 2 accidents, 3 deaths and a guy.. ervin's grandfather passed away on monday.. conclusively, fate has finally taken it's turn on me..

anyway, I've taken a photo of my spec with jeff's camera phone.. disregard the image quality, it's as good as it can get I guess..

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

two more days left before the exam starts, well techinically three days if u din take account for the General Paper 2 on the first day.. the thought of studying seems like an effort converged lightyears ahead until an atom-like focal point approaching infinity.. unreachable.. First subject I needa focus on is chemistry.. and I dun even have a single clue on what it is.. also, resulting from blurness and confusion.. I lost my pencil case.. my green FILA pencil case! argh.. called chee hong asking whether I left it in his car behind the seats, still yet getting any confirmation on my assumption.. if it's NOT there, I dunno what I'm going to do.. my house keys and stationaries are inside.. sigh.. not really in post-typing mode now..

negative thoughts aside, ken's doing fine now and he blogged.. and I find this link mentally challenging ur optic senses,see if u can spot the indifference...

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/19/2005 11:07:00 PM | Permalink


Friday, March 18

sadly, that's me.. I wonder if this is some kind of unforeseen god-like prophecy or something? gosh.. what's wrong!? first was lawyer fabian lim who got shot, my friend's dad.. then it was cindy overturning her car.. then kenneth in a car collision.. and the death of my grand aunty.. ironically, cindy and ken's accident are only a week apart happened roughly on fridays.. and tomorrow's another friday.. damn it fridays..

I'm having this feeling that I'm born depressive.. or somehow.. I'm born a GIVER as in a push over, born GIVING, helping.. somehow I think my role in this world is to balance the Equilibrium according to joel's analogy.. some people are born to do favours, and some are born to ask for favours.. same concept like ying and yang as to the existence of a winner without a loser.. I sat down.. re-evaluating myself of my worth to the point of my existence and I found none.. a tinglish sensation started surfacing from my chest and my eyes started getting blurry.. sigh.. if this is wad it's meant to be.. so be it.. I'm sick and tired of being treated like a tool instead of a person worth caring for..

damn this feeling.. next tuesday's exam.. and I haven't even studied anything.. the new demerit system by our new school principle is really getting into my nerves.. whoever fails any subjects will be subjected to 5 demerit points for each FAILED subject.. Just let it all end.. please...

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/18/2005 01:30:00 AM | Permalink


Thursday, March 17

It was just another story written on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on the bedroom floor

There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?

I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can
I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score...

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/17/2005 05:34:00 PM | Permalink


Wednesday, March 16

I have been insulted, nagged and preached to get myself decent spectacles and finally I did.. just got it today after ordering it on monday.. maroon coloured since that's the only one I tried that didn't manage to give me a resemblence of a freak! damn, I really wanted that me-2 glasses where u can actually attach shades on it by magnets... that'll be really cool and it costs only less than RM200 still! darn!

One week of holiday has really been boring.. I kept on telling and promising myself to dedicate all the time I have to study and understand what the heck is the teachers teaching but all came down to nothing but disappointing procrastination.. Ugh.. right after the holidays by the end of this week, exam'll start and I can't even study now.. how in the would can u expect me to have the notion of studying since recently my friend got into an accident and my grandaunty passed away last saturday... Owh Lord help me..

Ken's doin fine now I guess, despite the stitches and oral discomforts, he's alright.. been to his place every night since the accident to keep him company and all.. going to his place again later after my math's tuition tomorrow since they're gonna take off the stitches..

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/16/2005 11:32:00 PM | Permalink


Sunday, March 13

I was asleep then.. tired and worn out.. went online for a while before heading to bed.. it was around 2 am when it happened, I got a phone call from a friend saying that my close buddy who I just went out with had an accident.. immediately staggered by the news, I woke up and changed quickly and later tried calling his handphone... no one answered.

then an anonymous number appeared on my phone, I answered.. a panic malay guy said that my friend was in an accident.. then he answered the phone, "Desmond, I'm bleeding, just come here, call my mom.." I asked where was he, he answered with a weak voice, "The colours.." I told him I'll be there as soon as I can and I called the mom and she was already half way to the scene..

sneeking out without my aunt's permission, I grabbed the car keys and drove away.. ignoring every possible red traffic lights I could at 70-100km/hr, I reached there in less than 5 minutes.. it was then I saw the ambulance lights.. parked the car behind a lorry and hustled across the street searching for him.. no where, "mayb he's already in the hospital" I thought.. it was when I stepped on the ambulance.. there he was, lying hopelessly on the stretcher bandaged on the forehead with blood covering his face and arms.. I couldn't decide which emotions I should comprehend to myself.. this is the second time someone close to me recalled me with that feeling of sorrow and grief.. I called out his name, he saw me, and held my arms tight with his bloody hands.. I kept telling him he's alright.. his mother was horrified, I could tell by her gesture and the way she talked.. relieved by the fact that he was still able to talk to me.. and blood was gushing out from the bandage on the forehead then pressured by the paramedics later..

Then in minutes, the ambulance stopped.. he was pulled down from the van and later to the emergency ward for an emergency rescue.. me and his mom were called to wait outside the room..exactly drama-series like, agonizing hours passed and the doctor approached us and said that he's stable but his forehead scalp had been "peeled off" with a cut artery during the accident and a further emergency surgery is needed to stitch up the injured scalp.. he called for my name and his mother and thankful to God he was alright.. one of the paramedics were pressing against his forehead to hold the bleeding.. and he was talking to me, fortunate enough to be able to swear in reaction to pain.. He's alright.. I was glad.. he's still here..

Ken's uncle sent me and her to the scene to retrieve my car.. I went home later after sending her back.. but I can't sleep.. the picture of his bloody face appeared whenever I close my eyes.. and it still does.. I changed and took two buses to the hospital since my aunt needs the car.. still undergoing operation, me and aunty waited outside later joined in by his dad and brother.. hours passed and he was out.. stitches on the forehead and swelling can been seen across the forehead, my heart sunk and said "hi kenneth.." he starred.. weak and motionless to the limbs..

Thank God for not taking him.. Thank God for giving him a second chance.. and most of all, thank God for not taking away the only true friend that I have...

Get well soon Ken..

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/13/2005 11:07:00 PM | Permalink


Monday, March 7

heck.. I couldn't even do a simple plain physics question.. I dun even understand the fundamental concept of a math topic, reading the questions are like einstein material answers.. didn't even work shit if I studied hard!! am I born like that..? or is the amount of cells in my brain decreasing abruptly as I age? Sheesh.. that degrading feeling is unbearable.. imagine people categorising u and classifying you in class for being stupid or smart.. they won't ask you questions.. they won't talk to you nicely simply assuming that u're inferior than them..

having my physics experiment tomorrow, something about the time constant and the capacitance of a capacitor in a circuit.. guess wad? I'm teaming up pairs with the class whizz if cindy's not coming to school since we're grouped according to the name list going down in pairs.. sigh..

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/07/2005 03:22:00 PM | Permalink


Sunday, March 6

done.. behold this template.. pure black simplicity.. no longer do I need to care about the six numbered color hex codes again.. now,either it's just #000000 , #333333 , #666666, #999999 or #CCCCCC.. took me 3 whole hours to set up the whole template.. hope u guys like the new look...

wad initially planned to be a normal movie day out unfortunately became my friend's worst nightmare of a car accident.. well, I think... I was driving my aunt's car going back home to get some stuff when later I was stuck in a massive jam on a fly-over bridge and to my shock it was a green proton saga where immediately cindy's face popped inside my mind and since the rear registration plate was gone, I drove further down for the front plate and it was her's alrite.. 6075.. accelerated down to her place and no one was there.. called joel and later called me back confirming that cindy's sis said she's at the library.. assumed that she's alrite and going to call her later after the movies when I get back just to make sure.. and I drove home and went for the movie at 7 later less than 15 minutes after the show, got a sms from cindy saying she in the hospital and was involved in an accident.. and I was thinking.. at first, after an accident.. she could still remember my phone number and sms at the same time? lol.. she's steel... so I drove ken's car to the hospital to meet up with her where I could see her blood-coated hair and bandages on the forehead.. amazingly she suffered from minor cuts and bruises on the side of the forefead and the arms and had two stitches and another one to stop the initial wound on the forehead from bleeding again.. apart from the seriousness of the incident.. imagine a car crash victim saying these "I'm so bored, can I get out of here now? I forgot my shoes, they're in the car? my hair!! Can u get me a hair band? I wanna tie my hair.. How do I look? Can u bring a mirror? I wanna see how I look.. my jacket! u see, so many blood... cost me 20 ringgit u know!?.. I get to go for X-ray u know, did you!?.. I have stitches! do you!?.. I'm sooo bored lah..." this lady is so damn lucky.. imagine her car flipping 90 degrees from the passenger side down the road on the driver.. and still lives to complain.. ironically, the movie that I was watching was titled "Lemony Snickets: A Series of Unfortunate Events" LoL

exam's coming in a few weeks time and after the holidays, so I've gotta start studying now.. wish me luck guys..

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Dezmond sprouts at 3/06/2005 12:44:00 AM | Permalink


Me


Name: Dezmond
Current location: Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia
About me: A perceptive, full-fledged Kuching-Sarawakian who sees life through insignificance. Survived, and blogs. Currently making his way into the working environment.
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