To all the "class clowns"....

Tonight we nurse my son's back. He is hurt and it keeps aching. Without much relief. Sitting, standing, laying down...it all hurts.

Because a kid at school thought it would be funny to pull the chair out from underneath Brenden when he went to sit down.

Trent has prayed for him, given him Tylenol and massaged his back.

I think it's partly motivated by guilt.
He said that he was the kid who pulled chairs out from underneath kids.

He told B to be tough and watch out before he sits down next time.
But he also gave B extra love.

Maybe he now sees what that kid...30 something years ago....went through the evening after a funny joke was played for a few laughs.

Brenden is strong. He didn't complain.
But I'm not as strong as I thought I was when watching my kids get hurt.
.....please let me take his pain.........

I'm trying....

October 7, 2015

I'm trying to be a better scripture reader. I used to be a girl who couldn't even go to sleep without reading my scriptures. I remember in college when I would lay down in bed, but toss and turn and not know why until I realize I hadn't read yet, so I pulled out those old records, and the minute I finished and laid back down, I could fall right to sleep. But, sadly, I seem to very easily let it slide. I tell myself that a simple quick article in the ensign is enough...or even worse and more often, "I'm tired, and I'm a good person, I'll read tomorrow". 

When I do read, I love it. At the beginning it feels like a chore to pick the big book up and open its pages, but by the end, it's not enough......feels like I could keep reading....

And then, when I actually go into the reading wanting to find something a little more than that black and white print, it's so cool when thoughts come. That's when it becomes 'exciting'. Feels maybe like those treasure hunters do when they feel like they 'discover' something. And, they get a little giddy and look around at who they can share this cool 'gem' with that they just pulled out of the earth...while their hands still have dirt under the fingernails. 

I couldn't sleep much past 4:30 so I pulled open Mark. Can I share a few thoughts that kinda feel like they can't sit still inside of me? 

Mark 4:37-40 "And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, cares thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?" 

The disciples are soaking wet, they're experienced seamen. They know when to fear a storm and when something is manageable. They may have exchanged glances a few times at each other as to how their "Master" could still be "asleep on a pillow" with all the tossing and waves now filling up the ship. But when he woke up, he spoke very simple language and then rebuked them for their 'faith'. 

At first I thought, "Well, who wouldn't be fearful with giant waves coming into the boat and being tossed around?" But then I realized that Christ was in their boat. That boat would never sink with him in it. That just wouldn't happen. So, likewise, if I am doing what is right and in my house/boat/person have kept the commandments, I have the promise of the Holy Ghost which is the same as companionship of Christ since they are one in purpose. When difficulty arises, I can get fearful and worried and forget my faith....which has the power to sustain in difficult times...as though I could stand in the middle of waves boisterous and remain calm and peaceful knowing that everything will be alright. Should we let the waves keep coming in? No, pick up a pail and keep bailing. And I don't hold the power to calm the waves, but I know and trust the Man who does. And he calmed them for some scared disciples and he will calm them for me. He doesn't want to see us drown and overcome in troubles, he wants to see us rise triumphant and be steady in our course and especially in the "big waves trials". Stand still and know that I am God. Do we or do we not believe that the creator of Heaven and Earth is in charge? And as long as I align myself with his rules/commandments to be worthy of Holy Ghost then I have nothing to "fear". 

Mark 5:34-36. Jesus just got off the boat from being kicked out of country of Gadarenes because 2,000 swine jumped off a cliff and drowned in the sea because the devils left the crazy man.  Then, he is still "nigh unto the sea"....not quite at the beach of the next place when Jairus begs him to hurry and come to his house because his daughter is about to die. That father is pleading with everything he's got. Jesus no doubt saw what it meant to this man to have his daughter back. There were "much people gathered" but I bet Jairus had no problem pushing every single one of them back to get to Jesus first. His need was urgent. He probably never left Jesus' side as they walked through the city to get to his house. As they go through the city, the whole crowd follows him. They are ready for the 'show'. They got wind that he took out the devils of a crazy man, and now he was going to keep a girl from dying? This oughtta be good! Jairus may have been trying to rush Jesus to his house. Maybe they were in a fast walking mode....not sure it was a casual stroll through the city streets to this synagogue ruler's house. Then, Jesus stops. He said virtue (power, strength) left him and wants to know who touched his clothes and was healed. The lady comes forth and tells her story of issue of blood. "While (Jesus) yet spake"....his words of "Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace...." a man from Jairus house comes to tell him that his daughter is dead and not to bother "the Master" anymore. Jesus heard what the man said and it looks like he didn't even let Jairus speak to him before he looked at Jairus and said "Be not afraid, only believe". (Isn't this similar to what he told his disciples just last 'chapter'? Fear and faith......)

As if you thought the issue of blood was a miracle, now watch this......

He can stop blood from running (woman with issue of blood), and he can bring blood back into running form inside one's body (Jairus's daughter). 

He works according to the individual needs of the people. 

It also takes strength out of Christ to heal people. If he felt a discernible amount of strength leave him with the simple healing of the issue of blood, what did it take when he raised a girl from the dead? 

He didn't do it for the daughter. He knew she was going to be alright in Heaven. But Jesus did it for that father. And the mother. They were desperate. 

At this point, Jesus is still part mortal....and again, it took strength to heal the woman with issue of blood. If you turn the page and read the very first verse of the next chapter (Mark6) it says he went out from thence, and into his own country. He probably had to rest. At least a little bit. He wore out his body, and not just in The Garden or on The Hill, but his whole mortal ministry. Maybe like President Monson, too. 

Temple and Testimony

Driving to temple last night...first time in awhile, new baby...nursing...., and when I opened the doors, (I had been thinking about my testimony of this gospel a few minutes before this point. Decided to forgo the radio and 'book on phone' so I could just think)... and i remember opening the doors thinking to myself that yes-I really do believe there is a life after this and Jesus will come again. I will see him AGAIN...because I already have before; it won't be a first time introduction, but a re-acquaintance. This was special to me because if I believe that, then I also believe that all the promises I'm about to make/renew, are important....I'll be held to them. Tried and need to account for my time here. I want to make it a happy reunion.

So then I got to thinking how I'm no one special-no high position, not alot of money with power and influence. Just taking care of my little people assigned to me as best I can....but the feeling I had after that thought was: "GOD KNOWS". As in, He knows me, and He knows Trent, and He knows how hard we try, even though we feel like we fail certain nights, but that we really are doing the best we can, and HE KNOWS.
It was like for that night, maybe because the extra effort to go to visit His influence inside His house, that I was allowed to feel a little taste of His concern....even for me. That He actually knows my name, my worries and concerns, and that when I felt that God knows me, it was like all the other 'stuff' just melted away...became just 'stuff'. Cares and concerns over what I haven't done yet or wish I could do, etc-it all didn't matter when the Man-in-charge-of-it-all KNOWS ME.

Made me want to go home and keep pushing along in my assigned location of His vast universe.
Because HE KNOWS.

A little thought about word choices and decision making.

Had a thought tonight.
I made a mistake tonight. I reacted to a situation instead of take the time to act.
I did not step back and look at the problem from an eagle eye point of view.
My mind went to the tv show called Designated Survivor and how Tom Kirkman is able to make hard decisions and gamble on how people are going to react...mainly because it's a tv show and the writers can script the outcome. They can always make Tom win if they want. They can have him slip up but not have the fallout be too harsh. It's all within their creative power on how far or much they will go as far as consequences to his decisions and especially his words.
Then I thought, if I always knew what the outcome would be....if I just had to wait it out a few days, weeks, years....for the opposition to cool off or come to realize something...then it would be much easier for me to be patient....wait it out...not react, and maybe take the punches and be ok with not explaining everything because eventually the truth will be known.
Then I thought that if I was more 'Plan of Salvation conscious'....keeping the grand, big picture in mind.....then my decisions and words would be easier to make and say. I wouldn't be so reactionary. So quick to defend. So hard on making sure all parties knew my position or knowing what theirs was. It maybe wouldn't matter so much. I wouldn't get "stuck in the weeds". I could be happy no matter what others thought or said or did.

I would know that it is only really between me and God anyway.....

Make sure I'm good with Him......then I'm good.

Poppy is fun....ask them

All I had to do was ask the kids if they wanted to go visit Grandpa at work, and the kids have 0 qualms. 

They knew they couldn't actually "play" with any of Poppy's toys, but it was enough just to see them, sit on them, pretend and say hi to Grandpa. 

Is Grandpa taking it easy at work? No, he was in the shop working hard.

He stopped his work, took off his gloves and opened the special door to show the kids some of the toys we'll be able to take out when we have our Family Reunion at a cabin in Utah. 

Kids climbed up, and were all smiles. 

Kyleigh was still smiling even after we told her were were going to shut off the lights if she didn't hurry out (she was having a shoe malfunction).....and we didn't wait very long....ha! 

Turned off the lights and teased that we'd lock her in the room. 

We kid. A lot. 

Grandpa locked the door back up and we loaded our van. 

It was nice that even though it takes a good 40 minutes round trip just in the car, the kids don't mind when we get to see Grandpa as the reward. 

He's one of the greatest. We all love him. 

Conversations in the car on the ride home were proof enough. 

Discovery

Summer is hot. Having a fun Children's Discovery museum is cool.
Took the kids a few times and each time they find new things to imagine, play, ride, invent.

One of the trips, I grabbed my niece since Kyleigh Mae and my nephew were at tennis camp.
Cousins planned a trip and donned the garb to fly out in style.
B didn't have a pilot hat or jacket, but you should've heard him imagining they were really getting ready for takeoff. He'd make his Grandpa Rodger proud with the flight checks.


Kyleigh came with us on another occasion.
She's fun. And funny with her hair on end.


B participated in "building" the Raiders stadium.




Kent hesitated just a weee too long when I asked them all if they wanted to see what hurricane winds were like....





Digging through the many legos to find each # was not too long or arduous a task for Kent.
(And I was proud of him for sticking with it to the end!)

Dean the bean

Dean is very much a 2 year old.
Last week he climbed onto his changing table, squeezed out the Desitin tube, and rubbed the contents all over his hair, clothes, knees, toes, changing pad, and the wood table surround.
That was a greasy mess to clean up.

Then, Sunday morning I go downstairs to find he had climbed on top of the kitchen counter and unscrewed the tube of red lip gloss and "decorated" himself. His whole face had streaks of red. He looked like a warrior painted for battle. I had to bring him upstairs to show Trent...who was worried we might not get it all off his face and Dean would go to Church with pinkish tint/rouge on his face.
 It came off pretty well from the skin, but his eyebrows and forehead where hair began was extra stubborn. Dean looked very 'clownish' with red eyebrows and forehead. I grabbed my trusted makeup remover, scrubbed till Dean was uncomfortable and showed Trent for approval.

Dean is a busy toddler.

Starting thinking....a dangerous pastime.....I know.......

As most often occurs, I had my deepest thinking when in the middle of my bedtime routine....no distractions, no phone, no kids, no jobs to finish....
Got to thinking about how much I enjoyed stealing my nephew, Jace, after soccer game one Saturday to play with my kids for the afternoon before I took him back to his parents house. Then I remembered how much fun it was to have Haley and Alyssa for a few days....and also when I sat next to Haley at brunch today (at McDonalds after soccer game) and I asked her if we could switch names just for the day....that I really liked the name Haley and she could be Coley. But she told me that I can't be Haley because I don't have curly hair. Gosh, I love these kids!
That got me to thinking about my own kids....and when I get them one-on-one how much I enjoy them and can see their personalities come alive because they have my entire focus and attention. When it's just me and B, he's easy going, more talkative and a good heart. Having just Kyleigh around shows me what a creative, smart, but humble and kind girl she is. Kent is a hoot and Dean is full on rough and tough, but can turn a leaf and be soft and gentle.
So, that got me to thinking that, sure, having all 4 of my kids at once is....a handful. It's not easy, but in general, that's probably the case with any group of kids....you get them one-on-one and you can see their good qualities and the manner in which we communicate and cooperate is more.....well, easy to see. Or, all competition or distraction is taken away and they are able to also choose more wisely and be on what seems better behavior because maybe they don't have distractions or a feeling of competition or anything else that holds them back from being able to shine.
Which made me think that maybe that's how God is able to deal with us....and be so patient. He can clear away all the distractions and clutter and other people, and can see us as if we are the only person He wants to deal with at the moment. How incredibly privileged we would feel. And, most likely, act on our better behavior. But again, He can look at us, judge us, deal with us and guide, direct us and though He were dealing with us one-on-one...not en mass. Not like a normal mortal parent who has multiple kids to deal with at the same time with varying needs and degrees of difficulty.
I liked that thought. And I'd like to see how to parent in that way-in the midst of the hustle and bustle and multiple kids and all their needs-be able to sort through it and see that child as if he/she were the only one I had to deal with at the moment. Of course I don't expect a high success rate, at least at first, because....well, I'm mortal, and FULL of shortcomings, but I'd like to try......

Kindness and Rebekah and family

Today I saw a picture of a woman who lost her husband 2 years ago. They had a 7 month old son at the time. It was a sudden and unexpected death. No preparation or warning. No chance for any last trips, memories, pictures or letters. Taken almost like a thief in the night.
And it made me think how I love those that I am lucky enough to live with and wake up with every single day. I know life has an expiration date. It's set and there's no way to get around it. All will go through it. But that picture caused me to consider how I am acting toward others. Especially toward those whom I say I love. Do they know it? How? Can I point to something I've done that would show them how much I love them? Am I kind or patient when they need extra kindness and patience? Or have I been too preoccupied with my own cares and worries to notice them and their needs?
I hope tomorrow I look them in the eyes more. Smile while we have a conversation. Write them a note to lift a worry or lighten a load.
It would be simple, but good. And similar to one of my scripture heroes that I just finished studying for an upcoming lesson-Rebekah. She gave water to the servant of Abraham and Isaac and got water for all 10 of his camels. "And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink. And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels." (Genesis 24:18-20)

She was even "hastening"! to help this stranger. I'm told that each camel can drink up to 5 gallons a day, so how many trips from the water well to the trough did she make...and go out of her normal day to day routine to make sure she served someone else who needed the help. I'd be happy to shadow a little of her innate goodness. Be kind and serve, and think less of myself, like Rebekah.
 Lesson learned for the day.


https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/rebekah-at-the-well-39477?lang=eng



https://thepreachersword.com/2015/04/07/doing-more-than-expected/

Intentional Parenting

Been thinking alot lately about my kids and how I want them to grow up. I know it's not going to happen by happenstance. They don't just grow automatically in the direction/behavior/skill set that I want without any training. Doesn't happen in sports, work...so why would the home be any different?

I'm pregnant with my 5th child, and frankly that scares me a little. Ok, a lot. And maybe that's good. At least the reason why. I only want to bring as many children into this world as I can help bring back to Heaven-to their real parents. I'm borrowing them for awhile, and I think about adding a 5th, and do I have the time, patience, means and selflessness to give EACH child, in turn, all that they specifically need?
I cannot set them all on the couch-tell them that kindness starts with please and thank you and help pick up your neighbors fallen books along the way--pat them all on the head and expect each of those 5 to follow right along with what I just said. Some will only take a couple times of me saying what the right form of behavior looks like for them to compute it and in turn be able to model it. Others in this mix will take a few more times of reminding....and I know of at least one, who, I'm not sure it will ever be their first choice to act selflessly. But today, I was shown differently.

We were saying goodnight to one of our children, who had to stay up later to finish study guide for a test the next day. Trent had to come down hard on this child earlier in the day so they would stop arguing and help us move along with the next task (scriptures and prayer) so we could get the others off to bed. I had seen this child help me put the wash into the dryer after already helping me fold some of the laundry, helping their younger sibling pick up all of the playroom toys, and generally being easy to talk to and showed desire to be with his family instead of hide somewhere alone and sneak some media. This child was kinder, easier to cooperate in family chores.
So, again, when we were saying goodnight right outside their bedroom, I take a step backward after telling him I love him, and step on a big remote control jeep and stumble backward. This child's first, and very quick, reaction was to grab the toy out of my way so that I didn't fall. It was reactionary. Instinctual. Gut reaction. This showed me that this child that I've worried so much about his ability to see others around him, and be able to make friends.....is going to be ok. He does care. He wants to help, make sure others are safe from harm and he was quick to act. I didn't have to specifically tell him the correct action that would be appropriate socially.

Parenting is important, and there are no days off. After this encounter, I told my child, after drawing the blankets up to his neck, that he is a very good boy, I am so proud of him, he made good choices today and it not only made him happy, but he made me and his dad happy. And I hope he does it again tomorrow.

He smiled.

Fight the Good Fight.

Last week was an emotionally hard one. Sunday was rejuvenating. I think I'm ready for another week. (But I wouldn't complain if it's not as hard as last week).
Best thing: I have a husband and kids who show alot of love and work hard to support one another. That is good.

Read in Screwtape letters about how the adversary doesn't need us to think deeply about doctrine or ask probing questions to get us off track. He just needs to remind us of hunger, a good tv show, the newspaper boy down the street, and things right in front of my face that are more "real" than the 'fantastical' stuff of God and the abstract good that should consume our thoughts or at least appear more 'real' than the human needs and wants.
To keep us grounded is their goal. To keep us looking upward and thinking heavenly is God's goal.

Keeping an eternal perspective has helped me in a few instances this last week. Where I was tempted to stay in the weeds and only see what was directly in front of me, was so hard to push away so that I could take a big, giant step backward and look at the situation in perspective of the pre-mortal world and post-mortal world. It helped me see that the difficulty is only a moment. It can be endured and I need to do that successfully and without loosing hope or happiness. So I'm going to do that. I'm going to hope on and keep looking at the good things God has blessed me while some blessings I would hope for are not realized just yet, that's ok, because there are other good things to keep the focus on until.....well, until as long as it takes, and if that isn't until the eternities, than I need to be patient until then. The faith part needs to kick in and keep the hope and happiness alive while the certain difficulty wants to weigh me down and keep me in a "funk". I'm stronger than that. And it makes me happy to stand up, willing to fight that good fight.

Opportunities to feel the Spirit

Took Brenden (10 years old) and Kyleigh (8 years old) to Zion's youth symphony and choir on Sunday evening. It was wonderful. Powerful. I asked them what they thought and Brenden said, "I want to go with you again the next time". Kyleigh agreed. Brenden's favorite song was Hosanna. The first one. It was powerful. Opened the performance with such penetrating power. Kyleigh said she liked Green Hill and Christmas symbol.
We felt peace.
We felt good.
We went home happy.

Then, the following day, the kids didn't have school because of Parent Teacher conferences, so I took advantage of having them all with me and drove directly after meeting with B and Ky's teachers up north 3 hours to Cedar City. We had stopped by the book fair, so the kids had new books and were totally engrossed until St. George in their books. It was amazing. So quiet.  I bought everyone Chick fil a and we practically were just finished eating when I pulled into Cedar city. Dean and Kent were already dressed in their Sunday best. Kyleigh and Brenden had to change in the car to clothes appropriate to go through a Temple of God. We parked on the hill slanting downward, held hands and crossed the street. Asked the nice man who was all bundled up from the windy cold where to go, and he pointed across the temple and said keep walking all the way across. We had to stop so Brenden could zip up Kent's jacket (which was kind of B and nice to have Kent bundled better). Kyleigh said her legs were cold and Kent said his legs were fine, Kyleigh replied that's because he can wear pants to church. Cute interactions. We finally trek across the entire campus to the small line forming to be directed to one of six white tents for the intro video. We are told to go to tent 6. The man at front asked me if I had a reservation, I said no, and he said that's ok, and pointed where to go. We get a seat on the 2nd row of about 5 in the large white tent. A large screen tv is put on a stand with 2 sister missionaries on each side. Kent looks up at me during the video and says the wind is going to blow the tent over because it's so strong. I was worried about it knocking the tv over so I said a silent prayer to protect these temporal things so others can learn from the video being presented on why and what we do in Temples. Soon, we followed more Ushers to the tent where people were seated beside baskets full of booties to put on our feet so we could walk inside the temple and not ruin the flooring. Once inside the temple, we were told that the beautiful stained glass behind desk was donated by the Presbyterian church....that was so nice. It was very beautiful. We go through the baptistry and Dean keeps doing man grunts when looking at the huge oxen holding up the font. Kent looks impressed that the Temple has a giant pool inside. Kyleigh surprises me by saying "12 tribes of Israel" when I ask her how many oxen there are. Dean is so impressed by the strong looking beasts that he keeps going grunts and getting loud.
We walk through the Bridal room, dressing room, chapel, instruction room, celestial room and sealing rooms. The kids wanted to all kneel on the altars they passed.
I showed them how the images of people seem to go on forever when you look at the mirrors in the sealing room, and how one mirror symbolizes all your ancestors who have gone before you and the other mirror symbolizes all your posterity to come behind you and how this ordinance of the sealing that happens in this room, is like a lock that binds those chains together forever. Kyleigh was so enthralled with that that she went to the mirror and looked closely at it and asked, "How does it do that?" (...making the images go on forever).

The choice to take Brenden and Kyleigh to the Zion's Symphony and choir and then all 4 kids to Cedar City was one made to provide my kids with opportunities to feel the Spirit. I'm reading in the Book of Mormon and Laman and Lemuel complain alot, they fall away from God and they never sought to keep companionship and be guided by the Spirit. Nephi and others did. I want my kids to feel the sweet fruit of feeling and following the Spirit. The more opportunities they have to be in Heavenly presence, my hope is that it will bolster their resolve to stay close to this Spirit. Not stray. Always seek to be worthy and if make a mistake, that they will humble their self and repent so they can get it back.
I told Trent last night that it feel like there is more love, peace and happiness among the kids....and I don't believe it is coincidental that it occurs after we go through a Temple of God.
Blessings are real and tangible, sometimes immediate, sometimes not. And this one I hope will permeate through many decisions they make for a long time to come.
That they always remember their feelings as they walked the halls and rooms of a real Temple of God.
Outside the Temple, as Kyleigh and I talk about our feelings and thoughts, I asked her,
"So Kyleigh, did you like the Temple?"
She shakes her head yes.
"Did if feel different than outside here in the world?"
"Yes, it felt like a portal".

I loved her word. Portal. It is. The Temple is not a building like any of this world. And it's not quite in Heaven, but surely feels like a portal between one place and the other.

Temple blessings are real.

Went to the temple and did initiatories. One of promises is to have joy in posterity. Following days after that, I felt a distinct increase of joy in my posterity. Temple promise is true.
Saw my kids through different eyes. Felt greater increase in patience when they didn't listen or clean or behave as expected. It was so wonderful, made me want to go to the Temple more often so I could feel that increase again.

Lake Powell Family photos

This year we went to Lake Powell over the first week in August. Usually it's too miserably hot to go to Powell during that time, but with this new boat's excellent AC unit, it was not uncomfortable at all. Actually, the girls complained it was too cold sometimes. What a change. We feel very spoiled. We all had a great time. The houseboat next to us, Little Carribbean, came over for a tour of our boat and to take our family photos. The girl who has a fancy camera, used Steph's memory card to take the photos, so that we could just download them right away. That was very nice. The photos turned out good, too. (In full disclosure, I wish I would have found Kent's matching swim shirt, and one for B, and spiked up B's hair, put Kyleigh's in her cute pigtails, and scooted closer to Trent--was trying to not let Scotty "hide" like he was trying to do--but hey, it was very much "everybody come as you are to the top deck and let's take a photo", so there's that). The thing I like most about the photos, is the smiles. Really. We all seem happy to be there. And we were. It was a beautiful location, with very good company and food that left none wanting. 

I love my little family. Trent was always willing to take the kids on jet ski rides, tube rides. Brenden was happy to go play in sand with the little kids or go on jet ski with Mom or Dad. Kyleigh had more activities to choose from than she could possibly handle in a single day. Kent came out of his shell more this trip....showing his "true character" (screwball extraordinaire), and Dean slept for a good portion of this trip (including right when the pictures were to be taken so we had to wake him up from his blissful slumber), and during those waking hours he happily played toys with his 2 girl cousins. One lucky chap. I liked card games at night. Pie time and chatting with the fam. Jet ski rides with my kids. Pulling them on the tube. Taking Kent down the slide at the back of the houseboat and then watching him go again and again by himself. Seeing Dean experience the beach for the first time. At first he didn't like that his feet weren't stable and that one was higher than the other as it sloped into the water. Then he was unsure what this rushing water was going to do to him. Then the muddy sand was a new sensation. Each time he met the new experience with hesitation and was a tad scared. But as he got used to it, he soon was playing and his favorite was taking fistfuls of mud and wiping it on the white chairs that were in the water and watching the mud be washed away. So then he would repeat grabbing fistfuls of mud....likely 20 times in a row. It was quite the fascination for him. And me. I like seeing new experiences in the eyes of my kids. They hold the wonder of life as new and something to be felt, seen and enjoyed. On the repeat. I hope to repeat these experiences many times over. Love this group of people. 

Trent and Gordon

Trent said something very interesting during FHE last night. He was talking about raising children and said that in '93 President Gordon Hinckley spoke about a tree in his yard that was crooked. When he planted it, it was about 3/4 inches in diameter and could have attached a string to keep it straight against the harsh winds from the east, but now it was so large in diameter, it would be hard, if not impossible, to move the tree to be straight. He spoke about how children are like the tree....when they are young, it is much easier to train and correct any strayness. But when they are older and more set in their ways, it is far harder to correct any waywardness that occurs.
Being in the Primary, it also reminded me of the usefulness of teachers as well as parents...."Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Here is the excerpt from the talk found here:

Not long after we were married, we built our first home. We had very little money. I did much of the work myself. It would be called “sweat equity” today. The landscaping was entirely my responsibility. The first of many trees that I planted was a thornless honey locust. Envisioning the day when its filtered shade would assist in cooling the house in the summertime, I put it in a place at the corner where the wind from the canyon to the east blew the hardest. I dug a hole, put in the bare root, put soil around it, poured on water, and largely forgot it. It was only a wisp of a tree, perhaps three-quarters of an inch in diameter. It was so supple that I could bend it with ease in any direction. I paid little attention to it as the years passed.

Then one winter day, when the tree was barren of leaves, I chanced to look out the window at it. I noticed that it was leaning to the west, misshapen and out of balance. I could scarcely believe it. I went out and braced myself against it as if to push it upright. But the trunk was now nearly a foot in diameter. My strength was as nothing against it. I took from my toolshed a block and tackle. Attaching one end to the tree and another to a well-set post, I pulled the rope. The pulleys moved a little, and the trunk of the tree trembled slightly. But that was all. It seemed to say, “You can’t straighten me. It’s too late. I’ve grown this way because of your neglect, and I will not bend.”

Finally in desperation I took my saw and cut off the great heavy branch on the west side. The saw left an ugly scar, more than eight inches across. I stepped back and surveyed what I had done. I had cut off the major part of the tree, leaving only one branch growing skyward.

More than half a century has passed since I planted that tree. My daughter and her family live there now. The other day I looked again at the tree. It is large. Its shape is better. It is a great asset to the home. But how serious was the trauma of its youth and how brutal the treatment I used to straighten it.

When it was first planted, a piece of string would have held it in place against the forces of the wind. I could have and should have supplied that string with ever so little effort. But I did not, and it bent to the forces that came against it.

I have seen a similar thing, many times, in children whose lives I have observed. The parents who brought them into the world seem almost to have abdicated their responsibility. The results have been tragic. A few simple anchors would have given them the strength to withstand the forces that have shaped their lives. Now it appears it is too late.

Every individual in the world is a child of a mother and a father. Neither can ever escape the consequences of their parenthood. Inherent in the very act of creation is responsibility for the child who is created. None can with impunity run from that responsibility.

It is not enough simply to provide food and shelter for the physical being. There is an equal responsibility to provide nourishment and direction to the spirit and the mind and the heart. Wrote Paul to Timothy, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Tim. 5:8).

I am satisfied that Paul was speaking of more than physical nourishment.

Faith like Mary

Mary had faith. Like real faith. The kind I want to have.
I believe I'm a believer. But not at her level. And I think it's ok to strive to get there. Increase faith is a good thing.
Mary wasn't exactly sure all the details and job description that she would take on when the Angel Gabriel came to her and told her what her next "calling" was going to be.
Her answer: "Behold the handmaiden of the Lord".
She was willing to just take her new role on with faith. She didn't need to know "how long", "how hard", the inconveniences this would bring, the worry, pain, or joy, that would come with this new role. Do I respond in kind when given a new church calling, when my motherhood calling comes knocking, when anything new is presented to me? Or do I immediately question and wonder if I can? Will it inhibit my lifestyle? My time that "I deserve" to myself?

How can I increase my faith to new challenges, callings, opportunities like Mary? What did she do or how did she believe to the extent that she just kept the end goal in mind and didn't let small details bother her? Rock her faith? or her world? ......because certainly it did some serious jolting to her life being the Mother to the Son of God.

Also, when Jesus performed his very first miracle, it was at a wedding feast in Cana. His mother felt responsible for the success of the party and when trouble arose, she went to her son, Jesus, for help. After talking with him, she went to the servants and simply told them to do exactly as Jesus said. They filled the stone pots that were used for washing, not drinking, with water and then went to serve the governor. She didn't need to know how he was going to manage to find more wine. She had enough faith to also instill it into the servants, too. Were they a little nervous about walking up to the governor with a pot of "water" that they had just filled? Or had they had enough association with the Joseph and Mary family to know that things seemed to just "work out"?

What a wonderfully hopeful, happy and pleasant way to live. With faith. Knowing that the exact number of steps, difficulty or amount of pleasure we have in life doesn't matter.....it's just the destination that counts.

Mary knew that. She sang to Jesus as a babe. Fed him as a child. Worried over him when he was lost (later found at the Temple), and cried when he was in pain. "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word" and "Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it".  Words of faith and trust. Words I would like to use and act upon more often than not. How does one get to that degree of faith?

Direct my heading....

Trent and I are driving our little rental car in Los Angeles from our hotel in Pasadena to the LAX. The car was the smallest I've ever been in...white, Chevy Spark. We felt very "close" to one another while inside driving. :)  There are cars going in all directions. Not a lot of heavy California LA traffic because it's Sunday morning and not a weekday, but still a consistent stream of cars. I started thinking about where they all were going...what their "heading" was. Back to Universal Studios? Disneyland? The beach? A sports game? Restaurant? Work? There was alot of going somewhere happening that Sunday morning.
Then we board our airplane to fly to Las Vegas. I'm excited to see my babies. I can't wait to be back in the throes of motherhood. Sticky faces and fingers. Bedtime stories and goodnight hugs.
I look around at all the people around me. A guy with tattoo and mohawk, a woman with business dress on, a college girl with her laptop and school work going on, a group of people talking about their experience at the club last night, a few foreigners who thought someone was stealing their bag and pushed their way up the aisle only to find the person was just moving their bag to get their own.
Anyway, it was alot of different directions going on. People were headed to all sorts of places that Sunday morning....
And I couldn't be more glad that my "heading" was to the Church....
I wanted to hear the hymns playing.
Listen to testimonies being born.
Gather Primary supplies to ready the room for all the 90 kids that would show up for some instruction.
Hold my babies in my lap and have as many of them as close to me as possible.
It felt good. Like a home away from home. It was so pleasant to have that destination as a sure thing in my life. I cannot put it into the right words......I know that sometimes I get into the mundane routine of what Sunday means. We wake up later than normal, put on church clothes instead of jeans. Spend 3 hours in a church house and come home starving for food. But this Sunday was different. It was anticipated and full of gratitude as a place I can come worship. I was so happy that I had a husband who also wanted to go to church and it wasn't a battle to fight with him whether we would go or not. I was grateful that my children had that habit of attending. I was so happy I was going to be with all the little children of the ward. I love being with them. I used to want to go to Relief Society or Young Women...just not the Primary....but now, that's all I want to do....when I'm on vacation, RS is good to attend, but I feel not as useful as when I get to serve in Primary. I love it.

With all the comings and goings happening on Sunday, I cannot think of a single location that I'd rather "head" than the Church house. Not even Universal Studio (where we just were the day previous) or Disneyland (where we also wanted to go). The Gospel is filling and is enough. It's needed and feels like the only right place to be on that first day of the week.

What I learned about the Atonement in Primary this Sunday

When someone repents of their sin, Jesus pays for it. He is the sufferer of that consequence. When we refuse to forgive someone of the sin they committed, and then repented of, we are refusing to accept Jesus' suffering for that sin's price. The sin has been repented of. It's gone. We can't go digging around the muck and mud of the sin sinkhole to make sure we hold that out in front of their face and show them what a bad person they are...because that sin was now taken upon Jesus, so the person we are waving the sin around to....is Jesus. Not our "friend" or "enemy". So, who is the person that is actually in the wrong? The former sinner, or the current one? When you refuse to also forgive a sin that has been repented of, we now commit a sin. And it's against Jesus this time....since He stands in front of anyone who has accepted Him as their Savior and used His suffering to become clean again. The one refusing to allow others a full clean slate, is the one whose slate is now muddied with sin. It is wrong to refuse forgiveness. Does Jesus refuse us forgiveness? How could we do any less?
It is also a happier way to live when not remembering and recalling all the sins someone has ever committed against you. Release them and your own burden of sin is also made lighter. You not only allow the other person the full use of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, but you are avoiding the stain of sin had you kept their fault in the forefront of your memory.
Sin and Forgiveness works through Jesus more fully than the initial prayer of "Please forgive me....."
The beauty of Christ's Atonement works completely when we also let go of their imperfections and see them as Christ now does--without that spot.

Anniversary Trip with just the spouse

Trent and I went to Universal Studios to check out Harry Potter land and more. And it was just the two of us. We flew to LA on Saturday morning, rented a car, played all day at the theme park, then drove to our hotel in Pasadena (which we reserved when we thought we were driving, so it was going to save us some time by being on the way out of town by about 30 minutes...shaving that time off total drive time on Sunday morning). Instead, we used our flight points we've racked up with our Southwest card to fly for free (and shave off a little time driving and since we'd be playing all day, not be so tired while driving). Then, Sunday morning, we flew back to Vegas. It was a very quick trip, but so much fun. For two main reasons:
1-Reconnected with Trent and strengthened our friendship bond....we love each other dearly, but there's something about also "liking" to be with each other. Enjoying the company in whatever setting we're in...wanting to be together.
2-Made me miss my children and the domestic life so much. Is that weird? I was so happy to come home and change diapers, do dishes, laundry and read bedtime stories. I couldn't wait to hold my babies! As fun as Harry Potter land was, we couldn't stop talking about how Kyleigh and Brenden would really love this ride, or this shirt or this adventure!
When we picked them up at the Chapel from Maddy and Landon, I RAN to them! So so so so so so happy to have them in my care! I LOVE BEING A MOM!!! It's so fulfilling and I feel empty without that responsibility. It felt selfish and hollow just having to worry about Trent and I. I want to wipe dirty mouths, pick up spilled crumbs and wipe stained clothes. I want to wait in a carpool lane to pick up my kids rather than lots of theme park lines or anything else that would be fun just for me.

This vacation was so rejuvenating in those two main ways: love for my husband and my children. The rides were fun, too.
But felt sooooo good to get kisses from my kids. Wouldn't trade that for the world, or lifetime Harry Potter land tickets.

Most of the time....

.....I am nervous and cautious. I hate making mistakes. I'd rather not try, then try and make a mistake. I'm trying to fix that. Because it feels better at the end, to have flopped miserably, but to say that I attempted something new and scary than to sit in the same lump and remain unchanged.
Things from new recipes, new ideas, new crafts, and sadly even behavior changes. I wish I could be as bold about changing my behavior as I was about joining a new league in town with a bunch of players that I have never met.

Why do I remain scared? Why should I stay locked up in fear?

It feels so liberating to thrust out and tempt the unknown.
I love being spontaneous, but I allow fear or guilt about first getting all and every chore done at home before I go out to explore.

I want to get in the car on a date with my husband and have no particular destination in mind, just drive and talk and see where that takes us.

I want to walk into a room full of people with a confident smile on my face and easy laughter.

I wish I could finish the books I have half-written. That would be such an adventure.

No longer will I keep allowing "tomorrow",  "later", "not now", or even, "I'm tired" to be the legislative stronghold in my mind.

It will be "today", "now", and "why not?!".

Because the hardest part is just the beginning....

Rodger Dean turns 1

It's Dean's 1st Birthday today. Big day. Causes me to reflect on how quickly time moves and all that's happened in just one year since we've had Dean. He has brought alot of goodness to our family. He smiles easily, he is easily pleased with a new toy or person who gives him attention. He likes flipping pages of books, rolling balls on the floor and walking with the toy cars and quad downstairs.
I am so happy to be a Mother of four children. Each one of them is so unique and so wonderful in their own right. And it makes me excited to see what new dynamic Dean will continue to add to our family as he grows older. I hope he is gentle like Brenden, determined like Kyleigh, funny like Kent....or none of those things at all.....because he is his own spirit and will show us some more qualities to admire and strive to develop....just like the other kids have done to Trent and I.
Sure, kids make it harder for one to develop their own talents or hobbies...for example, I have really wanted to start up tennis and could go play while Kent is in Preschool, but now I have Dean so unless I make arrangements with a babysitter, I cannot play. Am I sad about this? No, my time for tennis will come eventually...maybe it's when I'm just getting into my 40s, but look at the child I have! He will grow to bring me home paintings that will look like chicken scratch and I'll post it on our fridge like a work belonging in the Smithsonian. He'll run around a field in a sports uniform and some days do no significant work, but we'll beam with pride and tell him how wonderfully he played. Then, he'll learn to read, write, add and subtract. Gosh, then he'll go into Young Men and start to date. Trent will have to teach him how to be a perfect gentleman when taking a lady out on a date. We'll stay up late waiting for him to come home and laugh at how we did this back in 2016 when he was a baby keeping us up at night. So yes, tennis can wait, because these babies sure don't. And I wouldn't want to miss seeing the growth and changes of my newest little addition-Rodger Dean Sorensen.

If nothing else, I hope you grow to be a good man. With a solid reputation for honesty and hard work. Just like the two Rodgers who came before you.

A sweet tender mercy showed up at my door

The other day, I was thinking about something a relative told me about my life....that I needed to simplify. I had searched what to drop....cannot drop my family events (kids are each in 1 activity right now and I think it's good for them to be involved in something that develops their talents further and gives them an opportunity to grow); cannot drop my calling (I would be scared of what would be left of myself since everytime I give of myself, I find so much more than what was before); cannot drop the housekeeping (that's just too gross to contemplate); so I guess I could just tell the missionaries next time they called that I cannot go with them to visit a new convert when they ask me to accompany them to their visit. I was almost set on that course of action....when later that day, I heard a knock at my door. I looked out the window in the upstairs playroom and saw a grey truck. I didn't recognize it, so I made sure to walk quietly down the stairs so that whoever was standing behind the door wouldn't hear me and know someone was home when I didn't open the door.
I peeked through the peephole and saw two young men dressed in white shirts and ties with a black plaque. I quickly unlatched the door and greeted them with a smile.
They said that they just wanted to hand me a letter. Spoke briefly about the family with whom I accompanied them on their visit, and left.
Once the door was closed and re-latched, I opened the card. It was a few lines of thanks for always being willing to join them on a visit with an investigator or recent convert. They were so appreciative and wanted to let me know it mattered.
That meant so much to me. It meant that God had heard the thoughts of my heart. He understood my efforts to simplify and desire to do the best things with my time. I was so grateful for that little card that the missionaries took the time to write and hand deliver.
It meant more than they will probably ever know.

Patience and Success....grateful for the lesson, kids.

There was one day where it seemed as though everything went wrong. I couldn't get any task accomplished. None of the kids were getting along with each other. I tried to think of constructive and useful games for them to play and it all ended in fights and struggle. At one point, at the end of the day, during family scripture study, I remember feeling excited that tomorrow was a new day and that the effects and events of this day didn't have to carry on to tomorrow. I was so happy for that.
Then, the next day happened. And everything was different. The kids were listening and obedient. They were happy and cheerful. We smiled and had a good time together.

Then, at the end of that day, it felt so sweet. It was as though if I had not experienced the hard day before, this good day would not have been as sweet.

Because of the difficulty, the good was more valued. More welcomed, more cherished.

Kids taught me a good lesson. As with anything, it is not the external circumstances that determine the person who I am. It is how I deal with those difficulties. Do I loose hope? Do I crumble? Wish for better days and give up? Or keep trying no matter how futile my efforts seem?

I am never a failure as long as I keep trying. I want to be successful. And success doesn't look like roses and sweet tones floating through the air. Success looks a lot more like a big breath, another prayer, a plea for help to keep my spirits high, and my patience strengthened like a muscle that gets a good workout.
Like regular weight training, the muscles only grow strong when they are used through repetition.
If I wilt at the first sign of trial, my patience will not have the opportunity to grow....I have not used it. On days when the kids, housework, tasks, etc seem to require my patience at every turn, I will have enjoyed a very good workout that day and my muscle of patience will have grown strong...and that is success.

Kindess

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/remember-this-kindness-begins-with-me?lang=eng
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2005/04/the-virtue-of-kindness?lang=eng
http://www.cknscratch.com/teaching-tips-and-tricks/what-primary-presidencies-wish-all-teachers-remembered


Why is it hard to be kind?

I'm serious. It seems as though it's the "harder wrong" when the "easier right" is to just spout off whatever comes to mind and



When a man grows old he develops a softer touch, a kindlier manner. I have thought of this much of late.

Now I indicated earlier that I did not know why there was so much conflict and hatred and bitterness in the world. Of course, I know that all of this is the work of the adversary. He works on us as individuals. He destroys strong men. From the time of the organization of this Church he has done so. President Wilford Woodruff said this: “I have seen Oliver Cowdery when it seemed as though the earth trembled under his feet. I never heard a man bear a stronger testimony than he did when under the influence of the Spirit. But the moment he left the kingdom of God, that moment his power fell. … He was shorn of his strength, like Samson in the lap of Delilah. He lost the power and testimony which he had enjoyed, and he never recovered it again in its fulness while in the flesh, although he died [a member of] the Church” 
This kind of miracle can happen and will happen when there is kindness, respect, and love. Why do any of us have to be so mean and unkind to others? Why can’t all of us reach out in friendship to everyone about us? Why is there so much bitterness and animosity? It is not a part of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
We all stumble occasionally. We all make mistakes. I paraphrase the words of Jesus in the Lord’s Prayer: “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us” (see Matt. 6:12
William W. Phelps, who was close to the Prophet Joseph, betrayed him in 1838, which led to Joseph’s incarceration in Missouri. Recognizing the great evil of the thing he had done, Brother Phelps wrote to the Prophet, asking forgiveness. The Prophet replied in part as follows:
“It is true, that we have suffered much in consequence of your behavior—the cup of gall, already full enough for mortals to drink, was indeed filled to overflowing when you turned against us.
“Believing your confession to be real, and your repentance genuine, I shall be happy once again to give you the right hand of fellowship, and rejoice over the returning prodigal.
Brethren, it is this spirit, expressed by the Prophet, which we must cultivate in our lives. We cannot be complacent about it. We are members of the Church of our Lord. We have an obligation to Him as well as to ourselves and others. This sinful old world so much needs men of strength, men of virtue, men of faith and righteousness, men willing to forgive and forget. 
There is no end to the good we can do, to the influence we can have with others. Let us not dwell on the critical or the negative. Let us pray for strength; let us pray for capacity and desire to assist others. Let us radiate the light of the gospel at all times and all places, that the Spirit of the Redeemer may radiate from us.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/04/the-need-for-greater-kindness?lang=eng


Mary N. Cook, First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, said of a Young Woman: "She’s loving, kind, and obedient. She comes from a single-parent home, and her life has not been without challenges, so I’ve wondered how she maintains her happy, kind spirit. When this young woman testified, “I center my life on Jesus Christ,” I had the answer.
I would like to focus on just one of these words—benevolent.Benevolent is a lovely word that we don’t hear very often. Its roots are Latin, and it means “to wish someone well.”2 To be benevolent is to be kind, well meaning, and charitable. Many of you learned about the idea of benevolence when you were in Primary and committed this song to memory:

I want to be kind to ev’ryone,

For that is right, you see.

So I say to myself, “Remember this:

Kindness begins with me.”

For us to develop these same Christlike attributes, we must learn about the Savior and “follow in His ways.”

“Unity is a spiritual quality. It’s the sweet feelings of peace and purpose that come from belonging to a family. … It’s wanting the best for others as much as you want it for yourself. … It’s knowing that no one is out to harm you. [It means you will never be lonely.]”

We build that unity and share our unique colors through benevolence: individual acts of kindness.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/remember-this-kindness-begins-with-me?lang=eng


Proverbs 16:24 "Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones." 

Ephesians 4:32 "And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

Kids beginning new school year

As a child, there is no question: summer is the best! No homework, long, lazy days and lots of vacations and activities with friends and family.
As a parent, there is some question: for a variety of reasons, it's nice to have the kids at school. But the thing I am more concerned with....more than hours of homework and early rise times.....is the outside influence. During summer, I can have direct control over the media, books, friends, conversation and teachings of my kids. Once they hit the school grounds, I can {mostly} just hope for the best.

Of course, as parents, it's our duty and God-given privilege to teach our children the correct principles. I must be the first to teach them to say "I'm sorry" when they make a mistake or do something wrong. I have to be the one to help them understand that they are not entitled to anything they see on God's green earth. Hard work and honesty will bring the greatest, lasting dividends. Be kind, wait your turn, make a friend to the lonely, try your best and don't give up.
I cannot expect the teacher or other students to teach these things to my kids. I cannot shirk this responsibility. It has to be done. And on the daily.  (That's the hard part! Sometimes I swear my words will never sink in. But that's the adversary's propaganda: give up, not worth the effort, never going to get it.) So I keep trying. Try different tactics. Time out, extra chores, writing letter, giving hugs,

Adoption is amazing

Adoption is one of those experiences that you must go through to understand. I'm still an 'outsider' as I view my sister and the birth moms exchange smiles, tearful embraces, and babies.
It is not easy. It has all the feels-happiness, sadness, tension, worry, comfort--but to the extreme.

The birth mom I met today is a sweet girl. I hope I never forget the experience tonight. Watching her try to hold back the tears when she spoke about first finding out that she was pregnant and then how she felt imaging her baby having a mother and father and LOTS of aunts, uncles, grandparents who will love her baby. I was at a loss for words. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to cry with her. Tell her everything will be ok.

The hard times aren't over for her. She will most likely experience some tough, lonely nights. There was no one at the hospital for her. No mom, dad, sister, brother, relative of any sort...to congratulate her on the birth of a baby girl. No one anxiously waiting for a picture of the newest babe. Do her parents even know? Do they know there is a granddaughter? That is now going to be lovingly raised by my sister and her husband?

My sister is spending the night at the hospital to care for her new baby. Feed, change, kiss and hold little Grace. What a difference 24 hours makes.

Robert Frost is right : "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

an important cause

today is the day. i'm going to do it.
today is the day i'm going to muster enough courage.
my gear is all packed, my agenda is set. i know i can win, i just have to try.
i've seen the experts, i've read their tales.
it won't come without trial, but nothing good ever will.
the way will be fraught with terror and unknown.
but that didn't stop those brave ones before.
if i do not succeed, an opportunity lost,
who knows the full consequences, who knows what will be lost.
today is the day. i'm just going to do it.
today is the day, i invite my neighbor to an fhe.

Amid the chaos and constant motion...

May 26, 2016

Just watched my cousin's child (Kyre-Kristen's child) holding his brand new baby sister. He was singing to her in one of those little, angelic child voices. And making up the words as they came.
The best thing was in the background, you can hear all the chaos going on as doctors, nurses, hospital staff are working to help my cousin.
It was really cool to see and hear that contrast. How chaos can be loud, confusing for a child, and in constant motion. But he was able to be unruffled by it all, sat in perfect calmness, with a new baby in his arms, and think to make the baby happy by singing to her.
I want to be like that kid.
I want to see through the chaos of my day, the loud voices pulling for my attention (via internet, phone, tv, etc), and the constant motion of life in general....to find a place that is calm and serene.
A place where I could just be perfectly happy singing a made up song to my little baby....(or all 4 of my babies).

Us parents are given the charge to do just that. Provide a safe haven. A refuge from the storm. There isn't going to be lightning and thunder....but a storm of other proportions. I hope I always recognize when that storm is coming, and see the chaos and motion for what it is---just 'white noise', or attempts to distract me, to pull me away from my most prized and important job---making my family feel loved and comfortable.

I hope I never forget that video. I hope I always remember how it made me feel.

I can provide a refuge from the storm. My kids need a safe haven.

May 16, 2016

It's Monday. The kids have 2 weeks left of school. We're all ready for summer....
Lately, all I can think about is Primary. It is awesome and wonderful. My mind is all-encompassed with all things Primary related. I've bought 2 books from Deseret Book on how to be a good Primary person, and I really really want to do it the Savior's way. It feels awfully similar to my mission when I cannot stop thinking about the kids, teachers, counselors, secretary and everything in between even when I'm showering. But I'm so happy. There is a new life and purpose and light to giving my time over to them. I just want to be with them. In their homes and give them a giant hug and tell them how wonderfully they're doing and how much we need them all. I just hope I can do all the things in my head and that I don't forget any of it. It is such a good work.
I love how God helps us learn about his ways through service.
I hope to loose my life in it so I can find my life.

Kids are forgiving

May 5, 2016

Today was one of those long, too much to do, drive all over town, headache from too many late nights with visitors, and trying to get it all done.
I let natural man take over and my patience lost out.
I got mad at the kids. I was grumpy with Trent. It was not my shining moment.
When I settled down and apologized to the kids and Trent, Kyleigh grabbed a paper from the printer, the fancy scissors and cut out a heart shape. Then she wrote :
"I love you! from: Kyleigh to: my Mom"
and on the inside was this:
"Thank you for all that you've done and I love you very much."

My goodness, do I ever appreciate the sweet spirit of kids. So quick to forgive. And they do it wholly and completely. No holding back. No reservations or thoughts about it going to happen again. They take you at your word: that you're not going to do that again.

And it feels sweet. The love and forgiveness of a child. It's pure. It's complete. And I believe what she tells me.

And I want to be better because of it.

Start 2016

November.....Gratitude

It is the beginning of November, and I am already feeling extra grateful :)
I wish it was an automatic, without thought, kind of action.
Hopefully gratitude manifests itself like it's friendly partner...Love.
Both should be something more of a verb than an adjective.

Gratitude builds. It strengthens. It makes what I have, enough. It allows me to revel in my abundance rather than sorrow in my lack....even though I am talking about the same exact amount of 'stuff' or 'trials/experiences'.

Gratitude makes me happy. It feels light. It lifts. It draws me from inward thinking to outward purposes. I see all the good around me and I want to bless someone else with the same and give them happiness, too.

It feels like it is a trained thinking path. Or, in other words, it is, for the most part, not a natural feeling or reaction. On the contrary, in the world we live in today, with all the advertisements and internet bringing more and more 'stuff' into our view and to compare with what we currently own, I would say that Gratitude is certainly not a 'natural' feeling. It is something that must be wanted. It should be ...3prayed for. It sometimes requires action! Like

Halloween craft time

I got the chance to finally sit down with my kids and pull out some scissors and glue. I loved it. Made me feel happy and that this is what childhood is all about and family time. It might have even been the highlight of my week. For some reason, I felt like this was the best thing we've done in awhile. Maybe it's because I don't seem to have much time to do fun things with them since after school is filled with homework, snack, and then soccer 3 out of the 5 weekday nights, and with Trent gone late during busy tax season, I'm pulling double duty...being pregnant added another tricky wrench to this narrative. I convinced Trent that we "needed" supplies at Dollar tree, so he drove us there on the way home from Brenden's soccer practice at Bill Briar family park near his office. (Thankfully Joann's was having a $1 sale on their quarter fabric and I chose Halloween colors and got out of there before I wanted to also buy all of the other cute Halloween decorations).

Then we had to wait a few days to carve out the time to sit down together and make something Halloween-y. 

Brenden and Kyleigh were scissor experts and made lots of great strips to place on our fake pumpkins. They painted mod pose glue like pros and soon enough we have a couple of high class pumpkins that certainly no longer look $1 😍

I love being a Mom, and especially to these guys. They're my crafting pals now. :)