birthday girl

my darling emaline. how are you already two years old? it seems like only a short time ago that you were this little...

i am thankful every single day for you. you are so lovely, happy, smart, important, and so, so very loved. how lucky we are to have you in our family. happy birthday pretty baby.

defeat

i'm glad last week is over. it was filled with:

5 bloody noses

lots of bad news

plenty of tears

barf and queasiness

a dozen meltdowns

a dozen frustrations

heartbreak

lots of discussions

more bad news

and too many time-outs.

i can be very resilient, a survivor. but i have a breaking point, it takes much to get there, and at the culmination of my panic and stress, i break. it's my own defense mechanism, i shut down, and i let it go. i don't care anymore, because i've done all i can to remedy the situation and i relinquish control. it's peaceful and disheartening at the same time, because the defeat takes over.

it's been a bad month for us, to say the least. my efforts have abandoned me and i'm left with nothing but tears, stress and worry, which too, have amounted to nothing. i cling to my husband, my girls, and my baby. i do what i can to keep my faith from growing weak against the persistent winds. i know we'll get through this. i know there are worse things. but now, those statements bring little comfort; the fear is a reality, i cannot avoid facing it and looking past, i can only focus on getting through. not just surviving, but enduring. that is the difference. i know we will survive, but can we endure?

i hold my breath and i wait.

wisecrack

"ava," i warned her, "if you keep pulling on your bracelet it's going to break." she stopped for a little while, but started tugging at it a few minutes later. sure enough, a few tugs later, the bracelet snapped and beads went flying all over the kitchen.

she quickly looked back at me, her eyes speaking what she was thinking, you were right, i'm sorry.

i told her anyways, "i warned you ava, and now your bracelet is broken."

"yeah but mom," she replied, "it's okay, sometimes little kids break things."

you're right, i'm sorry.

us

this is real.

this is love.

this is us.

{crow's feet, no make-up, only love.}

how grateful i am for my mom, who raised me well so i could be worthy of this. and for my husband and my girls, for giving me the opportunity to be a mom.

truly, my heart is full.

giveaway

not here, but over here, at my friend's place.

check it out and enter!

then head on over to her shop and start picking out what you'll spend your winnings on.

good luck!