The Whitest Hobby Ever

Someone once said that coming out is not a single event. You have to do it over and over again. Well, I'm here to tell you that's as true in birding as anything.

It took me a while at my old job but they --well most of them-- became sufficiently used to my intercom calls of "redtail hawks!" and "kestrel eating snake!" that they'd just come running, even if they had no idea what they were looking at.

Watching a kestrel

The "Add A Cat" version, courtesy Erin Green.

One day I even managed to kidnap two colleagues and we spent the day looking at winter ducks, and not finding a snowy owl.

Don't anyone tell them they are looking the wrong way.

When I left that job, a former director made the funniest, birdiest, most meaningful tribute I could have imagined. It was lovely. 

But then I had to come out. As a birder. At my new job. 

"You watch birds. For fun. Really? That's something only white people would do." This was the conclusion of three of my colleagues, who are Indigenous. 

We all know this is an exaggeration, and it's become a good-natured running joke in the office. They do like it when I report in on good sightings, like this recent wood duck.

But there's more than a kernel of truth in the joke.  This past weekend, Kelly and I went to a winter waterfowl festival at one of our favorite spots in the city, the Leslie Spit. We got a new life bird, the white-winged scoter.  And we saw tons of ducks: mallards, gadwalls, buffleheads, common goldeneye, redheads, red-breasted mergansers, and scaup.

Redheads. Hundreds of them.

Red-breasted mergansers also out and about in large numbers

Many, many scaup. Mostly greater, some lesser. All worthy.

We also saw a lot of longtailed ducks. The open water of western Lake Ontario is very attractive to them, and they are one of the most abundant winter ducks in Toronto, adapting well to the urban environment for their time here. I flew out of the island airport here last week, and the taxi to the runway gave a great view of a very relaxed flock, quite at home in the channel.  Longtails breed in the high Arctic, so perhaps they enjoy a city break - dinner out, theater, that kind of thing.

Longtailed duck

We were part of a rather large group for this walk, and as we took up the rear at a good viewing point for a large mixed flock, I heard the guide saying "Someone just mentioned that they saw an oldsquaw ..." and just froze upon hearing this old name for the longtailed duck.  He continued, "Of course, that's not a name we use any more, for obvious reasons."  It was, I thought, a gentle and graceful way to make the point, and it probably didn't cause the person who used the phrase any embarrassment in front of a group of people he or she didn't know. 

We trooped along and at a quite point, I expressed my appreciation for how he handled it. "Yes," he said. "It is an outdated name, but I have to say that I still use it sometimes myself."   I froze again, but then said how difficult --and important-- it is to unlearn the hurtful and offensive things we've been taught. And that we use so casually, as if they have no impact at all. 

I'm sure --I know-- that there are insensitive nicknames and turns of phrase that we all use every day without even recognizing it. And I know that some people think it's just "political correctness" to be sensitive to language this way. But in truth, it's not about political correctness. It's about respect.

As for that duck, it does indeed have a very long tail. So long that I think it's worth naming it.

Longtailed duck. Note the most prominent feature.

Celebrating 80 Years of Sharon, in which Kelly says more about her illustrious mother's life

Ethelyn with Sharon, Mona with Kent, 1936

Once upon a time, there were two sisters named Ethelyn and Mona Alexander. They each got married and had children; Ethelyn had two girls, Sharon and Nancy, and Mona had two boys, Kent and Johnny. For a joke, they would dress up Sharon in boy baby clothes and Kent in girl baby clothes and swap them to see if anyone noticed... so we can't be sure which baby is which in the picture above.

Sharon at 860 Edgehill Road

Sharon and Nancy with their Dad, Allen

Kent and Sharon at Leech Lake, Minnesota

Sharon and Dick one month after their wedding; January 1959

Sharon grew up and got married to Dick Buehler in 1958 ("The bride's gown of floor length peau de soie was made with a Chantilly lace yoke cut in a modified V at the neckline and long sleeves coming to points over the hands. The elongated waist featured a high inverted pleat at the front and additional pleats giving fullness to the skirt extended over graduated hoops. She carried a cascade arrangement of white Fuji mums with English ivy and her veil of silk illusion, falling just below the waistline, was attached to a pearl trimmed lace crown." Jacksonville Journal Courier, Jan. 4, 1959).

The Buehler Family in Newfoundland, 1967

In 1967, Sharon and Dick moved to St. John's, Newfoundland, with Kelly (3) and Michael (6 weeks) and their dog, Gadhar. Memorial University of Newfoundland was expanding and hiring professors from all over North America, United Kingdom, and even further afield. Dick had a job in the Folklore Department. They planned to stay in Newfoundland a couple of years.

Sharon doing family history, Illinois, 1977

In 1969, after ensuring that Michael lived to see his second birthday (he had an extensive file at the Janeway, the St. John's children's hospital) Sharon got a job at the university working as a research assistant in immunology. During her time working in immunology, Sharon contributed to genetics research in Newfoundland and Labrador. She compiled family trees by digging in the Provincial Archives and more impressively by travelling to communities and making her way through graveyards, tape recorder in pocket, recording names and dates. In her bright orange parka she always stood out. She didn't just pester the dead; her "talk to strangers" nature allowed her to knock on doors and interview the inhabitants. In this way she was able to provide pedigrees to help trace diseases through families.

Sharon gets her PhD in 1983; with Ethelyn in Portugal Cove, Nfld

In 1983 she received a PhD in Epidemiology from MUN; her thesis was "The epidemiology of Hodgkin's disease in Newfoundland." She did post-doctoral work in genetics; she became the Director of Registries for the Newfoundland Cancer Foundation; she became an Associate Professor in Epidemiology and then in Oncology, too, and then she "retired" in 2001. Whereupon she became a Honorary Research Professor. Let's leave the academic career aside for a bit and focus on the other aspects of her extremely full life. Frankly, Sharon's career and her 15-page CV are a little overwhelming.

Sharon and Dick with Med School friends Deborah and Phil and neighbour Ann

By now you've noticed that Sharon and Dick stayed more than two years in Newfoundland. They made great friends in the University and the neighbourhood (essentially the same thing, since the neighbourhood where they lived for the first five years was housing for university profs). Sharon helped organize the two independent schools that her Two Wonderful Children attended. Dick and Sharon both got involved in the amateur theatre scene. Sharon cooked (sometimes fancy recipes from Gourmet) and baked (excellent cookies) and swam.

Sharon and Dick with neighbours Earle and Judy

Dick and Sharon in Portugal Cove, 2005

In 1970, they bought a house just outside of town in Portugal Cove, where Sharon had a wonderful rock garden and planted trees that took decades to grow in the Newfoundland climate; she continued to live there until 2010, when she moved into a newer house a little closer to town.

Ethelyn and Mona with their children: Kent, Sharon, Nancy and Johnny, 1999

Throughout the years in Newfoundland, Sharon and Dick made lots of trips home to Illinois to visit family. In 1999, the family celebrated Ethelyn's 90th birthday in Jacksonville.

Maggie and Tess

They went through an extensive roster of pets, mostly cats and dogs, ending up with Maggie and Tess. Tessie died a few years after Dick did.

So cute I am. Love me you must.

In 2009, Sharon welcomed Sadie to the household. Despite her wing-like ears, Sadie cannot fly.

Michael and Kelly in St. John's

At this point we should say just a few words about Sharon's Two Wonderful Children, Kelly and Michael. Since "retiring" in 2001, Sharon has had more time to worry about having ruined her kids' lives by working outside the home to make use of her brilliant talents in making the community, province, country, and let's face it, probably the world, a better place. It was indeed difficult for her children to rely on their father for so much care; not only did Mom work all the time, she also travelled extensively because of all the conferences she had to attend. Dad forced Kelly and Michael to eat things like pancakes, chili or steak for supper instead of experimental fare containing pine nuts. Sometimes he made them eat pie for breakfast! However, Mom always made it worthwhile by bringing home really good presents. In the end, Kelly and Michael turned out half-decently, although at absolutely opposite ends of the spectrum. Michael, whose middle names are Danger and "Thank God for socialized health care," is an entrepreneurial thrill-seeker who travels the world; Kelly, whose middle names are Cheap and "Take off your shoes first," is a librarian who would prefer to read about it or watch it on TV.

Quidi Vidi, St John's, a most unseasonaable February

On to Sharon's 80th birthday. Luckily, this February in Newfoundland was surprisingly mild (sorry, Carolinn!). Kelly and Sara and Nancy and Don all came for the big weekend.  

Kelly, Sara, Nancy, Don, Sharon, Michael at the Merchant Tavern

We did a whole lot of eating. And drinking, of course.

Kelly and Sharon and the birthday cake, February 19

On February 19th, the big day itself, a huge family birthday dinner was hosted by Sara's sister, Elizabeth. Kelly made the cake with lemon curd contributed by Sara. If it had been entered in the Great British Bake-Off, Paul and Mary would have said, "but the flavours are good" and then voted Kelly off.

Saturday was the big party. About 50 people attended the festivities, which included lots of good food,

 

a guest book where each guest got to decorate a page with stamps and/or stickers,















an announcement,

Kelly makes the announcment...

...while Michael and Sharon watch

and lots of friends:

"I can't believe you thought you needed 50 boxes of crackers for the party!"

Sharon and Nancy

blowing out the candles

And now back to the career. As mentioned above, Sharon "retired" in 2001. She continued to teach Introductory Epidemiology until 2006, she continued to serve on the supervisory committees of graduate students, she continued to be an interviewer for medical school applicants, she continued to contribute to research studies and research ethics reviews. In particular, she is proud to have chaired a community/university committee which led to amended legislation which would allow, with the consent of a designated substitute decision maker, the participation of persons temporarily or permanently cognitively impaired in research in areas such as intensive care, development delay, emergency medicine and Alzheimer’s disease; and to have established, with a colleague, the Health Research Unit in the Division of Community Health and Humanities. In 2010 she was recognized with a MUN Pensioners Association Tribute Award because of her continuing contributions. And she continues still. For this reason, the Division of Community Health and Humanities at Memorial decided to name the convocation award established by Dr Shree Mulay, Associate Dean of the Division, The Sharon Buehler Convocation Award for a Student in Community Health and Humanities.

This is the citation:

"This award has been established to honour the career achievements of Dr. Sharon Buehler during her 30 years of service to Memorial University of Newfoundland’s Faculty of Medicine. Although Dr. Buehler retired as an Associate Professor of epidemiology in 2001, she continued to be engaged in research as an Honorary Research Professor; she chaired Memorial’s Human Investigation Committee for many years and later as it transitioned to a province-wide ethics board under the Provincial Health Research Ethics Authority she chaired the Policy Advisory Group and worked tirelessly as the new legislation underwent drafts. Her significant contributions include the redrafting of HIC’s Policy and Procedures Manual. Dr. Buehler’s work benefitted not only Memorial University, but also the local, provincial, and national communities as well."

In the announcement that Shree (who could not attend the party) sent to Kelly to read, she also said: "Sharon has championed another cause at the University – starting a Centre for Aging – a much needed research centre as all of us age, in this province and across Canada – she worked in partnership with many people – from the community and from the academe and it would seem that this dream of hers will also come to fruition just as the Health Research Ethics Board became a reality."

Shree is not the only one who has recognized Sharon, of course. Other people who could not be with us at the party sent their regards:

"Please do extend our congratulations not only on her birthday but in celebration of her major contributions to the benefit of better health for so many. Her enthusiasm for life inspires us all and that infectious smile has made many of us happy as she charges through the day." - Bob and Linda Rimsay

"Sharon is a wonderful person, who made a big impact on me and my life. We first met in about 1973, and she taught me how to be brave and attack obstacles at work and this, of course, translated into my private life. Basically, she approaches life with a positive expectation. If you want to ask someone something, or for something, just do it. I remember her approaching a young man who had spiky green hair, when that was still highly unusual, and asking him how he achieved it. The rest of us hung back, assuming he either wouldn’t answer or would be rude. 'Jello,' he said. Another remarkable thing about Sharon is her loyalty. She’s remained a friend over all the years that have passed, and over the vast distance that separates us. Although our meetings are years apart, we seem to pick up as though we’d been together only yesterday." - Joyce Crumley

"We have known Sharon since 1969 ( that's 47 years) and she is one of our closest friends. We met when we were working in the same lab in the new medical school temporary buildings doing 'crucial' experiments with Ken Roberts and Richard Warrington. Sharon came to Newfoundland with Dick and Kelly, who I think was 4 and Michael who was a toddler. They lived on Fox Avenue. Sharon and Dick took us under their wings and every year we would spend Christmas with them as well as many July 4th feasts as this was not just Independence Day but also our wedding anniversary; Sharon still acknowledges our anniversary every year. Over the years we have celebrated and commiserated many family events - births, deaths, graduations, happy and occasionally sad times. Sharon is a very special friend to both of us - it does not seem to matter that we don't see each other often, we keep in touch and I often wish that we were closer." - Deborah and Philip Hyam

"I worked on a number of projects with Sharon, including being the Co-chair of the Human Investigation Committee with her. We didn't always agree, but you were always aware with Sharon that her heart was in the right place and it was therefore a pleasure to work with her. She had her reasons for her thoughts and clearly expressed them. She worked hard on every project and put her full effort into the task. Indeed, she usually worked harder than everyone else and never looked for "extra" credit for her efforts. Indeed, she never looked for credit. If a power point presentation was required by the group Sharon would often put together the slide deck and offer it to the presenter or at least we willing to go over the presentation in detail to ensure its correctness. Sharon to my mind is an ideal academic to the core. She is always engaged in a research project and looking for ways in which research can answer questions useful to the community using a solid approach and research methodology. Sharon can also make wonderful treats and always took it upon herself to bring same to meetings to make them run more smoothly!" - Richard Neuman

"Sharon and I have been on several projects over the years, starting with the Children's Centre, the Non-Reading Book Club, the Terra Nova Grannies (SLF), the Safe Harbour sponsoring group of a Syrian Refugee Family and others. In all projects, Sharon is a valued, supportive, well - organized, hard-working friend who is very committed to doing everything right. As a friend, Sharon is also a very useful person to know. Her knowledge as an epidemiologist is always very helpful to her friends and we consult her when we know we have to undergo some medical procedure as she always has the latest research statistics, or knows where to get the information. She has accompanied some of us to tricky medical appointments to ensure the information given is understood by the friend she accompanies. In spite of always being very busy she always makes time to help a friend in need." - Kay Matthews (excerpted from a much longer tribute!)

"I regret that I won't be able to attend, but I send my sincere congratulations and my love. Please tell her I am so very proud of her accomplishments, and I hope to see her in Illinois in the fall." - Wilma Heckenkamp

"Dick and I want to send best wishes to you in celebration of your 80th birthday. It would be fun to be there to help you celebrate but we are on vacation in the Bahamas now. The last time we saw one another was July 9, 2005, when you and Dick surprised us with a visit. Congratulations for having a scholarship named in your honor. You have given so much to the university and your studies during the last 30 years. I am sure you have touched many lives. Enjoy your special day and know that we will be thinking of you." - Linda Cully

Long blog! Long life - long list of family, friends, and accomplishments. Still busy with all the academic activities mentioned above, PLUS the book club where they watch the movies instead, the St John's Choir, the Saturday morning coffee group, the monthly Churchill Square coffee group, the memoir writing group, the Terra Nova Grannies (supporting African grandmothers caring for their orphaned grandchildren), the Saturday walking group, swimming, yearly reunions with her high school friends, multiple visits to Toronto, and a bit of international travel on the side (this year: London, England). How does she do it all? I couldn't tell you. But I guess it's no wonder that her house isn't quite as clean as mine.

Sharon at the National Cathedral, 2015

Party pictures mostly from Uncle Don Nortrup, others (and St. John's pics) from Sara; National Cathedral pic from cousin Megan Nortrup; the rest from the extensive Kelly/Buehler family photo archives.  This version of history (c) Kelly Buehler, Wonderful Child #1.

My Ever-Fixed Mark

Today we celebrate 30 years together. I think that's worth making a stink about.  With a little help from our friend Bill.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments.

Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
 














O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;

















It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.























Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;















Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.























If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no [one] ever loved.

50 Years of LittleOrangeLibrarian-ness!

A long time ago, in a midwestern town far far away, a librarian was born. She was indeed very little, but by all accounts, she wasn't orange.

Kelly and her Dad, Bloomington, IN

I think she was pretty much universally adored in the midwest.

Kelly and Grammie Kelly blowing bubbles in Jacksonville, IL.

But luckily, she ended up in Newfoundland.

With cousin Erin, possibly in Eastport. Photo by Unca Donald.

Where I met her. And pretty much adored her from the moment I laid eyes on her.  You might notice a certain theme ("adoration") in the photos below.

Pride day, Toronto, early 90s.

Her 40th birthday, 2004.

Our 25th Anniversary, 2011

She's probably the most organized person I know. Sometimes that's infuriating, but mostly it's Very Helpful. She can also do light electrical repairs (I stand next to her and shake) and build things, like garden boxes.

She makes biscuits and pies to rival my mother's, and muffins to rival Aunt Daisy's. I know that may sound like qualified praise, but I'm not sure I could give a greater culinary compliment.

She introduced me to a musical world I barely knew existed, from Slim Gaillard and Billy Holiday to the Oxford Book of Carols and the Bach Cantatas. And you'll always find me in the balcony, transfixed, and often moved to tears, when she's part of a performance.

Concentrating in concert.

She let me introduce her to birding. Smart move. My game went waaaay up. And we found another one of those things that we just love to do together. Things that are basically excellent anyway -- like historical roadtrips with frequent stops for barbeque, bourbon, and bluegrass, or extended days in endless museums -- but so much better with each other.

She makes me coffee --delicious coffee-- every morning, and she makes me laugh more than I thought possible.

Bagpipes in the study. Just because.

And she is, quite frankly, the most beautiful person I know.

I look around at all the wonderful people I know who don't have someone to love, or who aren't loved as truly and honestly as they deserve to be, and I know how fortunate I am.

Happy 50th birthday, Kelly. I can't imagine what my life would be without you.

And from the look on your face, neither can you!