Change....

Change.  It's such a strange word.  So many different meanings. Different contexts...Let's just say I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I started loosing a good friend a few months back to change.  He changed. Our relationship changed. The way we communicated changed. Our level of confiding and trusting each other changed. Part of me had been questioning why he'd changed so much? How could he become this person? What inside of him caused this? What changed his mind about what he wanted? How could he not see that he was the reason our relationship had changed? I was blaming everything that went wrong on him. His changes. Though, his changing his mind to get back with and marry an ex ultimately forever forced a giant change in our relationship...I was blaming everything on him.  I was mad at him for changing....But then tonight it hit me.  People change. "People" includes me.

I think back of who I was 5 years ago when I initially finished school.  A giant change. I was an adult with an actual career.  Not just a job, but a career. I was a working adult. I suddenly didn't have to juggle school and work. Though the process took 4.5 years, In a instant my life was changed. 10 years ago I was shy and reserved. Now I've learned to break out of that box (when I want to).  A year ago, I took little more than an Ibuprofen if I had a headache...Now I'm one of those people that carries around a list of medications in the wallet in fear they might forget one of the many.  I've had so many different ideas of how to change my life to be a better person. Funny thing though.  I never did change into that person.  I changed into the person I was meant to be. I changed things in my life that needed changing at the time. Accepted those things that were simply meant to be. The Lord changed my opinions of my life. Circumstances changed, people changed, I changed, opinions changed.  Changed my mind of who I was really meant to be.

Change is amazing.  Change is the opportunity for a new start.  Change can be devastating  or change can bring ultimate happiness. Change will be a powerful force in our lives forever.We will choose to change, and life will force us to change.  Change can happen in a moment, or change can happen over time. We never know when change will come. Sometimes we can't control the changes we must make in life. Change will bring anxiety, but we can't mistake that anxiety for unhappiness nor that unhappiness for a wrong decision. I was talking to a patient just a bit ago who was explaining that what she felt like doing with her life (now that her kids were growing) was such a big change than from what she had planned so many years ago. But these changes though difficult, these changes had made her a better person. Without life experiences, her mind never would have changed. Her possibilities wouldn't have changed.  As humans we require change. So it's true.  Timing is a major component of change...We all change at different times for different reasons. We ALL change, and WE includes me....Embrace the change.

Little Lowly

So.  I'm not exactly sure why I've held on to this little guy for a year without really sharing it, and I don't know why I felt prompted last night to put it here on the blog.  Maybe, it's the Christmas season. Maybe it's all the events that are going on in the world. Maybe, just maybe it's time that it is shared with more than my closest circle. As I said before, I don't profess to be some great writer. My words are not complex, but simple and heartfelt. So here it is. A little piece of my heart.  Put out their for display, criticism, and review.  Just a tiny portion of my Testimony of Our Loving Savior, Jesus Christ...

Little lowly, the Great I Am

Little lowly, little Lamb

Son of God and Son of Man

Little lowly, little Lamb

Sent to Earth, the Great I Am

Little Lowly, little light

Born in a manger under stars so bright

Little lowly, little light

Come to teach of Love’s pure might

Little lowly, heavenly kin

Come to save the world from sin

Little lowly, heavenly kin

Only few would let him in

Savior Holy, Savior King

Thy humble birth the angels sing

Savior Holy, Savior King

Hope, Love, Peace doest though bring

Savior Holy, Savior Man

Working miracles throughout the land

Savior Holy, Savior Man

My tempests cease by thy command

Savior Holy, Holy Peace

Thy tender mercies never cease

Savior Holy, Holy Peace

Thy Atonement, sins true release

King of Heaven, King of Might

Send thy spirit. Hear my plight

King of Heaven, King of Might

Heal this heart, softened and contrite

Little lowly, little lamb

God of love, the Great I AM

(C) Jodie Stanworth 2012

Here goes nothing.....

It's no secret that I love to bake.  I LOVE to bake. But it becomes a little difficult when I can't exactly eat my beautiful creations.  Last night I baked various types of deliciousness for a baby shower for 3 of the girls here at work.  My realization while baking all these goodies? I miss baking things I could eat.  I miss "licking the beaters." Before I would cheat.  Before it didn't really matter as long as it was a little at at time. Cheating is not as pleasant as it used to be. In the past when I do bake something that is gluten-free friendly, it's been out of a box. I don't do it very often because it is expensive. However....I think It's time that I break out of my phobia of Gluten-free baking.  I have spent the last hour here researching GF flour blends. What people like, what they don't. Ratios. Starches vs. Flours. Nut Flours vs. Grain flours. My head is kinda spinning with information right now though.....It all boils down to the fact that it's time to start experimenting!! So here goes nothing. Maybe in time, I will begin to enjoy it.

Moments....

There's  a line from the movie The Vow. "Life is all about moments of impact...And how they change our lives forever."  I've thought about this line a lot over the last few days.  It's odd,  these moments of impact. They come. Despite our efforts to try and change or avoid them. They come.  But, these moments shape our lives. They teach us, weaken us, build us back up, forever working in us a greater change if we let them....And as hard as they can be, without these unsuspecting collisions of life, the moments that impact our lives forever, would life be worth it?

It's been just over a week since one of these said moments of impact came crashing into my life.  And all week It's had me thinking.  Last Sunday, Mom had a mild heart attack.  It seemed to come out of the blue. Of all the people in the family to have heart trouble, I never suspected Mom.  I wanted to drop everything and go. But I couldn't. Instead I sat and waited for updates. Updates and answers.  Heart Cath, CT scans, Ultrasounds, blood tests... No strictures, No occlusions, No clots....No indications of cause. Enzyme levels continued to rise. That night, my brain caught up to me.  Was this her time? How was this going to impact my life? She was just here in town the night before? It's mom! She's just supposed to be there cause she's always been there. I have too much in my life that still needs to happen. Too much that I need her beside me for....

In this moment of impact, there was comfort.  Comfort from the one true comforter. Comfort that can only come through the enabling power of the Atonement.  Comfort that is possible because of my Savior. Comfort that came from the silent pleading of my heart.....Yesterday, during Testimony meeting I had a realization. In part of something my Stake President said.  When we live the Gospel, the Gospel lives in us.  This was the case for me.  I have seen this week the direct blessings that come from living the Gospel of Jesus Christ EVERYDAY. I have seen the direct result of turning to the scriptures and receiving direct answers. I have felt the comfort of the Holy Ghost, even without asking. Companionship that comes through obedience.  I'm not perfect.  I'm flawed in so many ways. But because of the choices I have made in my life. Primarily the choice to live the Gospel the best I could and allow the Atonement to work within me, I have been blessed.

Mom's doing good.  Turns out it was rare result of inflammation targeting the heart muscle.  For now,  she's here.  I think this moment of impact wasn't a lesson she needed to learn.  This moment of impact was for the rest of the family. To bring us closer together. To remind us of what is truly important in life.  To remind us that we need the Gospel Everyday. To remind us how life can change in an instant.

"The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples, effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you've never thought [you'd find] them."