WHAT’S YOUR RASHI- PART-3

In the last post, girls broke off the engagement. Now let’s see how our boys of the zodiac are going to react to this. Let’s suppose they have come to know that they have been dumped.

1. Aries: haha! As if I bother!!
2. Taurus: (After hearing all the things patiently): Its ok, I am fine with this decision. I don’t want a partner who is like a baggage on me.
3. Gemini: What! You are breaking off the engagement? You know only strong girls can do that. No girl can live in a suffocating relationship. I hate such relationships as well... You were so nice, I enjoyed with you. You must be a strong girl. Emotions have their place in relationship, you are too emotional to take right decisions, and I feel emotional girls are not strong and …………so.........and........
4. Cancer: What?? I am devastated. Please do not leave my lady; I just cannot take broken relations. Please do not make my nightmares come true. But finally, if you should, then I also know how to live without you.
5. Leo: Letting go a man like me proves that you are a certified lunatic…and by the way, I always wanted to tell one thing that even my maid has a better style sense than you girl...In fact you never ever deserved me, get lost!Grrrr..
6. Virgo: Yes, madam, I also noticed various things like you were staring blankly out of the window when my aunt was giving you tips on better knitting, I heard you did not flush when you used the restaurant loo, you also did not wash your hand after touching the escalator railing and you also took the compliment given by my cousin on your dress very lightly. Thanks a lot for letting me off your clutches.
7. Libra: Hmmm…Hmmm...Now what is the exact problem and what is the exact root of this decision. See, exact root can make you take a few other decisions as well like you may delay, you may set some particular terms and conditions but I can see you have cancelled. If the cause and effect are the same, then a peculiar habit of mine may be the reason. See, I think…….. And I think… and I think……… (The poor girl says yes to avoid argument!).
8. Scorpio: OK lady (Thinking: How dare you, you  dumb ass, can’t you feel the heat of  my intense passion for you? Now I’ll teach you a lesson or two for sure, and then you will think a thousand times before hurting any one again like this... wait and watch girl, just wait and watch….).
9. Sagittarius: Yaar, that’s what I was saying, why don’t you lose some weight and why don’t you wax your upper lip? I mean it’s good we are not getting married; after all I am not gay! hahaha! Btw my ex was saying that you need a new haircut also!
10. Capricorn: No. I need a concrete reason, won’t leave till you give me one. It is your life; do whatever you wish, I do not have time for your silly girly crap. All I want is a that basic reason in one line and without tears. You have five minutes.
11. Aquarius: Accha! So should I say yes to my scout friends for that trekking trip? Actually I was getting delayed due to this engagement ceremony... would you like to join us?
12. Pisces: That’s because we are not made for each other. Our ‘spiritual-energy-karmic-yin-yan-love connect’ might be weak; it surely is as I saw and felt it deeply in my dream. Anyways watz up sister :)

(Image courtesy: www.theselfishgene.com) 

Watz Your Rashi - Part 2

Let us assume a girl has to reject a suitor she has been going around for months, may be. Here is how the girls of the zodiac will behave:

(To be taken with a pinch of salt!)

1. Aries: Yaar, I think we are incompatible so I am leaving you- bye.

2. Taurus: I think you are an aggressive person and my patience is coming to an end; before it results in a deadly explosion, please leave.

3. Gemini: Am I leaving you? Who told you that? You think so? You know I had heard compatibility is an essential quality for marriage. When we went to that club yesterday, it was so much fun. I think it is going to rain tomorrow. There are so many men who hate rains you know, but I love them. I want to marry someone who loves traveling, that’s what! I want such a man yaar! Oh yes, btw I think I am leaving you. You are so sweet, how can a girl let a sweetie pie like you slip off her hands, you know………………… (The guy is still waiting at the altar, still unsure if she will come or not!)

4. Cancer: You were smiling when I was crying?? You did not give me enough sympathy. How could you kick that stray pup? And how can you not smile back at that beggar child? You steel robot. Leave please (crying), please leave I want to marry a kind gentle man and not some insensitive demon.

5. Leo: You are not worth marrying a girl like me. Go and look at your face but dare not show that damn thing to me again... now get lost....Grrr..



6. Virgo: That day when we were sitting in that restaurant, I noticed you licked your little finger while having pizza. That day when we were watching movie, I noticed a white strand on your head! The day we were at the grocery store I saw you did not check the expiry date while buying the packet of chips. I also noticed you were throwing a glance at the lady behind the counter, I also noticed…… after all the analysis, my choice has changed, I am really sorry. Did not mean to hurt you.

7. Libra: hmmm…hmmm... I think marriage is something that is a union of minds, right! Now we are two dignified individuals and we both are educated too. I do not mean to say I am better looking than you but even that part requires a balance too. There can be n number of reasons to break the marriage like incompatibility that can be emotional or cultural or financial. There are other reasons as well like past affair. I do not care but…………………can you please tell me where I was? Yes, incompatibility... I think you get the point dear; you are really a very good friend of mine. But…..

8. Scorpio: I think you are not up to my standard, so? That’s your problem not mine and loss is also yours boy. Leave.

9. Sagittarius: Yaar, I like men who are manly, no don’t mean you are girly but I mean I want more manly, you are so cute and sweet, yaar honestly I don’t want competition ..Ha-ha! Should I explain more??

10. Capricorn: I got to know from my trusted sources that the house you are living in belongs to your father. Also, that watch you gifted me last week was available on sale on xyz store. You also did not tell me that xyz percent of your salary is deducted for a car loan you took last year. Now how can I marry you? I don’t want to argue. Thanks a lot sir, it was nice with you but that’s my life, simply can’t take chances!

11. Aquarius: Why don’t you marry my friend, she has long hair and is an excellent cook!

12. Pisces: There is something about sea shores, that day I saw a dream where a man was calling me to the sea shores. Do you believe in treasures? I think that was not a dream but a prediction. I am leaving for my destiny’s call so can’t marry!

And how the boys of the zodiac are going to react to this??

Coming in the next post!

Whatz ur rashi??

Well this is one discussion I am always all ears to. And yes, I always wanted to write on this- the zodiac signs. I agree that there is no second opinion in crowning late Linda Goodman as the queen of the zodiac analysis, but here’s my analysis of the zodiacs.

In my class, there were students of all the zodiac signs. And they actually reacted differently to the same thing and same command of the HOD…here’s what our ex- HOD Mr. Sharma typically sounded like:

“Your minor project is complete crap, be ashamed of yourself and no second thoughts on a re-do. And I know it’s copied. hai naa? Are u getting my point???”

These were his fav lines. And that’s how my friends reacted …

1. Aries: really! Sir you are a genius!! BUT its NOT copied ok ( laughs out loud after coming out).

2. Taurus: sir it’s not copied and I spent 5 nights into making this draft, and u’ll have to read it at least once before saying all these words publicly.

3. Gemini: what!! No sir it’s not a crap!! How can u say so, have u read it. it might look like one but sir I am..yups I am sure its not a crap sir.. XYZ told me to do the formatting this way and ABC told me to do the margins this way, that means all of us have written crap..is it?? My god! Then I must tell the class hai na? No no…Lemme read it once again; no sir have u read it. It’s definitely not copied, just the idea is ‘inspired’…and ..and…(and the HOD faints)

4. Cancer : (Starts crying). Sir you are partial…

5. Leo: what!! You moron, who has given u this post!

6. Virgo: (Almost crying) Where exactly is the mistake. I have actually worked tirelessly sir. Please consider.

7. Libra: hmm hmm (after much thinking)...Sir u say you mean it’s a crap because the idea is copied or because the content is bad. If the idea is copied then there is no point because there can be n number of researches on the same topic, and if the content is bad then we have taken what was given in the books.And if and if…but what is your point exactly? Is it… (HOD goes nuts)

8. Scorpio: Okk, I’ll change it ( he heh! We all knew they’ll never do it!)

9. Sagittarius: hahahaah! So it’s a crap, hain! Its not oldie, and what makes u think I’ll change it! Yo baby!!

10. Capricorn: No sir , its not copied. Kindly spot the mistakes. I do not deserve a thoughtless redo, I know I do not.

11. Aquarius: haha! If u know the answer why asking the question???

12. Pieces... They stay quiet and just nod. Come out, sip tea and say “oye! nayi movie kaunsi lagi hai??”