Dog Cookies and People Cookies

When I reached up to get a dog cookie from the bag on the top of the fridge, I was not expecting said bag to be empty. I haven't given treats for peepees in awhile, since both dogs tend to fixate on the treats and not actually go to the bathroom. So when I did find that there were no cookies in the bag, my first thought went to Alex. Is he using them to secretly trick the dogs into liking him better? Then I thought, oh, they are sitting on an open box of trash bags. Maybe last time I took one, I didn't close the bag all the way, and they tumbled out into the box...

Alas, that is when I stood on my tippy toes to check the box, and came across the unfortunate view of mouse poop. Lots of it. Allllll on top of the garage fridge.

I think we all know where the cookies went now, don't we?

When I called my dad to shriek about the whole situation (Alex is working and didn't answer his cell), he gave me several options, as follows:

1. Sticky pads... but then you might have to deal with finding a live one stuck to it.
2. Trap... with the same drawback as above, unless you get a humane trap, in which case you have to find a place to let the mouse go where it won't just return to your house.
3. Poison... which "eats them from the inside out," (ugh) causing them to look for water, which will be outside, which will mean they are not in your house.
4. Keep putting food in the garage. This will not get them out of the garage, but it will keep them out of your house, since they won't need to search for food elsewhere.

He then continued to run through a number of scenarios in which: the baby mouse was able to return to the nest (that he imagines to be under my deck) toting an entire Milk Bone and filled with pride; the father mouse carries back one under each arm, which is difficult, but he has responsibilities to provide for his family, so he trudges along; one thousand mice make a sort of assembly line from under my deck to the top of my fridge, passing along one at a time until the entire bag is empty.

I am dreading the whole capturing process, because Alex is a Girly Man, and it is almost certain that he will refuse to take care of any kind of creature, dead or alive. You may not believe me (though I imagine if you know Alex, you will), but he actually makes me kill the bugs and empty fuzzy leftovers into the garbage desposal. I assure you that dealing with the mice will be the same.

*****

Not that you want to read about mice and then read about cookies, so sorry about this. You can come back later to read this part if you want.

When I laid eyes on this recipe for Crispy Salted Oatmeal White Chocolate Cookies, I knew I'd have to make them. However, the recipe calls for flaked sea salt. This is not easy to find. I have found fine, crystallized sea salt. I have found flavored sea salt. I have found sea salt grinders. I have not been able to find it flaked, except online. And if you think $8-10 + shipping is a lot for salt, when you will only use two to three flakes per cookie, I would tend to agree with you.

A Crispy (Unsalted) Oatmeal White Chocolate Cookie sounds delicious, too. So, I decided to go ahead and make them anyway, sans flaked sea salt. (Are you tired of me saying, "sea salt," yet? Sea salt. SEA SALT! SEASALTSEASALTSEASALT!!!!!)

Anyway, they aren't that good. Kind of plain, honestly. And I don't know that the FSS (you're welcome) would have saved them. I mean, the people on that site raved about these cookies, so maybe it would have... Maybe that was just what these cookies needed to pull them out of Blahland and into MmMmMM!land. But now that I've had them this way, it's out of my system, and I'm not so anxious to try it again.

Work, Cook, Sit

It's been a little over a week since my last post, and honestly, I don't have much to talk about.

...

I'm still loving my new job. I still have a long way to go until I'm entirely comfortable with what I'm doing, but I'm enjoying the learning process, and the work I have to do has been more interesting and fun than tedious.

*****

I haven't cooked anything real in a long while. Sure, I've heated up several things to form a somewhat healthy yet preservative-overloaded meal. Last night was packaged london broil with au jus, pierogies, and broccoli with cheddar sauce. See what I mean? Protein, starch, veggie... but also fat and plenty of hydrogenated whosiwhatits. Ah well. I made up for it tonight by making a version of HG's Famous Bowl, with enough leftovers to afford me two more servings. PLUS, since I made Italian seasoned/broiled chicken instead of the breaded fake chicken, I can make some pasta and sauce and then I will have even MORE meals! Go me!

*****

Walking into home improvement stores immediately puts me in a foul, foul mood. I don't know if it is the smell of wood/tools/mulch or the high, expansive ceilings and loud, echoing announcements, the fact that if you can actually find someone to help you, he never actually knows how to help you, or that I resent the fact that I ever have to go to these stores in the first place because I either want everything to be done already or for it to get done without my involvement. Take your pick, I guess.

Anyway, Alex and I went to such a store this weekend, and we realized that we can probably redo our half-bath downstairs for under $300. This includes a new pedestal sink to replace the nasty, mildewy cabinet/sink combo that is there, tiles to replace the DISGUSTING carpet (why the eff would someone carpet a bathroom?!?!?!), AND a mirror and light fixture! Why haven't we done this already?! We are L-A-Z-Y! We are waiting until next weekend when we'll have the cash (CASH!) to pick everything up, and hopefully my dad will help us out with the plumbing and electrical stuff. The best part: Once the downstairs bathroom doesn't skeeve me out, I will use it way more. Because it has a fan. If you get my... drift.

*****

And while we're talking about home improvements, something needs to be done about our couch situation. When I moved into my apartment, I bought lovely furniture. When Alex and his bozo friends helped move me out of my apartment, they refused to take the legs off the couch, and instead opted to remove the railing from the stairwell instead. The outcome: My couch was punctured by the railing hardware, which they left there, and the upholstery ripped. I don't know how to fix it, and I don't want to pay to have it reupholstered, and it hasn't been much of an issue because we've been using a hand-me-down couch from Alex's boss. It is an issue now because the couch's stench of dog has gotten increasingly worse, even with regular Fabreezes (extra strength, even), and you can smell it from anywhere in the living room. I know it's our own fault-- we should have never even let the dog on the couch. But what's done is done, and now it's where she sleeps. I want to bring in my couch from the garage, but I don't know how to mend the rip (I am scared that just sewing it will rip the fabric more, as it is pulled so tightly), and even if I do manage to come up with a solution (iron-on patch covered by a decorative throw?), I don't know how to keep the new couch from getting doggy smelly. The short version: Our current couch smells, our other, non-smelly couch is ripped, I want a new couch.

*****

I guess for someone with nothing to talk about, I managed just fine.

Recommended: Cold Onions

I happened to catch the show Food Detectives the other night. If you haven't seen it, you aren't missing much. I suppose it is interesting enough-- they address different food myths and tell you the science behind them. I just feel like they made an entire series out of something that could have fit into a one-hour special.

Example: In a recent episode they test the best way to recover from eating something that is too spicy. They try water, soda, beer, bread, and milk. I knew the answer before they even started, and so it didn't surprise me that they saved the milk for last. But that seems to be how every episode goes. Want to know the best way to chop an onion without tearing up? Check out the order of the theories they are going to "test," see which one comes last, and move on with your life.

That said...

I actually sat through the entire onion episode. They tried cutting the onion under water, and a couple other things I don't remember, but the last one... the last one my friends, was to make the onion cold first. They suggested that putting an onion into the fridge about 20 minutes before you need it will significantly cut down the onion chopping cry fest.

I didn't think about it again until tonight. I made a very impressive and healthy (no really, it is!) shepherd's pie. It calls for 2 onions, but I had just one whole onion in the cabinet, and a half-used onion in the fridge. I pulled out the refrigerated onion first and chopped it up without even thinking about it. Then, I took out the onion from the cabinet, and just seconds into chopping, my eyes were burning and tearing and I was wiping my face on my sleeve in an attempt to cut with my eyes open and not forfeit one of my fingers.

And then I remembered that episode of Food Detectives. A-ha! It really works!

I still don't know if I'd sit through an entire episode of the show again, but I would definitely check out all their tests, find out which one comes last... and then do that.

UPDATE: The shepherd's pie was just okay. I wasn't really a fan of the overwhelming thyme flavor. For next time, maybe some grill seasoning or seasoned salt instead? However, the mashed potato/cauliflower topping was delish. It was a nice way to lighten up the mashed potatoes without going full cauliflower mash. I ended up scraping it off the leftovers and saving only that. Heehee.

A Smattering of Things

Hi All! It's been a couple weeks, but the update is pretty simple:

• Another interview
• Still no job
• 3 days down the shore with Mom and the dogs

I don't really want to elaborate on the first two. As for the last one, the time down the shore was okay, except that we've been working on cleaning out the house (it is my grandma's, but she doesn't live there anymore) and she is a pack rat and I have to say that it borders on a sickness. Like there is not much difference between her and the people you see on those crazy pack rat clean house shows, except that all of her mess is shoved into closets and drawers and corners because she likes the rest of the place to look perfect. You would not believe how small the apartment is, and yet how many bags of trash ended up on the curb. How did she fit it all in there?? I'm sure I don't know.

*****

My newest cooking project is poached eggs. This site in my blog feed reminded me of them, and at the time, my friend Alison was visiting for the weekend. We decided to make them the next day. Her method did not match SK's method, but they came out great, just the same. This morning I decided to make them on my own. I tried to do one with the whirlpool, and one without the whirlpool (which is how Al does them). I have to say, maybe my twister wasn't tight enough, but all the spinning water did was send the whites off in shreds around the pot. The whole thing eventually sort of came together, but I think one I just dropped into the almost-simmering pot turned out better. Next I will try the Julia Child method of dropping the still-shelled egg into the water for 10-20 seconds before breaking it into the water. I'll let you know.

*****

Another thing Alison and I did during her visit (what, you didn't think I held her hostage so she could cook for me, did you?) was see the new Batman movie at the IMAX theater. I have to say, the movie was great, I think, but I'm not entirely sure because I spent most of the time massaging the kink out of my neck and struggling to look around and figure out how what was happening on the left side of the screen related to was happening on the right. And behind me. It really was just too big. I don't know how the people in the back row fared-- it's possible that they were at an angle and distance that gave them a full enough view to be able to follow along and feel like they were in the movie, but we were somewhere in the middle. Ass-kicking scenes were especially hard to follow. The best part of the experience (and the reason I remember IMAX being cool) were the Flying-Over-Gotham scenes. A couple times it felt like I was about to fall off the edge of a building, only to glide across the street and through a skyscraper window. That part was pretty cool. I'd like to see it again in a regular theater... or even just in my own living room.

*****

I finally completed Week 1 of Couch-to-5k. It took me two weeks because the first week I did it left me pretty much feeling like I was either going to collapse into a cramped up ball or pass out from hyperventilation. There were only 8 one-minute running intervals during of 25 minutes of movement, but I could only do three of them the first time I went out. The second time I went I did 6, and I was finally able to do all 8 the third time I went. I decided to do a second week because I didn't feel like I was ready to move on.

Last night I made a new playlist on audacity for Week 2 with chimes at the new intervals. I definitely should have listened through it first. The first song sounded okay, but I forgot to adjust the volume of the chime, so I almost missed the first one. Then the second song came on and I don't know how it happened, but it was playing super super fast and so it sounded like I was listening to the Chipmunks. I thought I'd be able to keep going and not let it bother me, but just, No. I ended up walking the whole thing instead, and I was a little frustrated to realize that I got home at approximately the same time I would have if I ran. I suppose once I gain the endurance to actually keep running for distances, I can work on speed.

*****

It poured yesterday from start to finish, and Alex and I decided to celebrate the drink for our much dehydrated lawn by watching movies. All day. Four of them. In a row.

We started with Dan in Real Life. Then 27 Dresses. Then Strange Wilderness. Then Mr. Woodcock. Alex actually likes romantic comedies, especially anything with Hugh Grant really only likes movies with guns and/or fart jokes, but he watches romantic comedies for my sake, because I'm a girl. It was totally his my idea to watch the romantic comedies first, to get them out of the way, of course, and then move on to the stupid ones. For the record, Strange Wilderness was just as awful as you'd expect.

More Boring Jabber About Food

Just about the only time I ever wish I lived in the city (aside from the times when I have to refuse "just one more drink" because I have to drive back to my house rather than stumble down the street) is during the summer when I find a recipe I want to try and can't just walk down to the corner market and pick up the ingredients. There is a grocery store very close to my house, but still, a trip there requires getting into an hellishly hot car, maneuvering around the ill-engineered parking lot, and fighting with the self check-out because No I did NOT place something unauthorized in the bagging area! Whining aside, I tend to do a good deal of quick, "just running in to pick up a few things" trips (which inevitably turn into "ugh, this basket is too heavy; I need to go get a cart"). I have learned that if I am working on a new recipe, I should buy more than the recipe calls for, because sometimes I can't stop cooking something until I get it right.

Remember the quest for the 2nd Best Macaroni & Cheese? I made 4 different recipes until I decided next time I'll use Martha's recipe, but with italian breadcrumbs rather than the bread cubes it calls for, and even then, it won't match my mom's. But you know, I'm only looking for the 2nd best.

Last week I made 3 different batches of Blondies. First made this recipe, which didn't rise at all. Then I made this recipe because it was the same ingredients, with the addition of baking soda and powder. Finally, I made the second recipe again, but instead of melting the butter like both recipes directed, I just let it soften on the counter. I also left them in the oven about 15 minutes past the longer suggested baking times. They came out good, but after all of that I decided I like brownies better, anyway. And really, I'd take a good water ice over either.

This morning, I made my 4th omlette in 3 days. I've been working on it since this post, and I have made a couple discoveries.

• Discovery the First: Although most cooking show hosts tell you to stir the eggs a little when you first put them in the pan (before they start to solidify), I have found that leaving them alone until the bottom cooks keeps the whole thing from sticking to the bottom.
• Discovery the Second: This seems like a no-brainer, but ratio of eggs to pan diameter matters. 2 eggs in my small pan (the one in which I can perfectly scramble 2 eggs) doesn't work because the omlette gets too thick and the inside stays gooky even after I lift the edges and scrape some of the raw egg to the sides. Same for 3 eggs in my 10-inch pan (though this seems to be the recommended ratio). Today I did one egg in my small pan and it was the best one I've made, though I would have liked more.
• Discovery the Third: Also seems obvious, but heat is important. Too low and the thing never cooks, too high and the bottom burns. I have yet to avoid a bottom that is just a little more golden than I'd like, but today's was close.
• Discovery the Fourth: A thin, tri-folded omlette is where it's at. For me, at least. I definitely prefer thin layers to a thick, folded-in-half jobbie.

So there you have it. I am no expert, but making a bunch of the same thing back to back helps me figure out where I'm going wrong and fix it.

Why don't I approach everything this in my life this way??

Scrambled

I drank an entire bottle of wine last night, and though it wasn't too early when I passed out, my eyes sprung open around 6 this morning. I still felt exhausted, but my efforts to fall back asleep did not work. When Alex came down at 9 to leave for work and I complained about this fact, he said something along the lines of, "yeah well, you do have all day."

So I made an omlette. Or rather, I made scrambled eggs with scallions and ricotta cheese. I don't actually make omlettes because I just can't seem to make it work. They stick to the pan, the bottom gets crusty, the inside doesn't cook, and no matter how many Food Network stars I watch, I cannot duplicate. Anyway, I make awsome scrambled eggs.

In other news, Alex and I inadvertantly watched two Abigail Breslin movies in two nights-- No Reservations and then Definitely, Maybe. Both movies were kinda Eh, but you know... I suppose it was to be expected.

Sometimes I wonder if my mailman gets annoyed that there is a Netflix envelope for him to take from my mailbox almost every day. I did call the post office to see if there was a collection box within walking distance to my house, but there isn't! I always imagine him hitting his stride, his bag getting lighter and lighter as he makes all his deliveries, and then he steps up to our house and rolls his eyes when he realizes he has to add something to his bag. I'll leave him something nice around Christmas.

Sales, Scrapping, Flies, Food

Two guys rang my doorbell, and when I opened the door, they claimed not to be selling anything, but why don't I look at this binder that just happens to list all the replacement services they offer? Having fallen into this trap before, and consequently entertaining the gutter guard guy for approximately 2 hours despite all polite and then even direct attempts to get him out of our house, I told these guys no thank you, that we are not ready to do anything yet. And you know what the one guy did? He pointed out the cracks in our front windows! The thing is? I know the cracks are there, and yet, I am STILL telling him no. If the cracks alone were enough to convince me to spend over $30,000 to re-gutter, re-window, and re-side the entire house, I would have done it! This asshole pointing out my home's embarassing cosmetic faults won't do anything but convince me to contract someone else when we do have the money. Jerk.

*****

It's Baaa-aaaack...

Yes, my friends, Scrapbooking is going to make a comeback in my life. I have a bunch of photos sitting on my hard drive. Now, I am hoping that without my ex-job sucking the life out of me, I will be able to revisit the things I used to enjoy. Crafty things. Scrapbooking. Beading. Card-making. Just the thought of it is making the black part of my heart shrink a little and the nerdy part sing B-52s tunes. Rock Lobster, indeed.

*****

There always seems to be a fly in the house. Apparently, flies can live for about 15 days, but I like to think that the lack of shit and garbage sitting around my house (on most days) would shorten their lifespans, and that it's not always the same fly. Plus there are always little fly corpses on the (cracked) window sill.

I don't normally try to kill the flies, because I'm not very good at it. I don't like to smash them against walls because I don't want to clean up their guts, and I really don't have the coordination for the mid-air swat.

Anyway, I was excited to trap a fly earlier when it landed on a candle and I covered the jar with the fly swatter. I walked the little cage over to the door, moved the swatter, and... the fly wouldn't fly! It just kept walking around in circles on the wax. I had to shake the candle several times before eventually turning it upside down and smacking it. It finally disappeared, but when I walked back in, there was a fly chilling on the TV screen. Suspicious, don't you think?

IMPORTANT FLY UPDATE: Just minutes after publishing this post, I heard a buzzing sound on the table next to me. Careful examination of the crime scene left me zooming in high def on a fly chilling inside my bag of Sour Patch Kids. A true flyitarian, I quickly grabbed the top of the bag, crumpled it up so the fly was stuck inside, and ran it to the trashcan. I like to think it's how Mrs. Miagi would have done it.

*****

And just what you want to read about following flies...

Tonight's Delicious Dinner: Cheesy Garlicky Super Tasty Risotto

2 cans low fat, low sodium chicken broth
2 tsp. jarred minced garlic (I suppose you could use fresh, but I am lazy)
1 cup arborio rice
chives
dried parsley (fresh would have been better, but I have none)
a couple handfulls of mozzarella cheese (I would have liked to add some grated parm, too, but am out)
kernels from 2 ears of leftover grilled corn (or you could use frozen)
S & P

*Note: I did not cook this the way you are supposed to cook risotto, and it still came out great. So there.

Pour broth into skillet and heat until steamy. Add garlic and cook about 1 minute. Add rice and corn. Cook uncovered for 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Turn off heat. Add cheese and parsley. Use kitchen shears to snip chives over the skillet. Stir it all together until the cheese melts in and it looks all creamy and delish. Salt and pepper to taste. If you are feeling daring, add a few tablespoons of butter to finish it off. I did.

Productive

This weekend was a mishmash of drama and extreme laziness and actual construct...ivity(?) and luckily it was busy enough to, for a few moments anyway, take my mind off the hemorrhoid that is My Job.

The drama part began with a phone call at 6 a.m. on Saturday from my brother. He had been in a car accident on the way back from Atlantic City. His friend had fallen asleep at the wheel, the car was totaled, and because of where my brother was sitting, he endured the brunt of the crash. Thank goodness that only added up to 3 staples in his head, some whiplash, and a bunch of cuts and bruises, because from the sound of things, it could have been waaaaay worse.

So I drove the hour from my house to a hospital near AC (they hadn't made it very far) and played the part of the Good Sister, promising not to tell Mom and Dad before he did, and then screaming at him for spending 6 safe months in Iraq-- a war zone, and then coming back to New Jersey and almost killing himself. Idiot.

P.S. The most entertaining part of this whole thing was when his roommate, D, had to push their female friend, A, unscathed, sporting a hospital gown and disconnecting false eyelashes, out of the hospital in a wheelchair because she was still too drunk to walk.

When I finally returned home, 4 hours later, I slept for another 2 hours and then went to my parents' house so my mom could help me with my resume. I scored a free Omaha Steaks cheeseburger and made my way to Kelly's, where Coconut had a chance to play with her new puppy. It made me reconsider a second dog, because she had so much fun, got out so much energy, and I didn't really have to be a part of it. Then again, I would have to be a part of buying twice as much dog food, giving twice as many baths, and cleaning up twice as many "accidents." So the jury is still out on that one.

On Sunday, Alex and I worked more on the garage. This seems to be a never-ending project, as we have spend many Sundays out there, and still do not have a beautiful, HGTV worthy organized storage space. Perhaps the biggest accomplishment of the day was when we brought our bags and bags and bags (I'm not exaggerating-- there were about 20) of old clothing to the clothing drop dumpsters in the grocery store parking lot.

Ethical Question for Y'all: If you are absolutely too lazy/busy/saddled down with the loads of laundry containing clothes you are currently wearing, do you:
A. Donate bags of dirty clothes, unsensored for worn underwear, in the hopes that someone else might decide to wash them and some less fortunate people will be able to purchase your expensive, designer-but-too-small-clothing?
B. Throw everything away because otherwise someone would have to dig through your clothes, and will inevitably touch a pair of your dirty underwear, and that's just unsanitary?

Alex insisted on A. I want to state for the record that my bags of clothes were clean and contained not a pair of underwear, dirty or otherwise.

After the donation, we went grocery shopping, and I purchased the ingredients for The Last Macaroni and Cheese I am Attempting, I Swear. If this doesn't work, I am spending the rest of my life with Kraft and Mom's (when she makes it and I happen to be around).

Stay tuned-- I'll let you know how it goes.

Not So Easy Mac

Tonight I continued my quest for the Second Best Baked Macaroni and Cheese by making Alton Brown's recipe. So far, it has been the best that I've tried, but still not quite what I'm looking for. To be fair, I didn't have all of the ingredients. I didn't have the powdered mustard, so I used a mixture of yellow and dijon. I didn't have paprika, so I used a seasoning salt mixture that had paprika in it. I didn't have panko bread crumbs, so I used Italian. Also, I had a little issue tempering the egg, in that I don't think I did it right; after I stirred the cheese into the sauce, I discovered skinny little ribbons of cooked egg throughout. This could have caused the lack of creaminess that I have been searching for.

I think I will try this recipe again, but with all the correct ingredients, and maaaaybe I will strain out the onions before I add the cheese, as I wasn't the fan of their texture in the final product.

Birds and Macaroni

Birds seem to be a recurring theme in my life, and I think that's because I don't like them. Most recently, my dad noticed that a goldfinch kept flying in and out of an empty pitcher-shaped planter in the back yard. Upon discovering that a nest had been built inside, he convinced me, against my better judgement, to look. I expressed my concerns about the bird being inside, and he told me, and I quote, "It's not in there-- I just looked in there and I didn't see it."

So I, too, looked in the planter. I saw the nest. I did not see the bird...

I heard it first: the deafening WOOSH! WOOSH! WOOSH!!! of its wings, and the ca-CAW! ca-CAW! ca-CAW!!! as it seemed to be saying, "I'll peck your eyes out, bitch! That'll teach YOU to look in my house!!"

So what if my dad claims that it made no noises whatsoever as it flew out, in the direction of the sky, not my eyes? I know what I heard, damn it!

*****

My mom has always made the most delish baked macaroni and cheese, and though I have watched/helped her many times, and she has talked me through it on the phone, and written it down for me, well, it never comes out quite right for me. I have thus began the Great Search for the Second Most Delicious Macaroni and Cheese.

So far I have tried:

• this recipe by Giada. Outcome: Meh. Fontina cheese was way expensive, so I ended up subbing sharp cheddar, and maybe that's why it was only Okay. Alex thought it tasted more like an alfredo than a mac and cheese. Two days later, she made the recipe on her show, and he drooled over how delicious it looked, not realizing it was the same one I had already made. Me: That's the one I just made. Him: Yeah, but hers looks GOOD.
• this recipe by Paula Deen. Outcome: Also meh. It tasted okay, but the eggs gave it a funny texture. It wasn't firm enough to be quichy, but it wasn't creamy enough to be a mac and cheese, either.

Do you have an amazing m&c recipe? A secret ingredient? A special technique? Please share!

*****

Kid-Bit

I took my class to the circus last week. Aside from being more fascinated by things like, "why are there so many black and brown people here?" than the actual circus, and aside from a couple of them not even having an attention span long enough to watch 20 things going on at once and changing themes every 4 minutes, it went pretty well.

Quote of the day:

ChowDownKid: Oooohhh! A HORSE!!!

Me: ChowDownKid, that's an elephant.

CDK: ... a real one?

Spring Break: Not the Typical Drunken Fiasco

I have wasted most of my spring break laying around watching things OnDemand because the shows that I usually watch are either in reruns or I'm all caught up. Celebrity Fit Club and John Adams are the two most recent additions to my List of Shame. Well, actually, I will put John on a different list, because that's not so shameful... but the fact that I have added any more "Celebreality" to my repertoire is frightening.

*****

Also today, I decided to take care of me. I've been looking atrocious, and so I decided to get my overgrown brows, chewed down fingernubs, and leather-bottomed feet taken care of. Let me tell you: Never underestimate the power of vanity to make such an improvement in the way you feel. My brows are now nice and tame, which somehow makes the huge zit on my cheek less obvious; my feet are nice and smooth (and if it were just slightly warmer out, I'd bust out my Box o' Flops, which I've been eyeballing every day since the First Day of Spring), and my toe and fingernails match in a bright, lovely shade of Tropical Punch. If only I hadn't spent all my money on this endeavor, I would treat myself to a night on the town.

*****

Alex has been bringing his lunch and dinner to work with him, and since I admire his money-saving attempts, I have been trying to cook real dinners more often so that he can bring the leftovers the following day. And by "trying," I mean I have done it once so far.

What kind of easy things do you cook that would reheat well the next day?

Cooking and Dog Stuff

It's no secret that I'm not the best chef. What's really frustrating about it is the fact that I almost always follow a recipe, and things still don't come out great. Sometimes I try to make things without recipes, but that almost always turns out disasterous. But I'm proud of the dinner I made myself tonight. Alex isn't home, so I decided to cook some shrimp. Easy as pie, and totally yummy. Behold:

1/4 lb. linguini

1/2 lb. shrimp

S & P to taste

flour (I used Wegman's Pan Searing Flour- it's just flour with sea salt and white pepper)

oil (I used Wegman's Basting Oil-- it has garlic, thyme, and parsley in it)

1 chopped shallot

minced garlic

a little butter

a little cream

Salt and pepper the shrimp. Toss in flour. Heat oil in pan. Sear shrimp on both sides; remove from pan. Add shallot and garlic, and cook until soft. Add butter and cream. Bring to a simmer for a few minutes. Pour over shrimp and linguini, and mix it all up. Sprinkle with grated parm.

The whole thing probably would have been totally bland if not for the preseasoned oil and flour, but I'll take the help where I can get it. Just knowing what spices to add to what dishes seems to be most of my problem.

Who knows? Maybe this shitty job situation will make me a really good cook! MAYBE I will decide to ditch teaching all together and go to culinary school! Or MAYBE I will still eat more ramen noodles or boxed macaroni and cheese than anything else.

*****

Coconut seems to have developed an obsession with the computer cursor. As I sit here writing this, here is what she is doing:

If I shift my body, she walks around me to the other side. If I sit so the computer screen is facing away from her, she peeks her head around the side. She is relentless, and it drives me crazy! I can't even get away from it if I sit with the computer at the desk, because she jumps up the side of my leg.

At least she doesn't beg for food...

What's Cooking

I don't like the first entry you see on my blog on a Monday morning to be all depressing. So I'm adding another, more upbeat entry. Look below for the depressing entry, because you won't find it up here, nosiree!

Because I've been stressed lately, and because there are a ton of things for me to procrastinate, I have been cooking. And no, not my usual bowl of ramen noodles, Lean Cuisine, or cheese quesadilla-- real food!

On Tuesday, I made chili. I searched the internets for a good recipe, and I found one that proved to be so good that Alex actually ate firsts, seconds, AND took the leftovers to work the next day!! This has never happened before in our entire year and a half together. Usually I cook something, he says it's good, and then when he's finished his first helping, he searches around the kitchen for something else to eat. Occasionally, he'll eat a second helping. Never does he eat leftovers.

He loved this chili so, that he even passed it off as his own creation to his coworkers. *Screetching halt noise* Yes. He made his coworkers try it, and then he said HE made it. I have not yet figured out an appropriate punishment for this, and so a shocked, "WHAT?! You're a jerk," is about all he got. I am letting it go because he liked it enough to pretend he made it, and so I guess that's a compliment.

Amazingly, I had two successful cooking experiences in one week. I also made a chicken pot pie from scratch. There was only one slight fumble along the way: I misjudged how shallow the pie plate was, and so when I poured the gravy over the filling, it overflowed everywhere. Next time I'll just mix up the filling with the gravy and spoon it all in at once. And let's look back at the words, "next time," because again, TheJerkBoy liked it enough for me to make it again!

Success!

Sunday Sunday

I normally wake up around 8 on Sundays, which is more than two hours later than I wake on a workday. I probably could fall back asleep, but then I start feeling guilty that Coconut is in her crate. After all, I got up three times during the night to use the bathroom, and she has been stuck in there with a full bladder for 8 hours. Poor puppy.

Once I'm up, I start craving coffee. It's rare that I finish a cup before it gets cold, but still. I need it. Within the half hour, my stomach starts to feel too empty, and I scour the cabinets. Usually I try to grab something easy. Alex likes cooking me breakfast, and so I just need something to hold me over until he wakes up around 11.

This is why some Sundays I eat two breakfasts.

Breakfast 1: cereal, or a muffin, or a couple cookies... This morning I got fancy and opened a package of breadstick dough, brushed it with melted butter, and sprinkled it with cinnamon-sugar. While the sticks were in the oven, I made a cream cheese glaze. I was motivated this morning.

Breakfast 2: Like I said, Alex likes to cook me breakfast. I'd be satisfied with an egg on a slice of toast, but the boy likes to eat. Cheese omlette, bacon, hash browns... if we have pancake mix, he'll probably wrap the whole thing up and then throw a blob of cream cheese on the top. Sounds nasty, but I have to admit it is pretty damn good. Definitely a Fat Man's Delight, but delicious.

Have I mentioned that since we started dating, the two of us have collectively gained, oh, I'd say about 60 pounds? Not a surprise.

Morning Mutterings

In a strange moment of morning fogginess, I decided that I would smell the mint in my spice rack. You know-- to see if it really smelled like mint. When I opened the container, a couple specks fell into my coffee. They were tiny, and I dunno, I am lazy, and therefore did not remove them.

People-- have you ever had mint coffee???? It is delicious and refreshing and takes some of the bite away from that nasty teacher-coffee-breath I tend to walk around with all day. I think I have innovated something that could catch on here...

*****

The more toys my dog destroys, the more often she is forced to rediscover old toys that she has been ignoring since 8-week-oldness when I first got her. Her most recent find is a super bouncy ball that used to have a string through it for tugging purposes (she has since chewed it off). She is currently (repeatedly) walking around with it in her mouth, dropping it on the floor, and watching it as it bounces a million tiny bounces across the floor, and then pouncing on it. I imagine her inner voice screaching with delight, "again! again!"

*****

Kid-Bit

OCD kid was in the class bathroom the other day for quite awhile. This is somewhat normal for him, as on top of the fact that he has no issues pooping in there, he has also been caught stripped down to his underwear and wifebeater and flexing in the mirror (p.s. this kid is 8 and scrawny-- more the size of a 6 year old), sitting backward on a urinal in the hall bathroom trying to poop, and watching himself "grow," if you will. Anyway, I kept calling to OCDKid while he was in there, "doin alright in there? I hope you're not playing around!" and he sounded like he was okay. But well, when he eventually came out of the bathroom, he was soaking wet from head to toe, and his hair was all spikey wet with several big foamy blobs in it. When questioned, all he would keep saying was, "I forgot to do it last night. I just remembered, I forgot to do it last night. I put in the shampoo, but I forgot to wash it out last night."

So he attempted to wash it out the next day. In school. In the sink that is about 1 foot from the floor.

La la la...

Once again there is a list of unpublished Draft entries sitting on my Dashboard, but whenever I open them up, I just decide they are too boring to publish and anyway there is some crappy reality show on that I need to watch. But now the State of the Union Address is on and damn it, I need to find some way to distract myself lest I punch a hole through our new plasma.

(I wonder if my little brother is sitting in some rec hall watching from Iraq...)

Anyway, I have discovered a new favorite method of cooking, and that, my friends, is the FOIL PACKET!!! Dude, if you put whatever you want to eat in a foil packet, and stick it in the oven, you can have a real-food-meal in like 30 minutes with virtually NO clean-up! Tonight, I cut up the only vegetable we had in the whole house, a green bell pepper, and threw a pre-marinated chicken breast on top, and the result was mmm-mmm-good.

And in even MORE exciting cooking news (did you even consider that there could be something more exciting than chicken and bell pepper in a foil packet?!?!) I came home on Friday to a brand new KitchenAid mixer on my door step, thankyouverymuch,Grandma! I called to thank her, letting her know it was unnecessary, but much appreciated, and she said, "well, I was shopping online, and when I saw it I thought of you... you mentioned that you didn't have a mixer..." (Alex's reaction: "Hm. Yeah, you know what else we don't have? Surround sound speakers. Just mentioning it...") On Saturday, I made real key lime pie with homemade whipped cream, (By the way: NEVER going back to prepackaged...) and on Sunday, Alex made pancakes. Sure, the pie could have been made with my hand mixer, and the pancakes... well you know, a wire whisk always works, but the mixer is fun and makes me feel like I'm hosting my own show on the food network. It would be called, "Hm... It Looked Better on That Other Show."

*****

Kid-Bit

Appropriately, ChowDownKid has taken to saying "Awwwww SNACK!!!" whenever he thinks someone has been told off.

*****

And for lack of anything else to talk about, photos of the dog. You know you want them.


What? You're not into day-old coffee drippings??


Where is it that Garfield always tries to send Nermal?

Rugel-ugh

I decided to try to bake this rugelach recipe for my grandma, who is in the hospital and whose birthday was yesterday. I bought all the ingredients with full realization that we don't own a KitchenAid mixer, or a food processor or even a hand beater. Pft. Before there was electricity, people didn't make their rugelah with electronic mixers! I thought. Except, well, it turns out it was haaaaard to mix the cream cheese and butter and sugar and flour all into a dough-- especially when the only mixing device I actually own is a rubber spoonula. Also? The rolling out was not so easy, as I have no rolling pin. I tried to use the rod from our paper towel holder, but that just stuck to the dough. I had more success with a drinking glass, though I kept having fear that I was pressing too hard and that the glass was going to crush under the pressure, leaving tiny shards of glass in the dough and my hands. It didn't.

Additional snag, I sort of forgot to read ahead. After I mixed the dough, it had to chill in the fridge for a couple hours. Oh well, I thought. I'll have them in the oven by 10, and they only take 20 minutes to bake. Except after I rolled out the dough and put on the filling and rolled the whole thing up, I got to the part in the recipe where it says, "Chill for another hour." Hm. Well, I guess I can just slice and bake in the morning. That won't be so hard. So here I am this morning, ready to heat up the oven and slice my rugelah and be all Suzie Homemaker (for a change), and then I get to the line in the directions where it says, "lay cookies on parchment paper."

Foiled again.

So now it's about time for me to leave for work, and I have no parchment paper. It turns out I will NOT be baking rugelach this morning, or, for that matter, until I update my baking too supply.

Tasting

I've mentioned my feelings about cooking before. I don't mind doing it, but I don't love it either. This is mostly because of the clean-up factor and because I've never cooked anything that tasted better than something I could get in a restaurant (which has the added bonus of me getting served and not having to do dishes).

Anyway, I'm not a terrible cook, but I always seems to have minor issues along the way. I would like to submit the two most recent to you for further evidence that I should not bother cooking.

Reason the First: I decided to create my own risotto recipe last night. I melted some butter in the pan, added garlic and parsley, and toasted the arborio. Then, I went to add a splash of red wine, except I wasn't expecting the loud sizzle that was created when the wine hit the pan, and so it scared me and I jumped and I spilled a ton of wine into the rice and all over my stovetop. The risotto ended up coming out Just Okay.

Reason the Second: The night before, I hosted a Tastefully Simple party. (Yes, Christine you are right-- I have become total suburban housewife. Whatever. Free stuff.) All the recipes are simple enough, and the Banana Rum Cheese Ball was something easy like, "Add cream cheese to Packet 1. Stir until blended. Chill. Roll into ball. Roll ball into contents of Packet 2." Nothing about it except cutting the block of cream cheese required any measurement or anything! But you see, I made another recipe in the bowl before the Banana Ball, and so after I washed it out, I forgot to dry it, and then when I tried to mix the cream cheese with the flavoring packet, the mix came out all clumpy and gooey, and refrigerating it never really made it harden, and instead of a Banana Rum Cheese Ball, I made a Banana Rum Cheese Blob. It still tasted the same.

See? Minor catastrophes, I suppose, but I would be SO into a personal chef.

*****

There are two guys here setting up Alex's pool table today. I offered them coffee, and one guy asked for black, which is easy, but the other guy asked for "light and sweet," and since I usually use Splenda, not sugar, I wasn't sure how sweet was sweet and how light was light, and so after I made his coffee, I tasted it. I tasted his coffee from the cup I used to serve it in. To the pool table guy. I tasted the pool table guy's coffee right from his cup. And then I gave it to him with my germs on it. I tried not to backwash.

Happy Thankspigging

Our First Thanksgiving in the New House turned out well. I don't know what all the hubbub is about-- it wasn't that hard. I guess a lot of prep and cleaning went into it, but when it came down to the cooking, meh. Perhaps if I went more gourmet and less traditional, it would have been more difficult. Oh and also if I had cooked the turkey myself, if my parents hadn't brought two of the side dishes, and if Alex's mom hadn't brought the desserts.

Like I mentioned, I purchased it pre-cooked from Wegmans (love), but it still needed two hours in the oven to heat up. End result: It tasted like turkey. I'm not a huge turkey fan, and no one else I know is, either. I've had brined turkey, seasoned and herbed turkey, roasted turkey, injected turkey, fragrant turkey... they all kinda just taste like turkey to me. I just think turkey is turkey. And, since my dad was the only one who ate dark meat, and he prefers beef anyway, I decided that next year I will just cook a turkey breast and prime rib. Cheers for new traditions!

*****

I have already had my fill of leftovers, and it's only Day 2 post-TG. Yesterday's Menu featured Italian bread French toast with homemade cranberry sauce topping for breakfast, a leftover sandwich for lunch, and turkey croquets with a mashed potato casserole for dinner. I had a leftover canoli and some brie with crackers for breakfast this morning. I keep thinking I should make a soup or something, but as I hardly cook, I do not have a stocked pantry, and therefore would have to go to the store and buy food to cook leftovers... I dunno... seems to defeat the purpose to me.



*****

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!!!

More pictures of Coconut!


"She don't eat meat, but she sho likes da bone! RUFF!"


Jail Dog


Apparently humans aren't the only ones to enter a Thanksgiving coma...

Sock Soup

Coconut was spayed on Thursday, and you'd never know it based on how she's been running around. Alex's dad and brother were over on Sunday night, and they had her zipping in circles around the yard. I warned Alex that the vet said she shouldn't be running like that, and that she is supposed to be on a leash at all times outside for the next two weeks, but his response was, "Look at her! She feels fine!"

Monday morning, she woke up with a huge knot behind her incision. I called the vet's office last night, and the receptionist told me to put warm compresses on it for 10-minute intervals, and to call back to schedule an appointment if it doesn't go down. Anyway, I tried. I couldn't find any clean washcloths, so I took an old sock, soaked it, dropped it in a pyrex measuring cup, and threw it in the microwave. However, what the receptionist didn't tell me was how to get a 5-1/2 month old terrier to sit still for 10 minutes while attempting to hold a warm compress on her shaved belly. If you have suggestions other than, "hand-feed her treats for the entire 10 minutes," they are welcome.

*****

It's no secret: I don't really cook. Occasionally I will run across a recipe that seems like it might be worth its while, and of those occasions, even fewer result in actual This-Was-Worth-It cooking. Most of my dinners (I eat alone except for about twice a week) are comprised of pasta or boil-in-bag rice and some sort of once-frozen protein (tonight: rice and Archer Farms garlic & herb shrimp), or a long list of unhealthy snack foods that eventually result in me not really being hungry enough to cook a meal (last night: string cheese, orange cranberry muffin, Halloween candy, a couple bites of leftover and probably-not-good-anymore lo mein, Finding Nemo fruit snacks).

My classroom aide is about my mom's age. However, while my mom was growing up in a household with two working parents and either cooking dinner for her family or fending for herself, my aide was growing up in a house with 9 siblings and a mom whose sole purpose was to "make home" for her family. There is definitely nothing wrong with either scenario, but I think the difference just helps to explain why I prefer Easy, and my aide prefers Less Expensive. And also why she still does her 25-year-old son's laundry, but whatever.

That said, she gives me a very hard time about my pre-cooked, pre-prepared (er, I guess the "pre" is already in the "prepared," but you know what I mean) preferences. When I mentioned that I might buy a precooked turkey for thanksgiving, she said, "why doesn't that surprise me?" And then tried to argue with me about how much better home-cooked turkey would be. (To which I responded 1. The side dishes are the main event anyway, and 2. My family ate Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant last year because there were so few of us, so what's the difference?)

I guess my point is, why "slave away in the kitchen?" If you think of it as slaving, then you are not having fun. If you enjoy it, then by all means, go for it (and then invite me over)! But if I want to spend more on precooked bacon because I value my time (time that will not be spent standing in front of a popping, messy skillet, and then having to clean up the greasy mess later) more than my money, whose business is it to judge me?

*****

While reading another blog, I was pointed in the direction of this site, which I find "hilarious." It makes me want to put quotes around "everything." Also, it "inspired" me to buy "this book." I am "enjoying" it thoroughly, and also using it to procrastinate reading Pride & Prejudice for book club. I am not "proud" to admit, I have a "prejudice" against the "classics." Oooh that was painful.