No love

I don't think I've ever used the word albeit in my life.

Bloggers seem to LOVE the word albeit.

Why?

I'm just gonna go ahead and put this out there: I. hate. that. word. I cringe when I read that word. I don't know why... I just do.

Please don't take offense. I will try to use more words you hate too, just so we're even. Then you don't have to stop using it out of guilt and loyalty to me.

Numbers

• 0 - hours spent writing my capstone during the last month
• 4 - hours planned to work on it tomorrow*, after getting nails done and car washed (I know what's important!)
  
• 2 - people sitting near me noisily fidgeting with candy bags and talking loudly at the movies** this evening
• 1 - was my Little Sister
• 11 - partially-filled water bottles cleaned out of my car today to make room for Sis (hey, at least it wasn't alcohol!)
• 3 - partially-filled bottles of alcohol*** sitting in my backseat, so that I have an excuse should I get pulled over for poor driving
• 2 - extra dollars left as tip for the crappy waitress at Friendly's, because she put two receipts in that black wallet thingy, and I thought they were both the same, but really one belonged to another table, and I wasn't paying attention, and I left 20% (very generous considering service) on a $30 bill instead of a $20 one. Is complaining about this as tacky as it would have been to go back to the table and put the $2 back in my wallet?
  
• 10 - chicken nuggets could have been bought at Wendy's with that $2. Good thing I was full.
  
• 11 - hours until I am charged the full price for a Blockbuster movie that is way overdue
• 0 - times the movie was viewed
• 3 - at-a-time Unlimited plan purchased from Netflix to avoid this in the future
• 2 - weeks to watch the entire series of Sex & the City from first episode to season finale
• 283,764 - times that S&tC reminded me of a past dating experience or a conversation I've had with my friends
• Infinite - times I've been thankful for those friends, especially when it comes to sharing those dating experiences****

* At Starbucks or Panera or somewhere that is Not My House and has WiFi because I just can't concentrate here. By the way, look for my blog entry written from Starbucks or Panera tomorrow.
** When a Stranger Calls... not recommended. If you feel like you must go, skip the first hour when all she does is walk around the house being scared of the cat.
*** Actually leftover from last weekend's cocktail party/potluck (a cockluck, if you will) in New Brunswick, at which I made a Cinnamon Roll Cocktail. I cannot STAND Sandra Lee, but the girl knows how to drink.
**** And yeah, yeah, New Year's Resolution, listening to their dating experiences too...

Latest Linked Search

Someone searched "Women have to go the bathroom and sit down" on MSN and got my blog. Though it wouldn't be a surprise to many if I had such an entry topic on my blog, I really don't think I do.

What the dick?

Back in the Bubble

So you know how I had that issue with that one song? Well it turns out I've got issues with others too. For example:

• 100 Years by Five For Fighting - "You only got 100 years to live" - I probably won't even live that long, and I'm already almost 25. That's 25 cents of a dollar life (relating all numbers to money is a teacher trick)!
• Breathe (2 a.m.) by Anna Nalick* - "Life's like an hourglass glued to the table" - ohmygodohmygodohmygod I'm running out OF TIIIIIIME!!!!
• Last Resort by Papa Roach** - "Suffocation, no breathing, don't give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding" - Suffocation?! No breathing?! BLEEDING?!?! Someone please hand me a paper bag to wheeze into...
  

I typically never listen to angry/sad/lost-love/depressing/slightly-depressing-whatsoever music because it gets me all anxious. I'm sure there are many other songs that give me butterflies, but these are the ones I can think of now. Does this happen to any of you? Guys? Am I alone here?

* I just commented about my distaste for this song on Sundry's blog, so if you happened to catch that comment... um yeah. I plagerized myself.

** The only thing that saves me from taking advice from this song is that usually I hear it in Bobbi and Marty Culp's voices. You know- from Saturday Night Live. Two friends and I have the entire skit/song medley memorized from the episode before the Gore/Bush election. Sad but true.

Being nosy.

I know how glamorous you all think I am, and so I hope this doesn't ruin your view of me...

but

Why do nasal spray manufacturers think it is okay to make their products smell like potpourri? The average person who uses prescription nose sprays does so because of post-nasal drip, often caused by allergies... to nature. Why, then, do you want to spray this nature directly up your nose?

Just a thought.

Waiting

The only thing worse than sitting in a doctor's office waiting room next to a woman saying all of the wrong answers* to Jeopardy! outloud is actually knowing the correct answers* and not being able to show everyone how extremely intelligent you are for fear of someone blogging about you something like, "The only thing worse than sitting in a doctor's office waiting room is sitting next to a pompous girl who thinks she knows everything just because she guessed right on a few Jeopardy! answers*."

And speaking of Jeopardy!, whenever I read the word, and as I'm writing it, I look at that exclamation point and say in my head JEOPARDY!!!!!, as if I had waaay too much caffeine. But, in fact, I did NOT have too MUCH caffEINE! I am simply a STICKLER for PUNCTuATION!!!

* Questions... Whatever.

I don't want this to be a teacher blog...

...so I am posting a picture of my dog. Shuddup. You have posted pictures of your dog too!



If she weren't so fat and didn't wiggle so much when she saw people (any people at all), I'd carry her around in a bag with me everywhere I went.

Bite Me.

If, in 10 years or so, you find that I have been murdered, please start your search for suspects by using the following piece of evidence:



Yes, friends. That is the bite mark of a 7-year-old. On my arm. It is possible that by the age of 17, his teeth may change a bit, but the picture has got to be worth something when it comes to putting together a quality manhunt.

When I used to play soccer*, I always judged how well I played by how many bruises I had on my knees. I'm not sure that a full dental impression on my arm means that I'm a good teacher, but it definitely makes for a better story than, "Today, I taught my students about the three states of matter while they sat quietly at their desks and listened."

So bring it on!

* Chubby girl = goalie

Be Careful What You Wish For

As you've read, my job hasn't exactly been hard lately. I have had several student changes since I began my position as a behavioral teacher, and this ultimately left me with just 2 students for the past month. One has been absent 40% of the school year*, and the other is sick a lot, and so there were a few days when I had no students at all. Both of my observations this month were of me teaching one kid.

And so, as a joke, I sent an email to the Child Study Team,

Dear CST,

Please find more bad kids. I'm bored.

Your friendly neighbor,

Jessica

We all had a laugh, good times, enjoy it now, ho ho ho, let's antagonize random kids and see if they react violently enough for us to stick them in your class, hee hee, etc.

And so today, I get the following email from our school's learning consultant (with the subject: Bad, Bad Teacher):

Don't ever, ever, ever send another email like this again. J. is back. T. will be here probably tomorrow, and we're testing a 2nd grader who is in crisis right now. He's headed for your class.

And then there were five.

Five boys in one classroom who all can't stand to hear other people talk/make noises/breathe who all like to talk/make noises/breathe themselves makes for an interesting day.

The calm is over, Fellas, and now it's time for the storm.

* This is a figure I was only able to calculate because in the elementary schools we celebrate the 100th day of school, and he's been absent 40. I'm not quite the genius you think I am...

Dear The Gap,

Thank you for not having anything I wanted to buy today. It made the $50 I spent at American Eagle* and the $100 I spent at Old Navy hurt slightly less. You have gaven me something more important than a stretch t-shirt or corduroys. You have given me the realization that my whole non-style of sweaters-and-jeans dressing ensures that I will never be welcome as a resident anywhere other than New Jersey. Or the Midwest.

Sincerely, but not entirely Fondly,

American Girl (the 1981 model)

* Thanks, Janie for the tip on AE Jeans :o)

When you only have one student...

... you have time to do things like take take pictures of him through a Connect Four gameboard.

Something Fishy

The other day* I was sitting at a sushi bar watching my lunch being cooked (oops!) prepared, and some old guy was there by himself ordering things as he ate. "I'll have some of the salmon..." "Can I get another spicy tuna roll?" And then he looked at me and said, "Do you want to be a sushi chef?" To which I responded, "Um, well I--" "WELL YOU CAN'T! They won't let women be sushi chefs! Heh. Heh. Heh." And he smugly took a sip of his tea while I mentally rolled him around some sticky white rice, sprinkled him with caviar, and bit off his head.

* Meaning "the other day" as Meg uses it, which does not actually always mean The Other Day, but could also mean Last Week, A Few Months Ago, or When I Was Three)

*****

I was just talking to a friend who is unsuccessfully trying to find someone to accompany him to see a band that sounds like dying cats, and he said he might not even go because he would have to go alone, and going alone to concerts is weird. I told him that I used to date a guy (months before I began blogging) who went to concerts alone all the time. Then I realized, for the first time, after an entire year of not dating this guy due to the fact that he wouldn't commit to me and, in short, treated me like shit*, that he probably was taking other girls with him! Why didn't I think of this before?

Why do we always ignore the bad qualities of guys we want to be with, and ignore the good qualities of guys who want to be with us?**

I have been asking myself this question over and over, as I seem to have fallen into A Thing with this guy who is as sweet as can be, funny, cute, and smart... He calls when he says he will. He brings me Girl Scout Cookies on dates. And all these things could easily be put on the Pro side of the Pro/Con list I have running in my head, leaving only one Con: Too Attentive/Eager.

When every other relationship I've been in has left me on the side of "What Are We? I Need Answers!" and him on the side of "Relax. Whatever. Let's Fuck," why am I suddenly the relaxed, nonchalant, distant one? Why is it that when I finally find someone who is available to me, I suddenly become unavailable? Am I just making up drama where there is none because the prospect of a guy actually liking me, being available to me, being nice to me, is just way too scary?

And this is the part where you can insert your own witty comment, as I surely have none on the topic.

* Why did I want someone who treated me like shit and didn't want to commit to me? I just don't know.
** I have borroed the entire series of Sex & the City from a friend, as I don't have HBO. Beware of blog entries sounding suspiciously familiar to Carrie's column...

Complaints

I cannot stand when people say:

• Supposebly
• Liberry
• Mondee, Tuesdee, Wednesdee, etc.

As in, "Supposebly, we are going to the liberry on Tuesdee." *shudder*

*****

There have been several days when I have gone to work, and none of my students have shown up. That's right. There have been days when I have no class. To some, it may seem like a vacation-- especially when you consider the fact that I work with behavioral kids and having just two of them can sometimes be worse than teaching a class of 30 regular ed kids-- but man, I get bored. I'm kind of tired of looking at the same faces every day, and being observed is quite awkward when it's just you, one student, and the principal who is all up in yo' grill, writing down everything you say. I sent an email to the Child Study Team last week asking them to find more bad kids. I'm sure they wouldn't have to look hard.

No inspiration

Y'all... I just have nothing to blog about. I keep sitting down to write, thinking I can weave some mundane aspect of my life into something worthy of your perusal... but I'm just not feeling it. I have at least three drafts sitting on my Blogger Dashboard, which I don't want to bore you with.

*****

I heard the traffic guy say this morning, "Well, it's raining outside, and we all know that means trouble on the roads!"

Why? Why after billions of years of rain, and almost 100 years since the first Model T, can't people figure out how to drive in the rain without crashing into things? People with SUVs are the worst culprits, as they think they are invincible. People who drive blue Honda Civics are the best rain-drivers. For sure.