Gender Crap

I'm tired of the gender crap. If you dress like a boy, you're confused, if you dress like a girl, you're giving in to social standards. If you're strong, you have penis-envy, if you're weak, you're a submissive female. How can this work, or not work. Gender politics is so disappointing, and distracting. How come one can't exist outside the theories?

Whoever said that analyzing beauty ruins it,

he's a great man.

Politics and Whatnot

This is the first time in the history of this blog that I add a blog related to politics in my blog-roll.

The reason why I never did it before is because I dislike propaganda, and politics and people involved in it have always sounded like propaganda bullshitters to me.
I mean, I sure care about Abdel Kareem who's going to be imprisoned for saying what he wants to say when/where he wants to say it. I just never had anything to add to the incident, nothing of what I was going to say would have been important, or a valuable an addition, simply because I have never put myself/belonged to any of the living political parties/ movements.

Today I add this blog to the blog-roll because the existence of the owner of this blog is living evidence that things are not always what they seem from a distance. I might not agree with what people who belong to Kefaya have to say but I support their right to say it.
I guess I'm a new sharkawy reader.

V-Day

I always hated valentine's day, even when I was most in love. Love is to celebrated every single day it lives, not once a year. Or, if I don't have it, I shouldn't celebrate that day.
V. for vagina, and V for violence.
It's strange the one of my favorite songs is "My Funny Valentine". I think one of the main reasons I love this song is that it's hopeful, but also very sad.

Yesterday was one of the most comforting days of my life, I talked to someone dear to me, and I told that person everything i ever wanted to say. I told them everything I ever wanted to say, ever, and everything I wanted to tell them, too. I know that "them" is not correct, I just don't feel like doing the whole him/her thing, and I don't feel like specifying, either.

Not often it is in life that you find this kind of freedom of speech. Almost everything is censored. Even we censor ourselves. It's sad, and it's convenient. Maybe it's sad BECAUSE it's convenient.

It was also interesting that a couple of days ago was the first time I actually got drunk, as in drunk. I started to feel that everything goes so fast, i talk to fast, cars move fast. Life is just much faster. Over all, it's a funny experience. It's not one of my favorite feelings, though.

Far from this, another thought.
I am everything and I am nothing. Saying this sounds cliche, I know. Some people are so obsessed with one thing that they become so good at it. I am obsessed with too many things at the same time. I'm good at more than once thing, and it gets heavy. It means I am not especially good at one thing, and good at nothing. It's a sad realization.

One more cup of coffee before I go.
I started working on writing the play, I am inspired by a picture I found in Sur El Azbakeyya. The character names are not yet decided. But I decided on a couple of names. The woman in the middle of the picture is going to be called Safinaz, and the funny-looking man is going to be called Safwat, just because Safwat is such a funny name to have. The other woman is going to be called Magda because she's lame and banal, even though she's very interesting. Mnehh.

I go.

Random Facts...brainstorming.

I consider myself sincere, and people think that this way, I am concieded (sp?), and that I don't really know myself because of course I'm a big liar inside like everyone.

I'm not feminist, I'm not misogynist, either. I have very few prejudice on sex and gender. I can't remember myself saying, men do that or, it's a woman thing except jokingly.

I either stop myself from the beginning, or I get addicted. That's why I quit drinking before I start it. I'm a quitter.

Safe is nice. I respect risk-takers even though I know I'm definitely not one. I'm not brave enough, probably never will be.

I love change when it's not caused by me. I find things that just happen to be much easier to deal with, and absorb the consequences of than my own choices.

I am optimistic, but I make fun of optimisitic people. Also, I'm usually drawn to pessimistic people!

Often, my silence is not out of acting cool, nor is it because I have nothing to say...it's me not finding a point of saying it.

It's hard for me to deal with people who have a different rhythm. People who are slow in doing everything just tire me, people who are too fast make me feel overwhelmed.

I'm often doubtful of my capabilities. I find it comforting when people cut it short and just tell me that I suck, or that I'm good at something.

--The End--

Happy Happy Happy

Listening to Michael Buble makes me happy...it does, it makes me want to dance and laugh out loud, it's a strange feeling.
I'm listening to Save the Last Dance for Me, one of the cheesiest songs I have ever listened to, but I'm so addicted to it! I'm not sure if it's about the beat, or his way of singing it that makes it so happy and CRAZY-LOVE like!

I will learn to do things I don't want to do. But still do them because I have to do them.
It's called responsibility.
And I'm just realizing that it's something you have to have as you grow up.

Being

Being.
Away from desires. Existing.
Like leaves. The dustiness of them, the greenness of them.
The sound they make when they scratch on eachother's skin.
Being sexless.
Dreams of existing as a human being but sexless,
Gone with the wind going north and south.
In childhood.
Away from desires. Existing.
But then again,
When the realization of desire blooms,
I ask.
Whether communication exists beyond self interest.
Whether knowledge, a little deeper than surface, of another
Exists.
No answer is satisfactory,
Like no question is logic-driven.