So my little sister displays clear signs of both Autistic and ADHD but refuse to look into it. She a teen-ish. Everyone suspects she is autistic, both my parents and my other sister but if were to use intensive language here a bit, I would say she is very childish for someone going to high school. There are other reasons that makes me think she is autistic(and has adhd)
Just yesterday she mentioned she finds skin texture disgusting, and has to focus on other features in a person’s face and so gets distracted easily. She refuses to wear wet bathroom saddles. She is extremely touchy and clingy to both my mom and sister. She is stubborn as a well, always thinking she is in the right. She talks more like more like someone who learned to talk from just watching cartoons rather than other people. I could go on.
I admit, its probably my fault. I was more just pushy. I treated badly, telling her our father agrees with me and his word is law. I realise that doesn’t she want the stigma, that I am basically insuring she never wants to look into it. Its not a disease or cancer, the excuse of tough love is not applicable here.
I will just have to drop it, but it hurts me that she has resources that I didn’t have access to when I was her age.
On the bright side, I think you’re making some really good and convincing observations for her being AuDHD, maybe if you write them down, one day it’ll be helpful or convincing to her.
Generally parents dictate a kids medical stuff until 18. does teen-ish mean older than 18. if so did it just come up. I kinda doubt it. why would the parents be concerned now and not look into it before or now if she is under 18?
It’s her life and her choice. My brother didn’t want to hear it for years. He went to a psychiatrist 2 years ago for something unrelated and got diagnosed. He had to do it on his own for his own reasons.
You can’t force people to do things. I understand you’re trying to help and you think you’re helping but from someone who did the same thing, you’re not. You’re pushing her to actively avoid it.
How to you present your autism to her? Is it just the things you struggle with? Is it just how you’re different? Is it just negative? How about what you tell her you see in her? Are you only pointing out the negative traits like you are in your post? Or are you also pointing out the things that can make autism alright? “Hey sis, really cool drawing you did. I noticed art seems to be a special interest for you. I’m reallyv happy you have a hobby you enjoy so much!”
Now also ask yourself, why? Why does this matter so much to you? Why are you so upset she won’t admit it? Is it really about her? Or is it about you? (I don’t know the answer here, that’s yours to think about)
As an AuDHD person - Nothing. Absolutely, positively, nothing. She is your sister, not your daughter.
Even if she did get the diagnosis, she could refuse to acknowledge it and nothing would change. Guess how I know.
Sounds like you’re the one with the problem honestly. Best to worry about your own life and problems than your siblings. She sounds cool to me.
Her main problems are concentrating in lessons. We think she may have other learning disability and her grades are suffering for it.
We intended to at least enroll her in summer courses but she’s as stubborn as ox. She thinks it is waste of money, feeling that she’s just lazy.
I dont think your wrong though, both about me and her, I just dont know where to go from here.
Yeah, she’s the stubborn one 🙄
Support her. Love her. Don’t judge her and her choices.
It sounds like you are projecting your situation and your historic unmet needs on your sister. Deal with your own shit.
She’s a teen-ish
If she’s a minor then it would be up to her parents/guardians to take her, would it not?
Honestly just give them space. Not “no pressure, but”. Actually no pressure. Forget all about it, go back to treating them normally. You’ve given them something to think about, let them think about it without feeling pressured
Present it as something that will help her do the things she wants to do, better. Try not to make her feel like there’s something wrong with her. We don’t deal with that very well.
The narrative that, “Help exists! You just have to ask!” is incredibly toxic and is often used to blame people for their own disorders. The fact is that meaningful help does not always exist in a form that is accessible, and often does not exist at all. You cannot protect your sister from having autism. But you can certainly make her feel bad about having autism, if you are not careful.
A positive thing you could do is to continue to learn about the experiences that AuDHD people have and productive ways to support them. If you understand the challenges she has it will be easier to be patient when she has difficulties. This may even lead to an understanding of how to effectively communicate the idea to her in a way she doesn’t immediately reject.
Worst case, you grow your understanding for a large group of people that frequently have difficulty functioning in society.
Relax. It’s not contagious. Look after yourself and trust that your sister (probably) knows herself better than you know her.
Can I just ask… what in the hell is a wet bathroom saddle??
We have
saddlesandals for the bathroom.
You need to tell her that - admit you handled it poorly, & you’re sorry, but it’s because you want the best outcome for her. Regain some trust.
Then point out how so many people suspect it already, and that getting treatment for it will help hide the issue so she won’t have the stigma from outsiders who don’t care so much about her giving her grief. Nobody has to know except the family who already knows. Anybody else can be told her mannerisms before getting treatment were “just a phase” that she’s now “grown out of.”
Basically, put yourself in her shoes, and try to come up with approaches more compatible with how she sees things. Make sure you convince her that you’re thinking like her, understand where she’s coming from, and truly want to help her, not control her. Help her deal with this in a way that ensures minimal potential embarrassment.
Put yourself in her shoes- it’s a heavy burden to be right all the time, so she’s got a lot on her plate already
