“A sensationalistic thriller about Hitler.” - The New York KKKrimes

Books are a terrible medium for “so bad its good” media. The Room, one of the most notorious “so bad its good” movies only takes an hour an a half to get through and will reach its conclusion unaided by the observer. Conversely, something like Sonic’s Ultimate Harem can only be completed through 100’s of manhours spent in rapt attention, analyzing the material in question. Moreover a shitty wordsmith can fail their reader through errors and confusing lexical choices. Worst of all, bad writing is usually boring.

Siegfried, with its short length, competent writing, and novel but absurd premise, does not have these problems. I describe it as a self-insert Hitler fan fic that boldly asks “what if Hitler had a secret son and his foster parents told the best author ever (who is totally not me)”.

Harry Mulisch was one of the most celebrated European authors of the 20th century. The son of a Jewish mother, Nazi collaborator father, and the grandchild of holocaust victims, he has been quoted with saying: “I didn’t so much experience the Second World War. I am the Second World War.” He has a few dozen awards to his name and was almost granted the Nobel prize for literature a couple times (allegedly). In the anglosphere he is best known for The Assault; a novel about a boy who’s family was massacred during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands, and how his life played out afterwards. It is (was?) frequently used as instructional material in advanced level highschool literature courses. Its a beautiful novel about the lasting impacts of violence, Europe, and how pickles are just like crocodiles.

Siegfried in a nutshell:

Hey guys, my name is Rudolph Herter, I’m the bestest, coolest, most awesomest author of all time! My life is amazing! I just wrote the most important novel to ever be written, I have a hot, sexy wife, and everyone loves me! BTW I’m totally not Harry Mulisch haha :) Anyways I got a huuuuuuuge problem on my hands! Remember how I said that I just wrote the most important book ever? Well now I have to top that with something even better!!! You see, big dick authors such as myself are suuuper important because only we can make sense of this craaaaaaazy world for the rest of you guys! I went on this talk show and told everyone that my next book was gonna figure out just how Hitler was so evil! Which no one has ever done! Ever! No one! Then everyone clapped! Then after the show these two old people came up to me and were all like “eyo we raised Hitlers son.” and I was like “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???” and then cough cough

Okay, using that (writing) voice was starting to hurt so I’m gonna do this normal now.

The self-portrayal of Mulisch is self-aggrandizing to the point of it being masturbatory and it is incredibly funny at times. Not-Harry Mulisch is giving talks on an award tour where he announces that his next book would be an attempt to comprehend the evil of Adolph Hitler. Immediately after the show he is approached by an elderly couple who confess to being the foster parents of Hitler’s secret son, Siegfried. The rest of the story has chapters that swap between this alternate history of Hitler’s family life and Not Harry Mulisch reflecting on his life, art, and career. Without spoiling too much, the Hitler fanfic portion is actually fairly compelling. Siegfried calls his father “Uncle Adi”, because the secret must be kept from him too, despite how much Hitler wishes he could be his dad. I feel that this is a reflection on the way fascism drains its practicioners of their own humanity, leaving them alienated, depriving them of what could have been normal lives.