The shit people should be bitching at Obama for

Over the past few weeks there has been a lot of attempts by the right to label this oil spill Obama's Katrina or even Obama's 9/11 in an attempt to anchor it around his neck and use it to drag him down into the briny deep. This is a bit odd, because according to those same people, 9/11 and Katrina were handled expertly by Bush and in no way mistakes or examples of negligence/incompetence.

But there has also been lesser attempts by the media and commentators to get mad at Obama for.... something. Apparently he isn't mad enough, or too mad, or not doing enough, or doing too much, or something. I've found these to be a little shallow and reactionary. Frankly, what BP is attempting to do to seal up the leak is basically all that can be done. What, is Obama refusing to turn into Aquaman, swim down to the underwater leak, and use his magical Aquaman powers to seal it up? We know who you are, Barry, no need to protect that secret identity!

But because we're miserable bastards that can only find fault in things, that doesn't mean we can't pillory the President for making mistakes. Massive mistakes. And thanks to the blog Brendan Calling, we have good reason to. Mostly having to do with failing to clean up the scandal ridden Minerals Management Service and hiring an industry shill in Ken Salazar to head up the Department of the Interior.

Ken Salazar to the head the Department of the Interior.Salazar’s appointment was slammed by environmentalists, who said things like “It’s no surprise oil and gas, mining, agribusiness and other polluting industries that have dominated Interior are supporting rancher Salazar — he’s their friend.”
...
Would you like to know what Mr. Salazar did about the corruption at MMS? NOTHING. In fact, last year Mr. Salazar appointed an eight-year BP executive to be the deputy administrator for land and minerals management, which makes Salazar’s promise, delivered yesterday, of a crackdown nothing more than a bad joke. Salazar should be fired immediately.

Obama has had nearly two years to clean up the MMS, and he did NOTHING.
...
Deepwater Horizon moved into the Tiber oil field in September 2009, and Obama’s BP-staffed MMS exempted Deepwater horizon from an environmental impact study. Would that have happened under... an MMS purged of the scandal ridden staff everyone’s known about since at least 2008 (and maybe even as far back as 2005, 2006, 2007, as Ken Salazar admitted yesterday, in a defense that sounded more like an indictment of himself)?

I can’t answer that: what I can tell you is that no one can say “I didn’t know” because it’s a matter of record that MMS was mired in corruption. Allowing the same rotted people to run the agency amounts to negligence.

Yeah, that seems like a large string of bad decisions. You should really click the link and go read the full piece as it's full of damning excepts and news articles chronicling the bad judgment. The exempting the Deepwater Horizon from an environmental study and hiring a former BP exec to be the deputy administrator for land and minerals management seems quite bad. Glenn Greenwald makes a similar point about Salazar, shady industry ties, and negligence (including the Deepwater Horizon plan getting rubber stamped in less than 10 minutes and BP hiring the lobbying group owned by Obama transition chief John Podesta to lobby the White House) in his article on Salon.

So maybe instead of complaining whether the President is showing enough anger at the situation or yelling enough, maybe this is the kind of thing the media should look into. Though I will admit "Administration has close ties with industry" and "Corporations concerns given more weight than environmentalists' and non-moneyed sources" are hardly surprising stories. I'm sure the media will get right on it. Just like I'm sure revelations like this will result in our government not being so nakedly entwined with the interests it is supposed to be regulating.

Quote of the day

There are certain times when you just well up with pride over the state of American democracy. Like when lobbyists and business leaders talk openly to a newspaper about their "connections", "fundraising", and plans for if the the GOP takes back the House in November and John Boehner becomes speaker. You might otherwise know it as "bribery", "kickbacks", "Using the apparatus of government to fuck over citizens in favor of corporations" and "wanton open corruption." Business as usual.

Several GOP lobbyists said they are advising their clients to try to make inroads with Boehner before the 112th Congress, even though a Republican takeover next year is far from assured.
...
“Being bullish on Republicans in the House is a good investment right now.”

For many lobbyists, that means advising clients to increase their campaign contributions to Republican incumbents — particularly to vulnerable Members whom Boehner has put at the top of his political priority list.

The message from K Street seems to be resonating. The Minority Leader, optimistic about the prospect of taking back the House, is raising money at a fast clip.
...
Oregon Rep. Greg Walden, whom Boehner tapped earlier this year to serve as the chairman of the GOP leadership, said that when he announced Boehner would hold a fundraiser for him in Portland, he noticed an increased interest among his donors about meeting the Republican leader.

“Business leaders are saying, ‘I’d like to meet him,’ ‘I want to meet him,’ ‘I’ve seen him,’ ‘I like him,’” Walden said. “And they know they are not coming for free.”

Splendid. For his part, Boehner has assembled a massive array of lobbyists to run his fundraising efforts an court business leaders, while simultaneously talked about creating the openest and most transparentest Congress ever if he becomes Speaker. Apparently corporations will have to hand over burlap sacks with dollar signs on them on the floor of Congress now.

So... that bodes well. You just love it when a bunch of politicians and lobbyists will talk to a newspaper on the grounds that they really want you to know how well oiled their bribery and kickback machine is should you let them run things.

Politician: "Hey, would anyone like to trade money for access? We're willing to do your bidding in exchange for cash." Corporation: "Sure, we have money and would like access. Here is an incredible sum of money and a list of things we want done." Newspaper: "Isn't this interesting? We will make no comment about how shady this all seems and treat what seems like massive open corruption as business as usual."

Shit, I bet Democrats are still dirty dealing in smoky back rooms. Hah, just kidding. No one who gives money to Democrats gets what they want.

Broken News: Corruption Allegations Taint World Corruption Rankings

NEW YORK—Today the international community was shocked to learn that Transparency International, which has long compiled a ranked list of countries by degree of political and institutional corruption, was scrapping their Corruption Perceptions Index over charges of corruption.

“Look, we realize the irony of this, but we unfortunately have to revamp and reassess the whole list due to numerous allegations of back room deals and intimidation,” announced Mark Holt, spokesman for Transparency International.

While there are wide-ranging allegations surrounding numerous countries on the list, the most serious allegations surround the country of Uzbekistan, which ranked as the 7th most corrupt country in the world.

“I would like to offer my apologies for our conduct and payment of bribes during this whole affair,” said a weeping Islam Karimov, President of the Uzbek nation. “I just wanted to look like a big man in front of my kids and in the international community. I wanted to have people be afraid of me, look at me as a despotic man who should be revered and feared! It’s just not true. I’m fairly competent and well mannered. I even file my taxes on time.”

As Karimov bawled, he explained, “We’re actually a very well ordered and well run country with numerous checks and balances, a robust legal system full of well paid and well protected jurists and police officials. My God, I’ve never been more embarrassed in all my life.”

This remains the second black eye for international watchdog groups in as many months following the revelation by Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch that conduct at US military prisons like Bagram and Gitmo were not “torture”, as had been claimed for years, but in fact “fraternity style hazing” and “comical prankery.” For its part, Transparency International vowed to reevaluate its procedures.

Keep the money flowing, boys

It's been a banner year for people who think that corporations, industries, and big money donors don't have enough influence and power within our political system. First there was the Supreme Court affirming the rights of corporations to spend as much money as they want in our elections. Now, we have a Congressional ethics panel affirming the right of our elected betters to trade votes and influence in return for campaign contributions.

The House ethics committee ruled Friday that seven lawmakers who steered hundreds of millions of dollars in largely no-bid contracts to clients of a lobbying firm had not violated any rules or laws by also collecting large campaign donations from those contractors.

In a 305-page report, the ethics committee declared that lawmakers are free to raise campaign money from the very companies they are benefiting so long as the deciding factors in granting those "earmarks" are "criteria independent" of the contributions. The report served as a blunt rejection of ethics watchdogs and a different group of congressional investigators, who have contended that in some instances the connection between donations and earmarks was so close that it had to be inappropriate.

Finally! I was worried for a second there that the nakedly shady relationship between corporate donations and earmarks would be seen for the open graft and corruption that it is.

Thankfully we have a supposed ethics panel to tell us that "Simply because a member sponsors an earmark for an entity that also happens to be a campaign contributor does not, on these two facts alone, support a claim that a member's actions are being influenced by campaign contributions," and that as long as there is some nebulous, invisible "independent criteria" for handing over million and billions of government contracts in return for a couple thousand in campaign contributions, everything is copacetic. Sure that kind of thing might look like and, in most cases, actually be pay-for-play, but.... it isn't. Because.... HEY LOOK OVER THERE!

Whew! We almost lost the self-perpetuating low ethical and moral standards of Congress. Some form of common sense and a pointing out of the obvious was not allowed to worm its way into the conversation or block off the money spigot between our elected betters and our corporate masters. We, as a country, have dodged that bullet.

Culture of corruption

Since all the news of the day is going to be focused on the Massachusetts election and the ritual suicide pact that Democrats seem intent on enacting, it's time to focus on some good news. Unfortunately there isn't any. So...........

/twiddles thumbs
//whistles to self
///resists urge to self harm

Hey, did you hear the one about how 25% of Afghanistan's GDP is corruption related?

Half of all Afghan adults paid at least one bribe to a public official over the course of a year to cut through red tape or get help with poor service, the U.N. said Tuesday in a report that documents the extraordinary depth of corruption in Afghanistan.

Afghans paid nearly $2.5 billion (euro1.7 billion) in bribes -- worth almost a quarter of the country's GDP -- in the 12-month period ending last autumn.
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Bribes were requested and taken by politicians, prosecutors, tax officers -- anyone with even the most modest level of power to yield, from the humblest clerk at the office in charge of driver's licenses to, by many accounts, the highest levels of government.

Most of the payments went to police, judges and other local officials, but Afghans were also asked to bribe teachers in public schools and doctors and nurses in government hospitals.

The average bribe comes out to around $160... in a country where the average yearly income is $500. I guess it all works out. You might have paid a Franklin and a Grant to get the really good penicillin from the doctor or to get the prosecutor to prosecute the man who stole your goats a little harder than usual, but you make it up on the back end by taking a few extra bucks to make sure you teach the kids all the letters of the alphabet and stop withholding information about fractions.

Only 9% of corruption gets reported, mostly because the officials charged with rooting out corruption are corrupt. But... I hear if you slip them a few bucks they'll look into those bribery charges. Hamid Karzai has pledged to combat this state of affairs (you know, before he tried to fix the election) but someone gave him an envelope that was a little light and thus various corruption bills have languished. On the bright side, Afghanistan ranks behind Haiti, Iraq, Myanmar, and Somalia on international corruption ranking. Then again, that's just because they paid a guy at the UN to move them down in the rankings.

So no, you don't get any good news today. All I can offer you is the fact that amongst the many problems in the country we just escalated and committed hundreds of additional billions and tens of thousands more troops in, one of them is the problem of corruption. And if you only focus on that, it seems like a comparatively minor problem that can be addressed. But only if you don't widen your focus or look at other things. I SAID DON'T WIDEN YOUR FOCUS!! Ah hell, you see what you did? You thought about all the other problems in Afghanistan and are now despairing. I warned you.

They learn so quickly

There are moments where you have to stop and take pride in your sccomplishments. Especially when you see the fruits of your labor with those you have mentored. You take them from a life of hardship and show them a new way, you bring them up and teach them the way you know best, and when they take those first steps out into the world it just wells you up with so much joy. Our babies are all growed up!

Lawless Somalia remained the world's most corrupt country, followed by Afghanistan, Myanmar, Sudan and Iraq, Transparency International said in its annual Corruption Perceptions Index.
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Afghanistan, which slipped to 179th place from 176th, has been dogged by corruption for years.
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Karzai's inability or unwillingness to tackle cronyism and bribery the past five years has given Taliban insurgents another argument with which to win support from the Afghan people. Nations supplying troops and aid are running out of patience with his government.

Transparency said public-sector corruption is rampant in Afghanistan.

Our eldest child, Iraq, was all the way down at 176. Us? We're slipping. Only 19th this year. It's unfair really, most of our corruption is institutional, whereupon lawmakers are just expected to do what corporations want in return for relatively small political donations and favors. Frankly that's a flaw that needs to be rectified, so we can at least get credit for the immense systemic corruption that essentially neuters and ruins anything that goes through it. I demand a corruption ranking system that takes into account all the high tech and invisible ways in which we are damaging the well being of our own country in exchange for money! A corruption BCS. We're like Boise State over here; not getting the credit we deserve.

I mean look at those Iraq and Afghanistan rankings. I'm not saying they aren't corrupt, Lord knows that they are barely functioning states consumed by drugs and violence, propped up by us. But that corruption? It's mostly us. Things we allow, things we encourage, things we let go. Hell, we're the ones probably buying off most of the government to do things we want, getting people we want installed into different government positions, getting trade, land, and resource rights that we want. I mean they count that shit for Iraq and Afghanistan, but it really should be a part of our ranking. 19th? I mean our corruption affects things on a global scale. The financial crisis, climate change inaction, energy....hello, remember them much? What's Iraq's corruption effecting? Somalia? Do they even have a government?

Bah! This corruption list is corrupt. Get it fixed. I'll make it worth it. *wink* Brown paper bag, underneath the park bench, 5 o'clock. We'll see if we can't come to an "understanding".

Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.03

Palinoia
Matt Taibbi gets out his long knives for Sarah Palin in story he wrote over the summer but never published, during her whole resignation embarrassment. I don't know why he didn't publish it. It has great discussions on gems like the "campaign trail version of Mommie Dearest" she put the McCain camp through, the through line of "nutty-ass paranoid behavior" that permeates everything she does, as well as her political supporters to seem to rally behind her because it "validates [their] insane sense of fucked-overness". Worth a read, if only to remind yourself that she's never going to go away and there's still a large chunk of people who want to hand her power.

How Goldman secretly bet on the U.S. housing crash
McClatchy news joins the "bludgeon everyone at Goldman-Sachs with a truncheon" bandwagon with Matt Taibbi as they start up an rather exhaustive series on how our economic betters at G/S have looted government, bet against the country, manipulated markets, and screwed everyone everywhere over for copious amounts of cash. Click on the sidebar for a full rundown. It misses Taibbi's outraged fury, but more than delivers in jaw dropping detail. McClatchy runs a pretty good news operation, shame he couldn't run a baseball team. Ah well Kev, this, and your reporting on Iraq and the war on terror more than make up for running the Buccos into the ground. All is forgiven. Ah, who am I kidding, I'm still fucking pissed off about the Pirates. Fuck you, McClatchy!

Racial disparity: All active ethics probes focus on black lawmakers
Whoops! I'm sure that's just a coincidence. Nice to see that no matter how high up you get in this country, the justice system still works the same way. I'm sure that it's just that there aren't any white crooks that have been elected. As Rod Blagojevich, Eliot Spitzer, Mark Sanford, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Larry Craig, Tom Delay, Jim Traficant, and George Bush have taught us: it's the black politicians you have to watch out for.

Second Circuit Affirms Dismissal of Arar
Something you probably won't hear too much about today and tomorrow as our press decides whether Republicans winning in historically Republican states and districts means that Obama should resign immediately or take two weeks off and then resign: the fact that a US court said it's OK for the US to illegally detain, render to a foreign country, and brutally torture an obviously innocent man without evidence as long as a.) government swears their complete violation of the law was totally for national security purposes, b.) prosecuting the crimes would force a court to scrutinize the effectiveness and legality of government programs and the high level officials that made them and c.) the victim cannot complete the bizarre and completely impossible legal hurdles the court places in front of him. This is the country we live in, America. Be proud.

Omnibusted
On the anniversary of their admittance to the union, The Edge of the American West looks at how the Dakotas and other mountain territories became states. In case you were wondering how states with more sheep than people get two senators with which to fuck over states that actually have people in them, the simple answer is corruption, fear of polygamist Mormons, racism towards brown people, and a desire by Republicans to pack the Senate with more Republicans. So just in case anyone tries to tell you otherwise, the Senate was never a place of congenial good, there was never a "better time" in its history, it was always an awful, stupid and corrupt place. Happy birthday Dakotas!

Cheap Blogging Crutch 09.17

Democrats now comprise majority of ‘most corrupt in Congress’ list
Ahh, the perks of power. Not only does taking over government let you do things likes dick over citizens in your own specific way, but, as CREW shows, it opens up all kinds of new avenues for money grubbing. Of course the list is headlined by Rep John Murtha, a man who is essentially the entire Johnstown, PA economy. But our old friend Mitch McConnell is on there for awarding contracts to defense contractors convicted of bribing Saudi ambassadors. Sadly only 12 of the 15 are currently under investigation. Maybe next year, they can get all 15.

At Last! First Real Evidence for a Rocky Exoplanet
Well, if we ever finally finish destroying this planet, we can always have a hope of relocating to Corot-7b, the charmingly named first earth-like planet ever discovered outside our galaxy. Of course it's temperatures reach 3,600 degrees Fahrenheit, but that ought to be considerably cooler than we're used to after we really get the hang of this 'pumping C02 into the atmosphere' thing.

The Self-Storage Self
NYT Magazine takes a look at the US self-storage system (motto: "It's not just for storing hobo corpses and hooker cadavers anymore!") and how the fact that there's enough storage space in this country to give each America seven square feet of their own has contributed to our debt and consumption culture. Also our drifter and prostitute murdering culture.

New Jersey Poll: Birthers, Truthers, And The Anti-Christ -- Oh, My!
Sweet, sweet New Jersey. I'm sorry. We forgot that you were chock full of insane people. I'm sorry, it won't happen again. My favorite statistic? That while 18% of NJ conservatives definitively know Obama is the anti-Christ, 17% are only leaning that way and could be swayed by competing evidence disproving Barry is the son of a Kenya-by-way-of-Indonesia Beelzebub.

Director’s Commentary: Brett Ratner’s Music Video Classics
I know, I know. Who wants to read about Brett Ratner talking about music videos he directed. Trust me, it's worth it if only for the story about the Wu-Tang Clan during the filming of the Triumph video. It's a story of a million dollars, clothes looting, white devils, KFC treasures, and the hallucinations and murder demanding voices inside the head of Ghostface Killa. There's also a nice story about Redman calling Ratner's mom a hoe and then forcing the director to cast her as a woman buying drugs in a video.

The mind of Rod Blagojevich

One of the great things about the Blagojevich story is not just the epic level of corruption, but learning about the pathetic deluded shell Pay-Rod lives each and every day in. To call the man a piece of work is to not get the full picture. The New York Times today tries to provide a little context to our crazy corrupt uncle from Illinois. Among the highlights:

• He can treat employees with disdain, cursing and erupting in fury for failings as mundane as neglecting to have at hand at all times his preferred black Paul Mitchell hairbrush. He calls the brush “the football.”
• John Fritchey, a Democrat who shared a campaign office with Mr. Blagojevich, was told that his stepfather had suffered a serious stroke. He walked over to Mr. Blagojevich, who was making fund-raising calls, and shared the news. “He proceeded to tell me that he was sorry, and then, in the next breath, he asked me if I could talk to my family about contributing money to his campaign.”
• Even with approval ratings that had sunk to 13 percent as details of the federal investigation into his administration had seeped out over the past three years, Mr. Blagojevich, incredulous prosecutors say, still spoke in his recorded conversations in the past six weeks of the possibility of remaking his political future and running for president, perhaps in 2016.
• At points in early 2004, Mr. Blagojevich appeared with Senator John Kerry, the Democratic presidential candidate...Mr. Blagojevich seemed confident, said two former employees, who refused to be named out of concern that their comments could jeopardize their current work, that he would soon be selected as Mr. Kerry’s running mate. (An aide to Mr. Kerry’s campaign says he was never under consideration.) At the time, there seemed only one problem: Mr. Blagojevich was uncertain he wanted to be a No. 2.
• In December 2003, the employee recalled, Mr. Blagojevich flew into a rage because he thought he was late for a holiday tree-lighting ceremony in Springfield, and his two young daughters — who were visiting with Santa Claus in the parlor of the Governor’s Mansion — did not have their shoes on yet. “You’re trying to sabotage my career!” the employee recalled Mr. Blagojevich screaming at staff members.

Assuming he was the VP pick for Kerry because they appeared twice together, was Rod perhaps gazing into our "One 15 minute meeting beforehand" Palin future and saying "Me first"? It's a shame though that this massive corruption trial and assured conviction might somehow affect the 2016 run he wants to make. Reading this article it's not surprising to see that Blagojevich was caught, no his dimwitted cash grabs seem to have been a hallmark of his career since he started in politics, the surprise is that he wasn't caught in a shady motel accepting a large burlap sack with a dollar sign on it. He is the Babe Ruth of Illinois corruption. Bow at the feet of the master.

Getting to know you...

Courtesy of the fine folks at TPM, a more in-depth explanation of how Republican Veep Nominee and corrupt shrew, Sarah Palin, conspired to fire the Alaskan Public Safety Commissioner because he refused to shit-can the State Trooper who was divorcing Palin's sister.



This is so very tasty.

Cutting corners and electrocuting soldiers

If you had to guess whether or not facing down insurgents and al Qaeda or taking a shower and hanging around the base was more dangerous, you'd probably pick the terrorists. You might be wrong.

Shoddy wiring on US military bases has been responsible for hundreds of fires (averaging out to almost 1.5 fires a day during the most recently measured period) and dozens of deaths from fire and electrical shocks. The Army has classified this problem as the 'most urgent noncombat safety hazard for soldiers in Iraq.'

What government contractor is responsible for these mistakes of incompetence that is killing soldiers? Former Halliburton subsidiary and no-bid contractor KBR. KBR is the same company that brought you unsafe drinking water for troops, failing to protect female employees who were sexually assaulted and raped, and they overbilled the Government for their inadequate services.

The electrical problems are also electrician 101, things that any idiot who spent one day on a job site would know, things like: don't expose wiring and ground the distribution panels. But then they didn't hire skilled electricians to do the work, the hired unskilled Iraqis and pocketed the profit. KBR was warned by some of their employees about this, but their concerns were either ignored or not understood becuase the officials lacked the training.

The Pentagon also knew of these problems and did little to address them until Green Beret, Staff Sgt. Ryan D. Maseth was electrocuted in January. But even now they aren't addressing how widespread the problem is, just the specific circumstances that specifically led to Maseth's death. Unsurprisingly we also learn that there weren't enough government inspectors to do the job either.

Quite simply this is war profiteering. When you so drastically cut the level of competence and skilled labor so you can squeeze as many nickels out of the project as you can, so much so that your awful work is killing soldiers, you are committing a crime.

And when degenerate flag humping cretins like Joe Lieberman, control oversight panels that could do something about this and refuse even to hold hearings, they can also rot. But maybe Joe is too busy stumping for McCain to worry about the troops. Why should John and Joe worry if soldiers are killed in showers, they're too busy trying to get them killed in Iran.

That the policies of Bush, Cheney and the Pentagon led to this and are standing in the way of getting something done are of little surprise. When you emphasize free money for the taking and speed over competence and oversight, this is all you can expect. But, at this point, this is just another thing that's etched into their already awful legacy.

China and Russia veto Zimbabwe sanctions

Last week, me

The US and UK are expected to announce an ineffective sanction into the UN soon which will be blocked because some country gets widget grease out of Zimbabwe and can't have that vital resource interrupted.

This week, world.

British and US efforts to apply punitive pressure on Robert Mugabe were abruptly undermined last night when Russia and China vetoed a UN security council resolution seeking sanctions against Zimbabwe.

The resolution, calling for an arms embargo, and financial and travel restrictions on Mugabe and 13 other regime leaders, was backed by nine nations but foundered on the vetoes of the two permanent members. The arms embargo would have affected Russian and Chinese weapons exporters.

Yes, yes, I know. I am the brain lord elect, able to see into the future and tell you it's horrid secrets. Bow before my mighty and awesome powers.

Arms sales are more important than dictators stealing elections and brutalizing people. I was wrong that the veto would get blocked over something inconsequential, nope, China and Russia just came right out and said weapons dealing. Russia further compounded the misery by claiming that there was no threat regional security. Well, if a brutalized populace and 3 million plus refugees already aren't security problems I guess nothing is.

Though he is right that no inter-state wars will break out over this, mostly because the nearest countries are crooked, kickback partners of Mugabe. The only danger is civil war, or that would be if the militias weren't already brutalizing a dirt poor populace unable to fight back because their money is worthless and what they do have is stolen by Mugabe to feed and pay the militias and send his wife off to Ferragamo for the designer handbags.

China didn't want sanctions to override negotiations overseen by South Africa. The same South Africa that supports Mugabe wholeheartedly, saw no problem with the election, and has referred to the refugees as fugitives. The same South Africa who supports Mugabe's negotiation conditions that he's free to steal elections when he wants and the opposition is free to die horribly and be buried shallowly. Like MDC official Gift Mutsvungun who was found burned to death with his eyes gouged out.

But hey, gotta protect those arms sales.

Phil Gramm cares about you

To those of you suffering in any way during this wintry economic climate, former Senator and McCain Advisor Phil Gramm has a message of compassion for you.

"You've heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession...We have sort of become a nation of whiners."

If you don't know Phil Gramm here's a refresher. His wife worked the board of directors for Enron, a company with which Gramm assisted by passing legislation that deregulated the energy futures market and created the "Enron loophole" which allowed them to scam California for $40 billion and may be helping fuel the surge in oil prices. He also deregulated banks and accounting companies, stood in the way of oversight, and passed more bills that greased the skids for the current subprime meltdown. He then jumped to banking and mortgage firm UBS where he lobbied congress on their behalf as its vice chairman. He then started advising McCain on economics, where McCain then started taking up more an more positions that echoed essentially what banks and subprime lenders exactly wanted.

Over the past decade he has generally conducted himself like a man who should be dressed in a mask, black cape and stripes, carrying around a large sack with a dollar sign on it as he tied some poor bastard to some train tracks.

His message in short "Fuck you. I'm rich, why aren't you? Suck it up, be glad I'm not hunting you for sport." We should be lucky that he isn't demanding that the poor be mashed up into paste to better lubricate the gears of industry. If you ever wondered why Obama would vote for telcom immunity, guys like Phil Gramm are why. Because are you really going to vote for the guy who wants the Gramm economic policy? No you aren't, so shut up and quit whining.

Profiles in courage

So you're Nursultan Nazarbayev, president of Kazakhstan. You've taken $80 million in bribes. The exact extent of your personal ill-gotten fortune is unknown, but your top adviser, daughter and son-in-law are all billionaires. The US State Department is calling you out on human rights violations for "arbitrary arrest and detention", "restrictions on freedom of speech, the press, assembly, and association", "lack of an independent judiciary", and "severe limits on citizens' rights to change their government.' You won your last election with 91% of the vote, cries of election fraud and Mugabe tactics. You watch Borat every night and laugh at all the inside humor that only Kazakhs get. What's next?

The Nobel Prize of course. Reps. Darrell Issa, R-Ca, and Charlie Melancon, D-La, are the two kind souls who see this record and think of honor, integrity, and peace. It also helps that you've been lobbied by Naz-zilla to the tune of $900,000 a month. I bet you're thinking that there's no way that there could be oil ties between these two men and Double N. You are wrong. Again. Oil companies have billions of dollars worth of deals with Nazarbayev in Kazakhstan, Issa speaks at US/Kazakh business conferences for oil companies and along with Melancon have pushed for oil companies to have stronger ties with Kazakhstan.

The only heartening thing is that literally anyone can be nominated for the Nobel. All you need is someone to fill out the paperwork for you (hint hint). Nazarbayev won't win because most invertebrates and Nobel voters have a better sense of ethics than Darrell Issa. But These Bastards would like to commend those two skid marks for their complete commitment to money grubbing, boot licking, and sucking up to dictators. God speed, lickspittles.