All Work and No Play........

First a little background---So, I have this co-worker that I get along with really really well and for quite some time now, we have been dancing around each other a bit, hinting at things and teasing-although its completely obvious that he is a top and I am a bottom and we both know each other's position(honestly, when someone walks around calling me "little girl" all day and other generally toppish things, its natural for me to slip into bottom mode--which "D" caught on to very quickly and now uses!) Today was the first time that "D" was openly toppish with me (note: I feel it important that I state here that my loyalites lie with Ace alone and any other relationship outside of ours is strictly platonic(for fun only) and only with His permission).

 While working on freight this morning, I accidentally sliced myself with a box cutter. Naturally, I immediately stopped what I was doing, went to the bathroom, and washed it out then applied pressure to it as I went back to what I was doing. I was looking down at my hand as I walked so I didnt immediately see "D" coming towards me, and by the time I did it was far too late to try to hide my hand.

"Hey, you ok?" D asked "What happened?"

"Oh, nothing, I just scratched myself with my blade, thats all" I tried to laugh it off.

"Let me see"-- Top voice.

"Its just a scratch" I replied, somewhat sassy. And that is when he did it.

THE LOOK.

(Thats the first time D has ever given me "the look" and my stomach did a flip-flop.) D moved closer to me.

"___Mae" (eep! He used my full name!!!) "Give  me   your  hand   now" D's voice was quiet but he emphasized each word and left me no room for doubt.

I put my hand out and I heard D take a sharp breath.

"Thats more than a scratch."

"Its not that bad" I said quietly "It doesnt even hurt, and I washed it out already".

"I'll be right back". D walked away and I tried to get back to working. A few minutes later he was back with First Aid box. He rifled through it for a minute, without finding what he was looking for, and then walked away again. He returned with a small bottle of hand sanitizer which immediately received an evil look from me that was not missed by D.

"There isnt any cleaner in there" D explained "Let's have your hand again" He held out his hand for mine.

"Oh, heck no" I said "You're not putting that on me, thats pure alcohol". D gave me an exasperated look.

"You're stronger than that, little girl" (dangit all, he knows how to get to me) "You dont want an infection".

I reluctantly gave D my hand and tried to hold still as he cleaned(ouch) and covered it, even manging enough grace to thank him for his help afterwards.

Assuming that was the end of it, and knowing we had wasted enough time out of the day, I turned back to my work.

"Where's your blade?" D startled me. I pulled it out of my pocket and held it up.

"Right here, why?" I asked.  He held out his hand for it, and I gave it to him, confused.

"You're not having that back today" D said, slipping it into his pocket.

"Um......what?!?!?" I said, now completely confused. "I can't open all of these boxes without it!"

"Well, you're just gonna have to, little girl"--accompanied once again by "the look".

So I spent the entire morning using the tip of a pen to cut tape on boxes, and the extra work made me regret being careless( I am sure that was D's point).

When I came home, I immediately told Ace what happened and unpackaged my hand to show to Him. He told me He was glad it had been taken care of (also citing fear of infection). Ace then carefully helped me cover it again while gently scolding me about being careful and held me for a while to make it better. :)

O que escapou

How do people do that?

How can one person, one soul, hold so much sway on other person??

Saw a picture today on a social networking site of an ex---the first person ever to Top me (although I didnt understand it then), the first to show me that pain doesnt always have to hurt, the first to challenge everything I thought I knew, to yank me on a wild forbidden rollercoaster and hold me at the top when I wanted to jump off.

The one that picked up the pieces when I did, put me back together, and told me it was ok.

Its been eight long years since I watched that plane fly away to Ecuador--the one I should have been on.

Guilty Conscience

So, I've been sick this last week and feeling pretty sorry for myself about it too. Decided I would go to work 3 days in a row and compound it (of course). Ok, so I get really really cranky when I am sick. Add to that the fact that I couldnt sleep at all for several nights in a row and I was one frustrated and bitchy individual. He knew I was feeling ugly so we skipped maintenance this last week(which I appreciated at the time but in reality compounded the situation more as I had started in a downward spiral that I couldn't pull myself back out from). Needless to say, I was out of control and I felt it. By the end of this week I was feeling completely lost-my attitute was way out of line and my temper kept flaring at the smallest things. He kept His patience through it all(how I dont know) and accepted all of my mistakes with only love or the very gentlest of (verbal) reprimands. Throughout it all, I knew what I was doing was wrong(my conscience gabbed my ears off) but I was far too full of myself and feeling miserable to care.

And of course, it proved true. I dont think words can really even describe how I feel looking back at it (I am doing the "holy crap, was that even me?!?!?" thing right now). Everything that I write about, everything I desire to be--lost in a few moments of weakness. This may just end up being one of the hardest parts for me--learning to control myself at all times(as opposed to justifying myself with the knowledge of accepting a punishment in exchange later).  That is not fair to Ace or to those who had to put up with me this week. Ultimately, its not fair to me either-- to lose myself and stray off of this path of submissiveness I so desperately want to be on. This is so frustrating for me. I want to be able to control myself at all times and to completely give up myself at the same time.

No matter how many times my conscience pricked me, I could not contain myself. No matter how many reprimands I received in love, I could not present myself to Him with a spirit of humility this week. I feel like I have failed on both counts--I could neither control my actions nor submit my will to Him.

And that hurts-- more than any spanking ever could.

Full of Joy!!!!

I have a new baby niece!! So very happy for my sister and brother in law!! All three of her kids are miracles(she was told she would never be able to have children). This is the 20th (!!!!!) grandchild for my parents! Feeling so blessed--I cant wait to see pictures!! :)

A lesson in submission

Ok, so this has been a theme for us for a while now---I have been trying so hard to bring myself to complete submission (thank God for Ace! He has been so amazing-both encouraging me towards it and waiting so patiently for me to get there! I never thought I would have so much difficulty with this-I thought it would simply be a matter of self-control but thats the problem. I wanted it so much that I couldnt stop trying to control every aspect of it. Only now am I realizing that control is not mine to have, its His and thats everything I could want). We had a discussion on submission the other night that completely broke me, after which I gave Him control over a very big part of myself(the most difficult test I have had so far). Little did I realize He had plans to test me again so soon! This is by far the most powerful moment we have ever shared.



Artwork by (the amazing) Kristen Jongen



I'm sitting in the recliner, reading(I actually had time for a book!!) when He walks into the room. He comes and stands in front of the chair and waits. I finish the sentence I am on then look up at Him questioningly.



"Can I help you?" I ask, teasing.

He puts one hand on each of the armrests, virtually locking me in the chair and looks me directly in the eyes.

Oh crap.

My eyes drop to the floor. My mind starts going in a million directions trying to single out what I've done. I come up with a few minor mistakes and I wonder if He is singling out just one or all of them together. He takes my hands and pulls me to my feet.

"Come with me" He says firmly, leading towards the bedroom.(Crap!!!)

He opens the door and flips on the lights, surprising me with a box sitting in the middle of the bed. I immediately head for the corner(by now I know what He expects) as my mind erupts into more turmoil over the contents of the box (please God, anything BUT another hairbrush!!!!). In a matter of moments, I sense Him walking up behind me and I close my eyes and brace myself for whats coming.

To my complete surprise, He turns me away from the wall and leads me over to the bed. We sit down facing each other and I survey the box(with no small amount of suspicion) out of the corner of my eye.

"Look at me". Not a request, a command I obey immediately. My heart constricts. This is the part I hate the most. The part where He is going to tell me what I have done and I will admit that yes I have (in fact) screwed up (again) and require (yet another) spanking.

"Do you remember what we talked about the other night?" His question catches me off guard.

"Ummm......... submission, Sir" I respond, wondering where this is going to.

"Right" He tells me with a little smile. "Here, I have something for you" He hands me the box "Open it."

I nervously take the lid off, revealing what looks like a long red scarf of silk. As I begin to lift it from the box I notice a similar piece, but black, underneath it. I look back at Him, questioning Him with my eyes.

"I dont understand..........." I begin and He cuts me off.  His eyes search my face as He gently reaches out and brings my wrists together, locking them in one powerful hand.

WHOA. His intention hits me like a ton of bricks.

OH HELL NO!!!!! I cant help but think it. (anyone who knows me, knows that being restrained (really restrained, not just held) is not something I can physically do--its always been a fear and it is something I have never permitted anyone to do to me).

My jaw drops to the floor and I stare at Him stupidly. Surely He knows better?

I let out a tiny laugh. "Its a little late for April fools jokes, dont you think?" I ask.

"Who's joking?" the deep rumble of His voice sends shivers through me. (Holy crap, He's serious!!!)

"Oh......Sir.......I just.........dont think that is something I can do........." My eyes drop down, knowing my answer will disappoint Him.

"Look at me" not a request, a command I obey immediately. "I know this scares you" He holds my head in His hands and looks straight into my soul "But I love you more than anything and I would never, ever harm you. I want you to trust me enough to submit to this" His voice is compassionate "Will you?"

Whoa. "I just dont know if I can, without fighting it Sir" I mumble. (My heart is screaming at me to submit but my mind is finding every excuse it can).

"But, you want to give up that fight though, isnt that right?" He asks. (Geesh, He came into this prepared!!)

I look up at Him gratefully and slowly nod--He knows exactly what I need to hear! He stands and pulls me into His arms for a moment of security before pushing me gently towards the corner. A few moments later, I again sense Him behind me. My fear becomes overwhelming and I begin to tremble.

"Calm down" His voice is quiet and gentle in my ear. He brings my hands behind me and I fight every urge to pull away as He binds my wrists together. I hear Him moving behind me again. Suddenly, everything goes black, and I barely resist screaming. Tears well up in my eyes behind the blindfold as He moves away from me.

Suddenly, I am sure I smell smoke from somewhere. My panic doubles as I frantically try to tell myself it is all in my head. I  take a deep breath to calm myself and the smell is unmistakable. Something's burning!!!! I immediately begin to fight the restraints on my wrists as tears pour down my face. An arm reaches around me, holding me and stopping me from wiggling. My words tumble over each other as I explain my fears to Him.

Right beside me, I hear a sound like air going out of a tire. I smell sulphur, then smoke and I am confused.

"Thats a match baby" His voice is tense "I lit the candles on the dresser". The candles!!!!!!! I almost faint with relief at His words.

"I'm sorry Sir" I apologize for my childishness. My disappointment is palpable. I feel Him close to me and I lean back into His chest, waiting for a reprimand I know I deserve.

"I want you to settle down now, baby" His voice is firm. "I'm right here with you". My whole being is relieved at His words and I feel new tears as He again moves away from me. I take a deep breath and commit to giving myself to Him entirely.

I hear the closet doors open and close. I feel His hands at my waist and my bottom makes contact with the cool air of the room. I close my eyes behind the blindfold as something swishes through the air, connecting with skin and leaving a fiery stripe in its wake. I try to focus on centering myself and breathing as I count nine more painful strokes that I now recognize must be from a switch. I brace myself, determined not to completely fail this test.

Twenty strokes later, the switching stops and I desperately try to collect myself.  He gently frees my wrists and removes the blindfold and I collapse into His arms. We move over to the bed and He lays me down carefully on my stomach. He gently soothes the marks from the switching and wipes away my tears. I cannot help but feel as though I have disappointed Him. I sit up carefully and brave a voice to tell Him so.

"You didnt disappoint me baby" He responds. " I know how hard that was for you to do. But you are still thinking about it too much. You need to let go--you want to let me have that control, dont you?"

My answer is immediate. "More than anything." He smiles at me.

"Then trust me to take it baby. Its the only way this is going to work". I nod in agreement and promise to try. He takes my hands and kisses each of my wrists then each of my eyes before settling me back down on the bed.

"Good" He responds  "Now go to sleep. I love you Mae".

submission

One little word.

Yet so hard to accept. Heartbreaking.

Yesterday I was spanked to bruises without a peep yet today one quiet conversation renders me a blubbering, maudlin mess. This is what I wanted. That brokeness of spirit. To take every hope and desire and place them in His hands for His choosing. To surrender completely to His will regardless of the sacrifice.

I've done it.

Now, (tearfully) I'm just praying for the grace to accept it with humility and the strength to stand through it.

"The Like In I Love You"

You reached into my heart

And found the music of my soul

The melodies unfold, for you

I never danced before                          

Until you asked me

Then magic lights lit up the floor    

Gliding through a starlit sky
Until we find the inner light
Now we can duplicate the universe

The pain in painting
The muse in music
The like in I love you

~Brian Wilson

Memory of a Shared Spanking-Another real life account

Ok, so this is by far both the most humiliating and thrilling spanking experience I have ever had. The subject came up in a discussion the other day, so I decided to post the story. First let me explain that the community I was raised in was deeply "religious" and believed whole heartedly in "spare the rod, spoil the child". I was disciplined very strictly in my home for even the most minor infractions and if there really was nothing else Mom would say "because you've done something somewhere, and this will hold you until I find out about it". Parenting responsibilities were largely looked at as communal---this was especially true for my best friend and I. House rules applied and it was clearly known that if I was at "B"'s house and I broke the rules I could expect to be punished just as though I were a member of the family. In retrospect, this seems like a pretty radical idea but it was one I was raised with and ultimately I accepted-- I really would not have wanted to stand there and see "B" get punished for mischief we had made together/rules broken together and feel like I was getting away without having to take my share of responsibility. There were many threats of punishment but besides a few casual smacks on the ass as "warnings" this is the only spanking I ever remember receiving from B's mom(to make this easier, her parents were Mr. and Mrs. M--but I became comfortable calling them Mom and Dad also and they encouraged it so I may refer to them as such here.) This one spanking was not shared by B and myself--but by myself and (!!!!) her older brother Stephen.

Steve and I were one year apart(13 and 14 respectively at the time) and CRAZY about each other. Of course, being stupid teenagers we would never have admitted it, so we did the next best thing. We fought with each other. ALOT. For one whole summer that was all we did(with B fighting Steve's best friend whom she was crazy about!) The fights were both physical and verbal and to this day I am shocked that our parents allowed us to continue without stepping in--that is until the day "Mom" finally had enough with us.

I was standing at the kitchen sink, helping B finish lunch dishes(I was staying at her house for a weekend and I always shared her chores so they would be done faster and I wouldnt be sitting around with nothing to do while she worked). Steve walked into the kitchen and he and I traded insults for a few minutes, gradually escalating in both volume and severity in word choice. Steve finally had enough and reached out and yanked my hair as hard as he could, which I responded to with a hard backhand across his chest.

"WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!" Mom was at the doorway in a moment. She ordered B out of the room then turned to glare at Stephen and I(he was standing across the room from me, backed against a wall and I was against the sink).

"I have had enough of this!" Mom's voice shook with anger.

"Stephen, get over here" she said, pointing to a spot on my right "I am going to whip both of you!" Mom said as she grabbed a wooden spoon out of a crock on the counter.

"No, Mom, please dont............" (to this day that is one moment that sticks out the most--hearing this macho guy--who later became a police officer--beg his mom not to spank him). 

"Turn around.......NOW!" Mom's voice was both terrifyingly calm and supremely angry.

By this time I was beyond scared and completely floored. (Was she really going to spank me--I'm not even her kid!! Surely she must be joking........Oh my god, she is going to spank me in front of Steve!) We were both looking out the window on the front yard and I gripped the edge of the sink, turning my head to the left so he wouldnt see the tears already forming in my eyes.                               

Mom walked up to me, held me by my left arm, and began paddling me hard with the spoon. I gripped the sink even harder, determined not to move or make a sound. It wasnt very long(but felt much longer) before Mom stopped. Tears poured down my face-not from the spanking but from the embarrassment. I waited to be excused(so I could run to B's room for a good cry) but Mom remained quiet as she moved behind Steve and I realized she meant for me to see his punishment as he had seen mine(at that point I could have cared less about revenge, I wanted to be out of there!). Mom paddled Steve for quite a bit longer than she had me(something I still feel guilty about today) which he elicted very quiet "ahhs" and "ows" throughout(another part that sticks out  for me). Finally, the spanking stopped.

"Alright, you two, no more fighting" Mom's voice had lost its anger and just sounded tired "Anymore fighting today and we go downstairs" (where Mom and Dad's bedroom was and Dad's office--I obviously had never done that before but I heard fearful tales from B about the belt hanging on the bedroom wall). "Dad is working on Sunday's sermon, so I suggest you dont make us interrupt him, understand?"

We both nodded solemnly and Mom dismissed us to our rooms. I fled from the kitchen and into the waiting arms of my best friend.

"Are you ok?" she asked "How bad was it? I cant believe Mom actually spanked you!" Her words tumbled out. I simply nodded and sat carefully on the edge of the bed, wiping the tears away as fast as they came.

"It wasnt that bad, I just cant believe she did it in front of Steve!!" I wailed. I blushed scarlet at the thought and covered my face with my hands. There was a soft knock at the door and B answered it.

"What do YOU want?!?" I heard her say angrily. My head snapped up---surely she didnt say that to Mom!!!!!! I looked past B to see Steve standing at the door. I stood up quickly with my back to him and wiped away the rest of the tears before facing him-bracing myself for what I was sure would be teasing about having just been spanked.

"I just wanted to tell you....that I'm sorry" he said quietly. (Talk about being floored! That was the last thing I expected to hear!) "I didnt really think Mom would have done that--I wouldnt have started nothing if I would have known........." he trailed off.

"I'm sorry too" I said "Lets just call it a truce, ok?" I put out my hand.

"Truce" he said, shaking it and that was the end of our fight.

"You Need A Spanking" Part 2

Fifty five minutes later, I quickly finish proof-reading and click "Save"(if only that worked in real life!) as He walks into the room.

"Is it finished?" He asks. I again fight the urge to sass back, to inform Him that He is five minutes early.

"Yes Sir, I just finished it."

"Good, lets have a look then" He says as I scoot out of the computer chair. I hover behind Him, reading it again, nervously waiting for His judgement. Finally, after an eternity, He closes the window and turns to me.

"Well......" He begins, and I cringe knowing its going to be bad news "Its very good!" I imagine my face was quite comical at that point(that wasnt what I was expecting!)

"You covered your topic very well and stayed on it, used good analogies, and no spelling mistakes" He informs me. "However, there were a few grammar mistakes-we will have to talk about that" His voice is gentle but firm(it is a repeat offense, I never get it exactly right).

My eyes fall to the floor-He can see I am disappointed. He stands and pulls me into His arms.

"Look at me." Not a request, a command which I obey immediately. "Dont worry about it too much-you did very well and I am proud of you." He smiles at me. "See what a little encouragement can do?"

I smile back up at Him, somewhat relieved and wrap my arms around Him.

"Are you going to spank me now?" I ask quietly.

"No." His answer catches me off guard and I pull away to give Him a questioning look. "Right now, you are going to the corner" He states matter-of-factly.

I open my mouth to ask if I have to(I hate the corner) but He stops me with a look. Knowing I wont get anywhere arguing, I groan and head for the bedroom.

After what seems like half of forever, I hear Him come in and go to the closet. As He opens the doors, I venture a peek to see what is in store for me. He catches me looking and quickly walks over to me as I turn back to the corner.

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Stay in that corner, and stand still." His voice, low and growly, sends shivers down my spine. He moves back to the closet, taking out the rest of the implements then returns to me.

He pushes his hand up through my hair and gently pulls my head back. He pushes me against the wall and begins to spank my bottom with his hand. SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK--He continues for several minutes before pulling me away from the wall.

He guides me over to the bed and bends me over the side of it. I bury my face into the blanket and close my eyes, waiting. I hear Him sigh and then the lecture begins.

"Alright, Mae, tell me why you are being spanked tonight" He begins. I hate this part.

"Because I have not been focusing on my homework and procrastinating about getting it done" I reply.

He picks up the hairbrush and paddles me hard with it. SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK..........He continues until I am breathless and beginning to squirm.

"Stand up" He orders "and take off your clothes." I slowly bare myself and He places me back over the edge of the bed. He picks up the leather paddle.

"Why do you insist on waiting until the last minute to complete your assignments?" He asks, paddle raised and ready.

"I dont know Sir" I respond. The paddle flies down SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK making me jump.

"Try again" He says. I take a deep breath and try to come up with a better answer.

"I guess because I always think I will have enough time" I respond.

"Mmmmm, I see". The paddle goes to work again SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK,SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK!!!!!!  I keep my face buried and try to stay still, knowing I deserve it.

"But you dont end up having enough time do you?" He asks. (Good grief, what torture!!)

"No Sir" I respond, bracing for the next round. SMACK, SMACK!!!!

"And that makes you get stressed out, doesnt it?" SMACK!

"Yes Sir!" I cry out.

SMACK SMACK(ow) SMACK SMACK SMACK(ouch!) SMACK!!!!!!!!!

"And what happens when you get stressed out?"  SMACK SMACK!!!!

"I......get frustrated and lose my temper sometimes" I reply.

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK(owwwww!!)!!!!!!!!

"Sometimes?" He asks, and I realize what He is getting at.

"More often than I should, Sir" I reply. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK!!!!!!!!!! I take a deep breath and try to stay quiet.

"Thats better" He says and I am relieved from the paddle for a moment. He stands and goosebumps raise up on my skin as I hear Him unbuckle His belt and take it off. I glance over my shoulder and watch Him double it over. His face is hard and resolute, and I cannot hold His gaze. I gulp down a sob and look away, waiting for Him to start, determined to behave and accept it.

"Are you going to continue to procrastinate on your homework, Mae?" I am loathe to answer, knowing the belt will accompany my response.

"No Sir, I promise I will try harder" I respond quietly.

"Do we need to have another discussion about watching your temper, Mae?" He asks.

"NO, Sir!" This time I am quick to answer, remembering the last discussion of that nature.

"I certainly hope not." He replies. "I am going to whip you now" He tells me gently but firmly "For continuing to procrastinate on your homework. You need to stop stressing yourself out like that.This is going to hurt, and then I dont ever want to have to spank you for this again, you understand?"  I take another deep breath, trying desparately to choke back the sobs.

"Yes Sir, I understand." He places His hand on my back, both reassuring me and holding me still, and begins to whip me hard.

WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP
WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP!!!!!!!!

He stops after fifty and I find myself crying real tears, both from the shame and the release He has given me. He stands me up and envelops me in His arms, allowing me to cry it out for a few minutes.

"Mae." The quiet firmness of His voice captures my attention. "You know we are not done, right?" Deep down I knew-my hopes that He would forget after that belting dashed. I bury my face into Him and nod.

"I know Sir." I whisper. "I have not been punished for the mistakes on my paper yet." I look up and see He is surprised that I have admitted it without His prompting.

"Good girl." He tells me quietly "I am proud of you for saying it."  He picks up the bamboo stick as my eyes widen.

"Sir, please........." I begin, new tears springing to my eyes. His "Top" look has returned and I see the determination on His face as He pulls me close to Him again.

" I want you to take six strokes, and then we are done" He tells me. "You have been very good, and taken your punishment very well so far.......lets get it done now" I nod and allow Him to place me kneeling on the bed, bent over the footboard.

"Count out these six baby, and then its over" He says. (My second most hated thing--counting!!)

WHACK!! "One, Sir" I count quietly.
WHACK!! "Two, Sir"
WHACK!! "ahhh, Three Sir" I respond trying to keep the pain out of my voice
WHACK!! "Four, Sir" 

I close my eyes and brace for the last two, hardest strokes.

WHACK!!!!!! "ow ow ow!!!! Five Sir" I respond, almost missing the count.
WHACK!!!!!! "Six Sir!!" I cry out as I collapse into tears.

He helps me move to the head of the bed and I lay on my side as He lays down behind me, spooning me and wrapping me in His arms.

After a few moments I brave a voice.

"Sir?" I whisper.

"What is it baby?"

"Do you hate me, for making you do that?" (post-spanking guilt)

"Of course not Mae. I didnt want to do it, but I love you and I wont allow you to self destruct like that. I know you dont do these things to try to anger me-you just need some direction. If that means I have to spank you, then I will. But I love you, more than anything, and I would never ever hate you."

"Promise?" I ask.

"I promise. Now go to sleep" He says, snuggling into me. As His rough jeans press into my sore bottom I realize how much He really does love me--enough to take me in hand---and how lucky I am.

"You need a spanking"

Four little words....but put together they can create such powerful feeling. Here is a r/l account.

I'm standing at the porch door, looking out on all the sunshine and watching fat robins peck away at helpless worms(Toppish animals, those robins). I don't hear Him until He is directly behind me(convienient).

"Cabin fever?" He asks.

"Yeah, its so gorgeous out there today."

"Yes, it is" He agrees, as I lean back against Him.

"But this is not what you are supposed to be doing is it?" His voice takes on a firmer tone, one I know too well.

"No, Sir, its not" I reply quietly "But its so hard to focus with the sun shining like that."

He reaches His arms around me, trapping me, and slides one hand slowly up to my throat applying just enough pressure to ensure my full attention.

"You've been having quite a bit of difficulty focusing lately, havent you?"

I fight the urge to reply sarcastically or defensively as it certainly will not help the situation. I drop my gaze to the floor reflexively even though He cannot see it.

"Yes Sir, I have" I whisper.

"You need a spanking". Those four little words!!

I shiver involuntarily. He turns me around and lifts my chin up, looking me directly in the eyes. I lower my gaze(again reflexively) and chew on my lip(my tell-tale "guilty" signs).

"Look at me". Not a request, a command I obey immediately.

"You know you need it, dont you?" His rhetoric tone makes it clear He knows the answer already. I nod my head slowly.

"I cant hear you, Mae." He responds, slightly angry "Answer me."

"Yes Sir, I know." I answer quietly.

I see a brief moment of compassion in His eyes(He knows admitting it is the hardest part for me). He pulls me into His arms, postioning me slightly to His left. Knowing whats coming, I bury my forehead into His chest and close my eyes as He raises His right hand.........

SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He lands two powerful swats on each side of my bottom, then pushes me gently up from His chest. I wait contritely, expecting to be ordered into a corner or to fetch one of the implements from the bedroom.

"Get back to work, Mae". The order surprises me. "I want that paper done in one hour, and perfectly."

I glance up at Him, confused. Surely that cant be all? He reads the question on my face.

"We'll discuss this more tonight, along with the quality of that paper, when the sun's no longer around to distract you." He answers with a little smile "You better get working."

He steers me back towards the computer desk, with one final almighty SMACK as a motivator. I sit down, determined to work despite the turmoil in my mind. What will tonight bring...............??

Launched a blog...YAY!

Well, I finally did it--held off because I thought it would require more work than this and I didnt want the hassle. Glad to have a place to write and share experiences. :) Now to get writing! :)