Lacy Anne - Birth Story

Disclaimer: I talk about labor and delivery, this is a TMI post.  You have been warned. Read at your own discretion.

It is finally time to write this down. I have procrastinated long enough.  It has really just taken me this long to accept how things happened and let go of my pride.

After a very uneventful 34 weeks of pregnancy, Lacy decided to spice things up for us and start dropping.  After a few days of on and off contractions, and then finally some painful, consistent ones, I was placed on moderate bed rest at exactly 35 weeks pregnant.  I was only to be careful, but after a day, more dilating and contractions, I was placed on complete bed rest so we could have this baby at home, and more importantly to keep Lacy out of the NICU.

So naturally, the two weeks inched by and made a quick pregnancy turn into a long one.  That is ok, I got to read and watch TV and do nothing.  That will never happen again, at least it better not.

I got off bed rest at 37 weeks and started back to my normal routine, and two days later started having more early labor type contractions.  I let them come this time without much thought, and started a cleaning spree only to cut short by a call from my midwife.  She was finally able to get a hold of my labs that were taken 3 months prior (the lab entered in a TON of information wrong and it made it very difficult to retrieve the results or to even believe who we were).  She was in a panic because my hemoglobin count was ridiculously low - I wasn't terribly concerned to be honest, I have struggled with a low hemoglobin my entire life, even in pregnancy, but there are rules about where it should be when delivering at home and my count was far from that, even still I felt that there was nothing to worry about other than trying to get my levels up - so I stopped cleaning...  And went back to moderate bed rest while I tried to get my levels back up.  A few days after this I went into a birthing center to have my hemoglobins checked, still way low.  I will admit, I let that midwife scare me a little.  She saw my readings and immediately sent me into a panic, telling me I should be at a hospital, getting bags of iron, baby is at risk of low oxygen, etc...  All legitimate concerns when you go by numbers.  But if I had just gone by my instincts, prayer, and faith, I would have been fine.  Through all the panic and concern, I just kept feeling everything was ok.  Oh well, I still went to the hospital, because I was afraid that baby's low movement was a result of a lack of oxygen.  While there the Dr. explained that although my levels put me at risk, there was nothing else about my panel, or my physical appearance that triggered any sort of concern.  She believed my labor and delivery would be without complication, and was confused as to why I was concerned.  There was ONE time the baby's heart rate spiked really high, and another where it got to the top of the range, because she was moving DURING a contraction, and that sent my mom and my midwife into another panic.  At this point, Spencer and I were ready to just do everything ourselves. We had such conflicting messages from the Dr. and my midwife. And my midwife couldn't even deliver me at this point... so I was stuck with whatever Dr. was on call the day I had the baby.  Not that it would matter.

Another week inched by...

Up to this point I had a day each week of contractions that made changes.  By 38 weeks I was 3 cm and 65% effaced, or thereabouts.  Actually, I ended up in labor and delivery again at 38 weeks, but the second I entered the L&D room my contractions completely stopped.  People say that you can't keep your baby inside, that when they are coming they are coming.  I think they are wrong.  I fully believe that I communicated with this little one while she was inside. I begged her to stay in.  And she did.  I used EVERY SINGLE remedy I could to stop labor when it started. Anyway, so that day I got to go home, and I was 4 cm!  And I, again, resumed normal activity.  This time, there was a lot of anxiety and stress weighing on my shoulders. My midwife at this point couldn't even deliver me if my levels were even normal.  But she is still going to be there for me as much as she can.

I cannot describe the roller coaster of emotions at this point. This was seriously the biggest let down of my life. To spend 9 months dreaming about having this amazing experience...  then to have it ripped away in a heart beat.  I cried. A lot.  I felt so helpless.  And a lot of other things I don't care to admit.

At 38 weeks and 5 days I have the LONGEST day ever.  I was in labor from the moment I got up until almost midnight.  The contractions were irregular but consistent. 3 - 15 minutes apart.  But I woke up the next day pregnant, and rested.

38 weeks

39 weeks

39 weeks on the day, I went to get my last blood draw.  Praying for a miracle after the 2 weeks of cramming every type of iron I could into my body.  The week before my levels had significantly jumped after only a week.  And all the while communicating with my previous midwife and my old neighbor who is a midwife and my best friend from Utah who assisted her mother (the neighbor who is a midwife), they seriously gave me so much of what I needed. Support and confidence.  They would allow me to talk and express that I felt nothing wrong despite the stupid numbers.  I was so angry that the results came back when they had. A few months sooner and we could have done something about them, a few days later and we would have been none the wiser.  All those numbers did was create panic.  I knew nothing was going to go wrong. I knew my body, and at this point no one around me would trust me, except Spencer.

THE DAY (7/25/13)

39 weeks and 1 day.  I wake up, jump in the shower because Spencer has to start working in a few minutes and I need to take over with the kids.  I feel some light contractions, and the baby is sooo low I feel like I am peeing myself every time she moves.  No big deal, I'm in the shower, and I am huge and can't hold it while standing anyway. But then I realize, I keep peeing, EVERY time the baby moves more pee trickles out...  but I haven't even had anything to drink... and it is clear.  Could that be my water? I shrug it off and get out of the shower.  As I am getting ready I get another urge to pee, so I run the the bathroom, I filled my panty liner and then more comes out in the toilet.  I put on a pad, go downstairs, tell Spencer I think my water broke, but that I wasn't having contractions and if it did break not all the water is coming out, so we have time.  I fill that pad on my way up the stairs, and another within 10 minutes.  This is just down right uncomfortable... I feel like I am peeing myself every time the baby moves.

I call my mom and she immediately rushes over.  The time I noticed it was my water was around 8 am, I call my mom at 8:45 am, she was there before 10. I tell Spencer to stop working. My sister comes (she wanted to be there when the baby was born).  My dad comes too.  I didn't want to go to the hospital if labor hadn't started, but I was afraid once it did, the baby would slip right out in the car.  So Spencer got EVERYTHING ready in case we delivered at home.  We sent everyone out to various things, Declan went to Becca's, Girls with Mom, Dad and Jeremy, Kayla for Oreos. Spencer gave me a blessing while the house was quiet.  Prior to this we talked a lot about different scenarios (when I say we, I mean me and Spencer just listened since he knew there was no way to plan for said event).  But immediately before the blessing was pick a number for my hemoglobin to be above in order for us to stay at home, if it was below we would go to the hospital.  During his blessing the text came with the number. It was below our number, so there was no more questioning.  Kayla got back, and we got ready, and we headed out to get labor going closer to the hospital.

We went to Taco Cabana (the drive thru), ate in the car, contractions were 5 minutes apart but bearable.  We went and walked around the LDS Temple here in San Antonio, since it was close to where we delivered.  And when the contractions had been 5 minutes apart for two hours and getting more painful, we decided to get to the hospital.

I am 6 cm, and 80% effaced.

I seriously thought I was going to have this baby while waiting in triage.  But again, I kept her in there. And again, when I got into the room, labor stopped.  We got to the hospital just after 3 and into the room by 5.

I will not tell you how far they pushed pitocin.  We kept having to say no.  The first words out of the Dr's mouth, "so you water is broken, and contractions are not really picking up, when were you thinking you would want to try a low dose of pitocin to speed things up?" Umm, let me get settled and at least TRY to pick things up before jumping the gun! The first Dr. on call was relieved by another, and again, the pitocin lecture.  Your water has been broken for almost 12 hours, only a half cm dilated in the last two hours, risk of infection... yada yada.  My fluids  and discharge were clear, the baby's heart rate was amazing, I had the perfect temp.  And there was still progress being made regardless of what the monitor picked up.  I finally told the second Dr. I know the risks, I will not even think about it until it has been longer than 24 hours AND the fluids are no longer clear or I have a fever or the baby's heart rate is worrisome.  He went off to say I could go septic, he just wanted what was best for me and the baby... I said, who's to say that is what is best? There is no longer a fair amount of fluid around this baby, my body responds VERY well to pitocin in the SMALLEST dose, I fear the contractions will be too much for my baby and I could very well end up in an emergency C-Section... I want to wait.  He finally dropped it.

Meanwhile, the first Dr had suggested (in passing), that we could try rupturing the fore bag, the part of the membrane at the top of the baby's head, and see if that helped things progress.  I felt strongly that I would rather try that before anything else.

So, after the pitocin lecture, I ask my nurse to get the new Dr. to rupture the fore bag.  With my previous two, labor picked up and I was holding my baby within an hour of rupturing my bag, so let's give it a shot.

At this point we had sent Kayla to pick up dinner.  It was just around 9 pm.

He comes in at about 9:15 and ruptures my fore bag several times, I am at a 7 and stretch to a 7.5, still 80% (I think) effaced, and only a tiny little bit of water comes out, but the baby no longer has that little bit of water holding her off the birth canal.  We tell him it will be fast at this point.  He doesn't believe us.  He and the nurse clear the room, and Spencer and I made out and talked about our wedding night.  (look, this helped the previous labor, and it is an important thing to try if labor is stalled. it works. that is all)

And voila.... contractions.

At this point it is about 9:30, or so and we have already called Kayla to come back.  Contractions are picking up pretty fast, getting consistent and about 2-4 minutes apart.   9:40, I feel more pressure and the baby dropping. The awesome bed can put me in a seated position, so that is how I am.  The nurse comes in, she says I am only an 8 so hang tight because she has to rush to another delivery.  I tell her, this baby is coming soon.  Spencer tells her we only have about a half an hour at this point. I am trying so hard not to moan or lay back at all.  Because I am afraid of delivering this baby without a nurse or Dr there.  Each contraction is getting more and more intense.  Around 10, another nurse comes, brings the delivery cart all the way in the room, tells me my nurse is almost done with the other mom, and runs to go relieve her.  I know I am transitioning.  The music I had playing up to this point is off (Piano Guys), Spencer and Kayla can no longer talk to me.  Although, this time I allow Spencer to remind me to breathe and relax, he has mastered how to tell me during a contraction.

My nurse comes back (Tiffany), and Spencer tells her this is it.  She has to check me before she can call the Dr.  I am moaning by this point, not all dramatic like the movies, but the noise comes out with each contraction.  She tells me to lay back a little so she can check me and to let the baby come over my tail bone, and I tell her the baby is going to come (what I was thinking was, wait til the Dr get's here because my tail bone is the only thing keeping her in at this point, if I lean back at all she will come out). Apparently, despite us telling them, the Dr wouldn't come until the nurse checked and was complete. Well, she checked, but now I was locked in position, and now crowning. She texted and called the Doc, but he was nowhere to be found.

It was just Spencer, Kayla, Tiffany and I.  Seriously, the baby was out in minutes.  She at least has her gloves on, Spencer is watching the babies head as Tiffany is getting the tray, Spencer is telling her, as calmly as possible, the baby is coming RIGHT NOW.  I feel another contraction, and the urge to push.... up to this point I kept focusing on breathing through each contraction and imagining how close I was to holding my baby, I kept thinking "I'm going to meet my baby," and it would almost take the pain away...  So as I had the urge to push, Spencer and Tiffany both told me to stop pushing because I would cause a tear, the baby was already coming fast enough. So I had started pushing, they tell me to stop, the only way I can even remotely try is to muster up a deep breath, mid contraction, but as I breath in, the baby literally slipped right out.  Like a cork screw.  Spencer and Tiffany caught her and lifted her to me, she was already pink and looked like she had just had a bath.  Seriously, she was covered in clear amniotic fluid. And she looked EXACTLY like Spencer.  She was born at 10:22 pm.  The feeling just after delivering naturally isn't one you can experience any other way.  I was so flooded with oxytocin, I was completely elated. I know you get a smaller version even with an epidural, but my experience with Alice was nothing like this. I couldn't believe it was over and that my new little baby was in my arms!!!  I was so happy in that moment. It was amazing.

I was able to hold her and nurse her before they finally took her to weigh her.

They left her on me for a while, and Spencer made sure the cord wasn't pulsing any more before he cut it.  And guess who made it just in time to deliver the placenta?! You guessed it. The doctor. Amazingly, I didn't bleed nearly as much with Lacy as I did with any of the others and my iron was the lowest. I took Shephards Purse a lot during labor, took cayenne pepper pills immediately after I delivered and they gave me the normal dose of pitocin I have had AFTER each delivery.

I was good to go the following morning, but Lacy had to stay until at least 8 pm the next night before she could come home.  Spencer will be the first to tell you, we were so anxious to get home!  I enjoyed having all of that time with Lacy, but it was uncomfortable and I hated the interruptions.  At least they never took her away from me! And the one time she went to the nursery, Spencer went with her while I showered and transferred rooms.  She is the only one not to be jaundiced, too.  My little Juerita!

After a shower

Still on my Oxytocin high

Waiting for Alice, Spencer is the best labor partner EVER.

Alice got to come that night!

Norah Loving on Lacy the morning after we got home.

Declan was so confused!

We had to fight a little to get home, but we finally go to go!

First Family Picture, September 1st, 2013

I couldn't be happier with my little family.  I know things didn't turn out at all like I expected, but they turned out just fine!  People argue that it was good for me to be at the hospital in case things went wrong, but, between Spencer and I, we knew nothing was going to go wrong.  But we went, and if for nothing more than to be able to test my resolve against the lovely hospital system, then it was worth it.  I was finally able to stick up for what I felt was best for my baby and I.  I was able to prove to myself that I can make sure I never go against what I feel is right, even in an uncertain situation.

I know what the risks were, I know the baby could have had a low oxygen supply, and that I could have hemorrhaged, but I also knew that I wouldn't.  Still, we went.  It was the answer we received, and we obeyed.

Finally, 12 weeks later, I feel like I can finally let go of some of my pride!  haha!

Smiles make everything better :)

I try to soak up as many of these moments as I can!

If there is one thing I have learned up to this point, it is to cherish the blessings.  Find joy in the moments life offers us.  And to be patient with myself as I adjust to our new life!

Having Children in Faith

I know it has been a while since I posted an update on this blog! But I guess I should announce that we are back in Texas, Spencer has another new job (he was recruited for this one and it was a pay raise and in San Antonio, so we took it!), and we are expecting baby number 4!!  Our family just keeps growing! And if you ask me if we are done or taking a break, I won't have an answer... because every time I answer that questions we end up pregnant again... no matter what the answer is. lol!  I am so excited to be having our little Lacy Anne at home like we had Declan (pending there are still no complications).  The girls are super excited and we have been preparing them for a water birth.  We have been discussing our birth plan a ton, and I am so grateful my mom is only 3 miles away!  Alice is the most excited about having a baby sister, she says, "I have a baby boy, and now I'm gonna have a baby girl!"  Sometimes I correct her, but I love her enthusiasm.

Anyway, tonight, Spencer and I had a moment to talk about how much we have grown and how we feel we have been able to grow stronger as a couple through all of these changes despite the trials and hardship of new babies and new houses and new jobs.  Then we got onto the Mormon Channel on YouTube and found this video.  It was perfect. It was like Heavenly Father verifying to us that we will be just fine through all of this chaos. As long as we are following the Lord's counsel to the best of our abilities, we will only grow stronger.

After watching this video, Spencer started discussing how he totally agrees with the philosophy that God gave us time so we can have children.  He was commenting on how unique it is that out of all of the animals on the earth, humans take the longest to raise and formulate bonds with.  That we are really on this earth to go through this whole cycle of getting married, having babies, raising them, and then helping them as they go through it all....  I love him, and I am so glad we share this perspective.  We are in love with our little growing family! We are so lucky!

Oh Pinkeye.... and a new job!!

So basically, I HATE pinkeye.  It is such a disgusting plague!  It is SOOOO contagious and it just takes FOREVER to get rid of in one family.  So the first person to get it has been over it for days, and the second person got over it a day ago, and the THIRD person to get it will probably have if for a couple MORE days, I am just praying the baby and I are spared.  I am going on 7 days of house arrest here and about to DIE!  We did, however, go pick up my dad from the airport yesterday, so that was a fun outing.  And I have escaped a couple times to regain precious sanity and it helped a TON... but I am ready to be over the lysoling all over the place and constant hand sanitizing!  

Ok, now that's off my chest. We have been tremendously BLESSED!  Spencer starts a new job on Wednesday and we (meaning I) are so grateful to have a job that will allow us paid time off!  Ya, so we get all the fancy benefits, but I am stoked we can actually just take a vacation as a family for once!  Yes, we have taken vacations in the past, but up to now we have just either lost all the pay or he has had to work to make up for it, so it doesn't really feel like a vacation...  Anyway, paid time off is probably the BEST benefit EVER invented!  I am so excited we can finally see him without having to go on one less date, or short ourselves on groceries.  Don't get me wrong, we get to see him now, but usually 2 out of our 3 children are having meltdowns, and/or we are running around trying to fix this place up.

We have been so blessed!  I am so excited to see what the Lord has in store for us!

New Blog

Sooo, I decided that instead of making the family blog all about mommy, I started one just for that! The new blog will be Me In ONE Place.  It is all about motherhood/wifehood/womanhood... according to me that is...  Anyway, happy following!

Let's Keep Things Simple

Last night I had the privilege of attending our local LDS temple with a few ladies from my neighborhood. It was exactly what I needed. Through life's recent uncertainties I found myself very overwhelmed and struggling to keep a positive perspective. I was losing my confidence in letting the Lord guide us and help us through this trying time. But just before we were about to leave I was sitting and looking at a picture of the Savior. It is an artists rendition of the resurrected Lord at the second coming. The Savior is standing erect with his arms out stretched and his palms facing the viewer so as to see the prints of the nails in his hands and feet. I just looked at Him and realized that this is what I should be holding on to. The Savior not only atoned for my sins, but for my sorrows, weaknesses, pain and suffering. He provides comfort through those willing to act as he would. As a few of us went out and visited after the temple I could just feel the burden of this trial lifting off my shoulders. I was reminded that if we take His yoke upon us, our burdens are made light.

I have absolutely NO idea what the future holds for our family, but I know that as we council with the Lord, and those around us, we will be strong enough to heed His council and make it through this trial. The Lord is always available to ease our burdens we just need to keep things simple and keep our eyes single to His glory.

On another note, look who smiled during tummy time!

When Life Throws A Curve Ball

We have some uncertain things coming our way in the VERY near future. All I can say is: when life throws you a curve ball, learn how to hit it... Don't strike out! I am so grateful for the Gospel and the peace that comes from learning it's precepts. I know the Lord has a purpose. The trick is figuring out what that is!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Free-Thinkers and Harsh Judgments....

Recently, I learned that the way my family and I have jumped on the homebirthing and plant-based diet bandwagons has offended some people.  For this I am terribly sorry.  Too often, I express my opinion in an I-am-right-you-are-wrong kind of way, without realizing it.  I had a once dear friend undergo a c-section due to complications during labor.  I didn't fully understand her complications at the time and assumed the Dr's were to blame for her c-section.  I was very irritated and concerned that the c-section, like sooo many others, was a result of 'unnecessary' hospital interventions.  Anyway, long story short, the way I asked my questions was misconstrued into pride and a holier-than-thou type attitude.  Her story was legitimate, and the entire reason c-sections are necessary in the first place.  Not all women who have c-sections are 'victims' of modern medicine, but too many are, this was not the case with my former friend.  I know that now.  And thank goodness she prayed and felt completely impressed that she needed to have her baby at a hospital.  Early on in our pregnancies I was talking about my desire to homebirth and I remember her commending me for it but telling me, even then, that she knew she needed to be at a hospital.  It is easy to understand why now.  She is a huge advocate for natural birthing and I was devastated to learn that her c-section resulted in no possibility for VBAC's since they had to cut her uterus twice.  I was fishing to find out if she really deserved this outcome.  I mean, for any other woman who doesn't really think twice about 'how' her baby enters this world just that it does and is healthy, I wouldn't have been so concerned.  But this person was the first person to really put the idea of natural birthing into my mind and was so well educated on the whole subject.  I was devastated to find out she would no longer be able to experience something she was so passionate about, mainly because I thought she would have been devastated.  Of course, the fact that she and her baby would have died otherwise brought peace to the situation, but still, I just wished she didn't have to go through that.

I have my opinions on vaccinations, diet, birthing, raising children, but they are not across the board nor doctrine.  These opinions have been derived from countless hours of research and praying and advice from doctors, herbalists, friends, and family.  Mainly the praying though.  We have found OUR answers to these prayers, and they have put us outside the 'norm.' More and more often we have become the victims of the same criticism and judgements others think we bestow upon the 'normal' people.  I do have an issue with people who don't do the research and then judge me for the way I do things, but then there are the people who do do the research and still judge me.  I can't really do anything about that.  I am just sorry if I have offended anyone by expressing my opinions, that was not my intent.  I do not judge those that follow the norms.  I do feel that even Spencer and I don't fully understand the reality of the world around us, and that every piece of evidence we have found that has compelled us to make these changes in our lives has evidence to the contrary that can be often times equally compelling.  The difference is that we have sought the Lord's guidance and know what is right for OUR family.

And for the record, we do vaccinate our children, just not on the same schedule as everyone else... close, but not the same.

Leave It To Beaver

How many of us watch or watched Leave It To Beaver??  The all too idealistic June Cleaver forever impresses upon women how we think we should contribute to the family dynamic.

This morning as I was trying to explain to Spencer what I pictured when I think about the wife and mother I ought and want to be, June Cleaver was basically what I came up with.

I told him how I want, so badly, to be the kind of wife and mother that just has it together. One who has cooked meals, clean house, and is there for her family, with a positive attitude and a smile on her face.  I compare myself way to much... But I do the all too common "compare my weaknesses to others' strengths" thing...  And then Spencer brought to light a new perspective that has me determined to start anew, he pointed out that focusing on my flaws is selfish.  He first asked me why I never dwell on my strengths, and I responded that it was vain and self-centered.  Then he explained that so was dwelling on my flaws.  It is, quite simply, "self-ish."

How's that for a fast one, huh?!  I know that focusing on one's "self," is just a recipe for trouble.  We may start off trying to build self-confidence and self-esteem and all those other "self-isms. " But that is all it is, "self-ish."  The most important thing I can do is not compound my flaws and every aspect of my nature into one thing.  I learned recently in a small lesson given by a dear friend, I am not subject to only ONE thing, ONE role, if you will.  I may only think of myself as a wife and a mother, but I am also a daughter, a sister, a coach, a granddaughter, a niece, a friend, a cook, a housekeeper, a neighbor, and the list goes on...  When I fail at any one of those things it doesn't mean I am a failure as a person, it simply means that I failed at that one thing.  And if I failed at one or even two things, all hope is not lost, I will simply dust myself off and try again.

And look at this face :)  He doesn't think I fail at anything.