Hope you know we had a hard time

We had a family home evening lesson last week that touched me deeply. I guess as Carolyn and I struggle with her health problems, this message really hit home and made me so greatful for my Savior. The lesson started with a message from Elder Quentin Cook called "Hope ya know we had a hard time." It can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz41YxNiHEg

Then we read an article from the Ensign from Iris Adriana Leal Castilla, “I Remembered the Savior,” Ensign, August 2009, 72–73. I wish to just quote a small part of it.

"I realized that I had been so preoccupied with trying to find someone to help me solve my problems that I had forgotten the Savior’s call to draw near unto Him (see D&C 88:63). In my rush to find a solution, I had forgotten the Being who had power to give me peace in my afflictions and to answer my prayers."

I am grateful for living prophets who remind me of things that in the challenges of live we sometimes forget. I know many of you may be having a hard time. I hope the messages in this lesson will help you as they did me.

My Dad

I have tried since the death of my dad to sit down and write a little about his last few weeks here with us but have found it very difficult to do. However, I feel a great need to write some of the last things that my dad taught me as he and my mom and my family have been the great teachers in my life.

Dad was scheduled to come and visit with us on December 27 after Christmas and was going to stay until after his 90th birthday. But the week before he did not feel well and decided he would stay home and try to get feeling better before he came to visit us.

Around the first of January, my sister and I talked and she suggested that we might want to come to Phoenix and visit with dad.

On January 2 Carolyn and I left for Phoenix. Little did we realize that this would be our last trip to see dad. I am so glad that we went to Arizona when we did and am so grateful that we had this last week with him.

He was in the hospital when we arrived. He looked great and said that he was feeling pretty good. They had done some dialysis with him and were still considering what to do. Dad seemed happy to see us and we had a nice visit. That night I decided to stay at the hospital with dad. When he woke up in the morning, he said that during the night he was thinking about how life was like Suduko. He loved doing Sudukos and it was natural for him to use things he knew about as teaching tools. He said that in Suduko you have to move the numbers around and when you get them all in the right place that you have solved the problem. He said that he had been thinking about his health problems and what seemed to be the things that needed to happen and he said that no matter however or where ever he put them, they just didn't fit into the puzzle right. He said he just couldn't see any solution to the situation he was in at that time. He seemed so calm as he talked about it. He seemed very much at piece.

During the next day, dad talked with us. He was his usual great self. He had a new joke for us. Dad always loved to tell jokes. The last joke he told me during his journey her on earth was as follows: What do you call a person who will not fart in public. Answer: A private tooter. He had a great sense of humor.

I spent the next night with him at the hospital again. The next morning he again had a Suduko comparison. He said that life was much like a game of Suduko. In the game, you have to get all the numbers in correct place and when you do you feel a great deal of satisfaction. He said that in his life he had been able to get all the numbers in the right places and then you have a great sense of accomplishment and joy. He said that he felt his live had been wonderful and he was grateful for all of the pieces in it.

My sister, her husband and all of their children lived in Arizona close to dad. They made regular visits to see him at the hospital. All of my children live far away. They made daily calls to see how dad was doing. At this time I think we were all hoping that he was going to rebound. Several of the children asked if they should come out to see dad. I could only tell them that I didn't know what to tell them and that they had to make their own decision. By Saturday morning all of them had decided that they were coming to Arizona to see day. He was much loved and such a great example to my children. On Sunday all 14 of dad's grandchildren (my eight children plus some spouses and my sister's 6 children + some spouses) were at the hospital visiting him. He would during the next day or so, tell everyone he saw that all 14 of his grandchildren were there on Sunday to visit him. One of the grandchildren said that dad had always been at every important event in their lives and that if dad was going to pass away, they at least wanted to be there to see him during this important event. It was a special time for each of them as they said what would be their final goodbyes to dad before he departed this life. All of them wanted to let him know how special he had been in their live and the ways in which he had influenced them. By Monday morning all of my children began to return home except for Lisa and Kevin who decided to stay on and see if they could help. All returned a week later to be at dad's funeral. Only dear sweet Marika was unable to be there. Audrey was sick and the doctors said she was contagious and couldn't travel. Again, I think this was a great tribute to dad's influence in their lives.

We had a visit with the chief of the unit were dad was and he told us that there was little that they could do to help dad. They said that the one thing that they could do was to put him on continuous dialysis and that would prolong his life for a few weeks or months. They asked dad what he wanted to do. He said that he did not want to spend the last days of his life hooked to a machine and that he would rather go home to spend what time he had left. I am so grateful for the example he set in making this decision. I am also glad that he was able to make the decision. Because while I think it was the right one, it would have been a hard one for me to make.

Arrangements were made for dad to return to his home and Hospice of the Valley was assigned to help us with making the final transition from this life easier. We are so grateful for the support and help that they provided us during this difficult time and I will share more about that later.

Monday afternoon dad was returned to his home by ambulance. After we arrived home, a nurse from Hospice came to visit. She asked if dad could get around. He got up and went for a walk. He walked into his office and wanted to check his stock (So dad) but we made him go back to visit with the nurse. That was the last walk dad took. After that he was moved by others until he passed away.

We had good visits with dad on Tuesday and Wednesday. On Thursday dad seemed to be struggling a little. He was sleeping and was not eating well. At night he began to cough a lot. We finally called Hospice and they came out. The nurse told us that dad had begun his journey. They told us what to expect. I told them that he wasn't eating or taking his medicine. They said that was to be expected. They said we didn't need to worry about that. Just give him the medicine to keep him comfortable. It reminded me of a story about my mom's passing. Dad was told not to worry about feeding her. He said that if he didn't she would die. Then, with a realization of what he had said, he said "I guess she is dying." While we knew this it was still hard to come to grips with.

Friday dad was pretty unresponsive and I feel like sometime during the day he probably went into a comma. We got him into bed on Friday night. I awoke about 12:30 and went into his room. He seemed so peaceful. I felt the need to just be in their with him. At around 1:15 he stopped breathing and his earthly life had come to an end. I was glad to be with him when that happened. Dad showed here his stubborn streak. He was going to celebrate his 90th birthday. After arriving at that point he went to celebrate the event with mom.

Dad had never wanted to hang on and be sick for a long period of time or be a burden on anyone and I am so glad that is wishes were granted. I had always thought it would be nice if dad just went to sleep one night and didn't wake the next morning. But a kind, loving Heavenly Father allowed it to happen in a much more wonderful way. All of dad's family members were allowed a last visit with him, to sense of his wonder and his great strength. We all got to say our last goodbyes and then he passed peacefully to be with mom.

I am so glad that I can say that I was born of goodly parents. What a blessing that has been in my life.

Good Morning, Utah

Today is April 16. This is the scene we saw this morning when we woke up. It reminds me of why I like Texas.

Dad's and Mom's House

We spent much of the last couple of weeks trying to get Dad's and Mom's house ready to sell. It was a hard thing to do, but I think it turned out nice. We replaced the blue carpet with a more neutral color, we cleaned out everything and had a garage sale and we did some painting. Lorraine and Brent sent me some pictures of it after she and their kids did a final cleaning. I thought I would share them with you since we probably won't be in the house again. The house was suppose to go on the market yesterday so we will see what happens. I am going to post a few of the pictures.



This is the outside. There are not many changes.



Here you see the living room and the entry. The carpet has been replaced and the wall in the entry is painted a darker brown. It is the same color as the fireplace in the family room.



This is the family room. There were no changes here.



This is mom and dad's bedroom. Again you see the new carpet.




This is the smaller bedroom where the sewing machine was.



Here is the garage all cleaned out.



Here is dad's shop all cleaned out. I would love it if someone bought the house who loved the shop as much as dad did.

We hope that it sells fast. Thanks for letting me share this with you.

While We Were Out!

As many of you know, we started a major remodel of our kitchen and one of our bathrooms just about the time my dad became ill. With his passing and being out of town, we had not gotten far on moving ahead on the job. While we were in Arizona helping with things in dad's estate, my sweet kids who live in Plano and McKinney decided to do a "While you were out" and finish it for us. It was such a wonderful surprise and it looks so beautiful. I am putting in some pictures but they don't do the job justice. So here we go. First the bathroom.



This shows the bathroom looking through the door between our bedroom and bathroom.



These are the new lights they hung over the sink.



This is the new cabinet that was hung on the wall.



These are the decorative things on the top of the cabinet.



This is the picture hung on the wall.



And this is the new vanity.

Now on to the kitchen.



This is a picture of the kitchen from the laundry room.



This is a picture of the kitchen from the hallway off of the entry.



This is the new tile on the kitchen floor.



This is the new microwave and cabinet which replaced the vent in the kitchen.



This is a closeup of the new backsplash in the kitchen.

Our Time In Arizona

We arrived in Arizona on February 27. We are here to take care of some of the things related to the death of my dad. We are staying with Lorraine and Brent who are such great hosts. We have a number of things that we are trying to get done. We are going to have an Estate Sale on March 7. So one of the top priorities is to go through the house and determine which things we are going to keep as family members and which things we are going to sale at the Estate sale. It is difficult going through things that mom and dad worked so hard for during the life and getting rid of them. But it also brings back many great memories as we go through and remember events associated with some of the things. It is great that Lorraine and I are different in some ways in our tastes. We each choose different things to want because of our personalities. It was nice that each of us got the items we wished to keep because of the value that they had to us personally. After we kind of selected the things that we wanted we went through and gave to his fourteen grandchildren some of the things that they would be interested in having both as remembrances of dad and things that at this stage in their life would help them to have things in their homes that would add to the beauty and comfort of their homes. Dad was always trying to help the grandkids and at this stage in his life he continued to do so. We are so grateful for that. On Thursday we got a U-Haul to move the things that we were taking back to Texas for us and his grandchildren on our side of the family. Kevin flew in Thursday afternoon and helped us load the truck. We are so grateful for his help. Several of the kids had volunteered to help us with this. Bryan flew in on Saturday night and he and Kevin left on Sunday morning to drive the truck to Texas. They arrived in Plano on Monday afternoon and unloaded and returned the truck. They had one little problem. Almost at the end of the journey they hit a tree with the truck and a branch fell down and did some damage to the truck. When they called I was thinking "Big bucks". Fortunately the damage was minor and so was the expense. Again we are so thankful to Bryan and Kevin for their help in this.

When we got done Lorraine and I both commented that we had almost nothing for an estate sale. Fortunately, Lorraine and Brent had a good friend who was a former Bishop of Dad's who volunteered to help us. His name was Mark . He loves to do garage sales and helps people do them about every two weeks. He has things that he brings to the garage sale when he helps people do them and he sales those to make a little for himself. He came over on Thursday to look at what we had and to price the items for sale. When he got there he commented that we had a lot of good things. He diligently when through and priced things and set up for the garage sale. We had thought we would just do the garage sale on Saturday, but he said we should do it on Friday and Saturday. We are so glad that we did. Friday saw huge crowds of people taking things away. At first it was hard for me but then Lorraine commented that dad would be happy to see people taking things that they wanted and would make their homes nicer or allow them to get some things that they wanted or needed. With that I was at piece. On Saturday things were much slower. But we still had people come and buy things that just amazed me. The sale netted about $1450.00. This was all done a dollar at at time. It was just amazing.

Sometime in the middle of getting everything taken care of for the estate sale, we also met with a realtor to talk about the sale of the house. As everyone knows the housing market is down and we talked about putting it up for rent for a while. But after thinking about it, we decided we would try to sale it first and then, depending on what happens, look at the possibility of having a management company rent it for a while. We contacted a realtor and met with her. When she arrived, she started through the house and she said that she had made a mistake in the information she was going to provide us because she didn't think the house would be as updated as it was and it would be worth more than her presentation would show because it was updated. She commented on how beautiful the kitchen, family room and front bathroom were and it made me appreciative of the time Amy, Andy, Carolyn, and I along with some of Lorraine's family spent doing that updating. When she got to the bedrooms she said that while they looked nice, this was a little more what she expected the whole house would look like. We have decided to list the house with her but she is out of town until Thursday so Lorraine and Brent will get left with this task.

During the week, we also visited with Lorraine and Brent's financial advisor, with an attorney about drawing up the paperwork to change the Bird Family Trust, and took in the materials we need to take in to have Lorraine and I put on as trustees on the trust.

This week we have begun to get the house ready for sale. Yesterday we just walked through and identified some of the things that might need to be done. Then we listed things we knew needed to be done. We started with the things we felt had to be done and some of the items we will ask the realtor about before doing them. Unfortunately those things will be left to Lorraine and Brent since we have to return to Texas on Wednesday. Yesterday, Brent repaired the toilet in the master bedroom. Lorraine and I painted the entrance hall to the house. We got paint to paint the master bathroom (mainly touch up so we did a paint match). We will continue to work on things today and tomorrow as much as we can.

Today (Tuesday, March 10) we are having the blue carpet replaced. We are replacing it with a more neutral color.

While we have worked hard, we have not avoided a little fun. A trip to Dairy Queen for the infamous blizzards and a trip to Coldstone for the French Vanilla and double raspberry ice cream in a chocolate dipped cone were unavoidable necessities.

Well, I have rambled on enough. While it has been a tough time in some ways, I am so grateful that for the most part Lorraine and I have been able to work together on this with minimal conflict. There will always be a little but with the stress we have been under I feel that it has been very minimal. I am so grateful for Lorraine and Brent for all they did for dad and for all they do for us. I am grateful to my children for their support during this difficult time and also to Lorraine and Brent's children. And finally, I am grateful for Carolyn. I know that it is stressful for her that she is not able to help with things as much as she would like to because of her health. But I am grateful that she has been here supporting us and doing the things she can. We are all trying to following the advise of President Uchtdorf and lift where we can. I love all of you.

We are off again.

Tuesday we left for Portland, Oregon. I am doing a workshop in Portland. One of my former students is in charge of the Speech-Language Pathology Program in Forest Grove, Oregon. She has invited me to come up each year and present a couple of days to her group. It has been a nice experience. This time we just took it easy when I wasn't doing workshops. We ate our meals in the hotel. It was one of those that provides a nice breakfast and an evening snack. On Thursday morning we awoke to snow. It was the kind that was gone by noon. But it was fun to have our day in the snow. We left on Friday morning and headed to Arizona. We will spend a couple of weeks here working on the final details of dad's estate. It is hard to go to Arizona right now because it evokes such strong feelings. But while I am sad about his passing, the feelings are of love and caring and so that is nice.