benjamin's birth story

This is going to be such a long post but I want to remember all the details of Benjamin's birth story!

On July 19th I had a scheduled appointment with my maternal fetal medicine (high risk) OB, Dr. Silver. Thankfully my parents had driven to our house in Wyoming the day before, so Joel was able to come with me to my appointment. For all my other appointments I just drove there and back by myself (4 hours each way). At this point in my pregnancy I was having major contractions just from standing up and I was in a lot of pain all day and night. I was 37.2 weeks, so I wanted to get my steroid shots and then be induced. The steroid shots are important for me because babies of diabetic moms don't have their lungs fully develop until later on (like 40 weeks) but my babies are always so big by 37 weeks that it would be unsafe to wait until 40 weeks to deliver. At this point Benjamin was already measuring around 10 lbs and I really didn't want another 14 lb baby or another c-section. With JJ, I had a scheduled c-section because of how big he was, but this time around they knew the baby was smaller so I was given the green light for a VBAC. The steroid shots are 2 shots given 24 hours apart, and they tend to make blood sugars go really high so they wanted me to stay in the hospital for those 48 hours.

At my appointment everything was going really well and baby looked great during the NST and ultrasound. Then just as we went in to talk to Dr. Silver, his nurse came in and told us that he had literally just gotten on a plane to go to Washington. What the heck!?! I was even 30 minutes early for my appointment time. It was devastating for me because I thought that Dr. Silver was the only person who would admit me and let me get started on the steroid shots. I did NOT want to drive all the way back to Wyoming and risk having my baby at the tiny hospital in Rawlins with no NICU! I completely lost it and the midwife Sam felt really bad for me (lets be honest, I was a train wreck). Sam called over to L&D and asked if it would be okay for me to start the steroid shots and they agreed. Dr. Silver wasn't there to talk to me or evaluate the baby's size or anything like that, so they just went ahead with my plans for an induced VBAC. Note to self: never use that doctor again. He was the same high risk OB that my best friend used, and he was in Cuba when she needed him to deliver her baby! Why does this guy travel to such random places right when you need him to deliver your baby?! So frustrating.

Everything seemed to be going great until I found out that the nurses would be pricking my finger to test my blood sugar EVERY HOUR for the entire "steroid window" of 48 hours. This was even more annoying to me because I wear a Dexcom CGM that monitors my blood sugars every 5 minutes on a continuous graph on my phone, so it was totally unnecessary to wake me up and prick my finger (with a horribly painful meter from the 80s) every single hour. This should have been my red flag that things weren't going to go well. I was having pretty consistent contractions so they gave me Fentanyl for the pain and it helped me fall asleep immediately, only to be woken up shortly after for another finger poke.

Fast forward 48 hours and I was EXHAUSTED. As soon as the "steroid window" was almost up, they started me on Pitocin. Now that I think about it, this was sort of like if you are planning on running a marathon, but for two days right before the marathon you do a triathlon. In other words, I was completely wiped out before my marathon even started. They slowly increased my pitocin until I couldn't handle the contractions anymore. I think I was dilated to a 4 when I got my epidural. It was about 6am on Friday July 22nd. The anesthesiologist had to come in twice to increase the epidural because it wasn't working on one side of my body. The resident doctor came in and broke my water and shortly afterwards I was 10cm and ready to push. Still exhausted, but excited that maybe this boy was about to make his appearance. I was actually really excited to finally be in a normal labor room and my hopes were high. With the twins I had to deliver in the OR (just in case of an emergency c-section) and then with JJ I went straight to the OR, so I was excited to get a chance to deliver in a normal room this time.

meanwhile on the other side of my hospital room...Joel was bored. 

So I pushed. And pushed. And pushed. And nothing happened. The bossy nurse just kept telling me to push even though he wasn't progressing down at all. I was so tired that I was falling asleep in between pushes. After all this pushing, I suddenly got really nauseous. I was flat on my back because we were trying a different pushing position and I began to throw up. I couldn't find the button to raise the hospital bed fast enough so I ended up choking on my vomit and I couldn't breathe. It was really scary and the bossy nurse was just too slow before she realized what was happening. Thanks, lady.

At that point they knew I had aspirated my vomit because I was having such trouble breathing. I was hooked up to oxygen and they called for a chest X-ray to figure out how much fluid I had in my lungs. It was really a blessing that Benjamin was doing fine through all of this. His heart rate was fine even though he was pretty much stuck in my pelvis and I was completely dilated.

I knew I didn't want this choking incident to be the only reason that I got a c-section and the doctors were good about not pressuring me to get one. So they let me wait about 30 minutes while I got breathing treatments and tried to get myself together. Finally I felt better (or as good as you can feel after being awake for 2 days straight and then choking...) so I started pushing again. The resident doctor came in again to check my progress and told me that his face was forward which was why he wasn't coming down much at all. The crown of his head wasn't first like it should be--it was his face she was feeling. She said they were okay letting me continue to push as long as his heart rate was okay, but she wasn't sure it would make any difference and it could be another 2 hours of pushing. Plus, he was so big that he might be stuck in my pelvis anyways. As soon as she said 2 more hours of pushing I knew I was done. I just wanted this nightmare to be over. I told them I wanted the c-section and they all looked really relieved (including Joel, who was totally weirded out that he had to hold up one of my legs every time I pushed haha!). Everyone jumped into action and immediately starting prepping me for the OR. It was crazy how fast they made it happen. I was wheeled back a few minutes later.

I was still very nauseous and so nervous about being on my back again and throwing up. The nice anesthesiologist hit me up with about 5 different anti-nausea meds but nothing seemed to be working.  When they finally pulled out Benjamin, I heard a little cry and then it was really quiet just like it was with JJ. Listening to doctors and nurses working on your silent baby is always so surreal. Joel later told me that he was worried when he saw that Benjamin was a little blue. They finally got him to start crying and then wheeled him away to the NICU for his breathing. I don't even remember much after that. I kept falling asleep, even while the doctors were talking to me. I have never in my life been that sleep deprived and I can totally see how that can be used as a form of torture. I fell asleep on the way back to my hospital room and I honestly don't remember much of those first 24 hours. I know at some point I was in a wheelchair and I was taken to see my sweet baby for the first time, but I think it was the next day or night. I remember being shocked how much he looked just like JJ.
 

 
Even though my labor and delivery were pretty awful, I'm still really happy with how everything happened because today we have a healthy baby and we are really lucky to have him. I have learned that it doesn't matter how your baby is born as long as everyone is healthy in the end :)






Can't believe he is 2 months old already! We love him so much--JJ probably more than anyone. He is obsessed with his little brother.

the big name change

Well its been over two years since my last blog post. I guess having kids makes you really busy?!?! Haha.

So we had another baby! JJ finally doesn't have to be the third wheel anymore to the girls. YAY! I will write my birth story soon, but first I wanted to write about changing his name. Its a little awkward and embarrassing having to tell people that you changed your baby's name, but I finally admitted to myself that my feelings weren't going to change and it needed to be done now rather than when he was older. Here is the really long explanation if you want to read it :)

Throughout my entire pregnancy we couldn't decide on a name for him. I just didn't really love any boy names. I honestly never imagined I would have another boy besides Joel Jr! A few days before he was born, we had it narrowed down to two names we really liked: Benjamin and Coleman. Joel had always wanted Benjamin and he said he liked it better, but I was leaning towards Coleman because I love unique family names. After the craziness of his birth, we finally chose Coleman. It was Joel's grandma's maiden name and we both loved how unique it was for a first name. Coleman was in the NICU for 8 days and we got a few questions about his name but I really didn't think anything of it yet. Even his discharge papers said "Brandon needs to be seen again..." and "Brandon was examined..." I was just so tired and ready to get home so I ignored the mistake.

A few days after we got home from the hospital, I started really feeling like maybe we chose the wrong name. I tried to ignore it. Let me tell you that it is really awful to feel regret over something so huge like naming your baby. With our other kids, I have always loved their names and known what their names were going to be even before they were born. This time around was so much different! I kept having these thoughts in my head that we should have named him Benjamin. Obviously I just chalked it up to being tired and indecisive, but weeks went by and I still thought about it every day. Saying his name out loud just felt wrong to me and I found myself always saying "the baby" instead of Coleman.

My feelings only got worse as the weeks passed because of the crazy amount of people who thought his name was Brandon Coleman instead of the other way around. I guess thats what happens when you have a last name for your first name and a first name for your last name. It seriously happened almost every day that I had to tell someone his name or they saw it in writing. The pharmacy lost all of his prescriptions because his last name was written as Coleman, and I had doctors, nurses, and even complete strangers tell me that his name was "too confusing" because they assumed his first name was Brandon. I guess Coleman is a really popular last name around here (or anywhere?) so most people just saw Coleman Brandon and assumed that I had written his last name first. No matter how many times I told people his first name, they still thought it was Brandon. I knew if I was this annoyed with explaining it to people after only a month, he would most likely be super annoyed with explaining it to people his entire life. And of course I want my kids to love their names!

So after all that, we officially changed Coleman's name on his birth certificate and he is now and forever our sweet baby Benjamin. It is surprisingly easy to change a name as long as you have $20, a notary, and your baby is under 1 year old. I guess this happens more often than I thought. We started calling him Benjamin a few weeks ago just around the house to see if it was the right name for him, and it really felt perfect. Even the kids have changed his name easily and are super good about remembering his "new" name. Although Summer and Emsley still want me to change it again because they like the boy names Jackson and Peter. Haha! Sorry girlies, once is enough for us :) I will always love the name Coleman but it just wasn't meant to be with our last name. We love our Benjamin so much.
JJ loves to say "he is my best friend!" 💙

Here are a few pictures to reward you for getting through all of that reading :)

This picture shows his personality aka: the most unhappy and fussy baby in the history of time! We are hoping that he grows out of this colicky/gassy/miserable screaming phase ASAP. Benjamin has been our hardest baby so far!

These boys look a lot alike!

JJ

Benjamin

Benjamin

And the proud big sisters

My favorite motherhood poems

Mother, O' Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth.
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek - peekaboo.

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew,
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo.
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

― Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

“You are the trip I did not take, you are the pearls I could not buy,
you are my blue Italian lake, you are my piece of foreign sky.

You are my Honolulu moon, you are the book I did not write,
you are my heart's unuttered tune, you are a candle in my night.

You are the flower beneath the snow, in my dark sky a bit of blue,
answering disappointment's blow with "I am happy! I have you!” 

― Anne Campbell

twin love

Flashback to when Joel and I first got married and I worked at a daycare in the 2 year old classroom. There were about 15 toddlers with only me and another teacher. To say it was horrible chaos would be an understatement. I went home every night telling myself I would never have children. But there were a few tender moments that changed my mind every so often. There were identical twin girls, Karsen and Kennadee, and I would watch them interact with each other every day. When one woke up from her nap, she would get off her nap mat and go find her sister's nap mat and then sit down next to her sister and stroke her hair as she woke up. My heart melted every time.

Fast forward to my life now and it is so strange to me that what I used to look at with curiosity is now my everyday life. I have identical twin girls…and they are definitely in the terrible two's! There is no doubt that if they were in daycare they would take care of each other just like those little girls did. 

A rare moment caught on camera--
Summer (L) got scared of the vacuum, started crying, and snuggled up next to Emsley :) :)

Most days, however, they fight/play/fight/play all day long. They fight over toys, over my lap, over who gets the purple plate, and ON AND ON AND ON. Even though they fight a lot, they also have times when you can just tell that they are best friends. They love to play together in their play kitchens and they love to talk to each other every nap time/night time from across the room in their cribs. 

Today's new phrases:

Summer: LOOK AT ME!

Emsley: GO AWAY!!!! (Summer starts bawling)

As I am typing this post I am listening to their bedroom. Emsley has fallen asleep but I can hear Summer saying "Emmmsleyyyyy" "Emmmmsleyyyyyy" over and over again. They love each other so much and have such an incredible bond as sisters. I hope it always stays that way :)

"Yeehaw cowboy, lets go!"

Emsley likes to tackle Summer and play with her face…it is strange.
 (...and even more strange that Summer lets her do it, LOL)

emsley's surgery

Oh my gosh I am so behind on this blog. Oh well, here is a post long-time-coming.

In August we had an appointment with a pediatric urologist to see how Emsley's kidney reflux was doing. Unfortunately it was still quite severe and the doctor told us that surgery would be needed. We knew this was most likely going to be the outcome ever since my ultrasound during my pregnancy showed Emsley's problems, but we didn't think she would need the surgery until around 3 or 4 years old. The doctor basically told us that doing it at her age now (2 years) was beneficial because there weren't any added risks of the anesthesia at her age now vs. in a few years, and toddlers bounce back quicker than older kids. Not to mention that doing it before potty training would be way easier than having her potty trained and then have to go back to wearing diapers for her recovery--a huge setback.

Pre-op: We were so surprised that Emsley was in such a good mood considering she wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything that morning. She loved playing with all the toys and then they gave her special pajamas and socks to wear. The only thing she didn't like was being scrubbed down by the disinfectant wipes that the nurse had me use.

We waited about 2 hours until they took her back. She had the whole waiting room laughing with all of her excitement over this cow toy--she was screaming "MOO!" over and over. They also gave her a doll to color, but it ended up looking like a super creepy voodoo doll so it might have been tossed in the trash later that day.

15 minutes before she went into surgery they gave her some medicine called "Versed" which makes anxiety go away and causes extreme drowsiness and forgetfulness of the procedure. She went from being a hyper 2 year-old to this:

It was really amazing stuff. (Can I get some for our next road trip to Oregon? Haha!) She didn't even cry when they wheeled her back to the anesthesia room. I'm not even sure she realized that we weren't going with her. Genius!

She was under anesthesia from around 11am to 3pm--a very long 4 hours of waiting. Thankfully the nurse called the waiting room every hour to give us an update. She basically just told us that Emsley was fine, her vitals were good, they had re-implanted the ureters and were moving on to the next step, etc.

They allowed one parent to go back as soon as she was waking up. She was white as a ghost and obviously really confused, but even the nurses kept saying how sweet and calm she was being. Her "caudal block" (aka: epidural) had just been given so she didn't have much feeling in her abdomen or legs for about 8 hours after waking up. She wanted to drink juice right away.

Isn't that doll creepy?  

She got balloons from Nana and Grampa and wanted to hold them very tight, right next to her face.

Settled in the hospital room

Summer came to visit but Emsley wasn't too pleased to see anyone--she just wanted mama.

She pretty much watched TV the entire stay at the hospital. The morning after her surgery she had a little bit of energy and we played at the AMAZING playroom on the 3rd floor of Primary. She loved everything in there! (Forgot to take a picture, sorry)

Not feeling so hot :(

After just one night in the hospital (and two full days) they sent her home! It was very unexpected and such a great blessing for her to be able to be back in her comfortable environment. Unfortunately, things got a lot worse once we got home and the following week of recovery was ROUGH. She was throwing up everything including water, had fevers off and on, was in a lot of pain, etc.
The absolute worst part was that she wouldn't take ANY medicine to help the pain or antibiotics to prevent infection. I tried everything! It is truly a miracle that she didn't end up back in the hospital.

Actually, I take that back. The real worst part was the "stent" that she came home with. It is a small tube that went from inside of her ureter, through the bladder wall, and out of her incision. It drained urine into her diaper to help with the swelling. The stent was stitched in, but the stitch wasn't very tight. Every time the stent even slightly moved when I was changing her diaper, she would go absolutely crazy with pain.
It was supposed to stay in for 7 days but I called on day 6 and told them it was coming out that day and I wasn't taking no for an answer. Thankfully they let us come in that morning. As soon as it was pulled out (which didn't seem to cause her any pain, totally weird) she felt so much better and wasn't in agony every time I needed to change her.

We are SO incredibly glad its over. Grateful that everything went as planned but even more grateful that we don't have to go through that experience hopefully ever again. Waking up to a screaming toddler every hour, every night for almost a week was miserable.

**Update: We went back for her 6 week post-surgery ultrasound and everything looks great. The doctor says her bladder and kidneys are healing nicely and not to worry about anything at this point. Yay!! She has a little scar exactly like my c-section scar--we match :) **

DIY fall acorn wreath

Last year when we were at Joel's aunt's farm I gathered a bunch of acorns that were all over the ground. I knew I wanted to make an acorn wreath, but then I got pregnant and then we moved across the country, so that idea got put on hold. This summer I found them in my basement (yay, they made the move!!) and finally my idea came to life!

Step 1: Wash off the acorns and bake them in the oven for at least a few hours. I think I had my oven at 200* for around 5 hours. You guys, I'm not kidding about this part. I found a WORM that got baked while crawling out of the acorn in the oven. It was disgusting.

Step 2: Spraypaint a white foam wreath with a dark color 

Step 3: Start hot-gluing the acorns on the wreath. I just winged it and started putting them on one at a time and eventually figured out the best way to fit them close together like a puzzle.

This whole project took me about a week because my attention span only lasted about 30 minutes at a time. That, and my fingers needed a break from the third degree hot glue burns. You need a LOT of acorns. I probably used 2 full gallon-sized ziplock bags. Do a little bit at a time and its super easy and (dare I say?) fun!

The finished product:

Happy fall! Too bad its already feeling like winter around here (wahhh wahhh)

the perfect day + stickers

Joel is in L.A. this week which means I have nothing to do at night except clean and blog. I have a lot of catching up to do!

This was the most perfect day in the park a few weeks ago. The weather was one of those rare times when you aren't hot and you aren't cold, it isn't too windy but there is a breeze, the sun is out but not shining on you...anyways, it was perfection. Unfortunately those days were very limited before it started getting a little chilly here. Not fair. I am already dreading winter.

Too cool to sit by mommy.

The girls have discovered stickers. This is cute and horrible at the same time. Cute for them. Horrible for my house and everything they stick them on. So many stickers. Everywhere.

Summer is wondering where all the stickers went.

Oh there they are. The whole page. 

Nice work.