The Monday List

The Ten Most Cliched Things To Dress As When Attending The World Darts Championships

Father Christmas

Elvis Presley

A jockey

Super Mario (with optional Luigi)

Wally out of Where's Wally?

A Minion

Batman (with optional Robin)

Ali G

A banana

An Oompa Loompa

Jimmy Connors Is Very Disappointed In You

 

It's Behind You!

 

Meanwhile, Neil Warnock is appearing as Dame Trott in Jack and the Beanstalk at the Swan Theatre, High Wycombe...

Merry Christmas From Planet Sad

 

Greta and Freda Sad and the cast of The Commitments (good luck if you can name more than three of them before you have to start looking them up, bless them) would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas. We were going to point out that Glenn Hansard has forgone the V signs in favour of some freeform jazz hand arrangement, but then he's got an Oscar and we haven't so he can probably do what he wants. Sláinte!

The Monday List

Ten Foods Everyone Has At Christmas Because They're Tradition, But No One Actually Likes
A turkey the size of Croydon, unless you're catering for a crowd.
A tin of chocolates with an inexplicable number of fruity-cream and toffee penny duds that get left in the bottom and finally binned in mid-March.
Spartan hard centres chocolates (now defunct, possibly because they were a bad pairing for dentists not being open).
Poncified Brussels sprouts (e.g. pan-fried with exotic spice combinations, in an attempt to cajole people who don't like sprouts into eating them. No, they'll still hate them – and so will the people who usually enjoy the 'classic' version.)
Unshelled nuts.
Christmas pudding.
Brandy butter, then.
Eggnog
Fresh cranberries – you bought a punnet because they look all lovely and festive, and people on American TV shows kept banging on about them intriguingly when you were a kid. But now you either haven't got a clue what to do with them, or you have but you can't be arsed.
Bread chuffing sauce. 

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Christmas Cover Versions - Fairytale of New York Edition

Fairytale of New York, Jon Bon Jovi

Fairytale of New York, The Wurzels

Fairytale of New York, Razorlight

Fairytale of New York, Paloma Faith and Scouting for Girls

Fairytale of New York, Ronan Keating

Fairytale of New York, KT Tunstall

Fairytale of New York, The Ataris

Fairytale of New York, Celtic Thunder

Fairytale of New York, Johnny Logan

Fairytale of New York, Tony Hadley

The Monday List

The Ten Albums On The Planet Sad Gramophone This Christmas

Merry Chris Strait To You, George Strait

Ella Wishes You A Swinging Christmas, Ella Fitzgerald

An Air Force Logistics Command Christmas Sampler, U.S. Air Force Band Of Flight

Bozo's Christmas Sing Along, Larry Harmon

Christmas Variations, Rick Wakeman

More Christmas Disco, The Mistletoe Disco Band

A Family Christmas, John Tesh and the Christmas Symphony Orchestra

Christmas Jump Up With Jackie Edwards, Jackie Edwards

Merry, Merry Christmas, New Kids On The Block

Boogie Woogie Christmas, The Brian Setzer Orchestra

The Monday List

It's The 'What The Heck Can I Get For Sandra In Accounts?'-tastic Return Of Ten Most Clichéd Secret Santa Presents

A pair of socks

A cactus

Hotel Chocolat penguin-shaped chocolates

A Christmas bauble filled with shower gel

Anything with 'It's Wine O'clock' printed on it

Fancy hand cream sets

A mouse mat (especially if the person you're buying it for doesn't use a PC that needs a mouse)

Desktop punch ball

Novelty Post-It notes

Anything from Claire's chuffing Accessories