Jez and Diane

A little ditty 'bout Jez & Diane
Two communist kids growing up in that Lahndahn
Jez he's gonna be a politician like,
Diane debutante on the back seat of Jez's bike
Rollin' round like Guevaras in Germany's east
Diane sitting on Jez's lap
Got his hands between her knees
Jez he says:
"Hey, Diane, let's run off behind a shady tree
Dribble off those Marx and Sparx
Let me do what I please"
Saying oh yeah
Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone
Sayin' oh yeah
Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone
Now walk on
Jez he sits back, collects his thoughts for a moment
Scratches his head, and does his best Stalin
Well, now then, there, Diane, we ought to run off to the east
Diane says:
"Baby, you ain't missing nothing"
But Jez he says:
"Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone"
Oh yeah
He says: "life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone"
Oh, let it rock, let it roll
Let the little red book come and save my soul
Holdin' on to sixteen as long as you can
Change is coming 'round real soon
Make us woman and man
Oh yeah, life goes on
A little ditty 'bout Jez and Diane
Two communist kids doin' the best they can

(with sincere apologies to John Mellencamp)

Plus ça change, etc.

Good Lord, it's not the first time I've used that as a blog post title, is it?

Well, here's some good stuff from the Tories:

Diabetes remains one of the largest challenges to our healthcare system, with around 3.7 million sufferers in the UK and almost a million more estimated to have the condition but who do not know it. This is likely to get worse. Unhealthy lifestyles in the UK put a further 7 million people at risk of developing type 2 diabetes and in ten years’ time we may see the number of patients pass the 5 million mark.

All this places a significant burden on the NHS, with an estimated spend of £10 billion per year on diabetes related treatments. A great deal of this spend is unnecessary. Diabetics far too often suffer from late diagnosis, preventable complications and variations in care. They are often overlooked for specialist care when being treated for other conditions, particularly in hospitals, and they can be prevented from accessing treatment by the short term financial ethos embedded in far too many Care Trusts across the country.

Some studies have found that around 80 per cent of the spend on diabetes is avoidable so the main focus the Government needs to take is how to deploy resources effectively to help people manage their diabetes and even more importantly, prevent people from developing type 2 diabetes-the type related to lifestyle-in the first place.

This is being made more challenging by the NHS reforms, which, even if they were perfect, would cause disruption, and the fear that the new commissioners will take something of a short term approach to managing budgets in light of the priority for deficit reduction.

Wow, this is all good stuff, isn't it? Stuff we've been saying all along: you can get the same or better results without spending as much money, too much is wasted. And why is it wasted? Because of insane bureaucratic procedures which explain all too well why visiting a GP in this cuntry feels like you're interacting with a call centre operator in a foreign land who'd like nothing more than to tell you to switch it off, wait five minutes and then switch it on again.

But given that the problem is a massive surfeit of bad guidance that causes people to waste money in a bureaucratic, checkbox manner, guess what the solution proposed to this is?

Go on, guess.

The problem is too much bureaucratic guidance, what solution could you propose that would guaranteed to make me want to strangle myself with my own testicles?

Yes:

The Government can rectify some of these problems through national leadership. The National Service Framework, which has guided diabetes care since 2001 is due for renewal and it is a very appropriate time for Ministers to look at how to spend wisely now, and disseminate best practice across the NHS to reduce long term costs. Achieving this would have the happy coincidence of better patient outcomes; arguably what the priority should always be for Ministers and officials.

Kill me now.

Bad day at the office?

Could be worse!



Tip of the clown wig to @MsGoodhew.

A must-read post by dizzy

It all looks so innocuous, till you get to the end.

Words fail me

Via Mrs Dale:

Town hall bureaucrats could soon dictate what homeowners grow in their gardens. The measure is one of 52 ways to cut household waste suggested in a report commissioned by the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. Restrictions on fast-growing plants, trees and flowers could be brought in by "including gardens in building regulations" it said.

I've read that over and over again, and I can honestly say that it seems to imply that the government is going to try and tell me what I can and can't grow in my garden. Along with telling me I can't smoke in my own house or car, what I can and can't eat, read, watch or do in my spare time.

Is there no fucking area these cunts don't feel like they can stick their noses in?

Well, come on boys. Come have a go at telling me all these things to my face, if you think you're hard enough.

Rocking back and forth, keening

Jesus wept:

For the past 44-years, villagers in Dymchurch, Kent, have celebrated the character of Dr Syn, a quiet village vicar by day and a smuggler hero by night, who was created by local author Russell Thorndike.

Dr Syn galloped through seven novels, donning a scarecrow disguise to avoid excisemen and soldiers as he and his desperate band of night riders bought food and drink to starving villagers.

On the second August bank holiday of every other year, a resident of Dymchurch has dressed as Dr Syn to gallop along a nearby beach and ride through the streets for a Day of Syn celebrating the hero.

However, this year, his exploits were curtailed after insurers decided it was too dangerous, leaving Dr Syn instead forced to walk.

Ian Hyson, Chairman of the Day of Syn, said: "For 44 years Dr Syn has burst into the festival on horseback. He is the main show and when he makes his entrance people are truly overwhelmed.

"He has been on horseback since 1964, but this year the insurers just did not want to know because they said riding a horse was a 'severe' health and safety risk. Only one insurer would listen and they quoted us £1,000.

How did we get by all these centuries on dangerous horses without the sage advice of elfin safety to protect us, eh?

It's twats all the way down

Counting Cats in fine form:

“This is deranged fuckcuntery and David Williams is a dimwitted bastard who probably still needs nursey to wipe his pig-ignorant arse after he’s done potty”

More here. I'd wanted to blog it, but I can't top that.

Really? Honestly?

People actually watch this crap?

I saw a baffling headline on Google News: "Kathreya upset by Darnell joke" and not having any idea of who either of these are, and slightly intrigued by the name of the website (Digital Spy) I went to have a look. Turns out it's Big Brother or something of that ilk.

But the mood turned sour as Kat took offence to their comments. She pressed the Diary Room buzzer as she burst into tears, saying: "I’m very, very sad! Why do you hate me so much?

Oh, the humanity!

And just look at all that exciting recent activity:

15:13 Mohamed struggles to stay awake
13:09 Mo smashes new coffee maker
12:56 Sara, Mo clash over cigarettes

Mohamed's not the only one, for fuck's sake!

This is a perfect micro-snapshot of why the UK is fucked: vast swathes of society are actually engrossed in this drivel. Go for a walk, read a book, have a wank: anything is better than this!

Pass the beta blockers ...

I can't find the words to convey my amazement:

AN SNP COUNCILLOR CAUGHT ON camera firing an AK-47 assault rifle was yesterday spared expulsion from the party by Nationalist officials.

The SNP disciplinary committee rejected dumping Jahangir Hanif, who also passed the deadly weapon to his children, in favour of a two-month suspension.

In a bizarre turn of events, the hearing nearly collapsed after SNP bosses bungled the initial complaint made to the committee.

Tory MSP Bill Aitken said: "Maybe the SNP think this is an adequate disposal, but frankly most people will think this man should not be holding public office. His conduct is a disgrace to his electorate."

The probe into Hanif's conduct followed footage released earlier this month that showed the 46-year-old Glasgow councillor firing an assault rifle while on holiday in Pakistan in December 2005.

The revelations were made worse after it emerged that Hanif had passed the weapon to several of his children, including a daughter who was five at the time.

Another of his daughters, 17-year-old Noor, said she and her siblings fired the gun.

Hanif was immediately suspended by the party and an investigation was launched by the Nationalists' disciplinary committee, which responded to a complaint by SNP national secretary Duncan Ross.

What?

What?????

Truly: WHAT THE FUCK???

Even more: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?????????

I've read the article several times now, and I cannot see what it is that this man has done to merit a suspension. He fired a gun. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. So what? He gave it to his kids to show them, including (shock! horror!) a five-year-old. His daughter also shot the gun. And?

Was anyone hurt? Did kittens die? Did little baby Jesus get a cattle prod shoved up his jacksy?

I can't even begin to explain my incomprehension as to how any of this was any fucking business of the SNP or what gives them the right to punish Jahangir Hanif for simply shooting a few rounds with an AK47.

Can somebody please explain it to me?

Oh, and Bill Aitken: you're a fucking pointless twat. Help yourself to a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut, you pathetic excuse for a human being.