I picked up this book from the library because I know one too many mothers who attempt to exude perfectionism in parenting to all they meet. Since these same mothers continually bombard me with their 'wisdom', I was becoming so frustrated and really unable to formulate all my thoughts fully on the subject. When I saw the title of this book, I knew I found something that would help me verbalize reality. And, this book didn't disappoint.
The premise of this book is: Moms who are obsessed with doing everything right leave God out of the picture. She does say that many churches over the years have created this perfectionist mother image for women to live up to, and that it is our job to decipher what teachings are from God and what are from Christian culture.
This book confronted my perception of perfection and what truly my purpose in mothering is. With so many parenting books on the market, the amount of advice available is overwhelming and in many cases fuels mothers' feelings of inadequacy in raising children (something I struggled with when I first became pregnant, and I am certain will rear its ugly head after Ethan is born). Books that tout - if you just do these ten things your kids will turn out to be God-fearing, wonderful, never rebellious children are setting us up for failure.
One of the most powerful quotes for me from this book is:
The idea that it's possible to be a "perfect" Christian mother is not only damaging to women who are desperately trying to do right by their children; it's also a perversion of our basic Christian belief in the saving power of Jesus. It's incredibly arrogant for us to believe that our human action is necessary for God to act in the lives of our children.
She points out the millions of people who did not grow up in God-fearing families, and yet have come to know Christ as one example of this point. (Me included!)
She goes on to say:
Naturally, I believe that we parents have a little something to do with how our children turn out, but I also believe it's blasphemous to think God's ability to touch the hearts of my children is somehow dependent on my skill as a parent.Can I just say - a huge burden was lifted off of me when I read those truthful statements. Yes, we will raise Ethan to know God. But, to believe that
I can make him become a Christian by doing the 'right' things - well, she addresses that too:
If it were possible for mothers to raise perfect children, we would have no need for Jesus.
Carla Barnhill has challenged me to think before I believe. She adds this line towards the end of the book:
Maybe I've freaked you out a little here. I do hope though that somewhere along the way, a light has gone on for you, one that has you rethinking your assumptions about what it means-and doesn't mean-to be a Christian mother. Even if you don't agree with me, the best result any author can hope for is for a book to open up conversations about an issue.
Well, she succeeded with me, I'm thinking and analyzing. I was nervous about posting this because I am officially not a mother yet, but I was just so surprised how much of my mothering mindset had already been formulated - before Ethan has even arrived.
Thanks so much to Casey B for posting a picture of a nursery design we both completely agreed on! You can see the original ideas here and here and compare it with our version. His changing table is awaiting a changing pad and cover and baskets. Here is an upclose shot of the mobile Phil made for him. Just so you can somewhat appreciate the creativity involved - Phil took original images of planes he found online, recreated them in drawings in illustrator, and then sized them accordingly. He put them on thin cardboard, cut them out, scoured comic pages to find just the right colors and mod podged the comics on each piece. Then he assembled the mobile. You bet we are keeping this OUT of Ethan's reach! I think it looks amazing.
And this 1950s game board, that is resting on the dresser, will eventually be hung above his bed. That's a project I'll tackle tomorrow.
I'm really liking how clean, neat and simple his room looks. I even found a swing on craigslist (of course!) that matches his room - brown and blue fabric. Everything is really coming together. Good timing too!
