My Empire Is Growingimuss!!

As I sit here observing my Centurions and minions I just knows that the Universe is safeimuss cause I is in it.

Centurion Stealth Bomber aka Stealthy is even sharing my blankimuss to makes sure I is protected

Of course Bumble aka The Bumble aka Bumbleenie sleeps on HER chair...even I doesn't invade HER chair unless she says I canimuss...

Bat Ears Gracie Mae has settled in well and is subservient to me as is right and proper. The Little Two Legs has made it clear Gracie mae is staying so it's a good job she's subservient to me!!!

And Tabatha who was rescued by The Man Two Legs from the strippers bar has had kitties!!!

There is three black and whites and two greys......UMPH! No Gingers????? Disgraceful......

The Maximus Empire is growingimuss again!!! - as is only right and proper for The Emporer of all HE surveys and pretty much everything else as well....

I is MAXIMUS WRIGGLY KITTY SPITTIMUS and I 'as spokens....

NEWBY!!!!

This is Newby.....

Newby just walked in from nowhere....nowhere is somewhere beyond the Maximus Spittimus Empire...which means Newby is from beyond The Universe as The Universe clearly only existsimuss cause I is in it!!!

Newby is a bit of a flea bagimuss right now....until he trusts the Two legs enough to de-flea him....he scratchimuss all the time!!!!

But Newby is coolimuss....he sniffings with me and The Bumbles....Stealthy just hisses and growls at him - but after Nu-Nu I forgives Stealthy taking time to get used to my new Centurion...

I thinks Newby is going to fit right in as he is starting to trust The Two Legs - although once he trusts them enough they'll get his bits removed so he might wish he hadn't trusted them so muchimuss!!! ..;-)

I is MAXIMUS WRIGGLY KITTY SPITTIMUS and I as spokens

Noushka Nu Nu

We loved Nu Nu. We really really didimuss!!!

Noushka had never been with other cats. The Little Two Legs brought her home so she would have a safe home...a safe place with me and Bumble and Stealthy.

She didn't want a safe home with me and Bumble and Stealthy.

She wanted it all. On her own.

The Two Legs have spent 24 years adopting and caring for cats. Never in 24 years have they failed any cat.

Now they is saddimus. They feel they have failed.

They hasn't.

Nu Nu was Nu Nu.

She had to go.

She made Stealthy's life a misery. Stealthy wasn't adopted by the Two Legs...He chose them.

It was Stealthy or Nu Nu.

He was going to go.....he was going to be chased away.....

It wasn't Nu Nu's fault...it was just Nu Nu....it was the way she was..the way she is....

Nu Nu had to go or Stealthy would have gone.

I couldn't lose my Stealth Bomber.....

Sorry Nu Nu.....

You need a one cat house......and this isn't....

This is the Maximus house.....and now....it still is.....

Bye bye Nu Nu.....you will have your own house now.....

The Two Legs will miss you....

Me n Bumble n Stealthy won't!!!!

Noushka Nu Nu What??????

Nu Nu is....I am led to believe...staying in the realm of Maximus (Wriggly Kitty) Spittimus.

This is coolimuss. This is fineimuss.

Providing she behavesimuss!!!

She won't you know....the Two legs knows it....The Bumbles knows it....I knows it.

Still...if we don't give her a home then who will???

Bumble aka The Bumble is cool with it...she bopped Nu Nu on the head and Nu Nu knew her placeimuss..

The Stealth Bomber touched noses so I thought it was fineimuss...

Then? Since? He runs away from her and she chases him...

Stealthy runs away?????

He really is daft as a brushimuss!!!!

Stealthy?....Sort it out Centurion Stealth Bomber.....

Sort it out!

She is Noushka Nu Nu...the latest Centurioness in The Maximus (Wriggly Kitty) Spittimus Army

I is Maximus (Wriggly Kitty) Spittimus....

...and I has spokens

A Happy Maximus New Year!!!

I as not posted for a bit cause I as been sniffings........

A new cat is here. She is called Noushka. She is not a cat, she is a cow. I as batted her ears. I will not have any pics of Nu-Nu, as the Two Legs call her, until she learns to behave.

Chrissimuss was cool! I got to eat lots of Turkey and sausage meat and ham and pork and anything elses that the Two legs gave me.....except brussel sprouts...they is 'orribleimuss!!!

I got presentimusses!!! I got Catnip mouses and toys to tear to bits!!!! Bumble and Stealth Bomber got presentimusses too cause they are loyal to Maximus...

Nu-Nu got a big cage to live in cause she won't behave...she will learn that this is Maximus land and she must behave!!!!

(Actually Noushka was rescued by daughter Jacqui. She's 18 months old and has had no socialisation with either cats or people - as my scars would show - we are trying to integrate her into our home. If we fail she will be rehomed to a 'one cat' household. I'll let you know how it goes. A gorgeous looking completely neurotic Torty nicknamed 'Psycho Kitty by me)....4D aka Man Two Legs aka Aide de Camp to Maximus Spittimus...

Be quiet Two Legs...this is my blog!!!

I had to sleeps off all the Turkey and sausage meat and ham an pork on my blanky....



The Bumbles let me sleeps with her on her chair again...Nobody but Maximus Spittimus gets to sleeps on The Bumbles chair!!!

 I needed more sleeps with Stealthy too as I had eaten so much Turkey and stuffing and I was stuffings!!!!

I is MAXIMUS WRIGGLY KITTY SPITTIMUS

.....and I wishes my Centurion kitties and rabbits and doggies a Happy New Year with lots of mouses to chase and lots of trees to climb and lots of nice places to go sniffings....

I HAS SPOKENS!

Wriggleimuss Me!!!

I is now known as Wriggly Kitty.....Maximus Wriggly Kitty Spittimus.

I is prepared to allow this addition to the name of your most magnificent Maximus as I admit I wriggles a lot.

I do not sound like a seagull though! Disgraceimuss!!! Man Two legs says I sound like a seagull from 'Finding Nemo' when I is fed.

I DO NOT say 'Mine! Mine! Mine!'......I says 'Gets off it is The Magnificent Maximus's food!'....if Two Legs think it sounds like 'Mine! Mine!' then he is more idiotimuss than even I thought!

...after eatings I settles down for a snooze with The Bumbles who lets me use her chair cause she loves Maximus!!!!

The Stealth Bomber stretches out in the hallway as he can't fit on Bumble's chair - and Bumble would bop him if he tried!

I AM THE MAGNIFICENT MAXIMUS WRIGGLY KITTY SPITTIMUS and I is speakings again.....

...idiotimuss Two Legs....keeping me silentimuss......

My Centurion Guards

The Stealth Bomber is not known as The Stealth Bomber for nothings....

He catch Mousey and brings it back for me to play with. It is my very own pet mousey!!!

He carries it gently along the top of the fence so I can admire my Chief Centurians grace and loyalty to the Emporer Maximus Spittimus.

Then he puts my new mousey down so I cans play with it....BUT!!! Man Two Legs rescues Mousey and frees it!!!! MY MOUSEY!!!! Brought to his Emporer by Stealthey!!! I chases it around and around before Man Two Legs can catch it so I does have some funnimuss.

Bumble (aka The Bumbles aka Bumbleeny) explains to me that Two Legs have always rescued mouseys and frogses and anything that she used to bring home. They do??? Two Legs is very weirdimuss!!!

My wise and venerable Scampi sets up an observation post to tell me if my mousey comes back to play with me again....although strangely, Scampi seems to think it unlikely. Unlikely? Doesn't my mousey understand how honoured he would be to let The Emporer Maximus Spittimus play with him. I would only nibble his head a little bit!!!

All this cahsing mousey and trying to understand silly Two Legs has made me tiredimuss. I sleeps now.

I IS MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS, EMPORER OF YOU ALL AND I HAS SPOKENS.

They Is Back

Now I knows I hads Scampi (The Venerable and Wise), Bumble (aka The Bumbles aka Bumbleeny) and, of course, Stealthy (aka The Stealth Bomber) for company but.....

BUT

Otherwise I was aloneimuss!!!!

I was left aloneimuss!!!!!

They shall pay the price.

I shall bite toes and scratch delicate bits when they is asleepimuss.

The wrath of Maximus Spittimus will know no bounds.

Well.....

...I will waitimuss until the Little Two Legs is back from Madagascarimuss.

Then they will not expect it.

I is going to have fun.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I is waiting...I is biding my timeimuss.

I will be UNLEASHED!!!!!

I IS WILDIMUSS!!!! 

I WILL NEVER BE LEFT ALONEIMUSS AGAIN!!!!

er.....can I have some foodimuss?....

The Garden Of Maximus Spittimus

I loves my garden I does.

It is changing though. The Man Two Legs has found someone in need of work and, as the Man Two Legs is apt to do, he has 'taken him under his wing' (as the Lady Two Legs says)....Man Two legs has wings??? He is birdie???....I may eat him!!!!

There is things going on in my garden.....strange things.....this man emptied the top pond and put the fishies in the bottom pondimuss....I is alright with that....I can chase them in the bottom pondimuss....but why?

I is sitting on the 'water feature' cause it isn't.....watering that is....my garden is changing and I don't know if I likes it yet....The Man Two Legs says 'It will be fine Maximus....trust me I'm from Oldham'...

He might be from Oldham...wherever that is...but he's daftimuss as a brushimuss you know....

The Stealth Bomber...Head Centurion Extraordinaire...is perplexed. Perplexed I say!.....He has been decimating the wildlife in MY garden ever since he strayed in here two years ago....Now the fishies are in a deeper pond he can't reach them.....the frogs are sticking their tongues out at him (assuming frogs have tongues)....My garden is changing!!!

Lots of trees are gone now....not the one with the Magpies nest in it, so I can still climb up and try to steal their eggs - except Magpies have no respect for your Emporer...they hisses and screeches and trys to peck my eyes....I WILL get their eggs one day!!!!!

In the meantime I will sit on the water feature until it starts to water again and watch this strange man chop up trees and make MY garden bigger.

I don't knows.....It feels very oddimuss.....The sun shines on me more than it did - which is goodimuss - but there are fewer places to hide and seek with Stealthy.....

Still....The Great Sage Scampi and The Queen Bumble seem to like more light in MY garden so I suppose I will have to allow these changes....

I am MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I is sitting on a water feature until it spurts again...

I 'as spokens....

A Goose??? A Goose???

The Two Legs is back - and about time too. Leaving me on my ownsimuss indeed!

The Stealth Bomber vanished for five days, Bumble hid in the wardrobe and Scampi crapped in the bedroom - I loves Scampi!!!!

The Little Two Legs and her pet...another man Two Legs...came to stay. That was coolimuss but, they brought another 4 Two Legses that we didn't even knowimuss!!!

'Strangers!' meowed Stealthy and wasn't seen again until he heard our Two Legs voices when they came back.

Little Two Legs fed us and watered us and cuddled me so...just to show who is really in charge I went off my foodimuss - I didn't really, I just wanted everyone to feel guilty!!! (I ate biccies at night when nobody was looking - don't tell them)

Lady Two Legs is still laughings 'cause Man Two Legs was chased by a Goose. It looks like a big fat pigeon to me.

Lady Two Legs say Man Two Legs tried to walk away when the Goose charged but it wouldn't acceptimuss 'walking'. It kept charging Man Two Legs until he started runnings!!!

I is going along next time. I must see Goose chasing Man Two Legs!!!!.....I will ask it to join my Centurion Army. In fact...I will makes it honorararary member now I shall.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and likes Gooses!

Scampi And The Bumbles Is Sleepings

The old and venerable Scampi is sleepings...he does this a lot...he is 21 years old and that is very oldimuss for a cat. He advises Your Emporer and tells me when I is being silly or unreasonable...not that I is ever silly or unreasonable of courseimuss...How can I be?...I is the Centre Of Everything!

The Bumbles...aka Bumble....aka Bumble-eeny is sleepings too...Bumble is a lady I adore...but I doesn't understandimuss.

She hits me around the head....How can anyones hit me??? I is Maximus Spittimus!!!! The Emporer of The World!!! The Bumbles is keeping me in my placeimuss says The Two Legs...

My placeimuss is Ruler Of The Universe!!!...I doesn't needs keepings in my place!! I is already in my place!!!

I loves The Bumbles but I is confused...I is hit around the headimuss when I tries to eats The Bumbles foodimuss.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS  and I rules the Universe - as long as The Bumbles says so.....

All Is Wellimus In The World Of Maximus Spittimus

I is good....actually...I is greatimuss!!!

Bumble is well again,

Scampi is Scampi

 

and The Stealth Bomber continues to stealthily bomb any living creature that invades MY garden.

 

The Maximus Spittimus Universe is good.

The Two Legs universe is a bit chaotic so he can't post a lot for a bittimuss.

Well...that's what he thinks....carefully directed claws in delicate places will ensue and MAXIMUS WILL NOT BE DENIED!

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS  and I has spokens to my loyal Centurions (and other lesser creatures)

(If you would honour me by becoming a MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS CENTURION then e-mail your picture and details to fourdinners@aol.com....but make it quickimuss...AOL are toast in the Maximus household and will shortly be replaced by Orange).

So there.

The Bumbles According To Maximus Spittimus

Two Legs are happymuss.

I is happymuss.

The Bumbles is Hyperthyroidal.

I has no idea what that means but The Bumbles will take pills according to The Two Legs and will be fine.

The Bumbles will be fine.

The Two Legs have said so.

More importantly of course, I has said so!

The Bumbles will be fine.

I, The Emporer of Everything, thanks you for your purrs and hugs and bestist wishes for The Bumbles.

My Bumble will carry on being here to teach me the ways of catdom so I can be a great Emporer for all cats - and doggies and rabbits and squirrels and meerkats and other things.....

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has spokens....I is happymuss as well...

I thankimuss you all!!!!

The Crown Jewels

Bumble...aka The Bumbles...is 'The Crown Jewels'.

Bumble is 'The Little Two Legs' cat.

She always has been and always will be.

Bumble arrived at the Two Legs abode when she was a small kitten. About 8 weeks old.

Her left eye was lost already to 'Cat Flu' and was removed by the vet.

Bumble spent several days in the arms of the Little Two Legs and made a purring sound reminiscent of a Bumble Bee - she was, henceforth, christened 'BUMBLE'.

Bumble is now 13 years old and her health is suffering. She has always been a small cat, but....she has gone from 2.9 Kilos to 2.6 Kilos in 3 months and there aren't a lot of Kilo's to lose.....

There is a problem.

Blood tests have ensued and we await the results.

MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS requests that his Glorious Centurions keep their paws crossed for Bumble.

It is a time of concern for Maximus. Bumble (The Bumbles) has been his teacher in the fine etiquette of 'cathood'. Maximus clearly loves her dearly and WILL NOT LOSE THE BUMBLES!!!!

Your cat prayers are required and much appreciated.

Maximus thanks you.

X

Four Dinners
Aide De Camp
Maximus Spittimus

The End Of The First Year and The Start Of The Second Year Of Maximus Spittimus

This is the year of me - Maximus Spittimus. Well, last year was the year of me too. Every year is the year of meimuss - and quite right too! After all, I is the Emporer of everythings I surveys and everythings I don't surveys so every year has to be the year of meimuss!!!

Last year was greatimuss cause it was my first year so it must have been the first year the universe existed - I know there was other cats before me but everything must have been a sort of void back then as I wasn't in it.

I is going to post more now I has recovered from Christmas and New Year. I ates so much turkey I couldn't move for most of January and the Two Legs had to carries me everywhere. I deserved the turkey though so that is alrights.

The tree belonged to me but Bumble guarded it for me.

I practised my Ninja skills on Stealthy - lulling him into a false sense of security then bopping him on the headimuss!

Little Two Legs was home with another man Two Legs who made a fuss of me so he can come againimuss. He is called Max so I likes him a lotimuss!!!!

Man Two Legs drank lots of the stuff he drinks but he didn't fall over like everyone else who drank lots of this stuff.

Little Two Legs drank something called 'Daddy's Special Home Made Ukranian Vodka'. I don't know what it is but she said the room was spinning around and hid under Man Two Legs fleece. The room wasn't spinnings!!! I would have known if the room wwas spinnings! I would have got dizzimuss!!! Two Legs can be very strange.....

Lady Two Legs nearly lost the turkey to The Bumbles - good job she isn't as quick as she used to be!

Scampi had his turkey mashed up so he could chew it. I will still have all my teeths when I is 21 years old!!!!

I think this is going to be a very good year - mainly cause I am in it.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has spokens.