When I die I want my body to be put to good use. After contemplating the various ways that can happen (organ donation, displayed on the bodies exhibit, used as a med school cadaver, etc.) I have decided that it should be as a souless creature of the night. My top three choices, and the only 3 I can really think of are: A) Vampire; B) Zombie; C) Reanimated body (think frankenstein). So here are the pros and cons of each.
Choice #1) Vampire-When I think of a vampire, I am going to go with the classy tuxedo wearing vampire, not that emo rabble.
Pros:
1. You can turn into a bat- Do I really need to explain how cool this would be?
2. Awesome teeth- When I was a kid, I used to test how sharp my teeth were with my fingers, unfortunately after having my adult teeth for about 20 years, they are not nearly skin piercing sharp.
3. Chick magnetism- My wife can't get mad at me for this one because it's just my body the ladies want, my soul will be with her in heaven.
4. Tuxedo and high collared cape- This is just classy.
Cons:
1. Death by sunlight- This is not my favorite as I enjoy soaking up the rays.
2. Blood being my favorite food- I am not a blood person. I hate liver, raw steak, and donating it.
3. You have to have your blood sucked dry to become a vampire- As I mentioned before, I am not a fan of needles, much less sharpened teeth (no matter how cool they look). No on donation.
Choice #2) Zombie- These guys really get a bad rap. Everyone is saving up on ammo to kill them and no one is taking the time to get to know them.
Pros:
1. Ability to take a bullet- How many shots with a shotgun can these guys take? From the movies I've watched and video games I've played, up to 20 for sure.
2. Great community- Have you ever noticed that zombies always seem to hang out together and never seem to attack each other? It's pretty much a big family.
3. We will take over the world- You know it's coming, the Zombie Apocalypse. The whole earth will be run over by zombies, you may as well embrace that fact and join the winning side.
Cons
1. Eternal stupidity- Although Zombies are good at hiding and pouncing on the unsuspecting, they are as dumb as bricks. I enjoy intelligence.
2. Favorite Food=Human flesh- Besides not being very appealing, this is a scarce resource, and with how dumb zombies are, there is no chance for farming.
3. Filth-I'm a bit of a germaphobe and somewhat of a clean freak. I don't think I could spend forever in my own filth.
Choice #3) Reanimated Body- Frankenstein's monster style. If I could only donate 1 body part, I would have to go with my brain.
Pros
1) Normal Diet- I'm pretty sure as a reanimated body (just my brain mind you) I could eat whatever I wanted, not just human body parts.
2) Intelligence- If I donated my brain, as hideous as my body may be, I could still enjoy the finer things in life.
3) Sunlight- Although farmers with pitchforks may attack me without provocation, I could go out in the sun if I wanted.
Cons
1) Farmers with pitchforks- These guys are you nemesis. Second death by pitchfork does not sound fun.
2) My whole body wouldn't be donated to the cause- At least as a vampire or zombie my entire body could come back.
3) Thread- It would really be a pain to be held together by thread for the rest of ever. Imagine if you had a tear in your wrist thread, or the back of your neck. What a pain to fix.
Although I still haven't decided which I want to be, I strongly encourage you to join the ranks of the undead. What else are you going to do with your body?
