Sometimes the light's all shining on me
sometimes I can barely see
Lately it's occurred to me
what a long, strange trip it's been.

-Grateful Dead

CHRISTMAS MORNING

MAGICAL

I don't think there's ever been a more magical Christmas! It's snowing! I put the baby doll underneath the tree. I'm stuffing our dirty old socks with oranges and candy. I'm eating Janna's pumpkin cheesecake. I love my family. I love this life. I looked outside at the snow and cried literal tears and then jumped up and down screaming for joy. Brandon and I slow danced to Christmas music in the glow of the Christmas-tree lights. TMI? (we're dorky, I know) I can't wait to see the look on Anika's face when she sees her baby doll. Merry Christmas to you all. I love you guys.

Little Kid Again

Not since I was a kid have I been so excited for Christmas. I see everything through Anika's eyes now so everything is exciting again.... the zoo, Christmas, the park, EVERY DAY. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she gets up and sees her Cabbage Patch Kid and all her presents. It's been a long time since I've lost sleep on Christmas Eve but it just might be happening this year. Having Anika is like getting to be a kid all over again.

Journal of Summer

Sometimes at the end of an era I would jot down as many words or phrases that came to mind that reminded me of that era. In the Journal of Summer I cam across my phrase collage of the Summer of 1998. It brought back so many things I had forgotten... Maybe they could bring back some memories for you?


June 20 one way ticket- Ciara's- Paul's- swimmage- golf course swimming- b & u swimming- Pamela Lee- skinny dipping- full moons- aspen jumping- Kolob mountain- Glazier- pretty much- ramen- Fire on the Mountain- Shakedown Street- fireworks- cherries- right technique- Ci and Darrin in my hammock- feet- Havasupai- Zion- glow worm- Havasupai in 40 hours- raging tempesets- goldenboy1- goldenboy 2- Jeremy's picture- tattoos- butterflies- green salad- peaches & cream- popcorn- sewing pants- skirts- hooded sweatshirts- canals- skimboarding- Run to the Sun with Omar and Diane- Leaf hats- rooster alarm- PPP- sage- cornmeal- eating aspen- prickly pear cactus- sunrise breakfasts- spirit pouches- Narrows- What the?- Uncle Sam- Bull- Spin the bottle brawl- Mexico in one day- 555 MEXO- kill me now, kill me later- Lake Powell- Marty- Spencer- Paul- Crazy crap- fugitive- thumb slammage- smell good blanket- all smell goodness- clothes swimming- 40 below reservoir- Oak Grove- dutch oven- aspen crafts- never ending wild onion hunt- Lake Mary- Rockville Lake- windsurfing- knee boarding- air chair- sunday at Travis'- tevas- thongs- braids- dirtballs- 3 in 1man tent- run baby run- fortune smiles- Paul's haircuts- big dipper- perseid meteor showers-repelling- bridge jumping- falling stars- Eric's- plastic deer- wild turkeys- Vivarin- wild flower hats- water snakes- ambushing- cinnamon rolls- no bakes- Ci's Grandma- peas underneath mattress- zion swimming hole- our song- see are uh- Josh- Beaver Falls- hammocks- porch swings- sunsets- ice cream- fruit- tree by darrins- Savers- "would you look at that"- the D- Marty's party- bike rides- Nicole's brownies- pencil trash can- collage- same things at same time- arms flailing- "laugh your brains out"- do ya do ya do ya do ya wanna dance?- stripper Nicole- frisbee- vernon worthen- team buttercup lives- train wreck scrapes and scabs- subaru- LedZeppelin tattoo- lightning shows- lightninging- laundry- gravity talk- The Ultimate End- tail lights- Ciara speeding- Greg and Joe- pulled over 100 times- running in sprinklers- Enfuego- Run to the spotlight- boulevard home furnishings tv watching- Toquerville Falls- lazy river- peeing bonding- fireballs in sky- super squirells- anti-hammock sleeping- yes, even supermodels- lead the universe- latrines- 149 flies- blanket fort- BBQs- stickers- psycho- ropebridges- MTC sidewalk chalk- deja vu of deja vu- serious- dead serious- sarcastic- suction falls- sleeping on Aframe roof- potatoes- flat tires- never a flashlight- hidden canyon- Wes the park ranger- Robert's wedding- 5:17 a.m. runs- picnic table- moving Paul's car everyday- trampoline sleepage- "waiting for the sun" (the doors)- Mike- Dr. Mario- Paul's robe- Chris- negative on the Noage- negative on the chaffage- walk to Eric's- donuts- grahm crackers- preying mantis- kinkos- spiffless days- volleyball- "shoot me in the morning, shoot me in the evening, shoot me at brunner time"- brunner- POPGER- "remember that time on earth"- kayaking- death to America- "I'm in"- "you're always in"- "girl"- rock on with your bad self- "stallagtite, stallagmite, stallag shutup"- Rocks by the gay people- no gas- 1-800-COLLECT THONGS- supermodel ad birthday- BLM- date de la dull- tent de la love- letter bombs- American woman- American girl- Woman- Nicole's stove- Nicole's house sardines- "how fun is this?"


WOW, I really wish I hadn't done that. It was longer than I thought. It really brought back some memories but I'm just stumped with a few of them. Maybe you could help me out with:

Enfuego
pencil trash can
POPGR
letter bombs
negative on the no-age
picnic table
plastic deer
555-MEXO

How is it that something your brain once knew and felt important enough to write down, you can no longer remember? I'm seriously stumped. Please help me out if you can.

DANG- WE SURE WERE ENERGETIC AND BUSY!

Big B

Brandon has been home recovering and now that he is doing better he is getting quite bored. So bored, in fact, that he started making videos of bobble head elves on elfyourself.com He created his own blog to put it on. I doubt he will ever post much. Maybe a few times a year about a fishing trip to Boulder or something. No one loves fishing more than the Brandino, thus the bigbrookie address. CLICK HERE. I will also add him to our buddies.

Williams - UFC Herb

Turkey Bowl Football on Thanksgiving day. Ashley (Herb's sister) is going in for the tackle.

Herb joined a fight club gym and actually pays money to get beat up. He comes home with black eyes, split lips, and bruised body parts. This is him all dressed up in his UFC attire before he goes to class. He wants to fight in the octagon someday:) People are going to think I beat my husband:)

Williams - Snow Day

That is right, it is a snow day today. No church. Typical for snow in Oregon. After 8 years we are used to church being cancelled on account of snow. One of our friends in the ward called me and couldn't believe they cancelled (she is from SLC). I had to explain to her how different the snow is here. Sheet of ice is more like it. It snowed all day and has not let up. Pretty unusual. The news was calling it the Artic Blast:)

Williams - Herbie's Toilet Fettish

Herbie decided to flush a bar of soap down the toilet. After multiple overflowes, this is Herb a week later still trying to unclog it. I think he enjoyed it a little too much. Who thought a bar of soap could do so much damage. The snake didn't work so he went out and bought a plunger that shoots CO2 into the toilet and he blasted it with three of those and now it works like a charm. Don't let Herbie near your toilets!

She may look sweet and harmless...
"Who me? I'm just a sweet little cuddly baby."













Look a little closer...

Anika Cullen bit me right on the neck.
She took a big chunk with her razor-sharp front tooth.

Speaking of vampires, I finished the Twilight series last night. Edward, darling, I miss you.

Has anyone read Meyers' next book The Host? Would you recommend it?

all this talk of the rock...

... makes me think someone should rock me every now and again. Maybe that would solve my anxiety and restless nights. If, every time I woke up at 4:05 AM (which has been this entire week of tossing and turning) Q rocked me back to bed, I might not dream of my students trying to kiss me and then light my couch on fire.... still can't look at that one the same way.

Ever think, if only you were split into four people, you might actually get something done? I've been working 11 hours straight at work every day this week and I finally cracked today. Some kid, a girl no less, made me cry. Now, me crying is not unusual. Tears frequently adorn my cheeks when a correct possessive plural noun graces an essay or a thesis is extended with no prodding, pushing, or torture... tears of joy- the kids eat it up and it makes my job loads of fun- the tale of Mrs. Had breaking down in a moment of pure English bliss spreads like wildfire and they all start working harder to make me shed a few again; but today I lost it. Tears of anger, frustrations, and hopelessness after 20 minutes with this girl. She may be the one student I cannot reach... which makes me even more angry. Kicking and fighting with determination in my heart and soul, back I will go for another and yet another round with her. I will loose. I will neglect every other student, I will be seen sweating, spitting, and nose running, but it won't matter. The flem, the explaining, the praying won't mean a hoot. I will loose with this one.

Maybe if there were a few more of me, I could talk myself out of caring that she fails my class. Actually, maybe I am there now.

On the bright side, I am convinced 90% of my 9th graders could hand their Iranian Revolution epository essays into a college 101 class and get a good grade. Speaking of rocking: Rock on!

Hooked on THE ROCK

Alright, I've read all the books that talk about putting your child to bed awake so they can learn to self-soothe. I TOTALLY AGREE. It's a skill they need and so that's exactly what I did... not until she was 9 months. She was a pro at it. I would sing to her or read in the rocking chair and then plop her in her crib and walk out. Within minutes she would be asleep. The last time she was really sick I rocked her every night. I figured since she wasn't feeling well she would need it. That's when the habit started. She has been well forever now and... I'm still rocking her.

I love those last few minutes of her day. She looks up at me and smiles. Sometimes she sticks her feet up to my mouth so I can kiss them. Sometimes she talks about her day... parks, dogs, ducks. And then she dozes off nice and peaceful in my arms. I really enjoy it. It's the best part of MY day.

I know I need to go back to putting her to bed AWAKE but true to addict form, I keep putting it off. "Oh, she had a bad day today, she needs to be rocked" I tell myself. I come up with some excuse every day.

So, what's so bad about rocking her, you may ask? Sounds good for both of you, right? Sure, until she starts crying in the middle of the night. When she doesn't soothe herself to sleep then she wants me to rock her if she wakes up in the middle of the night. It's impossible to resist because I, myself, am so dead tired that I will do just about anything to get her back to sleep so I can sleep.

Pretty much I know I need to start putting her down awake again like the old days. She was such a pro! And I am such a sucker. I really like snuggling her and I keep thinking how she isn't going to be little forever and one day I wont be able to rock her anymore. I plan on quitting this habit but... couldn't I have just one more day?

Impulse Control

You might enjoy this little story:

It had been a stressful day. Anika was sick. Brandon was recovering from surgery. I had just rinsed out Brandon's barf bowl, wiped Anika's snotty nose, and somehow wrestled my huge butt into mysteriously shrunken jeans. Out the door finally! To... the post office. Anika threw a big fit when I walked in and tried to stand in line. She took one look at all the strangers and started arching her back and screaming. By the way, she currently will not go within 20 feet of an LDS church without doing the same charade. But that's a story for another day.

So, have you ever turned onto Bluff from Diagonal? It's way hard, especially if you have to cross all three lanes. I was taking my precious time, keenly aware of the Harley bike behind me revving its engine and nearly nudging me. That's when it went black.

"That's it!" I threw it into park along with the E break and... out I came. "Is there I problem?" I squealed. "Well, I've just seen countless opportunities for you to pull out." says the helmetless and much-scarier-than-I-thought biker dude. "Well, I've got my little girl in the car and she is precious cargo so if you have a problem then GO AROUND ME." I was truly yelling by then and then hopped back in the car where my instant-guilt awaited.

Why Alana, why? By now there was a line of cars behind us. Big biker dude went around but frightened lady in white mid-size sedan stayed at least a car length behind me. I glared at her through the rear view. Just try me lady. Just try me.

I was instantly ashamed. How low-life can I get? Concurrently, my horizon card was being printed in SLC. (NO JOKE) Let's see... what else is new? Brandon is home for a month. He is doing better post-surgery. I'll tell you what though... I have never seen him in that kind of pain. I spent that first night in the hospital with him. The morphine drip wasn't touching his pain. He didn't remember half of it though... just the vomiting. He is improving, slowly.

Brandon's parents went and cut us down a Christmas tree! It was like, well... Christmas! It is gigantic... the KING of trees and absolutely magical. They cut it down at night with flashlights and then tied it to the 4-wheeler! They are so fun and spontaneous. I am feeling the Christmas spirit big time now.

Um, what else is new?

Today was the most fun COLD winter day. We have been stuck at home so we had the ultimate Christmas-season day. I made biscuits, lobster bisque, and topped it off with baking gingerbread men. All of it would have tasted that much better with a snow storm.

My Mom is most likely moving in with us for a while beginning January. It will help us and her out just while she tries to find a nice and affordable place. Cara is moving back to Newport Beach. And... Brandon and I are being sued. No, really. I answered the door the other night expecting the Relief Society and I GOT SERVED!

I should really blog a bit more. I hadn't realized how much has been going on.
Thanks Nicole for the fancy new blog template. I will catch you all later.

Oh wait- How can I talk about the last 2 weeks without also mentioning Twilight? I am completely obsessed. Nicole, when you are a famous author, could I solicit you for the position as your personal assistant? You are going to need one of those.

Still going...
So, about me and impulse control. What is with that? I am famous in my family for throwing food but have gone years now, you know... food-throwing-free.
I once threw a ham sandwich at Janna. This wasn't when we were 10- we're talking 3 years ago. That same year I threw a dinner roll at her head as hard as I could. That's not to say I didn't fight with sisters in childhood too. In fact, Janna and I used to brawl like brothers. We're not talking about pulling somebody's pig tails. We're talking sitting on top of a sister and slamming her brace face in with fists until she's catching blood with cupped hands. Janna had this awesome move where she would grab your arms and knee you in the back to get you on the ground. We would get sent to our rooms and soon enough one of us would slip an "I'm sorry, I love you, let's play house when Mom lets us out." note underneath the other's door, and be best friends all over again...

If only I knew where big biker dude lived???...
I perhaps could slip him a note. I might want to leave out the "I love you" bit and most certainly the "Let's play house" bit but... how about...
Can we still be friendsters?

New Banner

Didn't you just love 17?

So, all of my pics of us are in storage and all I could find was this one from the 10-year reunion. Anyone have something better?

ALSO: if you are not an official instigator of the acronym that is JNAC, we still want your pic! Pretty puh-lease send us something smashing of you to:

nhadley@scmiddle.org

(even if you only blog stock or are just tooning in for the first time)

...oh- and Paul, we are absolutely going to need one of you!

Few Things

Sorry- I've disapeared because it's the end of the quarter and we're doing another essay and work is insane... but I wanted to say real quick (so I don't forget):

1.
I have found the key to my depression!!!! I didn't go to the gym or read my scriptures for 6 days during Thanksgiving and by Sunday night I was PSYCHO again. EVen though I saw all of my family, I felt so lonely... so, just sad sad sad. so...Monday I lifted weights and Tuesday I ran 5 miles and I've been doubling up on scriptures so I feel like a normal person again. This is a revelation for me, so obvious I know, but now it has hit me like a ton of bricks that excercising isn't optional anymore- it's manditory.

2.
Next: I've had some hard days at school- the kind where I'm already sweating and flem has replaced all spit by the end of 1st period, but I can honestly say that I have performed miracles. I wish I would take the time to write this stuff down... but there is so much to say. I'll leave it with yesterday: I have a rough class... rough in an unconventional way. They are not disrespectful, it's just that 11+ of them must have constent personal attention, modification and help to even have a chance of keeping up with my rigorous schedule. As a result, I run back and forth between desks like a mad women feeling that if God really loved me, he would split me into peices so I could be in more places than one and actually be able to help them. Such a day was Thursday. I finally had to put three remedial boys together and tell them (my exact words),

"Look, I know you need extra help, but I may not get to you today, honestly, you
are not the priority because I have to deal with 7 other majorly struggling and
problematic kids first. Please try and take what I've told you, do your
best to attempt the essay outline, and I'll check back with you when I
can. I feel bad, but this is public education in Utah and that's the best
I can give you today."

I felt aweful because these boys actually wanted the help so they could work and the others I had to deal with have a complete opposit profile (the kind that I actually pull my hair out in front of them and say, "I'm walking away from you now because I cannot stay by you and your attitude and not do or say something I'll regret, you are waisting my time and my time is valuable, precious, and absolutely should be appreciated by you!"). With 2 minutes left in the day, I finally had the chance to look over the work of the 3 boys again. That's when I lost it completely. They had finished their entire essay outlines correctly by taking the first steps without me and working hard together to finish something I would approve of. I started crying right then and there. Tears streaming down my cheeks in front of 4th period. Not because I was tired or frustrated... but because I couldn't handle how proud I was of them and completely emotionally moved by their effort and accomplishment. They had used the tools I gave them and applied them in a way they never could have or would have at the beginning of the year... or even last week. And they did it all because they cared about me, knew I was insanely busy, and that I still expected the best out of them and would recognize their effort. Miracle.

3.

We are having the HADLEY CHRISTMAS EXTRAVAGANA again this year.

There are invitations

but

(FYI so you can plan in case I don't get one to you so soon)

YOU'RE invited

it's at the cabin

on

SATURDAY DEC. 13th, 2008

bring

a treat, church clothes if you spend the night, and a white elephant gift

It will be loads and loads of fun you DON'T want to miss!

(remember silent football???!!!)

SHARE IN THE JOY

I have wanted an entryway bench just like this since... well, forever. We even pushed our wall back 2 feet from the original plans just so we would have room for one of these to keep all of our shoes and junk. Brandon was going to build it for me, copying this picture but even nice wood costs too much moola.

I have had money on a Pottery Barn gift card sitting around but the bench was still too expensive. I was wishing the gift card could buy diapers instead but lo and behold.. the bench went on sale for 1/2 price so the gift card is even covering the shipping price!!!

This may seem not-so-exciting but to me it made my world this week. And to think: I almost used the $ on the gift card to buy Christmas presents!
Close call! I would have forever
regretted missing out on my blue bench.

I will finally be at peace with my entryway.
Janna gave me some super cute hooks a while back so I'm just going to screw them into an old tattered piece of wood for the top part. Wahooo. Fantasy fulfilled.

Williams - My Big Guns

We went shooting with Herb's family over the Thanksgiving holiday. We had a blast. I have never shot a pistol or an assault rifle and I shot both and I was a good shot too. I was closest to the bulls eye every time. We also shot clay pigeons with a shot gun. Check me out!

Herbie and Sage with the Assault Rifle
Ciara, looking the part

What can I say, I am a natural. Maybe I should be the one joining the FBI

Ciara with the pistol

My Ferdinand

You know the children's book about the bull that just likes to sit in the meadow and smell the flowers instead of fight? I have always called Brandon My Ferdinand. He is just like that gentle bull. You just can't get this guy angry. Even when I gripe at him he just replies kindly, "I'm sorry honey, just tell me what I can do to make it better, I love you." Grrr--- it is so maddening. His gentleness makes me realize what a jerk I am and teaches me daily. I really yearn to be as purely GOOD as this man.

Here he is today working on his 31/2 foot creation. The other photo of Brandon with the rolling pin.... this is yet more confirmation that my man loves me. Last week I said pie crust cookies sounded good. He really wanted to work on his lamp but just jumped up at 8 p.m. and started baking. I said, "no babe, don't worry, you really don't have to make me any." To which he replied, "No, I know my Alana needs her pie crust cookies." Awww. Plus, he makes AMAZING pie crust. It's like the commercial for some car that uses images of hot guys with their shirts off ironing and scrubbing toilets. Their slogan is: "All you've ever wanted and then some."

Edward

Thanks a lot Nicole for getting me hooked. I avoided it as long as possible but knowing how I operate, it was an eventuality. I resoundingly echo with TAMN: "My heart belongs to my husband... My NECK belongs to Edward." (And perhaps other, though nameless, parts???) I told you I liked the protective, the jealous, the angry... BLOODLUST. (here) I just didn't know what I was trying to get at all along-- vampires. The good news: Chivalry is NOT dead-- At least in young adult lit and various fiction-- decent or otherwise. Apparently Chivalry is just UNDEAD..... and immortal... and totally hot... and just dead sexy. Bartender, I'll take a Cold One, please.


Anyway, I am finished with your book and will return it when I see you next. Brandon's Mom owns the rest of the series so I can borrow them from her.

I laughed so hard when I opened Mrs. Hadley's copy. Nicole, you crack me up. For those who haven't seen it, the inside of her copy's cover says:

This book belongs to Mrs. Hadley. She is very poor and has spent her mortgage money on this book. Do not steal this book. If you do, you have no heart and will die a slow and extremely painful death. Return this book to Mrs. Hadley A S A P! If you have had this book for a long time, return it now, do not condemn yourself to a lifetime of guilt and anguish.

Perhaps that is why I read it in a day and half? The fear of Mrs. Hadley?

Thanks again everyone for the fun we had last weekend. I haven't gotten out that much in forever and nearly felt 17 again.

Williams Family - Herb's 31st Birthday

We celebrated Herb's 31st birthday last Monday, the 17th. Sage and I baked him a cake and she wanted it to look like the world so we really jazzed it up. Kids make life so fun. We also drove to his work and took him balloons and a Jamba Juice. Someone had to spread the word that it was his birthday because he wasn't going to. His family came over and we all went to dinner at Costa Vida (Cafe Rio copycat). Here are some pics from the big event.

Wednesday

There has been a request that we go to dinner tomorrow. Any objections? Would you rather see a movie? Suggestions as to where we should eat? Bring a friend... or, if you don't have any, you can bring me.

I don't like Thomas Jefferson.

You heard me... I think he was a completely egotistical manipulator. Anyone who would name their school or kid after him must have skipped that chapter on how he spent half his career trying to undermine George Washington and the other have fathering slave children.

Sorry. You had to know the truth.

You In?

Girls Night out

Wednesday

What should we do???

P.S. Yes you can come. Bring a friend. Heaven knows we could use some of those.

Lately

I thought I would give you all a glimpse of the only thing I have been seeing for the last week: my leg all wrapped up and elevated above my heart. I've been cheating the last few days and unwrapping it a lot because I just can't stand it. Now the fun ensues: watching the bruises change pretty colors for the next 6 weeks and waiting to get stitches removed. Buddy has now gone to be with Eddy. R.I.P.







One would think I could have at least made the bangs straight. I was relieved when Janna saw them because she said they were cute and just read an article in Cookie magazine that told how to cut your little girl's bangs short. Supposedly it is the going mod trend. (Lucky us) Anyway, I think Anika and Emmet look like brother and sister.

Holla

Hello down there Ciara! My nephew, Jake, took this on one of his trips up to Portland. His girlfriend is going to school up there. It made me think of you and how we are due for a visit there! I keep thinking about how much fun we had in New York and I don't even think it was because of New York itself. It was just the fun of getting the girlfriends together and staying up until 4 a.m. talking. My dream is to visit you up in Portland. Sorry we haven't made it yet. We are such loser friends. Love you!

Oops

Poor, poor, poor little Orphan Anika. Her bangs were in her eyes so I tried to trim them while she had a bottle in her little chair. She still kept trying to grab the scissors with one hand so I quickly did what I could. OOPS! It's true what they say about wet hair shrinking! The poor little girl now has the EXACT hairdo of Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber. I'm so sorry my little one. You should seriously see it; you will laugh your head off when you do. Better luck next time, Anika! (I mean Lloyd)

um

...does anyone know what happened to Alana? Did she fall off the planet? I'm starting to worry. Plus, I miss the constant commentary from her neck of the woods. I didn't realize how much her posts get me through the day.

Please don't tell me she had surgery or something and I, her best friend, didn't even know about it.

Alana? Alana? Where are you? I feel like I'm lost alone in a world of darkness filled only with dimwhitted dialogue. No offense to anyone else- it's just... Alana tells it like it is and now that I've had it, I can't go without it.

...So, A, you are still alive... right? Time to call the visiting teachers (yes, that is a threat).


P.S. Girls night out anyone??????? Sat. lunch... or dinner Wed. night? Wed... that's probably tonight if you read this tomorrow. Too soon?

...and the winner is...

Dan, you will be receiving your very own bag of M&M's shortly!

Wanna win some M&Ms?

I'm so depressed.  Tonight I was playing a game with Q and Meg.   They would get an M&M for each trick they preformed successfully.  I had them singing, hopping, giving me compliments, and the M&M's were flying right and left... but then it was time for the summersault request... to which Q bluntly denied was even possible.  We started arguing back and forth about the realistic feasibility of him, a grown man, doing a summersault.  I told him, if he wanted another M&M, he had to perform.... but then he got me.  

"If you think a summersault is so easy, why don't you do one?" he threatened.

"FINE!" I agreed.

I set down the bag of M&M's and voyaged into the hall for more room. Then, I got down on my hands and knees and that's when it hit me... there was no way I was going to get my body to do this.

WT...?

When did this happen?  When was the day that I could no longer so a summersault?  I feel ripped off by life.

---------------------------

So the real question:  Can you still do a summersault?  First person to video themselves doing a summersault and post it on JNAC or send the video to nhadley@scmiddle.org gets a bag of M&Ms and my deep felt praise.

Williams Family - Primary Talent Show

Sage is our little Vocalist. She loves to sing and sings all the time. One of her favorite songs is from the Disney Princess soundtrack. It is from the movie Hercules and she decided that she wanted to sing that for the Primary talent show. She is not afraid to get up in front of crowds of people and perform. She belted out the song at the top of her lungs and it was so fun to watch. Next stop: Nashville! Herbie really wanted to perform also. He even snuck up there and pounded on the piano.

Williams Family - Halloween

Grandma (Zebra) and Herbie (Tigger)

Ciara (LaVerna), Herbie (Tigger), Sage (Alena, Fairytopia), Grace (Jesse)


Sage (Fairytopia). She wants her hair permanenty pink! I am in trouble now.

Sage dressed as Barbie Fairytopia (the good fairy). She told me I had to dress as Laverna (the mean fairy). I tried my best but I just don't think I can do mean. Sage told me that I had to make my face look angry when we went trick or treating. Herbie was Tigger and Herb was an Ultimate Fighter. Oops! I just realized I didn't get a picture of that. My mom was a zebra. We went to lunch with a bunch of people from the ward at a pizza place all dressed up. We went trick or treating with some friends in our ward. Melissa and Andy Erekson. Grace is their daughter (Jesse) in the photos. It was the greatest night for trick or treating. Usually it is cold and windy and tonight it was almost 70 degrees. The warmest Halloween I have spent in Oregon. Love It!

One of those days...

Boy am I having one today. Please get me home, in my PJ's, watching a movie, and eating milk and cookies. I want to never teach again!

So I decided I need to do something really positive. Why not climb the hill and think of some great things about the election? Hey, if I can come up with a solid top 10 list about the election, then I can surely survive school until the bell rings at 2:40.

1: Black President! I am so proud and so excited. It's about time. This is amazing.
2: Totally serious VP bid this year for women! First time one of the two major parties has selected a women for VP and gotten this close to the white house.
3: Hillary almost made it too! Susan B. Anthony would be so proud.
4: I think Obama is a good person. I don't agree with his politics (at all), but come on- how many people do you know who would graduate Harvard, have his choice of any job in the country, and decide to head back to the gheto to help the barrio kids?
5: Even though Repubs were polarized, we pulled together despite our issues and offered a semi-solid backing for McCain.
6: Troops coming home. Wait- I DON'T think they should be pulled out of the Middle East, and I do think it's a recipe for disaster, but we didn't find the weapons we were looking for so our premise is shot and besides, the families are going to be re-united!
7: I won't make a profit on my condo anyway so the new housing taxes won't affect me.
8: We'll be primed for a conservative in 2012
9: Democrats are always good to teachers (more money)
10: George needs a break. I think he should buy some remote island and disappear for a while. He deserves it!

Surgery Today

I heart hydrocodone.

go forth with faith

I haven't been watching at all. Haven't even turned it on once. I've made myself a nice bowl of Zupa Toscana and am slurping it away in my pajamas while listening to religious Christian music.

I get sucked in...

Never fails, when a kid brings one of those fundraising catalogues by, I always dish out the cash. I'm a sucker for the wrapping paper one, I've fallen for the charms, and most recently: It's Scentsy. Now normally I would stay well away from candles but I succumbed when she showed me the sprays!! I have a few from Krumpets and was literally going to buy another flavor TODAY, when low and behold, in walks McKayla with a catalogue for my very hearts desire. Seriously, you spray one tiny wiff and it filled the entire library with an amazingly soothing aroma for the whole day and then some. My students LOVE it when I spray it in class and now that I've discovered the new flavors of Ocean, Thunderstorm, french kiss, and cactus green tea, I'm hooked. It's 5 for the price of four if you want me to hook you up with my student. She's earning $ for a school trip to see the inaugeration.

I couldn't help myself... More of my political views:

More political mumbo jumbo from the realist:

I remember feeling nervous before. Remember the Clinton/Bush Sr. election? We couldn't even keep an incumbent in the house. Worse yet was the second run around with Clinton and Dole. I sat on pins and needles, wading through the debates and wondering how on earth people could have supported a lying credit stealer. Of course we all know the reasons: #1) Clinton can sell ice to an Eskimo and knows how to pay a good P.R. staff. When you can incorporate McDonalds into your name brand you know you've got the kind of magic that blinds people's perceptions of reality. #2) America had a repeat of the Nixon Kennedy debates, only it wasn't sweat this time, it was blinking (please tell me you remember- and if you don't know what I'm talking about, it's time for you to brush up on forensics), #3) we all knew it should have been Elizabeth running instead. Do you think if we gave her a call now.....

The difference this time is not nerves, it's foreboding. Let me clarify, it's not that I'm a McCain women, it's just that I'm an anti-Obama enthusiast. Honestly, though, my real problem isn't with the unpatriotic, marxist, athiest. It's with the people who vote for an unpatriotic, marxist, atheist. I've been asking myslef "why, why, why? American, have you become so disillusioned and lost in the rhetoric that you fall for the most un-American candidate of them all?" ...But I have my answer; it's simple, but it's scary. It all comes down to media bias.

Historically speaking the media has always been liberal. The difference now comes in two horrific facts: Now nobody knows the media is maturally liberal and assume it isn't; it's not common knoweldge anymore because people are so used to accepting media construction at face value. Next, now the gatekeepers (yes, this is also a technical term you should have learned in college) are extreme right-winged propogandists as well. That's the scary part. Our media is supposed to work like congress, complete with it's own system of checks and balances. Generally reporters and writers have been liberal while producers and owners have been conservative. I believe the shift has occured because Americans have been fed propoganda for so long that they've stopped deducting its purpose before accepting its message. This lack of trepidation has allowed the media to sail away with our ethics left floating in the wind behind them, and blown away one more dam on the way to flooding the gates of benchmarks. Put simply, people believe what they are told without utilizing or even realizing their ability to be a skeptic.

I can understand why people have failed to notice the bias in the media and have even gone to the extreme of defending it as otherwise. Many examples illustrate this but I'll stick with the ever popular Commander in chief, George Junior. He makes the right look bad. Before you get the wrong idea, consider this: 1) He was presented with countless loose/loose situations that no president save Abraham Lincoln (and remember, he was assassinated) could have survived scathe free come re-election time. 2) He is consistently blamed for reprocations that have been decades in the making and have largely resulted in the mistakes and spending of a democratic congress. 3) He's got to have the worst P.R. team in history.

Even with his flaws, I still believe he blows McCain out of the water when it comes to leadership ability, follow-through, and steadfastness. 8 years ago no one would have thought McCain would be back with a serious bid for office. Is McCain better? Are the democrats to win by default? I respect McCain's experience and survival as a P.O.W. Honestly, anyone who was repeatedly tortured and had their legs broken over and over again deserves my respect and faith in their unwavering devotion to the U.S. of A. ...and McCain has made some good decisions; almost all of them start and end with Sarah Palin. His luck hasn't been bad either. Huckabee and Romney cancelled out his competition and paved the way for his chance, and long climb might I add, to curb the polarization of the Republican Party.

Perhaps it is McCain's B-list status that propells Obama into to office. Maybe not. Maybe Obama will succeed on his own to pull the greatest hood wink in modern day presidency races. Obama, the wild card from left field (literally) has, in a year, spoon fed socialized medicine to a population who never would have tasted it from Hillary or John Kerry, and successfully employed glittering generalities to avoid specifics that even his most avid believers don't understand. My argument against him is mainly his push to take away my independence. I wonder if he has ever stopped to think that some people DON'T want to be handed health care on a platter, governmnet housing in a bow, food stamps with junk mail. Has noone told him to keep out, stay away, leave alone? Those of us who know anything about the foundation of our country know that independence is the heart of our nation. The more the government meddles into our private affiars, trying to define and add "rights" for us, the more our freedom fades.

Still, I'd rather be an American citizen than any other nationality. Perhaps 4 years in office isn't enough time for Obama to do permanent damage that a republican can't fix. Maybe it will be just enough time to teach people to be skeptics again and allow the media to eat crow. Our biggest fear shouldn't be Obama as president, it's the depletion of our checks and balances. My strongest fear lies in the possibility of a democratic congress paired with a democratic president. That's just enough power to appoint some extremist Supreme Court Justices and turn taxes into every small business owner's worst night mirror. Not only will there be no incentive to work hard, get ahead, win or even play the capitolistic game, we'll all be so downtrodden by the time we realize the American Dream has turned into a communistic paradigm that we'll be forced to stand in line with everyone else, hand out, waiting for free drugs, free housing, free everything. The greatest downfall of progression is when generosity becomes the gravy train.

But then again, if we've survived Nancy Pelosi, we can certainly weather this storm.

A Human Right

Okay, I can't keep it pent up any longer. I'll try to make it short and sweet, even quick and painless.

I saw a train-wreck of a Dr. Phil show the other week and I was stumped. I just couldn't recognize the planet I have been living on.

Every day there is some new "human right" being claimed. Education, health care, etc...

Cliffs notes:
Boyfriend and girlfriend have sexual relationship. Girlfriend claims she is unable to conceive and is also on birth control for other reasons. Girlfriend gets "miraculously" pregnant. Girlfriend wants child support. Boyfriend refuses, claiming he didn't CHOOSE to be a father and girlfriend should have had an abortion. Boyfriend claims his rights were violated.

Wait? Am I missing something? Boyfriend... did you or did you not engage in sex with girlfriend? Doesn't sex make babies? Isn't having sex risking, even if it's slightly, parenthood?

Stay tuned: This is what really got me... boyfriends attorney. Boyfriends attorney claims it is a "human right" to enjoy, essentially, the fun of sex with no strings attached. Yes, you heard me right. He thinks the courts will one day rule that whatever that would be called (recreational-only sex?) is a HUMAN RIGHT. Girlfriend violated boyfriends rights by letting the baby be born. Girlfriend forced him into parenthood against his will.

Again... boyfriend, you had sex, did you not? This was NOT the immaculate conception.

Planet earth, I do not recognize you.

Attorney was ignoring the blatant double standard. Attorney is for women's rights too. But wait... if the man shouldn't be forced into parenthood and woman wants baby... then shouldn't the woman be forced into an abortion because of a man's rights? And what if man wants baby and woman doesn't? Then should woman be forced to carry child?

They are missing the obvious. The only legitimate human right is the right to live. The only one with a claim on this holy "human right" term, is that helpless little fetus. YOU had sex, YOU get to have a baby. You did have a choice. You made your choice... and now, YES, you most definitely DO have to pay child support.

Recreational sex a human right? HA!

Two things bothered me today:

First: That Obama said, "the problem with America is that incomes aren't keeping up with the cost of living and Americans aren't spending as much anymore."

The Second: I can't remember right now but it had to do with some sort of metaphor and I'll post it as soon as it enters my brain (which will be 3 am of course).

Why this bothered me: That people cheered because he called this a "problem." The real problem isn't the fact that salaries aren't keeping up with the cost of living... It's that the cost of living needs to stop rising and surpassing the average income. I may be your average town idiot, but honestly, shouldn't we STOP spending to get out of this mess? Greed, materialism, and buying before earning is what got us here in the first place, right? Dumb people. Do they not realize that the $$$ will come from somewhere, and if it doesn't, the debt will cripple our children, feed communist China, and force us to beg handouts via exports/imports with our enemies (are you thinking Russia right now like me? I know Iran is)? Oh wait- that's already happening.

I've gotta stop watching CNN. It's just that I bought a gym pass and the only thing playing when I run the treadmill is Bill O'Reilly and co. 5 televisions in front of me and you'd think one, just one, of them could be tuned to food network. hmph: gyms.

One show I will boycott for the rest of my life: The View. If you don't know why, just forget it. It will make you livid mad. And what the.....? Where the heck is Glenn Beck when we need him most? Scottsboro is a conservative my butt!

Enough. No more CNN for me. It's John and Kate plus Eight from here on out. Talk about effective birth control...

HALLOWEEN PARTY

Jenny is MIA because she doesn't own a computer! That's why she is not seen around the blogging world. But... lucky me, I work with her! We had the Pasta Halloween party tonight. Jenny had a little bit of trouble walking in those platforms, but we had fun. Last night I went to Tuacahn with Nicole. That's two nights in a row I got out. This kind of thing just doesn't happen.

Good Times

My Daddy has paid the rent
and the insurance man is gone
and the lights is back on
and my uncle Brud has hit
for one dollar straight
and they is good times
good times
good times

My Mama has made bread
and Grampaw has come
and everybody is drunk
and dancing in the kitchen
and singing in the kitchen
oh these is good times
good times
good times

oh children think about the
good times

-Lucille Clifton

This old polaroid turned up at Cara's house recently and when I look at it I immediately think of two things. That poem. And This song.

This was the first time I was of age to go "out" with the big kids. I felt the same kind of elated inclusion as the first time big sister did a face mask and manicure with little sister. It was the first and last time we ever went out all together... all 5 siblings. It was the first and last time I ever got picked up on in a bar. I'm also pretty sure that week was the first and last time I ever had a tan. Why all so short lived?

From the moment I read that poem 10 years ago it has stuck with me. Somehow it captures that feeling... the feeling of the fleeting phases in life when everyone you love has it somewhat together and you can breathe for a moment. A few moments where worry and fear take a back seat to the "dancing and singing in the kitchen."

This photo was taken in Newport Beach at a bar the big kids used to go to, the Blue Beet. There was a live band that night. The band took a break and that's when the Social Distortion recording started playing. Those next few minutes have been a place I go to often. I can see it like it was moments ago. We were kicked back around a table and we started singing along at the top of our lungs to that song, and laughing. I see one moment in particular... the chorus, "take awaaaaaaaay, take away this ball and chain..." Alex was leaning back, smiling right at me, me smiling and laughing back, looking directly into everyone's glassy eyes...everyone raising a glass and singing along...

It is a precious moment to me. One that I cherish.

That song has always reminded me of that crazy night and it has come to mean a little too much. I try to avoid the depressing words and concentrate on that prayerful chorus. It has strangely always been sort of a prayer in my heart that I wail out loud to God on occasion...

take away
take away
take away this ball and chain
well, i'm lonely and i'm tired and i can't take any more pain
take away
take away
never to return again
take away
take away
take awaaaaay
take away this ball and chain

The ball of mortality.
The chains of sin, and dependence.
This is the nature of life, I know. But the prayer in my heart has always been to one day rest. One day rest from heavy weight and pain and bondage, like we did in that moment, and so many other moments... but I want it eternally. I want this for everyone I love. I want to one day rest, at peace, all together.

Together.

oh children think about the
good times

July 22, 1998 Journal of Summer

There are few things that can take care of themselves. Capitalism is one of them.

Government keep out!

P.S. Alana- I got tickets for Wednesday night. I'm so excited. I can pick you up if you wanna car pool.

The Essentials

In light of recent (and upcoming) events we decided to reorganize the two storage units. The essentials have their very own corner now right up front where we can get to them quickly. Our special corner involves a gun safe overflowing with anything you could ever want and even some spilling out into the surrounding area, cased. The ice chest is full of various rounds. But don't forget ice climbing tools for... you just never know? I suppose after global warming and World War the earth's next ice age will close upon us like a coffin lid. That's why we put the box on top... containing blankets. Also inside the box is my Dad's American flag. When we added the ax to our survival corner, Janna and I couldn't stop cracking up. She wondered what we should title our fun little corner and I said, "Oh, I don't know.... maybe... The Last of the Conservatives." It could be the next great American novel. Don't take my guns, don't take my flag, don't take my... sheathed tomahawk? You can call me Magua. Do my opinions on gun rights need to be revisited?

Nicole's Words of Wisdom

From the Journal of Summer again, dated June 30th, 1998: (Havasupai!)

"Havasu has taught us all very much. Take me for instance- I've learned that dangerous trampoline make-out sessions with guys your friends despise is OK because Dave's done a lot worse, and that stripping is fine as long as the rest of your friends are running naked through the woods aw well. Oh- and that navajo girls never fail to hook it up on trips and if they did the millenium could come. But all is well in the half-light of a backwards canyon. As long as aliens occupy the premises and zebras remain forever applying aloe vera to their immodestly exposed tummies. Perhaps one day these lessons of frightening charisma, careless spontaneity, and dying innocence will prove their cause and precede responsibility. Until that glorious day all will remain in debt to Nicole for her charming wit and intelligence; but for now- at this moment in time, we must all make like a poisoned-tipped cactus and GET OUT." -Nicole

Ciara's Words of Wisdom

More Journal of Summer. I am reading through it all and laughing and crying all at once. It's easier to type it than scan it. This is an entry from Ciara the Great, July 6th, 1998:

"I never realized how much Alana and I are alike. We are practically the same person, as Darrin would say. Life is so strange and weird things happen out of the blue for reasons unapparent to us at the present. But in time things begin to show the effects. It's one big cycle. Live life one day at a time, and let time tell what happens." -Ciara.

Little did we know... Ciara was an apparent student of Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon. "one day at a time in Al-anon". We sure were smart for our age.

The South Side of the Boulder

There comes a little space between the south side of a boulder and the snow that fills the woods around it.

Sun heats the stone, reveals a crescent of bare ground; brown ferns and tufts of needles, acorns, a patch of moss... bright green...

I sank with every step up to my knees, throwing myself forward with a violence of effort, greedy for unhappiness-

Until by accident I found the stone, with its secret porch of heat and light... where something small could luxuriate...

Then turned back down my path, chastened and calm.


-From Alana's Journal of Summer, undated, before it came to St. George and became the Journal of Summer.

Journal of Summer

Well, I found her tucked away in a box and I promised I would share some selections from the Journal of Summer. So here you go. I'm thinking if you guys click on the picture you will be able to read the words. Both pages are dated August 7th, 1998... the day Ciara, Paul and I went camping in Pine Valley. The first two entries were written by me, Alana. The next in the cute writing is Ciara's entry and the last is from Paul.

What was it about being 18 that made life so much fun? I think we really were just kids. ??? We had to be because I know I never felt like shit back then. And basically, I feel like shit everyday now. The only thing short of a Xanax or a Valium that was going to keep me from putting holes in the walls with my fists today was compulsively cleaning my already clean house. You know you might be mental when you start refolding folded clothes and sterilizing the already spotless refrigerator.

But don't worry about us (me and the rest in here). We're doing just fine.

Williams - Random

Herbie is Mr. Social

Willams Family - Pumpkin Carving Contest

Herbie was really getting into it (literally)!

Cinderella Pumpkin

Williams Family - Pumpkin Time

Pumpkin Patch. Gotta Love Oregon!!