um is this for real.

Reality is setting in. My whole LIFE is changing...  I am freaking out. I have basically 15 days left in this little town that has been home for the last 7 years. 7 years is a long time. 15 days as poor college students with a baby. 15 days before we're only Alumni.

I know there are a lot of people out there who like to complain about Provo, but having left and then come back. Oh how my little heart hurts to say good bye forever. To no longer drive past the hospital where my baby was born or the park where Jt proposed. To miss spotting my old apartments or lingering in buildings where I ate lunch everyday with my friends. Our first apartment as a married couple by smiths and the smoke shop.To let go of the physical objects that I have so many memories of. The old joaquin park/empty dirty lot where I played snow football, the stadium where I screamed my lungs out and tried like crazy to high five C-brown. The married student housing where I have so many fond memories. The Y. The mountains. Oh the mountains. I am going to miss the nearness of those mountains. Sundance and my freshman memories of sledding there. and the grid. and temple square. Hearing the sounds of the football game at home even though we are pretty far south of the stadium. University Ave. The lights from Fat Cats. The dollar theater. Cougar copy, BGC, 7 peaks. The ride board and the one time as a freshman I drove 7 hours with a complete stranger (who was probably 25) to colorado for thanksgiving. The duck pond, the rb stairs. Kiwanis park where I played with Miley all the time her first summer. My window at liberty square. Park city. DI. Church buildings everywhere. Not being a religious minority.

Knowing who I am in a place and how I fit in and where I can go to feel at home and like myself. I feel like the fall got away from me and I didn't do as much as I could have to really soak up provo. Knowing that someplace that is SO SO SO important to me won't even know that I'm gone. life will just go on.

Excited for the future but so so sad to leave this place. This little town that has been so wonderful to us and knowing that it's going to keep on changing without us and that when we come back it won't be what I know. That when I come back to show my babies MY BYU it definitely won't be the same. And that they might not think its as fabulous as I remember and won't be able to see how it can change your life, your entire everything. I hope and dream that they want to come here so they can know just a little bit of what their parents lived.

bridal veil falls

breathtaking mountains in the distance

Don't get me wrong I am excited for FL. 

Day 6

Books. I LOVE to read books. I used to read a ton. No... you don't get it really. A TON. I started reading chapter books in first grade, at one point I was positive I was going to be a Librarian. Then a book editor, then a publisher. At age 9 or 10 I would pick a shelf on my elementary school library and make a goal to read every book on it, I would go through the books and pick out the thickest books and try to read them. I tried to read Jane Eyre in 4th or 5th grade I think. (I didn't love it ha ha ha) I think I read A Tree Grows In Brooklyn in 5th or 6th grade. My dear fried Carrie and I had this reading obsession, looking back I feel like we had our first little book club at age 12.

 In high school on average I read 2-3  200+ page books... a week. (Obviously I would take breaks from this schedule at points) I would stay up late hidden in my room til 2:00am in order to finish a book I was reading. Say I wasn't doing my chores or hadn't finished my homework, the first thing my mom did was find the book I was currently reading and take it away until I completed whatever needed finishing. Sadly with the creation of netflix, facebook, blogs, school, dating, BABY etc. reading slowly fell to the back burner.

No longer my friends! I learned my love of reading from my mother- she was always reading books instead of watching TV and miss Miley deserves that too! I have a goal to read a book a week until the end of the year, I think I can do it. I read a book called Farishta last week. It was pretty good. I thought it would be fun to post some of the books I have truly loved and read multiple times throughout my life.

Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfeild

The copy my library had was old with no book jacket or cover art- just fabric. I loved it. I loved this whole series... Circus Shoes, Theater Shoes, Skating Shoes.

Misty Of Chincoteague by Marguerite Henry

I LOVED and read multiple times any and ALL horse books by Marguerite Henry. 

Shabanu by Suzanne Fisher Staples

This book was so eye opening to me as a young teenager, I had no concept really of this culture and though its fiction it definitely got me to start investigating a different world then I knew. There are a bunch of other books that follow this that I love as well.

The Giver by Lois Lowry. 

There are also more books in this series. All of them are AMAZING.

I love love love this series and will be reading it to my kids for sure. It is the story of how Peter became Peter pan.

I love Shannon Hale's books. I even read her newest one while I was in labor with Miley. Lots of books in this series as well. So beautiful and imaginative.

Oh and lets throw Harry Potter on the list of course

I can't remember what grade I was in when I first read these but let me tell you. Love at first read, I was over at my friend Holly's house and she had them and I sat down and read the first book. couldn't stop. just like that and then I read day and night until I had caught up... I think there were two or three out at that point. So magical and enthralling. I seriously am sad they are over.

Lets also note
- pride and prejudice
-secret garden
- Glass castle
- Tons of World War II books
- Boxcar children series ( I think I have read every single one)
-Babysitter's club and Babysitter Little Sister series ( I think I read them all)
- Sweet Valley High books ha ha!


I can't wait to build my own library.

Day 5

Grateful today for my education/college experience. I look back with the fondest memories and wonderful experiences. Was it hard? Oh yes... More than almost anything. Was it ridiculously horrible and emotionally draining? Why yes, yes it was! And yet all those times just blur into one awesome 4 year period.

I loved loved loved my freshman year at BYU, living in the dorms was unlike anything else and I seriously made some lifelong friends. It was SUCH a learning experience and I am so grateful that I was surrounded by such amazing people with strong testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I remember when the guys from my ward started leaving on missions that I just had this epiphany- "MY friends ARE the missionaries" and I never had any doubts that any of them would be anything less then the most loving,caring, christlike missionaries out there. There were so many great examples to me, so many of the people in my ward were so loving and accepting and I really was able to start figuring out who I was.

end of the year formal dance freshman year

I am grateful that I could find a major that I was truly interested in, looking back I do have some regrets about not really taking advantage of many of the opportunities/classes available, but hopefully I can figure out how to incorporate those things at some point in my life. I LOVE the human body.

I am so grateful that I got to go to BYU and can't stand when people hate on it. I love the campus, the honor code, the sense of belonging, and the gospel incorporated into so many aspects of my life. I feel like its easy to say "this is where my spirituality stays" and sort of limit it and keep it in a box with church/scripture study but being at BYU really let me make it a central influence on every aspect of my life. I love being outside on Sunday and seeing so many people in church clothes striving for similar things.

Of course you don't need to attend a religious school to recognize and learn these things but that's the way I went about it. In my college career I gained a great amount of secular knowledge, but more importantly I learned how I was going to LIVE the gospel and for that I am very grateful.

Day 4

I am grateful for my upbringing. Though my life definitely has had its ups and downs and I have made questionable decisions at times, as a whole I find myself to be a pretty successful well rounded person. I attribute at least 89% of this to my upbringing. In my home growing up I was taught so many valuable lessons yet given the opportunity to make my own decisions. Looking back I really feel that I was exceptionally more prepared for college than many of my classmates. Academically, mentally, living task wise etc. I could pretty much handle most things on my own. That doesn't mean I always did but I could have. I chalk these ones up to the tracy family village for truly turning me into a functioning adult. Thanks fam, the lessons taught to me are priceless.

DAY 3

I will be honest... the past two days have been a little hard for me to notice things I am grateful for. I have just sort of been crabby for just all these reasons piling on top of each other. However I can do it!

I am thankful for an overall very healthy body. I have a few nagging problems here and there, but  I very rarely get sick, I really haven't ever had any major medical issues and can participate in pretty much any activity I want. Having a husband who uhh isn't quite so lucky has really helped me recognize what a blessing this is. This semester I have been able to attend Zumba and ab class at the school as well as play on three intramural teams. I have loved it, being active used to be such a HUGE part of my life its nice to start getting that back, it makes me feel like a real human being not just a nanny/housekeeper. At first I was so tired and unmotivated but after just like a week my body had already adapted a bit, how amazing is that? I have always been so fascinated by the human body's ability to change, especially after experiencing pregnancy I am in AWE. I often consider going back to school to learn more about the body. I am so grateful to be able to have this body that lets me accomplish so many things and experience many fantastic and miraculous things.

I grew another person in this body...CRAZY!!

DAY 2

Thankful for my in-laws... this is appropriate because the 2nd is my Mother in laws birthday. I have learned so so much from them it is crazy (ha ha and they are crazy!). The Mengs are some of the most loving, caring, accepting people I have been privileged to be around. I won't lie... the first year or so it was a bit awkward. I didn't know where I fit it , I was still very much in the mindset of "thats your family... this is my family" but as I got to spend more time with them I started to feel like a Meng. As the majority of my family moved away from utah ( and we moved away for a bit too!) I got to spend more weekends and holidays with the Meng siblings as well as have the privilege of having them in our home. I love how comfortable I feel around them all now, I love how much they love our daughter and are excited for our family's accomplishments. I truly consider them to be some of my closest friends. I love that when I kneel down at night and say my prayers and express gratitude for my family and ask the Lord to bless them that I no longer feel the need to differentiate between the Mengs and the Tracys because I know that in my mind and heart they are all one big family that I blessed to be a part of!

Gratitudification: Day 1

I am so in love with the holidays and I really want to give thanksgiving its due so... I am going to try try try to do daily gratitude posts... lets see if I can do it!

Day 1:

I am thankful for the beautiful fall weather, it really makes me feel happy inside. I love the leaves, the smells, the sometimes dark and dreary, and the next days are chilly but sunny. The crispness, the changing and renewing, the old leaves that must fall off for new ones to come in the spring. I love to think about how trees shed off some of their appendages to make it through tough times.

The leaves aren't falling...

The leaves are actually being cut off because they have done their job, they helped the tree store up on food, they served their purpose but now they are not what is best for the tree so it's time to let go. It helps me remember to not get too attached to things that are helping prepare me for something else... that sometimes letting go of something is what's best for me. (ahem preparing to leave the student life, which has been such an amazing/wonderful/fun/challenging time for us) I know that we are well prepared and that its time to start letting go to this lifestyle and move on to the next.

Do you blog?

At the park on Halloween I brought along the camera to take Miley's picture because I thought she just looked adorable. While there another mom noticed me trying to get Miley's attention and came over to help. After trying for a minute she asked "so are you a blogger?" I responded yes then she said "oh so you must take a lot of pictures". I just felt like this whole thing was odd, perhaps she thought the only reason I was taking pictures of my child was for my blog. As you can tell from how often I update... obviously not true.

Next note... There are way too many halloween treats in our house and I am afraid I am going to eat them all. Its a horrible feeling. living in fear of treats, that is. I used to have so much will power, where did it go?? The year I met JT I only ate 1 sweet per week and hadn't drank ANY soda for a year. I would say I should do that again but truth be told, I am WAY to obsessed with treats. I WANT to keep eating them but just not get fat.