Mantis!

Becoming the Buddha

A state of no desire,
I crave for desperately.

Too much time at hand is a bad thing at times. This is one of those times~!

Dissatisfied with the current state being?

Yup.

What is it that you don't like about your life right now?

I don't know.

You are in a pretty stable state now, na?

Yeah, you could say that.

Then why are you not happy man?!

I am not sure dude. I am living with old friends after a very long time.

Isn't that a good thing?

Its always good to have people with similar vibes around, yup.

So...you don't like Chennai or what?

I don't dislike Chennai. I can't say that I like it. Its not the reason I am unhappy.

Is it because two of your good friends are leaving Chennai as soon as you stepped in?

Nah. Couldn't be that. I have lived the lone ranger life for too long to be affected by that.

Then what's bugging you?

Well, a friend told me to sit in a quiet place and ponder upon this.

And...?

Well I did just that. And the only reason I find is that I have too much time at hand.

That causes you to be sad?!

Yeah! Crazy isn't it?

Totally~!

Tag ~ Niki-chan

got this tag from Niki-chan. domo arigato!! this was a welcome diversion :)

Two Things TMI.

Two Names You Go By
1. shocky
2. akosoto

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. white business formal shirt
2. green bermudas

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:
1. Love of course lol
2. Life

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. wandering
2. watching movies

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. sleep
2. wake up

Two things you did last night:
1. meet up with friends
2. ride different bikes around chennai

Two things you ate today:
1. chappathi
2. puttu

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. stryker
2. pottu

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. hoepfully learn something
2. act upon an old resolution

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. saturday
2. sunday

Two Books you recently read
1. head first jsp and servlets
2. an artist of the floating world

Two things you wish you did better
1. riding
2. choosing lottery tickets

Two shows you watch on tv
1. the simpsons
2. spongebob squarepants

Probably many thousands of people have felt before, what I am feeling now. The effect of the bittersweet symphony by the Verve. Strangely enough I am becoming sadder as the song is progressing. I can find no tangible reason for this. Some songs.

The crow can fly where he wants to. He can eat what he finds along the way. He can even crap on those he doesn't like. I want to be a crow. An anthropomorphic crow, akin to them uncannily intelligent creatures in Pearls before swine. I wish I had a guard duck here. The feeling of loneliness is becoming more and more amplified even though I am in the deep of human congregation.

The victims lose their faces in a blur of shame and numerousness. Even the army of bashi bazouks have no identity. They seek revenge or use revenge as a self motivation to imprint on the victims one of the most widely used and cruel forms of primitive dominance. They cry out loud in fear, then in terror and ultimately in resignation, accepting the inescapable fate that they have been subjected to. This continues in a vicious circle once the ravaged seek revenge, and finally manage to get some. It was sad to read about a Russian soldier boasting that "two million of our children were born" in Germany. Shit happens and it happens again and again and again. Only the perpetrators' ethnicity or nationality changes.

The stench of stale cigarette smoke is strangely soothing, in a degenerate way. The air temperature is at acceptable levels thanks to a rain which raged a few hours ago. Some people like the rain. I hate it.

Life is as usual as it comes. Always at the same juncture, knowing not what the fuck next to do. Crossroads seem to be popping up at every turn. This is inspite of my being apparently 'content' at my current settings.

I think I had read somewhere that, had man been content from day one of the dawn of the human age, we would still be foraging for berries along with the chimps. Because we are always pissed, we 'progress.' Why am I preaching?

Today it rained for a long time. Me and Shyam thought that god was pissing on us. Earlier we were preparing smoodles in the dark, prior to the vodka and the kings, when he noticed around five ants scurrying on top of the dry noodle strands, which were slowly sinking into the boiling water. Possessed, we watched them drown and die.

Heck, I didn't care if the ant was a good ant or a bad ant. One thing was sure. They were dead ants. That crapper Crom is pissing on me too frequently. I gota bite him where he hurts; I draw my inspiration from the ants. Die fighting they say. But in the end, die die die. I wish I could close my eyes tonight and never wake up ever.

Would that be death? Or something in the twilight zone?