STRENGTH

NO MATTER WHAT STRIFE I NEVER GIVE UP MY SOUL.

I haven't fucked much with the past, but I've fucked plenty with the future. Over the skin of silk are scars from the splinters of stations and walls I've caressed. A stage is like each bolt of wood, like a log of Helen, is my pleasure. I would measure the success of a night by the way by the way by the amount of piss and seed I could exude over the columns that nestled the P.A. Some nights I'd surprise everybody by skipping off with a skirt of green net sewed over with flat metallic circles which dazzled and flashed. The lights were violet and white. I had an ornamental veil, but I couldn't bear to use it. When my hair was cropped, I craved covering, but now my hair itself is a veil, and the scalp inside is a scalp of a crazy and sleepy Comanche lies beneath this netting of the skin. I wake up. I am lying peacefully I am lying peacefully and my knees are open to the sun. I desire him, and he is absolutely ready to seize me. In heart I am a Moslem; in heart I am an American; in heart I am Moslem, in heart I'm

an American artist, and I have no guilt. I seek pleasure. I seek the nerves under your skin. The narrow archway; the layers; the scroll of ancient lettuce. We worship the flaw, the belly, the belly, the mole on the belly of an exquisite whore. He spared the child and spoiled the rod. I have not sold myself to God.

An Exquisite Whore

Summer 2009

Seems like centuries ago.

Being 33 does too.

SMASHING ... SO SMASHING

Dunno

Where I am.

But I'd better figure out where I'm goin.

The Older I Get

I start to realize nothing is an accident.

And things get harder. And the harder they get the more I believe I'm blessed.

I hate saying that... No one wants hardships but I have never experienced the hardships that I have now. And I'm terrified. But I know it's for a reason. ENLIGHTENMENT. To not live like the rest of these people live. DEAD. Life is about change and now matter how comfortable you get... The older you get the harder it is... but fuck I am blessed because God wants to keep me on my toes and has given me the gift of not collecting dust.

And I will work damn hard to appreciate that. Not find my power animal.

"It's only when you've lost everything that you're free to do anything"

TYLER DURDEN... click here

Flickr 4 You

Ok it's not my birthday photos per say but I've posted some of my great photos on Flickr for you if you're interested to peep in the keyhole that is me.

Enjoy

FLICKR

Not as Low. Not High enough Yet

For You. Gone but not forgotten.

And The Words

35

Yesterday was my birthday! I turned 35. It's nice to hear that I look 25.

*Smile*



I got some pics... they are on my friend's Camera I'll post them as soon as I can



And some people didn't forget thank you...



It's nice that people that have never met me didn't forget.

I Was Workin' Hard... Oh I Guess I Never Dreamed...

On A Posting Kick

I live in Manhattan.  I can see the Empire State Building from my window every night... What color it is that night.

Ahhh...  but don't fool yourself.... I live in projects.  Hell, I pay less in the BEST part of the city and everyone. Hell, they are fooled.  I tell them and they think I've got money....

Sure ... I have roommates.

Only lonely often.  This is a stepping stone.

I have not posted lately ...... Well read on....

I went on a job interview today and know what they told me?  I'm OVER QUALIFIED.

Great.  I know I'm awesome.  But someone help me shit. ha ha....

Ya gotta laugh or you'll cry or kill yourself or someone right?

Man Hope is SOOOOO hard to hold onto.

How many of you have family?

Know that if everything fails I mean EVERYTHING.... you have somewhere to go?  No matter what age?  Well.... I'm an adult.  I have to do this on my own.  They love me.  But mine is small.... (family that is) and they worry.  I can't worry them more.

It was my choice.  I moved to a city of struggle.  A city that where the amazing means you have to more amazing than the other one. 

I refuse to believe I won't make it.  That's just not me damn it!   But it's getting fucking hard.

I'm sooooo broke..... I took toilet paper from a bar so I'd have some.

Can you conceive of that? Bet you think I'm sad? I don't care.

I ate popcorn and tuna the other night for dinner.  Meanwhile going out dressed vintage impeccable.

But isn't that what it's about?  Shit, My Idol Patti Smith did it....... In fact Patti told me and I quote (As I met her.... Nothing will stop me when I want it) 

"Don't be afraid to hurt" 

Everyone who's larger than life did.... Bruce.... Patti.... anyone that wasn't handed shit..... I look up to them.  It's what you make of it that makes the difference... OH BUT.....

DON'T FOOL YOURSELF!  Any struggle is a blessing.... hold onto it.

Take those moments.... LET THEM MAKE YOU. HOLD ONTO THEM.  DO SOMETHING.

They made them. It will make me.

We all pay our dues.  Some of us have chosen to be crucified

To soar like angels. 

I'll make it.  I have to.  I have no choice.  Patti had no choice.

You know, I meet people all the time that are amazing.  They enrich me. Weirdos.... Dregs.... I like them most..... 

But I can't tell my family.  I don't want to worry them.... I want that one phone call one day to be "Hey ma.... Hey sis.... I'm good.  Not just good...  fuck I'm amazing"  

I know I'm amazing right this moment.  But that's not enough.  Destiny... The universe.... God.... had told me "Alex.... Your mission is not over... and DAMN I'm gonna make it hard for you!!!! Cause you are not like the others.  If you waste it, you WILL suffer more than you do now"

I dunno how to explain it but I know that.  Every day I want to surrender .... Everyday I want to turn back and have my old world.  But that's a mistake.... a cop out.  

Ever feel like you're cheating yourself and do it anyway ... it's inside............ 

Most ignore it.  Cause it's too hard.  And God has mercy on them.  Because he ALLOWS THEM to just do it.  I'm not allowed.  It's so frustrating.  Everyday I want to backtrack.  

But God gave me RED BOWS on my shoes.

I have no choice.

Follow me. TIE RED BOWS ON YOUR SHOES.  It's a hard walk but I assure you.... You may walk alone... But that walk will be so rewarding.  Red bows tattered and torn and grey at the end but I assure you... No matter what walk of life.... grab your bows... have courage... You won't walk alone.....  walk with us......

Cause when it unfolds and your feet are tired they'll be a seat.  You'll be amazed at comforting a seat.  I don't mean steal toilet paper or eat tuna.... but find your RED BOW somehow and tie it to your show and FUCKING WALK WALK WALK... I know you'll get tired... I urge you... DON'T STOP .....  If I don't find you someone will  but don't stop walking.  A seat awaits. 

For Joey Ramone R.I.P

Wait, they don’t love you like I love you; wait, they don’t love you like I love you

If Joey Ramone were Alive

I'd be his girlfriend.  And YET No one understands it.... Always the "Good looking" ones.... 

I mean hell what about the shy awkward ones?  I say DAMN IT Rise Above!!!!

Now that all the Nerds have finally had their REVENGE....

In the day of Spider man movies and comicon.... I mean damn look who the nerds look at?

Isn't that a smidge hypocritical?

I am SO NOT THAT AMAZING.... I mean shit I'm OK but.... Would Joey want that?

One of my nerd friends still mocks my love for Joey just cause he's ugly.  Well Damn you I say If Nerds have found their place NOW then let the shy, awkward, ugly rise 

MAKE ROOM I SAY! 

Miss Alex (This was me last summer) LOVES (heart heart hearts)

Joey Ramone...

Worst part is .... I sometimes think no matter how cute everyone finds me... Maybe he'd look at me and think ewww....

That girl would NEVER get me.... 

HA HA HA... The irony.... He, supposedly "Ugly" would probably find me repulsive. Just because I love him so....

*Le Sigh* 

I Was Told....

Not to focus on the past.... Not to be sad on the "Then"

But shit I can't help it when my moment (these months what have you) these moments are so bleak....

Crap, Sure it will pass sure it will but let me whine I say! .... Ha Ha !!!!

Read on!!!! ENJOY IT!

*Grin*

I just hope someone follows to something they relate .... then I've spoken... then my job is done.