Benefit Concert

My friend Molly Jackson is putting on a concert to raise money for her website. It is A Good Grief. You may have heard of it. Well it is a website to raise money for families who have lost children, specifically for the cost of the headstones.

I don't know if any of you know how much it costs to pay for a funeral, but it is very expensive. I hesitated to put the cost.... I didn't. Well I did. Then I didn't. Then I did. And didn't again :)

But here is the link for the flier for the concert posted by Molly because I can't seriously figure out how to download the pic from her website and upload to mine :)

CLICK HERE

If you can join us, GREAT! If you can donate, GREAT!

Newport Beach - Day 3

On Sunday, we went to church and then to Newport Beach.... Temple. It was absolutely GORGEOUS and totally different than anything I have ever seen.

Grandpa having a teaching moment with Mikenna. In 20 years, she will have a picture similar to this with her dad... on her wedding day. And we will pull out this picture and have a good laugh.

All these pictures were horrid of me. But maybe that is because I look horrid :), but we were in California. At the Temple. And it was gorgeous. So you all get to see me in my horrid-ness.

I love this picture. Because Isabella is SO cute. And Savannah wants so badly to be a good big sister. I just love the way that she is reaching out to her.

This little peanut is a peanut.


And peanut's sister.

And peanut's other sister.

And the two peanut sisters together.

Isabella wanted to play in the "wayer." And so she did. I really wish I would have snapped the picture of her AFTER we had been there a little while. She had had a few tantrums, a few too many fingers in the wayer and she was a mess. Blackness EVERYwhere.
But she was still cute. As. Always.

Lyndy Butler

Ok. I have the world's best family EVER.

No. Seriously. I do.

I have a cousin. She is amazing. (Ok I have lots of cousins who are amazing)

But she is the MOST Talented one of us all.

No Joke.

www.lyndybutler.blogspot.com

Check out her Music. You won't be disappointed.

Oh and guess what?

SHE IS MAKING A CD!!!!

Disneyland Adventure - Day 2

What could be better than Disneyland, the happiest place on earth?
California Adventure....

Notice the 'name tag.' I made each of the girls lanyards with their names and "If I get lost, please call my mom at...." Like I said before. Lots o kiddos get lost.... and it wasn't going to happen to me if I could help it. She is also wearing a matchy matchy keep track of Savannah backpack like Isabella. Because seriously. Lets be honest. Savannah is social. And curious. And impulsive. And I love her for all those things, but I certainly wanted to NOT lose my little ball of energy. I mean, the smile. Sometimes I joke that I want to sell my children, but that is SO NOT TRUE.

At Grizzly Run, there was a GINORMOUS bear. Isabella turned around to look at it and said, "Bear. ROAR." It was hilarious. SO then we turned around and took a picture with them standing in front of it.

Jumping Jelly Fish. The most favorite part of the trip second to the carousel. It was actually really terrifying for me. I let the girls do it by themselves. Am I nuts? Ya. Pretty much.

The ferris wheel. SO lame. Don't waste your time. But what a great view. I mean aren't they so adorable?

Now. You can't go to D-land without seeing the characters. The whole entire point of going was to get pics and SEE Buzz and Woody. So here we are. 1 down 1 to go. Savannah about peed her pants. Really. We went to the bathroom right before we saw him because I am so sure that she would have peed her pants. Don't let Savannah underestimate you. But don't let ME overestimate her either.

Jessie. Well she was an added bonus.

Are they not the cutest toys you ever did see? Hmm. Seems to me like D-land and Cali Adventure are pretty much based on Princesses and Toy Story. Really. They are.

Mr. Potato head. In the flesh. Or plastic.

Awaiting our glorious lunch with the princesses :) Yes. I bit the bullet. I thought I was being UNcheap by getting them this little opportunity to meet the princesses and have lunch with them and take pictures and eat gazert and see Prince Charming. But then we went to a little store and there were lots of girls getting all dolled up in princess dresses and hair and nails and face make up... all for the LOW price of $220 per person. Seriously? You have to be joking right? I almost ok I DID laugh in the cashier's face when she told me that. She said with all seriousness that "it was worth every penny because of the memories." Are you on crack? Even if I WAS on crack I would be lucid enough to know that I paid LESS than that for admission into the park and seriously did they think I was going to pay $220? They HAD to be joking right? Nope.

Ariel was simply magical. I actually thought it was going to be laughable, but she did NOT disappoint. In fact, it was so perfect, I had to wipe a tear from my eyes. I am serious! She got down on her knees and talked to them for a few minutes. She must have sensed how special my little babies are.

Cinderella. My dad told Mikenna, "There are going to be a lot of really beautiful princesses at your lunch today, but you must remember they have nothing on you." I thought it was really great.
I was listening to a talk from Conference and the Primary General President said, "You want to teach your kids now, what you want them to know in 5 years."

This was truly one of those moments. Right now, my girls are on top. They have great friends at school. They are leaders. They run with a good crowd. But there will come a day when all their insecurities will overpower what they think they can accomplish and hopefully I have taught them good enough now to know that they are special and nothing else really matters.

Snow White. She was a doll. They actually all were.
We even got a cute little curtsy from Aurora. She was so sweet. She just took the girls by the hand and posed for the picture.

We were talking about the princesses and how they must just work part time because really how energy sapping would it be to have to paste a smile on your face all day. Mom said that they probably LOVE it. I mean really. Look. Their pictures are about to be plastered on the internet.... and I am likely NOT the first :).

This is the entry to a 'bug's land.' It was really Isabella's favorite ride. Her fave was the chew chew train, with Heimlich the caterpillar. Ok. Heimlich? What kind of a name is that? Binge and purge? Choke on something and spit it up? That was a sense of humor I may have missed somewhere along the lines/land of Disney. But it was cute anyway. And there was no line so Isabella and I just kept going round and round.

MONSTER'S LINK! Oh how we love you. We love your cuddliness. We loved your ride. We love Boo. We just love you so much!

California Adventure was a blast. We had so much fun we didn't even go back to the hotel to eat our dinner that was cooking in a crockpot and sacrificed the fact that it might be burnt (which it was) in order to catch some more time to go on California Soar and the Grizzly Ride.

The Grizzly ride was awesome. If you think that getting SOAKED and WET at 9pm in the freezing cold with 2 little girls who were VERY tired AND wet AND tired AND wet. Oh and wouldn't you figure this was the night we had to wait 20 minutes for the shuttle.... Overall it was a GREAT day!

Disneyland Adventure - Day 1

Our first day at Disneyland was a party, but let me back up and tell you the story. About 3.5 weeks ago, Savannah and Mikenna brought home that throw in the trash "Get away today" magazine.

I cracked it open.

I perused.

I was sucked in.

Took it to my mom's.

She was sucked in.

We planned it.

We went.

End of story.

Well there is a little bit more to it than that, but therein lies the jest of it. For awhile I have been thinking that we needed a little familial vacay and this was the perfect one for our little familia.

The stipulations and terms for the trip were a little "suite with 2 bedrooms, and a kitchen and living room to separate my parent's room from ours." It was ideal! Except for the fact that Isabella needed to sleep in our bathroom so we had to share the other bathroom in my parent's room. Bless their hearts, they were so patient at all hours of the morning when we had to get up and potty in their potty. :) Don't these two happy smiling faces look excited to start their day at the D-land after a mere few hours of sleep because we traveled until midnight....?

We took the shuttle. With Savannah's obsession with Toy Story this bus was a hit! And of course, we had to take a picture. Awesome. Do they look excited or what? We almost missed this bus. Don't worry, Savannah chewed the bus driver out. In fact, one night we were left out in the cold because the driver wouldn't stop to pick us up. Savannah laid into the driver like someone lit on fire! She started throwing names around of other bus drivers she has had telling him that they were better and faster and more together than he was. Go. Savannah. (It seems a lot more funny to tell now than hearing it after 18 hours (it seemed) of Disneyland). :)

Of course you can't go to D-land (did you know that only the cool people call it D-land? How did I not KNOW this?) without taking this picture. I should really bust out the old picture of me when I was 16 and we went to Disneyland after my Grandpa died. It is the happiest place on earth after all and we wanted to be happy. It was a happy time, although at 16 I am not sure how happy you can really be :).

This ride was a hit. It is Toy Story "BUZZ" style. It is a little arcade game. It was hopeless for me to even have a chance because Isabella wanted to play. Speaking of... she had a blast. She won't remember a second of it, but her face the ENTIRE time was totally mezmorized (sp?) She looked at everything on every ride. She was truly entranced. It was so cute.

Seriously. Buzz. Savannah. Isabella. (and Mikenna) They were totally into it. Isabella wants to be like Savannah when she grows up. She loves all the toys that Savannah does. She isn't so much into Barbie and Dolls as she is into choo choo trains, Buzz, Woody, and Jesse. She "shares" (not at) all her toys with Savannah, or anyone for that matter. Stinking hilarious.

She has to be the most spoiled child on the planet. She currently LOVES to run around in her diaper with bare feet. Of course. Its like 30 degrees outside and she LOVES it! This is Isabella playing nintendo. Isn't that hilarious? I thought so.

And here we are. The party. Isabella wanted to ride on "Sannah's" lap. Super cute. Adorable.

Savannah was in Heaven. The Carousel. All the rides in D-land and this is her favorite one. Great I could have taken her to the mall for $30 for 10 rides and saved ourselves the trouble! But then I wouldn't have been able to go to Cali and get away from the AWESOMEST cold weather storm here in AZ.

Frog and Toad. "Ribbit" "Ribbit" "Ribbit" She LOVED it. Jerking all around.


Tarzan's Treehouse. It was pretty fun. Pretty crazy they built it all from plastic something or other.


As you can see we are climbing on the tree. Or rope. Whatever.

And Mikenna on the rope swing.

I really can't believe how cute these girlies are. They are so adorable I just can't stand it. All through the park people would look and point and well I think they couldn't keep their eyes off Kisserbella. Which is why we had a backpack and a "leash." Call me a bad mother, but behind the scenes there are a thousand kids who are abducted and people who die and I am sure they pay a lot of money to keep it out of the public. And is crap is going to happen it may happen to me, so I wasn't going to ask for it.... :)

SOOOO pooped. Out. 10 hours at Disneyland. Just tired. Mikenna couldn't stand on her feet for one more minute. She just had to lay down. She still looks happy though. And ready to go for another day. After she has a good night's sleep.

Kisserbella Dancerella

IS there anything CUTER than a 2 year old on the ground,
hands and feet spread wide, nose on the ground?

OK. Maybe there is. ON the couch AND table....

How about this?
In her Sunday dress in the parking lot at the Temple.
Don't Judge.
She is 2.....

While we were at Disneyland (yes we went to Disneyland... more to come :)), Isabella flattened herself out in her typical tantrum fashion on the ground with her face on the asphalt. I just ignored her in true mother of a 2 year old fashion, and was talking to Doug when some lady walked up and asked me if that motionless girls laying on the ground was mine and if she was Ok? We told her yes and yes. And she was for sale and if she wanted to purchase her, she cost $440. The cost of the princess package at Disneyland.

"New" to the "club"

I posted a comment on my "Angel" blog and it was so long and awesome... (if I do say so myself) I thought I would post it here :)

It's been 2.5 years now since Daxton died. I am not sure you ever forget how your little ones die and I don't think that you ever stop reliving the circumstances that bring them to the point of leaving us on this earth.

But. It does get easier. It doesn't hurt less. It just hurts less often. I remember countless sleepless nights crying myself to sleep, reliving the nightmare known as my life.

I also remember starting this blog and seeing all those who were 2 and 3 years out and I thought... there is no way they can know the pain I am feeling right now. But you know what? I do. I know that pain that is all to familiar. The never wanting to get out of bed and facing another day because without my little one what was the point?

But I had 2 other kids at the time and they are the ones that helped me to get out bed. Still are let's be honest.

There are a few things I have learned over the last 2.5 years in dealing with my grief.

1. It is VERY easy to go back.

2. The "what ifs" will eat you alive. They will poison your very soul and bring you nothing but some serious misery.

3. The hurt NEVER goes away, and it doesn't lessen per se, but it does come less frequently. It does get easier to breathe. It does get easier to live.

4. The enabling power of the atonement of our Savior is real. It is the only way I have been able to survive the last 2.5 years without my little Daxton. At times when I think I can't go on, there is a power that helps me take one more step, one more time, and then another.

5. You are NOT ALONE. There are many who have gone before us who have endured such a loss and survived. It isn't easy, and it isn't worth it. But we can do this. We can live through this. And we can become better people for it.

6. NO ONE KNOWS. I don't know how you feel or how Stephanie feels or how Molly feels or how Tiffany feels, but my Savior does. He knows EXACTLY how I am feeling.

7. Father in Heaven loves us. Look at all the amazing women I never would have met (and that certainly would have been ok, but if I have to be driving the same car as all of us, then I couldn't have chosen a better group). He has placed so many wonderful people in my life I could never count them all. And for that I am truly blessed.

And those are a few things I would say, If you were new to my club.....

Two Peas in a Pod

While Mikenna was off tending the two twins,
Isabella and Savannah had a ball.

Well a picture is worth a thousand words.
Is there anything cuter than this?

Ok. Maybe this....?

Or perhaps this....?

I really just love them to pieces.