What We've Been Up To!

Here is a recap of what has been going on in the last few months:

Ben played his first season of T-ball. He loved it! And he was so good!! I am bummed that Brian missed it but I am hoping that Ben will play next year and Brian will get a chance to see him in action. Ben mostly played 1st base. Which for a T-ball game is where most of the action takes place. I was so impressed with how Ben and his teammates improved throughout the season! I am so proud of him.






Matt has kept up in the Scouting Program. He just recently crossed over from a Tiger to a Wolf Scout. We also attended our first Family Camp over Father's Day weekend. Brian's parents also came out for the weekend and Grandpa went camping with Matthew and I. We had a really great time but were happy to come home when it was over.





In April we took a trip out to Florida for Spring Break. We had such a great time. We headed to Pensacola first and visited with my Dad and Stepmom, Karen. Then we all headed down to Orlando where we had all kinds of fun at Disney's Animal Kingdom, Gatorland, and Universal Studios. I also got a chance to see an old childhood friend and her family while there. And me and the boys met Brian's Grandma Dorothy for the first time who is from a town near Orlando. All in all we had such a great time and we can't wait to do it again......with Dad!







So that pretty much sums it up! We are looking forward to summer break and Brian's return home from the Gulf!

It's Been a While!

Wow! It has been quite sometime since the last blog post here. I am not sure why, other than perhaps my mood. I am just growing more and more anxious for Brian to return. He has been gone 5 months now and we still have several weeks ahead of us.

You know it was very interesting to see how each of the boys reacted to Brian's absence. I suppose it was expected how they each dealt with it, but it was a good reminder to me that they are so different and must be treated so.

Matthew, my emotional thinker, took it hard right off the bat. The first night was difficult as were the following few weeks . He cried for long time and told me how much he missed him already. As a mother it is hard to see your child so hurt. I told myself at the beginning of deployment that I would not cry in front of them. That I would be the definition of STRENGTH! But only a few nights into it Matt came out of his room almost hyperventilating and sobbing. He was pleading with me to bring his daddy back. Begging me to let him come home and why couldn't he, where was he. Is he safe? Does he miss me? Is he fighting bad guys? I felt so bad that I could not fulfill his request and it pained me to look at him and see how upset he was. So I broke down too, no longer the definition of strength. That night we just held each other, crying for quite a while. We went through a ton of Kleenex and Matt eventually fell asleep on my lap. It has gotten much better for him since then. He does still get teary eyed some nights and will say to me at random times that he misses his Dad. He makes sure that I always know how many more months are left til he comes home. He is my sentimental brother-in-arms so to speak and we each have a partner in each other if we ever need a shoulder to cry on.

Ben, on the other hand, has stuck true to his fun-loving, easy-going personality regarding the whole thing. At first, I think that he was a little alarmed at how hard his brother took it. I think that Ben had a difficult time understanding the idea of "Deployment" and what 8 months truly feels like. I would ask him in the beginning if he missed daddy. He would reply with a cool, "no." When he would hear or see Matthew crying about it he would roll his eyes and say, "NOT AGAIN!" All I can speculate about it is, that for whatever reason he did not want to be looked at as a "Crybaby". I was a little concerned with how well he seemed to be taking it but sometime around April, 3 months since Brian had left, he started to let it show. First he would just casually mention Brian to me, like "When is Daddy coming home? Is he going to be home tonight for dinner?" Then the casual mention turned into entire conversations about his Dad. He would talk about how good Brian was at building Legos, his favorite sports teams, fun little inside jokes that the two of them have together. While we were in Florida, Ben and my step-mom were the only two up for about a half an hour. When I finally came out of the the room Karen told me that Ben and her talked about nothing but Brian for those 30 minutes. That's when I realized just how alike Ben and his Dad were. While Matthew and I tend to dwell on the sadness of it all Ben and Brian see the cup half full. Ben reminds us all about the fun side of Brian and all that is great about his Dad. He will now admit to missing his Dad when asked and even says it freely. I am so thankful to have the perspective of my wise, fun-loving 5 year old to remind me of the good stuff.

The deployment hasn't been that bad. The three of us went on vacation to Orlando. Ben played T-ball and had swimming lessons. Matt is still involved with scouts and is gearing up to start a summer basketball league. I have made new friends along with growing closer to others. It is amazing to me what wonderful support is out there among Military Spouses! And mostly I have just tried to spend a lot of my time hugging, kissing, and loving my boys enough for two parents.


The kids anxiously opening a package that Brian sent for them.

Derby 2011

This past Saturday Matthew competed in his first Pinewood Derby Race with the Cub Scouts. My dad was so kind and really helped us out with the design and cut of the car. We all had such a great time watching the cars and the other kids. The only thing that would have made it any better would have been Brian being there. But there is always next year! And Matt is already looking forward to it!

Ben is 5!

Wowzers!! Five years old, ALREADY! I am still astonished that I have a 5 & 6 year old. That means I officially the mother of kids, not babies, not toddlers....KIDS! And you know what comes after that? Teenagers. Yikes.

Anyway, since Brian deployed in January we held a birthday party last month. My mom and grandma drove in from AZ. My aunt and uncle came down from Ramona and we had a house full of friends here as well. It was quite the celebration!

Ben is sooo full of humor and spunk. He loves animals (especially puppies) and babies. He loves to cuddle with his momma and still carries his baby blanket with him everywhere. His smile is heart warming and his big brown eyes with gorgeous long eyelashes make all the women jealous. He loves wrestling, movies, legos, and his big brother. He can be as stubborn as a mule and I know that God gave him to me to teach me a thing or two about patience and individuality. The second he was born our family was complete.

Happy Birthday Benjamin Jack Taylor!!

Fair Winds and Following Seas

Brian left today for his deployment to the Persian Gulf. He will take some time getting there and will be making several port calls on the journey over and back. I would be lying if I said I wasn't impressed with the parts of the world that he will see. Of course we are sad to see him go, but we know that this is what is required of the lifestyle that we live. I had not been crying nearly as much as I expected to these past few days and I was rather confused about it. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a CRIER! I cry at any given opportunity...commercials, movies, books, songs. But no tears for my husband that is going to be gone through the summer and into the fall?!?! That didn't make any sense.
As I lay awake in bed last night before he left I figured it out. In 2007 I had to deploy with the aircraft carrier, Nimitz. Matthew was only 2 and half years old at the time and Ben had just turned one. My marriage back then was somewhat on weak ground. I was so upset that I had to leave and that Brian got to stay home with the kids. I needed someone to blame it on. And so I blamed him. I spent 6 months away from my little boys. Brian would tell me that Matthew cried for me almost every night in bed. He sent me pictures and videos of them playing together, singing to me on my birthday, and reading books. I was heartbroken. I was so upset and stressed that I argued with Brian at almost every opportunity given to me. And if I wasn't arguing with him I was closing myself off to him. Those were some hard times. The hardest of my life.
I wish I could say the ship pulled in and everything went back to normal. It got a lot worse before it got any better. I felt like a stranger in my own home. In my mind I had expected their lives to stop while I was gone. In my mind they couldn't live without me....I am the mother and wife for God's sake!! But life didn't stop. Matthew was potty trained now. Ben learned how to talk. Brian did the laundry, cooked the meals, and went to work every day. I was no longer a part of the routine. I had no idea what Ben liked to eat. He had only a couple of teeth when I left, but when I returned home he had a ton of them and ate foods I had never fed him before. When Matt told me he had to go to the bathroom for the first time I helplessly looked at my mom and said..."He has to go to the bathroom. What do I do?" I felt worthless, stupid, guilty. I felt like the world's worst mother. Me, of all people shouldn't have to ask my mom, my husband, my sitter how to be their mother but I did. I ran everything by them as if asking for permission. And if the boys needed or wanted anything they went to straight to their daddy.
Brian had done such an amazing job being Mr. Mom to 2 small, little boys. He was everyone's hero. "Brian, how did you do it"; "Brian, what an amazing job you have done!"; "Wow, Dana you are so lucky!". These comments, though true, made me even more resentful and guilty.
Life in the last 3 years has worked itself out. It took a lot of patience, love, understanding, and time. But I realized that with this 2011 deployment I am at PEACE. Where as, last time the word was TURMOIL.
In the early morning hours today, before the sun came up, I did cry. It happened when Brian went to hug and kiss the boys in their beds one last time before he left. The embrace he shared with them was so tender and quiet and perfect. I think it would have made anyone cry. And before he walked away he said to me, "I love you. And this time it is exactly how it should be."

The New Year

Wow, 2011! I am constantly amazed how fast time goes by. I know, very cliche. But once you do have children there really is no turning back. I remember I started a 100 day countdown before I turned 21. Man, that took FOREVER! But once I joined the navy, met my husband, had some babies, and traveled the world time just slipped from my fingers.

2011 will bring many new challenges and adventures to our family......
Ben will turn 5 in February and will start kindergarten in the fall.
Matthew will become a Wolf Cub Scout and start Pop Warner football.
Brian will sail around the world and visit Thailand, The Maldives, Malaysia (just to name a few).
And me? Well I will try to keep it all moving smoothly along with my own commitments.

Here is to an exciting year and looking forward to the joy it brings!

Time to get serious!

Ok, ok, I know I am TERRIBLE at updating this blog! I am not sure if it is because I am too busy, I forget, or I am so boring. But whatever the case Brian is preparing to deploy in 3 weeks for the Gulf and this whole thing was originally started so that he could check us out on here while overseas. So my New Year's Resolution (one of many) will be to update this thing on a regular basis. With that being said I suppose I should update you on what has been happening in our lives since October...

Halloween was fun. Brian, unfortunately had duty and missed out on the festivities. We were invited to the Griffith's Halloween party and the kids had such a good time. The food was AMAZING! Everything from lasagna, BBQ pork, breadsticks, I could go on and on. Then the whole lot of of us split up and hit up the neighborhood. I have to say that their neighborhood is prime real estate as far as trick-or-treating goes! The kids absolutely made out. We had so much candy left over that before Christmas I took bags full to work for everyone. Let them have the cavities, right?

November brought Matthew's 6th birthday. I can't believe how fast time goes! He is such an amazing friend, brother, and son! I am proud to be his mother every day. He had a rather low key birthday. Brian and I decided years ago that the kids would only have "parties" on their 5th, 10th, 13th, 16th, and 18th years. Otherwise, it gets to be too much. Especially with Matt's birthday 6 weeks before Christmas and Ben's 6 weeks after. Anyway, he got to pick out where he wanted to go for dinner on his actual birthday and wouldn't you know he picked Seau's?!? We gave him his present there....the much desired Nintendo DS. He has been asking for it for such a long time and we finally felt like he was ready. The next day we had our friends over for cake and he had some little buddies spend the night. I think he had a great time.

November also brings Thanksgiving, of course! We had a big gathering here at the house. Along with some "family" that we have here in town, my in-laws flew in from Nebraska for the week. My dad and step-mom came in from Florida and picked up my step-brother, niece and nephew from Tucson. It was such a great holiday! I wish I would've gotten a group picture, but I was too busy thinking about not burning anything and of course those great Black Friday deals I went after the next morning! While my dad and Karen were here we went and saw "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" at the Old Globe theatre in Balboa Park. We all loved it! I really enjoyed taking the kids to see something other than a movie. Live theatre has a whole different feel to it. We also headed to the San Diego Zoo while they were here. We were so blessed to be surrounded by friends and family on Thanksgiving.

December I think is just a crazy month for everyone and it is no different around here. Brian's birthday is on the 3rd and we went out to his favorite Mongolian Grill restaurant. Yummy! And of course we had 2 different kid's Christmas Performances. Wouldn't you know my battery died during Ben's! Grrr! Brian was out to sea for a majority of the time prior to Christmas so that meant lots of shopping, wrapping, and decorating for me. Santa came early to our house so that we didn't have to pack up so much to take on the trip up to AZ where we spent Christmas. The boys of course were spoiled rotten and so were Brian and I.




So 2011 will bring us Brian's Deployment, Ben's Little League T-Ball, my 30th birthday, Matt's continuing football and Cub Scouts. I hope that 2011 brings you all health, wealth, and love!