So for the most part, people's dating profiles online are just total bullshit. They aren't especially interesting and it's the same pictures of them standing in the damn mirror or whatever. However, as many of you know from a previous post, sometimes one really catches my eye. And by "catches my eye" I mean it's highly entertaining but I probably would never contact this person.
Well I found a new one. He is actually quite charming. I probably still won't contact him, but I am a super geek at heart and something about his over the top nerdiness made me smile.
Just to set it up, this guys profile pictures are of him dressed up in various costumes. The first is him in a chair with a smoking robe and a pipe. He also has a hat on his head that looks a bit like a cross between a sorcerer and a member of the elk's club or something. Then he was also very nice to include pics of him in the jungle in safari gear and also in a chemistry lab complete with white lab coat, goggles, and test tubes. Intriguing.
The following is what he wrote in his profile. Very original. Feel free to scan, but make sure to look through it all as there are hidden gems in each section.
On a side note, this particular website rates how well you match up with someone percent-wise. Apparently me and the biggest geek on Earth are a staggering 89% match. Hmmmm...
My self-summary
Hello.
First of all I'd like to thank you for stopping by. It isn't often I get visitors, and I must say you've already impressed me with your excellent taste and sophistication. Secondly, I want to apologize for the length this profile is no doubt going to take. I'm sorry you'll have to spend a half hour moving all your furniture back after the gravitational pull of this overly elaborate advertisement has pulled them slightly out of place. I could make excuses that I'm a writer, that I'm excited to talk to you, but I know I should really separate myself from these ten page electronic novels much sooner than I do. After spending so much time with them they slowly become part of me like a misshapen baby I don't have the strength to drown in the river. Anyways, I'm a writer, pirate for hire, and social maladroit who spends most of his time writing stories no one will ever read, scouring antique stores for old cameras and typewriters (yes, many of my very favorite things were once owned by people who are now dead. I find the prospect that they could be haunted adds a certain level of appeal most other items don't possess), and generally trying to save the world from it's own lameness.
I'm quite clean, friendly, and pick excellent birthday presents.
This site tells me I'll have a better chance if I inform you that my two favorite things evar are "Your friends" and "Lip-gloss".
What I’m doing with my life
I'd really love to be able to write for a living. Then again I'd also really love to be able to go back to the stone age and put fillings in the teeth of the cavemen to mess with paleontologists. There are times I feel the likelihood of one of these happening is equal. So either way, I have a lot of starving to look forward to!
The first things people usually notice about me
I have a voice made for radio.
Plus, you should know now that I am totally awesome. Like you can't even imagine. Like, imagine something really awesome. The most awesome thing ever. Do you have it? Okay, that’s not even close. Yeah. Seriously.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books:
I love old pulp novels from the ‘30s. Especially The Shadow and Doc Savage.
Authors:
Dave Eggers, David Sedaris, Douglas Adams, Edgar Allen Poe, Shel Silverstein, Edward Gorey, Dr. Seuss, Osamu Tezuka, Neil Gaiman.
Specific Books:
You Shall Know Our Velocity, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Wild Things, Catcher In The Rye, Me Talk Pretty One Day, When You Are Engulfed In Flames, The Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy Series, Stranger in a Strange Land, Flowers For Algernon, Fahrenheit 451, Brave New World, 1984, American Gods, Coraline, The Portrait of Dorian Gray, The Pleasure of My Company, Shop Girl, Kick Me, Superstud, The Sherlock Holmes Series.
Specific Childrens’ Books:
Where the Sidewalk Ends, A Light In The Attic, The Missing Piece, The Giving Tree, Henry’s Quest, The Three Robbers, Where the Wild Things Are, Drummer Hoff, Stone Soup, Oh The Places You’ll Go, Arm In Arm, The Choose Your Own Adventure Series, The Tom Swift Series, The NEW Tom Swift Jr. Series.
Comic Books:
The Silver Surfer, Black Jack, Ranma ½, The Sandman, Transmetropolitan, Batman, The Amazing Spider-Man, Eat-Man, A A’, Area 88, The Watchmen, V For Vendetta, Rumic Theater, Maison Ikkoku, Conan The Barbarian.
Movies:
My favorite actor of all time is Buster Keaton. Yeah, I know. And I wonder why I have to look to the internet to find friends. Two through five are Groucho Marx, Gene Kelly, Orson Welles and Cary Grant (not necessarily in that order.) I especially love the old cliffhanger serials from the 1940s. Uh huh, I’m pretty sure a lot of this stuff could have just gone under the title “Embarrassing Crap That Will Scare People Off.” Oh well.
Okay, here we go!
Anything by Alfred Hitchcock, The Marx Brothers, Buster Keaton (especially his stuff before sound, and you can leave out all of the Jimmy Durante stuff while you’re at it), Orson Welles, Akira Kurasawa, I’ve seen every Godzilla movie ever made (and yes, they’ve made like 25 of those things), The Original Star Wars Trilogy, The Indiana Jones Series, The Back to the Future Trilogy, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Connery Bond flicks, Everything by Terry Gilliam and Monty Python, Almost anything by Tim Burton, Anything by Hayao Miyazaki, Anything with Bruce Campbell, Steve Buscemi, or Christopher Walken.
The Camera Man, His Girl Friday, Double Indemnity, Metropolis, Citizen Kane, The Great Dictator, Duck Soup, A Night At The Opera, A Day At The Races, Holiday, Arsenic And Old Lace, Vertigo, Rear Window, White Christmas, Casablanca, Roman Holiday, Singing In The Rain, An American In Paris, On The Town, Some Like It Hot, 12 Angry Men, Glengarry Glen Ross, Seven Samurai, Yojimbo, Ran, Rashaman, Kagemusha, Dreams, E.T., Jurasic Park, Jaws, Catch Me If You Can, Tron, Big Trouble in Little China, The Big Lebowski, Kill Bill one and two, Ghost World, Field of Dreams, American Graffiti, Willow, Conan the Barbarian, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, Bill and Ted one and I guess two, Wayne's world one and I guess two, Ghostbusters one and I guess two, Fight Club, American Beauty, Far away so close, Hackers, Rushmore, Igby Goes Down, High Fidelity, American Psycho, Empire Records, Raising Arizona, As Good As It Gets, Pulp Ficton, Resivior Dogs, True Romance, Four Rooms, Kindergarden Kop, Twins, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, The Adventures of Baron Munchousen, Time Bandits, Twelve Monkeys, O' Brother where art thou, Top Secret!, Space Balls, About a boy, The Professional, Adaptation, Stand By Me, Three Amigos, Edward Scissorhands, Nightmare Before Christmas, Ed Wood, Mars Attacks, Big Fish, Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Goonies, Clerks, Lost Highway, Mulholland Drive, Trainspotting, Snatch, Velvet Goldmine, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, Castle of Cagliostro, Castle in the Sky, My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service, Porco Rosso, Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, Quadrophenia, Office Space, Wonderboys, The Spider-man and X-Men flicks have been pretty awesome, Pirates of the Caribbean was pretty neat. If I left any out, they still rock, and I'm just tired of typing and thinking all at the same time. I just wanted to say that Peter Lorre is my hero. I realized he wasn’t very well represented in this list, but I feel you should know he’s awesome.
TV:
Flight of the Conchords, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, The Prisoner, The Twilight Zone, Doctor Who, Mission Hill, Venture Bros., Spaced, '80s Cartoons, Jeremy Brett's Sherlock Holmes, Quantum Leap, Futurama, The Colbert Report, Unsolved Mysteries, Forensic Files, History Detectives, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Cowboy Bebop, How I Met Your Mother, Mythbusters, You know when you're home sick and there's this random special on the History Channel about the pyramids or Hitler's dog or something? That. I love that.
Music:
It’s so hard to keep coming up with new brilliant musical tastes. I had a friend who would make these incredible mix cds for me in an attempt to introduce me to new stuff, and I just don’t know how they did it. Did they quit their job and just research this stuff all day on the internet? If left to my own devising I’ll find one thing I like and latch onto it like a barnacle on the hull of a ship, never experimenting or expanding on that. For example:
Me: “I heard this one song by Debussy I really loved, so I just had to track it down.”
Them: “Then you must love Ravel.”
Me: “Who? “
Them: “Ravel, the famous impressionist. If Debussy is going to be remembered for a thousand years, Ravel will be remembered for all time.”
Me: “Look buddy, number one: I told you I liked a song by Debussy so I bought the cd and listened to that song. I didn’t listen to the other songs on the cd. I don’t have time for that bullshit. What makes you think I expounded on anything and used this as some magical doorway into a life of buying cds and listening to things? And number two: are you hitting on me? Because that’s like totally screwed up, man. Not only are you a dude, but what are you, like fifty? Plus, I’m pretty sure you’re married. Inappropriate.”
Anyways, not really in order of importance, and I'm sure there are others I can't think of at the moment... Cake, Johnny Cash, Weezer, Radio Head, Garbage, Claude Debussy, The Decemberists, David Bowie, Billy Idol, Jeff Buckley, Queen, Chuck Berry, Patsy Cline, Billie Holiday, Duke Ellington, Oingo Boingo, Sarah Mclachlan, Joni Mitchell, Counting Crows, Neil Young, The Buzzcocks, the Beatles, Norah Jones, the Police, The Pretenders, Velvet Underground, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Tool, The Postal Service, Regina Spektor
I know, I’m still loyal to Weezer after almost eight years since they released a good album. I keep hoping, but all I come away with is one or two songs I like (if I’m lucky) out of an entire new album. But I’m loyal, and I still hang on to hope. I throw myself off the cliff over and over again, smiling like an idiot as they scrape me off the rocks. I swear, sometimes I just don’t learn my lesson.
Radio Dramas:
Yes, seriously, radio dramas. Still reading? Good job, you get bonus points for being awesome.
The Shadow, The Green Hornet, Doc Savage, The Mercury Theatre Presents, The Jack Benny Show, My Favorite Husband, Suspense!, The Lone Ranger.
Food:
Italian, Chinese (but this varies so dramatically from place to place), Japanese, I have an irrational attachment to sushi, I thought I hated nachos for like 17 years, and then I found out my Mom’s just really bad at making them. Oh! I like sandwiches, those are easy. You can eat it and do stuff at the same time. It’s awesome. I’m more a fan of beverages, but food is nice from time to time. I like tea. Tea is good.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I start to put together my Halloween costume three months in advance.
On a typical Friday night I am
Probably watching a movie or writing something. That's also what I'm most likely doing on a Thursday night. Shit. Seeing me summed up in three sentences like that just makes me want to cry.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am totally tone deaf. So much so it’s really just pathetic
I once bought a dentist’s plaster molding of this lady’s teeth from a knick-knack shop. It has her name on the back of them, and even though I’m sure she’s dead by now I want so badly to call Roberta White and inform her that I have her teeth, and what’s she going to do about it? I don’t know what this has to do with anything, but I was looking at them just now, and I felt like sharing my feelings on the subject.
Oh! Once when I was a teenager I was handcuffed by store security for shoplifting. A week later they sent me a bill for two hundred dollars in reimbursement and threatened to report me to the police if I didn’t pay it. I don’t know what they call that where they’re from, but in my neck of the woods, that’s black mail. This was for a six-dollar Spider-Man action figure. Yeah, I know. Two hundred dollars plus the cost of the item, and I didn’t even get to keep it. That’s good old-fashioned blackmail my friend.
I’m looking for
Girls who like guys
Ages 20-40
Near me
Who are single
For new friends
You should message me if
I'd like to meet someone I could talk to who isn't completely vapid and shallow. Shallow is okay, as long as they're hot. If you can't tell that was a joke, I don't predict good things. If I had to pick some traits of an imaginary person, I'd say Honesty, Integrity, Patience, and Compassion. As long as I'm wishing for stuff, it'd be great if they could wrestle crocodiles and had the other half of this magic amulet.
By the way, if you're still reading this all the way through, you deserve a medal and your picture in the paper. To sum up: I write stuff sometimes, I have an odd rambling sense of humor, I'm often awkward socially, and I like old stuff. I can occasionally curb my geekish tendencies at times, as I've learned "Hey baby, wanna go back to my place and listen to radio dramas?" is NOT in fact the world's best pick-up line.
Actually this is all a scam. I'm not looking for someone bright, funny, passionate and eccentric. No. I'll level with you. I feel like after all the time we've spent here, reading this page; I can tell you the truth. You see, I'm a world famous bank robber, and I'm looking for a new accomplice. I know, it's dangerous and illegal, and this is probably not the best place to find someone who can shoot and drive at the same time, but there's something special about you. I can tell. I need someone who is brave too, because this isn't just any bank; It's guarded by dinosaurs.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
One and only
Alright, so I start school tomorrow. I figure I'll write this one, if nothing else than for me to look back fondly on the time when I had so much free time, I could blog about online dating.
I'll just list my top moments in the last week or so:
-The 18 year old who wrote me saying, "You may think I'm too young, but I'm not!" Uh yeah...you are....
-The 63 year old who wrote me saying we would be perfect together. He's not only 63 but lives in Flagstaff. I'm not really sure how men that age go onto a girl's profile that specifically says an age range she's looking for, then thinks, "eh, what's another 25 years?"
-Sweet little 20 year old: "How's such a fine still young-looking woman like yourself still single?" Still young looking? Go away.
-"Hi, how are you? I'm going to be straightforward. I'm in med school and don't have time for a relationship. I am looking for someone who is into the unfortunately uncommon interest of spanking. Have you ever been spanked?" Hahahaha!!!
-I received a message from the creepy guy I went on a date with the first time around who followed me home. The kicker? He didn't even remember that he knew me!!! I promptly wrote him saying, "You really don't remember that we went out before??" Then blocked his ass.
-I've been contacted by 2 women. Odd.
-This guy and I were writing back and forth a few times. I asked him to tell me something about himself. He proceeded to go on and on about growing roses. Like the supplies he needs, where he grows them, etc. I don't know if he thought that as a woman I would melt at the thought of a man with an unlimited supply of roses in his yard-not this woman. The conversation ended right then and there.
-The site has different sections to fill out for your profile. The last one is titled "You Should Contact Me If:" The first thing I wrote is that your pictures weren't of you standing in front of a mirror. One guy has ALL of his pictures in front of a mirror. The first message he sent was just a quick little, "how are ya." Then he must have read through my entire page because then he wrote me again and said, "Gee, I just realized right now that my pictures are all of me shirtless in front of the mirror. I didn't even think about it when I posted them." Dude, you are posing in front of the mirror with your shirt off. I think you knew.
-This site shows when someone has looked at your profile. There is an old co-worker on here that I went out with a few times like ten years ago. He keeps looking at my profile and not saying anything. I'm like, "uh, I see you!"
-A guy in my program at ASU wrote me telling me that if I had any questions to just let him know. Oh and I'm very pretty. So I wrote him back. Never responded. ???
-I can't even begin to tell you how many men have pictures of themselves with a gun in their pictures. That is not a turn on. It is not manly and sexy. It's actually pretty scary and I would NEVER respond.
-If you have kids, state that. That's fine. However, don't post a bunch of pictures of these poor innocent little things on the Internet. I get you're trying to look paternal and sweet, but it's really weird.
-A guy wrote me asking what are some main traits I look for in a partner. I listed a few off and he proceeded to play devil's advocate and tell me why those weren't all that important. Ok, I'm gonna take a stab in the dark here and say that you don't possess those traits.
I'm sure I've left out some good ones, but yeah. My week of online dating summed up. Hooray?
I'll just list my top moments in the last week or so:
-The 18 year old who wrote me saying, "You may think I'm too young, but I'm not!" Uh yeah...you are....
-The 63 year old who wrote me saying we would be perfect together. He's not only 63 but lives in Flagstaff. I'm not really sure how men that age go onto a girl's profile that specifically says an age range she's looking for, then thinks, "eh, what's another 25 years?"
-Sweet little 20 year old: "How's such a fine still young-looking woman like yourself still single?" Still young looking? Go away.
-"Hi, how are you? I'm going to be straightforward. I'm in med school and don't have time for a relationship. I am looking for someone who is into the unfortunately uncommon interest of spanking. Have you ever been spanked?" Hahahaha!!!
-I received a message from the creepy guy I went on a date with the first time around who followed me home. The kicker? He didn't even remember that he knew me!!! I promptly wrote him saying, "You really don't remember that we went out before??" Then blocked his ass.
-I've been contacted by 2 women. Odd.
-This guy and I were writing back and forth a few times. I asked him to tell me something about himself. He proceeded to go on and on about growing roses. Like the supplies he needs, where he grows them, etc. I don't know if he thought that as a woman I would melt at the thought of a man with an unlimited supply of roses in his yard-not this woman. The conversation ended right then and there.
-The site has different sections to fill out for your profile. The last one is titled "You Should Contact Me If:" The first thing I wrote is that your pictures weren't of you standing in front of a mirror. One guy has ALL of his pictures in front of a mirror. The first message he sent was just a quick little, "how are ya." Then he must have read through my entire page because then he wrote me again and said, "Gee, I just realized right now that my pictures are all of me shirtless in front of the mirror. I didn't even think about it when I posted them." Dude, you are posing in front of the mirror with your shirt off. I think you knew.
-This site shows when someone has looked at your profile. There is an old co-worker on here that I went out with a few times like ten years ago. He keeps looking at my profile and not saying anything. I'm like, "uh, I see you!"
-A guy in my program at ASU wrote me telling me that if I had any questions to just let him know. Oh and I'm very pretty. So I wrote him back. Never responded. ???
-I can't even begin to tell you how many men have pictures of themselves with a gun in their pictures. That is not a turn on. It is not manly and sexy. It's actually pretty scary and I would NEVER respond.
-If you have kids, state that. That's fine. However, don't post a bunch of pictures of these poor innocent little things on the Internet. I get you're trying to look paternal and sweet, but it's really weird.
-A guy wrote me asking what are some main traits I look for in a partner. I listed a few off and he proceeded to play devil's advocate and tell me why those weren't all that important. Ok, I'm gonna take a stab in the dark here and say that you don't possess those traits.
I'm sure I've left out some good ones, but yeah. My week of online dating summed up. Hooray?
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Back To It
Ok, so I decided to quietly re-enter the world of online dating. I say quietly because so many people made me feel like I should be pitied for doing it. I just have to say right now, don't pity me! It's just another avenue. Especially once I start grad school, I'll need another outlet.
I'm going about it a little differently this time. First of all, I'm realizing that a large part of me doing this is because it is HIGHLY entertaining. Also last time I was on it for 3 weeks and tried to cram in as many dates as I could. Now I'm using it as a "just in case someone really cool comes along" type of thing. In other words, I'm being a total snob about it. If you don't appeal to me right away, I'm not giving it a second glance. I did too many, "Well, maybe he's cuter in person, " or "Maybe that really weird thing he said on his profile was really just an endearing quirk." Uh no, he isn't, and it's definitely not.
It's a lot like when I moved into my first apartment. It was a great first apartment but it was definitely run down and didn't have the amenities that I've learned to look for. After living in that hole, I learned to be more discerning when I went apartment hunting. I knew that if the cabinets were old and musty, so was the rest of the place. If my neighbor looked like he was selling coke out his patio door, he probably was!
So yes, no more musty, dusty, drug-dealing match-ups for this girl. I want a fully loaded house! I can see more of the red flags now from that last experience. And I know myself well enough to know that I often go for guys that I'm not attracted to and hope that something clicks. It rarely does.
School starts in a few days, so perhaps I won't get a chance to write about all of the craziness that I encounter, but I'll try to get a few in before then.
I'm going about it a little differently this time. First of all, I'm realizing that a large part of me doing this is because it is HIGHLY entertaining. Also last time I was on it for 3 weeks and tried to cram in as many dates as I could. Now I'm using it as a "just in case someone really cool comes along" type of thing. In other words, I'm being a total snob about it. If you don't appeal to me right away, I'm not giving it a second glance. I did too many, "Well, maybe he's cuter in person, " or "Maybe that really weird thing he said on his profile was really just an endearing quirk." Uh no, he isn't, and it's definitely not.
It's a lot like when I moved into my first apartment. It was a great first apartment but it was definitely run down and didn't have the amenities that I've learned to look for. After living in that hole, I learned to be more discerning when I went apartment hunting. I knew that if the cabinets were old and musty, so was the rest of the place. If my neighbor looked like he was selling coke out his patio door, he probably was!
So yes, no more musty, dusty, drug-dealing match-ups for this girl. I want a fully loaded house! I can see more of the red flags now from that last experience. And I know myself well enough to know that I often go for guys that I'm not attracted to and hope that something clicks. It rarely does.
School starts in a few days, so perhaps I won't get a chance to write about all of the craziness that I encounter, but I'll try to get a few in before then.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
My Heart is Full
As my birthday is approaching, I've been reflecting on life up through my 20s. I think it's something we all do as we hit various milestones. 30 hasn't bothered me at all. It's an odd thought that I'm actually that old , but I'm not having a meltdown of any sort. I decided to go to San Francisco for my birthday since it is so dang hot here, and honestly most of my closest friends are there. I also am fortunate enough to have the opportunity to go there for a month and work at my old restaurant.
So that all being said, I've been reflecting. I wanted this birthday to be a big one. I would embrace this new age with open arms and a huge celebration. I researched different things I could do that would be unusual and fun and thrilling. Bust into this decade with a BANG!! I had all these lofty plans of cruises, wine tours, shows, aka spending as much money as I could fathom spending in a day. I was feeling a bit uneasy and a few of my friends expressed concern over whether they could afford these shenanigans. So I thought, ok, dinner-drinks-dancing. It would be fun regardless, but I couldn't help but feel a bit of remorse that a limo wouldn't be carting me around the city while I'm being fanned sipping on champagne and nibbling chocolates.
Right. Reflecting.
The 20s are a tough time. Of course we are all constantly growing and changing, but this is when you truly become an adult. Shed the skin of your adolescence and come to grips with the person you are and want to be. I feel like the last 3 years have been an amazing time for all of that, so while I may still be living the lifestyle of my 20s, I'm headed in the right direction and have my head in the right place.
Since I won't be in Arizona for my actual birthday, my younger sister Claudia told me she had my gift and would give it to me before I left for San Francisco. She gave it to me when we all got together for Father's Day. She had me close my eyes and I could hear her coming in the room carrying something heavy. When I opened my eyes, there was a big, old case sitting on the floor in front of me. I knew what it was right away.
For years I've been wanting to learn to play the accordion. I love the sound, the way it looks, it's movement, and the crazy music it pops up in. So I just knew my accordion was sitting there in that big old case. I started to freak out because they are not cheap and there was never an expectation that I would ever get one until I was old and had some expendable income. After throwing open the case and starting to blubber-Claud told me to open the card. All she wrote in the card were the 23 names of people that I love that had contributed to this magnificent gift. I lost it, crying like a little baby.
Reflect all you want, that's when it came crashing in. My 20s was about growth and becoming an adult. Experiencing a variety of things without any responsibility or ties. But the biggest and most important thing that came out of my life thus far is meeting the most amazing people I could ever hope to meet. People I can turn to at any time and that I truly care about, and care about me. My friends and family are the biggest blessing. I may have wanted a lavish 30th, but in that moment I realized it doesn't matter. It isn't about the actual day or any of the stuff that goes with it. I am surrounded by people I love. Knowing that you have people. Knowing that you are lucky enough to have people that know you well enough and will coordinate and come together to buy you a freaking accordion. It's above and beyond anything I hoped to have at 30. So thank you...my heart is full.
So that all being said, I've been reflecting. I wanted this birthday to be a big one. I would embrace this new age with open arms and a huge celebration. I researched different things I could do that would be unusual and fun and thrilling. Bust into this decade with a BANG!! I had all these lofty plans of cruises, wine tours, shows, aka spending as much money as I could fathom spending in a day. I was feeling a bit uneasy and a few of my friends expressed concern over whether they could afford these shenanigans. So I thought, ok, dinner-drinks-dancing. It would be fun regardless, but I couldn't help but feel a bit of remorse that a limo wouldn't be carting me around the city while I'm being fanned sipping on champagne and nibbling chocolates.
Right. Reflecting.
The 20s are a tough time. Of course we are all constantly growing and changing, but this is when you truly become an adult. Shed the skin of your adolescence and come to grips with the person you are and want to be. I feel like the last 3 years have been an amazing time for all of that, so while I may still be living the lifestyle of my 20s, I'm headed in the right direction and have my head in the right place.
Since I won't be in Arizona for my actual birthday, my younger sister Claudia told me she had my gift and would give it to me before I left for San Francisco. She gave it to me when we all got together for Father's Day. She had me close my eyes and I could hear her coming in the room carrying something heavy. When I opened my eyes, there was a big, old case sitting on the floor in front of me. I knew what it was right away.
For years I've been wanting to learn to play the accordion. I love the sound, the way it looks, it's movement, and the crazy music it pops up in. So I just knew my accordion was sitting there in that big old case. I started to freak out because they are not cheap and there was never an expectation that I would ever get one until I was old and had some expendable income. After throwing open the case and starting to blubber-Claud told me to open the card. All she wrote in the card were the 23 names of people that I love that had contributed to this magnificent gift. I lost it, crying like a little baby.
Reflect all you want, that's when it came crashing in. My 20s was about growth and becoming an adult. Experiencing a variety of things without any responsibility or ties. But the biggest and most important thing that came out of my life thus far is meeting the most amazing people I could ever hope to meet. People I can turn to at any time and that I truly care about, and care about me. My friends and family are the biggest blessing. I may have wanted a lavish 30th, but in that moment I realized it doesn't matter. It isn't about the actual day or any of the stuff that goes with it. I am surrounded by people I love. Knowing that you have people. Knowing that you are lucky enough to have people that know you well enough and will coordinate and come together to buy you a freaking accordion. It's above and beyond anything I hoped to have at 30. So thank you...my heart is full.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
As Quickly as it Started...
Oh dating...for those of you that had been reading this, you may have noticed that the last month was a bit silent. I tried the online dating thing for a few weeks and while I did enjoy the awkwardness of going on dates with a bunch of computer geeks, after the last guy attempted to follow me home after our date, I decided to call it done. Done, done, done, done, DONE! Plus then I met someone. Or re-met someone from ten years ago that I dated when I was 19. It was pretty exciting. Ten years ago, he was totally undateable (but cute and charming as hell). Without going into too much detail, ten years later-turns out he's just as undateable (and cute and charming as hell) as he was when he was 23. So once again, done, done, DONE.
What's in store for me now? Being me, just like before. But hey, I like myself. It was interesting, I was talking to a co-worker the other night who inquired about my "love life." I told him about the recent dating debacles and he made a great point. He said that our society is so focused on being coupled up it makes it seem like a bad thing when we aren't. This is so true! I have way more fun when I'm single and have never really had a problem with it. I think everyone else is a lot more concerned than I am. Sure there are times when it would be nice to have some sort of companion, hence me going out and trying online dating, but overall, I get to do what I want, when I want, and not discuss it with a single other soul. I've traveled quite a bit, had unusual experiences, lived in amazing places, made incredible friends, and nothing has tied me down. Why is being single a bad thing? Even my friends who have families express jealousy at times that they don't have the independence that I do, yet they are always trying to set me up with someone or suggest different ways to find a mate. Of course they just want the best for me-and I appreciate every last one of you.
In all honesty, it would be wonderful to find someone out there that I connect with on a level that makes me want to experience my life with them. Something that is becoming obvious to me, is that if I'm making comments like, "I have way more fun when I'm single," I am NOT dating the right guys. For me, finding this someone is going to happen while I'm out there doing my thing. I can't force it. I can't hunt for it. If I just enjoy my life like I do, someday someone will come along and it'll click. So I don't want anyone to worry about me being single. No more, "How old are you?" questions and being concerned that my time is almost up as an eligible bachelorette. I've said it before and I'll say it again-I don't have a problem finding men, it's finding quality men-and that's what I'm holding out for. So, I'm sorry that I won't be keeping you up-to-date anymore about the creepiest creepers trolling the Internet for girls. I'm sure I'll come up with some other little ditties to write about to keep myself entertained and in the meantime, let's get out there and enjoy our lives!
What's in store for me now? Being me, just like before. But hey, I like myself. It was interesting, I was talking to a co-worker the other night who inquired about my "love life." I told him about the recent dating debacles and he made a great point. He said that our society is so focused on being coupled up it makes it seem like a bad thing when we aren't. This is so true! I have way more fun when I'm single and have never really had a problem with it. I think everyone else is a lot more concerned than I am. Sure there are times when it would be nice to have some sort of companion, hence me going out and trying online dating, but overall, I get to do what I want, when I want, and not discuss it with a single other soul. I've traveled quite a bit, had unusual experiences, lived in amazing places, made incredible friends, and nothing has tied me down. Why is being single a bad thing? Even my friends who have families express jealousy at times that they don't have the independence that I do, yet they are always trying to set me up with someone or suggest different ways to find a mate. Of course they just want the best for me-and I appreciate every last one of you.
In all honesty, it would be wonderful to find someone out there that I connect with on a level that makes me want to experience my life with them. Something that is becoming obvious to me, is that if I'm making comments like, "I have way more fun when I'm single," I am NOT dating the right guys. For me, finding this someone is going to happen while I'm out there doing my thing. I can't force it. I can't hunt for it. If I just enjoy my life like I do, someday someone will come along and it'll click. So I don't want anyone to worry about me being single. No more, "How old are you?" questions and being concerned that my time is almost up as an eligible bachelorette. I've said it before and I'll say it again-I don't have a problem finding men, it's finding quality men-and that's what I'm holding out for. So, I'm sorry that I won't be keeping you up-to-date anymore about the creepiest creepers trolling the Internet for girls. I'm sure I'll come up with some other little ditties to write about to keep myself entertained and in the meantime, let's get out there and enjoy our lives!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Daily Dose of Douche
This guy is...wow. Just wow. This is his profile and it's a bit long-winded, but well worth it. Is he for real????? What the hell did his parents do to him and how will he EVER find a girl that fits his criteria? Yikes.
STOP! Before you even consider emailing me I must tell you that I am much more of an in person conversation kind of guy. I like to talk face-to-face, read body language, see if there is chemistry, and get to know each other the right way. I'm sick of getting endless emails so let's keep the emails to a minimum and meet somewhere in person right from the get go! I'm not talking about two days from now, this weekend, or next week, I'm talking about TODAY! If you don't have time to meet me today then don't waste your time emailing me please. Thank you!
You can also find me on Facebook at ------- where I have a lot more pictures that you're welcome to check out. Do not send me a message on Facebook asking me to add you as a friend. I DO NOT add people on Facebook unless they are friends (guys only), family, or if I'm dating you. I'm not looking to 'collect' Facebook friends. If you do that you not only have issues, but you are also beyond lame.
My name is --- and I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon. I moved to Arizona on May 10th, 2010. I currently live with a friend in Gilbert, Arizona. I would really like to meet someone special who would eventually like to get a place together and everything that comes along with it. I tend to fall extremely fast and extremely hard, so it would also be nice to meet someone who not only understands that but is the same way as well.
As far as work goes I own my own business as a professional web designer and graphic designer. I work from home in doing so. I am very successful with my business and it is something I am truly grateful for. I'm a bit of a homebody so there's nothing I love more than cuddling up in bed and watching a movie together while getting lost in each others eyes.
Health and fitness are by far my biggest hobby and a huge part of my life. I have been bodybuilding for the past 7 years now and I have made amazing accomplishments in regards to my progress and physique. I am also a nationally certified personal trainer which is something I'm very proud of as well. I live a very healthy and active lifestyle and I love eating healthy and working out. Don't worry, I'm not expecting any girl I meet to be anywhere as dedicated or in shape as I am. So please don't assume I'm one of those guys who will only date a girl with a perfect body because that couldn't be further from the truth! If there is one thing I've learned in life it's that I would much rather date an average looking girl with an awesome personality as oppose to an extremely pretty girl with no brains, no personality, and as shallow as they come. I would however like a girl who at least takes care of herself somewhat and would go to the gym with me on the days that I workout (we can workout together!).
My other huge hobby is sport bikes (or crotch rockets as some might call them). I am a huge fan of Italian sport bikes, namely Aprilia. I currently own an Aprilia RSV Mille R, and let me tell you, this thing is easily the most fun and amazing bike I've ever owned. I believe I have 1 of only 3 Milles in the entire state of Arizona! I ride almost every single day and I also love racing my bike at track days as well. Nothing is more exciting to me than dragging my knee through those corners!
I'm probably the most handy person you could ever meet. I grew up rebuilding motors, fixing cars, motorcycles, etc. There isn't anything I can't fix. Give me a broken car or motorcycle and I'll fix it even if the entire motor has to be rebuilt. That goes for household stuff as well. I can do anything from installing a toilet to putting in new floor. I grew up fixing and building computers as well so electronics are not a problem either. You name it and I can fix it, literally! I am the epitome of a 'handy man'.
I'm probably the only guy (especially around here) you'll ever meet who does not drink (not even on occasion), smoke, or do drugs. I also am not the kind of guy who goes to bars, parties, or clubs. Personally I don't see how spending tons of money on alcohol, getting wasted, and then waking up the next morning feeling like crap can be any fun at all. Then again, that's just my opinion. I'm not religious at all, these are just personal choices I've made.
I have the most amazing family in the world who I care for very much (especially my mother). I'm very, very close with my family to say the least. That being said I can tell you whole heartedly that love and family are the most important things in life to me.
DISCLAIMER: Aside from my hopeless romantic side I also have a very kinky/naughty side. I very much enjoy sex (especially when it's with someone I love) and I consider myself very adventurous and kinky in the bedroom (it is a form of affection after all). I ALSO HAVE A VERY PARTICULAR FETISH AS WELL WHICH IS SOMETHING THAT MIGHT BE TOO KINKY FOR MOST WOMEN TO HANDLE! (And NO, it has NOTHING to do with two girls!) I feel that an amazing sex life is a huge part of the foundation for a lasting relationship. That being said, if you consider yourself to be prude, not into sex, or just plain and vanilla in the bedroom, I am definitely not your guy. Sex is supposed to be fun, not boring. The only reason I am really being upfront about this is because I am so tired of being in relationships where the sex is incredibly boring and lame!
DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF…
1) If you drink alcohol (even if it's just a glass of wine on occasion or once a year)
2) If you smoke or do drugs
3) If you go out dancing, go to clubs, or bars
4) if you have friends who are guys. Yeah, you heard me, NO GUY FRIENDS (unless it's family)! I don't have a single friend who is a girl, nor do I have any girls on my Facebook (aside from family), or any girls numbers in my phone. So obviously I don't want to date any girl who has friends that are guys, period! I don't want you to drop your guy friends for me, I am just looking for a girl who doesn't have guy friends to begin with.
5) If you're still in school. I'm almost 28 years old so I prefer not to date anyone who is still in college. I have nothing against school but I'm ready to settle down and I'd like to be with someone who is past that point in their life and is not still in school.
6) You have kids. I have nothing against kids, I just think that is something special and don't want to be with anyone who has kids with another guy.
I will not make ANY exceptions whatsoever for any of these deal breakers so please do not message me if you do not meet that criteria. I will delete your message without responding, period. And if this criteria bothers you, deal with it because I could care less.
First Date
I would like to meet a girl who will fall asleep with me every single night tightly embraced in my arms with her head pressed against my chest and her leg thrown over mine as I gently run my fingers through her hair, kiss her forehead ever so lightly, and whisper sweet things in her ear until she falls asleep, right there in my arms where she belongs.
Every single morning she will wake in my arms right where she fell asleep and as she slowly opens her eyes I'll use my finger to point to eyes, then my heart, and then to her before I softly whisper in her ear how much I love her. We will hold each other, cuddle, and get lost in each others eyes until we are both fully awake. We will then get in the shower, wash each other, kiss, and go on with our day.
If she has to go to work we will exchange sweet text messages and phone calls all day long while we are apart. As soon as she is off work she will rush home to me and we will hold each other as if we've been away from one another for years. I'll tell her how much I missed her and she will tell me how much she couldn't stand being away from me.
I want someone who needs me to breathe just like they need air. I want someone who can't stand to be away from me even for a few minutes. I want a girl who will hold my hand everywhere we go (even in the car), and do sweet little things like give me kisses in the car when we're stuck at long stop lights. I want someone who loves PDA and affection and can't live without physical touch.
I would like a girl who will not only be my best friend but also my lover. Someone who will live with me and do everything with me just as if we are best friends but so much more. I want a girl who will truly make me her first priority and put me before everything else in her life just as I will do the same for her.
I want a fairly tale romance. A love so pure and so true that it rivals that of anything found in the most romantic of movies or books. I want someone who can effortlessly put their feelings into words and tell me how they feel. I want a girl who will never be afraid to just look me in the eyes and spill her heart to me. I want someone who is clingy and needy and understands that I am the same way.
I want a girl who will go everywhere with me, do everything with me, and let me spend the rest of my entire life showing her how much I love her and just how much she means to me. I want a girl who will dream about sweet things like getting married on the beach during the sunset with me, taking bubble baths in the candle light together, and basically being inseparable as best friends and lovers.
I'm the kind of guy who will send you a sweet text message telling you how much I love you or miss you literally right after we got off the phone with each other. I want a girl who is the same way in that aspect. Someone who just won't be able to get enough of me just like I won't be able to get enough of her.
STOP! Before you even consider emailing me I must tell you that I am much more of an in person conversation kind of guy. I like to talk face-to-face, read body language, see if there is chemistry, and get to know each other the right way. I'm sick of getting endless emails so let's keep the emails to a minimum and meet somewhere in person right from the get go! I'm not talking about two days from now, this weekend, or next week, I'm talking about TODAY! If you don't have time to meet me today then don't waste your time emailing me please. Thank you!
You can also find me on Facebook at ------- where I have a lot more pictures that you're welcome to check out. Do not send me a message on Facebook asking me to add you as a friend. I DO NOT add people on Facebook unless they are friends (guys only), family, or if I'm dating you. I'm not looking to 'collect' Facebook friends. If you do that you not only have issues, but you are also beyond lame.
My name is --- and I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon. I moved to Arizona on May 10th, 2010. I currently live with a friend in Gilbert, Arizona. I would really like to meet someone special who would eventually like to get a place together and everything that comes along with it. I tend to fall extremely fast and extremely hard, so it would also be nice to meet someone who not only understands that but is the same way as well.
As far as work goes I own my own business as a professional web designer and graphic designer. I work from home in doing so. I am very successful with my business and it is something I am truly grateful for. I'm a bit of a homebody so there's nothing I love more than cuddling up in bed and watching a movie together while getting lost in each others eyes.
Health and fitness are by far my biggest hobby and a huge part of my life. I have been bodybuilding for the past 7 years now and I have made amazing accomplishments in regards to my progress and physique. I am also a nationally certified personal trainer which is something I'm very proud of as well. I live a very healthy and active lifestyle and I love eating healthy and working out. Don't worry, I'm not expecting any girl I meet to be anywhere as dedicated or in shape as I am. So please don't assume I'm one of those guys who will only date a girl with a perfect body because that couldn't be further from the truth! If there is one thing I've learned in life it's that I would much rather date an average looking girl with an awesome personality as oppose to an extremely pretty girl with no brains, no personality, and as shallow as they come. I would however like a girl who at least takes care of herself somewhat and would go to the gym with me on the days that I workout (we can workout together!).
My other huge hobby is sport bikes (or crotch rockets as some might call them). I am a huge fan of Italian sport bikes, namely Aprilia. I currently own an Aprilia RSV Mille R, and let me tell you, this thing is easily the most fun and amazing bike I've ever owned. I believe I have 1 of only 3 Milles in the entire state of Arizona! I ride almost every single day and I also love racing my bike at track days as well. Nothing is more exciting to me than dragging my knee through those corners!
I'm probably the most handy person you could ever meet. I grew up rebuilding motors, fixing cars, motorcycles, etc. There isn't anything I can't fix. Give me a broken car or motorcycle and I'll fix it even if the entire motor has to be rebuilt. That goes for household stuff as well. I can do anything from installing a toilet to putting in new floor. I grew up fixing and building computers as well so electronics are not a problem either. You name it and I can fix it, literally! I am the epitome of a 'handy man'.
I'm probably the only guy (especially around here) you'll ever meet who does not drink (not even on occasion), smoke, or do drugs. I also am not the kind of guy who goes to bars, parties, or clubs. Personally I don't see how spending tons of money on alcohol, getting wasted, and then waking up the next morning feeling like crap can be any fun at all. Then again, that's just my opinion. I'm not religious at all, these are just personal choices I've made.
I have the most amazing family in the world who I care for very much (especially my mother). I'm very, very close with my family to say the least. That being said I can tell you whole heartedly that love and family are the most important things in life to me.
DISCLAIMER: Aside from my hopeless romantic side I also have a very kinky/naughty side. I very much enjoy sex (especially when it's with someone I love) and I consider myself very adventurous and kinky in the bedroom (it is a form of affection after all). I ALSO HAVE A VERY PARTICULAR FETISH AS WELL WHICH IS SOMETHING THAT MIGHT BE TOO KINKY FOR MOST WOMEN TO HANDLE! (And NO, it has NOTHING to do with two girls!) I feel that an amazing sex life is a huge part of the foundation for a lasting relationship. That being said, if you consider yourself to be prude, not into sex, or just plain and vanilla in the bedroom, I am definitely not your guy. Sex is supposed to be fun, not boring. The only reason I am really being upfront about this is because I am so tired of being in relationships where the sex is incredibly boring and lame!
DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF…
1) If you drink alcohol (even if it's just a glass of wine on occasion or once a year)
2) If you smoke or do drugs
3) If you go out dancing, go to clubs, or bars
4) if you have friends who are guys. Yeah, you heard me, NO GUY FRIENDS (unless it's family)! I don't have a single friend who is a girl, nor do I have any girls on my Facebook (aside from family), or any girls numbers in my phone. So obviously I don't want to date any girl who has friends that are guys, period! I don't want you to drop your guy friends for me, I am just looking for a girl who doesn't have guy friends to begin with.
5) If you're still in school. I'm almost 28 years old so I prefer not to date anyone who is still in college. I have nothing against school but I'm ready to settle down and I'd like to be with someone who is past that point in their life and is not still in school.
6) You have kids. I have nothing against kids, I just think that is something special and don't want to be with anyone who has kids with another guy.
I will not make ANY exceptions whatsoever for any of these deal breakers so please do not message me if you do not meet that criteria. I will delete your message without responding, period. And if this criteria bothers you, deal with it because I could care less.
First Date
I would like to meet a girl who will fall asleep with me every single night tightly embraced in my arms with her head pressed against my chest and her leg thrown over mine as I gently run my fingers through her hair, kiss her forehead ever so lightly, and whisper sweet things in her ear until she falls asleep, right there in my arms where she belongs.
Every single morning she will wake in my arms right where she fell asleep and as she slowly opens her eyes I'll use my finger to point to eyes, then my heart, and then to her before I softly whisper in her ear how much I love her. We will hold each other, cuddle, and get lost in each others eyes until we are both fully awake. We will then get in the shower, wash each other, kiss, and go on with our day.
If she has to go to work we will exchange sweet text messages and phone calls all day long while we are apart. As soon as she is off work she will rush home to me and we will hold each other as if we've been away from one another for years. I'll tell her how much I missed her and she will tell me how much she couldn't stand being away from me.
I want someone who needs me to breathe just like they need air. I want someone who can't stand to be away from me even for a few minutes. I want a girl who will hold my hand everywhere we go (even in the car), and do sweet little things like give me kisses in the car when we're stuck at long stop lights. I want someone who loves PDA and affection and can't live without physical touch.
I would like a girl who will not only be my best friend but also my lover. Someone who will live with me and do everything with me just as if we are best friends but so much more. I want a girl who will truly make me her first priority and put me before everything else in her life just as I will do the same for her.
I want a fairly tale romance. A love so pure and so true that it rivals that of anything found in the most romantic of movies or books. I want someone who can effortlessly put their feelings into words and tell me how they feel. I want a girl who will never be afraid to just look me in the eyes and spill her heart to me. I want someone who is clingy and needy and understands that I am the same way.
I want a girl who will go everywhere with me, do everything with me, and let me spend the rest of my entire life showing her how much I love her and just how much she means to me. I want a girl who will dream about sweet things like getting married on the beach during the sunset with me, taking bubble baths in the candle light together, and basically being inseparable as best friends and lovers.
I'm the kind of guy who will send you a sweet text message telling you how much I love you or miss you literally right after we got off the phone with each other. I want a girl who is the same way in that aspect. Someone who just won't be able to get enough of me just like I won't be able to get enough of her.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Uh.....Huh?
I really don't plan on outing anyone while writing this blog. I won't name names, keeping all the craziness I'm coming across anonymous. However, I came across this picture and since you can't see what the heck this guy looks like, I figured it was still kinda within these bounds. This is his profile picture. In fact, it's his ONLY picture he has. I just don't understand...
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