The WORST!

So, I went ahead and got sprayed in the face with pepper spray last night for my sweet job. I'm going to give a good detailed account, so if you are sensitive, don't read this. Let me just say, I was not ready for it at all! It really didn't help that everyone that had already done it that night kept telling us that they would rather get tazed (sp?) 10 times before they would get sprayed again. But they were all guys, and I figured that since guys have a lower pain tolerance than women (seriously!), I would be alright. I was very much not alright. To make matters worse, we partnered up, and my partner Kathryn volunteered to go first, so I had to help her right after she got sprayed and couldn't breathe. I was having a really hard time being of any help to her because I was freaking out mentally because she was gasping and wheezing for breath, and it was just awful. So I was trying to help Kathryn recover, and there were only 5 or so other people who had to go. They ended up all going while Kathryn was still recovering, so I had to go last. Keep in mind that Sgt. Nelson told me last week that I didn't have to do it, but I just wouldn't have this extra tool available to me if something went down in the courtroom. So I obviously have that hanging over me, that it's one of the only tools that I will have besides the baton, for which I will do training later.

I tried to talk myself out of doing when I went into the bathroom at one point, but I went ahead and gave into peer pressure as a 26-year old adult woman: "If I don't do it, I'll be the only one that hasn't and that means I'll be the biggest wuss. I have to do it." The technique is that he would have you stand about 5 feet away from him and put your hands behind your back, close your eyes, and nod your head when you were ready. I was the last one to go and I was delaying a little, so he had to tell me that it was time. I assumed the position, and right up until I shook my head yes for him to go, I'm mentally screaming "WHAT AM I DOING??!! THIS IS CRAZY!!" But in my temporary, peer-induced craziness, I shook my head yes, whereupon (good ol' attorney wordage for ya) he sprayed it right across my eyes and then told me to blink. It immediately stung and whatnot, but the worst part was that I completely could not breathe. I had told the guys that were helping me to make sure and tell me to breathe because they tell you that it makes you feel like you can't breathe, but you really can. Well, I'm here to tell you that you really can't! I was completely freaking out psychologically because they kept saying "You're doing great. You're fine. Keep breathing. Deep breaths." And the whole time, I'm thinking, "NO, I can't breathe!"

And then they stick a hose right in your face to get it washed off and say that you will feel like you're drowning, but you're not. Well guess what--if you can't breathe and you have water over your nose and mouth, that equals drowning. So I was still freaking out, and the whole time I was staying composed outwardly--as much as one can while gasping for breathe and feeling like you're suffocating--I was thinking how I would really like to swear if only I could breathe. But alas, I couldn't, so everyone thought that I was handling it just fine. They kept telling me how great I was doing, but I obviously wasn't. I wanted to tell them to quit patronizing me, but again, you can't really make any smart-alec comments when you can't breathe. So I kept my face stuck in the hose for 5 minutes or so while alternating with breathing, taking handfuls of baby shampoo and sticking it in my face and eyes, then holding my eyes open with my fingers while they ran the water right in my eyes.

Then I went inside to the bathroom and did probably 4 more handfuls of baby shampoo in the face and handfuls of just cold water. By then I could breathe ok and I felt how bad it hurt and how hard it was to open my eyes. But they kept saying how if you could keep your eyes open and splash the water right in them, you would recover faster. So I tried to keep them open as much as I could and especially while I splashed water in them, but it turns out that your eyes automatically close when you splash stuff on your face. I think it's a reflex or something. After a while, I thought that it was time to stop with the water because if you just keep doing it, that's the only thing that feels good and you can't go on without it. So I got one of my towels wet and went outside to feel the breeze a little. Luckily, we did it at night, so the temperature had cooled off a little and was helpful by the time we were recovering.

Then after 10 minutes or so of walking around, I was feeling ok even though I still couldn't see, so we went into the locker room, stripped down, and took separate half-showers. I bent over and just washed my whole head, neck and shoulders so that the pepper spray wouldn't wash down my body and burn everywhere else. My hamstrings were getting really tight, but I think that showering like that helped a lot to get rid of the burning. I felt good enough to drive by about 10, but I still couldn't see very great. So I wasn't staying in my lane really great, and I joked with Kathryn that if we got pulled over, we would totally look like druggies since we both had puffy bloodshot eyes and looked like crap. Luckily we made it back to my house ok, and then I got Blair to drive while we took Kathryn home because she still couldn't see. So it was basically a totally awesome night. By the time I got home and was getting ready for bed, it mostly just felt like I had been out in a sandstorm all day. I woke up this morning feeling ok, but my eyes were really puffy and I felt really sluggish. So I used it as an excuse to go into work at 9 instead of 8, which was definitely helpful. I would not recommend it to anyone ever, and I probably would never ever spray someone unless they are totally threatening my life because it was a really hellish experience. And apparently Blair was sprayed with it twice in his younger years--not deservedly, just because his best friend's dad thought it would be funny--so he wasn't even sympathetic for me. But I'm sure this post garnered some good sympathy. I mean, your eyes are probably watering while you're reading this, and you may have even got a little tight-chested as you read about not being able to breathe, right? Hopefully that's as close as you'll ever come to actually experiencing it.