Meat Musings

So there I was, dry heaving while I cut the gross parts off the chicken that I cooked tonight--which was ultra tasty, balsamic chicken with sweet peppers and onions plus basmati rice: yum!--and wondering if it is really worth it to cook and eat meat since the preparation sometimes grosses me out to the point that I don't want to eat it. I've toyed with the idea of going vegetarian before, not out of any ethical or hippie-esque stance, but because it would be cheaper and, as mentioned, meat (and eggs) kind of gross me out. I mean, we (me by choice and Blair by default) are already leaning toward the vegetarian menu since we rarely eat red meat and have vegetarian meals once or twice a week. But I don't know that I would ever be able to truly convert to vegetarianism. There are a number of conundrums which are raised by a vegetarian lifestyle and which, when answered truthfully, always dissuade me from taking it up as my own. Here are some examples:

1. Are you ever not hungry as a vegetarian? I mean, come on, everyone knows the role that protein plays in helping you feel full, and you have to eat about 3x the quantity of beans compared to fish or chicken to get the same amount of protein and therefore, to feel full. And then it's not any cheaper than eating the fish or chicken, so what's the point?

2. And if you are eating copious quantities of beans, there is a direct inverse correlation between the amount of beans you eat and the quality and quantity of your social interactions. Because, let's be honest, there's a reason that some clever little third grader came up with the bean song, and it's really not very socially acceptable (thank goodness) to be ripping em all the time.

3. Nobody likes the person who, at social gatherings of one kind or another, pulls the vegetarian or vegan card. Often it's because those espousing this eating style are quick to point out their moral and social superiority to anyone, including you, who doesn't share this obviously transcendent philosophy of eating and being.

4. Every once in a while, you need a burger. You know what I mean.

5. Unless your spouse is also a hippie, suddenly becoming a vegetarian after several years of marriage could be mildly or seriously detrimental to your relationship. I mean, Blair is pretty laidback, but most guys have that one type or dish of meat that they can't live without. For all of my brothers, it's steak. For Blair, it's pork ribs. Switching from tasty balsamic chicken and sweet pork ribs to endless dishes involving lentils and other legumes would pretty much result in mealtime segregation, and segregation is so 1950s.

I'm sure that there are plenty more reasons, but those are just a few that I have thought of whenever I toy with the idea. But you never know. Maybe the next time you see me, I'll be a snobby, hungry, morally superior vegetarian who has a gas problem.