Dear Journal,

I learned a valuable lesson over the weekend. I don't know if it's my pregnancy hormones causing me to be sentimental or something much stronger, but I feel I should write down my lessons in humility, weakness, and gratitude.

You see, I learned that the Lord really does know what He's doing, and that He knows me better than I know myself. You may know how fiercely independent I am as a person. My level of independence often borders pride. I work hard to accomplish my goals. I supported myself through school and when I married I supported my husband through school. I take care of myself and others and hate to depend on others. It has taken me 24 years, 7 months, one marriage to a great man, 1.5 pregnancies, a beautiful son, and many humbling experiences to understand that I never have and never will be able to do it completely on my own.

If you fast-forward through my childhood years and start with my adult years (where the independence starts to become pride), then I would say my first lesson was marriage. It was the first step I had to take to trust in someone else - a person who could pretty much be considered a complete stranger to me. Marriage was soon followed by pregnancy and I had to lean a little more on my husband. Pregnancy was soon followed by a C-section and now I not only had to trust myself to my husband, but I had to trust the life of our newborn child to him.

However, independence still raged inside me. While I was willing and able to accept my husband in my life, an inner-battle raged inside me concerning our families. How much help did I accept from them? How involved did I let them be in our lives and the lives of their grandchildren? My independence screamed "move away! move far, far away!" I encouraged my husband to look at jobs across the country, but the Lord had a different plan and we ended up one short hour away from our nearest relations. Over the past ten months I've begun to see why. Because the Lord knew how much I was going to need our families and how much I would appreciate having them nearby.

Over the past weekend, Carlin and I were battling a violent and serious case of food-poisoning that left us too weak to care after our toddler and left me in a battle of dehydration. As Saturday morning approached and we were still sharing the use of the bathrooms (oh how lucky we were to have two bathrooms) we realized it was time to call in reinforcements. Plans were canceled, schedules changed, calls made, family was willing to drive 90 miles to come to our rescue. My MIL stayed by our sides until we proved to keep liquids down and it became apparent I would not need to make a trip to the hospital. Samuel was whisked away to loving grandparents so that Carlin and I could make a full recovery. Oh how grateful I was for the outpouring of love and service that flowed from our families.

Another fear was comforted. That was my fear of having another c-section with this baby. And I will have to have another c-section. I've been so scared and I realized it's mostly because I won't be able to do it on my own. I will need help. I laughed as I realized the Lord was saying "Duh Aubrey! I've known all along, I've kept your family close by, now grow up and lean on them." So let me say the words I probably don't say often enough (but will work harder to do so) Thank you and I love you.

And Mom and Dad, since you've been in my life since day one, I owe you a special thank you. Thank you for your constant love, patience and companionship as I tried to independently find my way through life. I've come to realize over the past few months that I never was alone.

Once in a Lifetime

We had one exciting weekend. There was OSU's homecoming, which is seriously just amazing and if you live nearby you should really go at least once. We spent lots of family time. Carlin's brother Bryan and wife Bianca with son Zachary flew in for the U2 concert. We were excited to see them, it was my first time to meet them since our wedding and it was the first time the cousins met. They were instant friends and I think might have plans to start their own band...


A picture of all of us... Samuel was seriously all over the place and it was one of the decent shots we actually got in. Also, please consider this my belly pic. As you can plainly see I'm freakin' huge and really not up to taking pictures right now.

We then all headed over to the U2 concert. Yes, that's right. We went to see U2. It was only 2 short years ago that I took Carlin to U2-3D at the IMAX thinking that would be the closest I would ever get him to U2. Boy was I wrong. And man, what a concert! I'm not much of a concert person, but this was something completely its own. It made me feel like part of something international. Bono sings from the heart, using his music and talents to inspire those around him.


Me and Carlin during intermission.


The opening band Black-Eyed Peas, which I have to admit, wasn't half bad.

Carlin got creative and took these two pictures by zooming through the binoculars:

Bono.


Okay this stage was seriously cool. The screen moved up and down and split apart. The bridges moved carrying the performers around the stage and it was a giant circle so the concert was a 360 degree show.

Notice the screen nice and neat at the top of the stage. Now see the screen all split apart descending upon the performers...


Cool, hunh? We had so much fun and Carlin loved it. I think, if he has a bucket list, we fulfilled one of the top 5 things to do!

Toilets are SO Fascinating

I had just finished changing Samuel's diaper at church yesterday. While trying to shove everything back into the diaper bag the little stinker broke free.

Next thing I knew splashing noises were coming from one of the stalls. I frantically started opening stall doors at random (thankfully there are only four stalls in the bathroom) and found my son dripping wet with a bewildered look at my frantic face.

There was a pause as we both stared at each other. Apparently, Samuel decided that I wanted to see what he was doing...

Down went the hands, out went the water - all over my legs and shoes. My super-ninja-mother-reflexes finally kicked in and it was off to the paper towels with Samuel squirming to break free again.

Seriously?! The kid is only 16 months!

Nesting

As defined by mamashealth.com: Nesting is the term used to refer to an expectant mother’s instinct which gives her a surge of energy which prompts her to clean and do various chores around her home. Nesting usually arises as the mother nears her due date.

I never experienced this with Samuel. My Mom kept asking me if I was "nesting" yet, if I had set up the cradle, etc. Honestly, she seemed more excited about it than myself. I didn't know what to expect with a newborn and the obsessive-compulsive nature was dormant while pregnant with Samuel. My motto was definitely, "C'est la vie." I left for the hospital with my apartment in complete disarray - I'm not sure if we even had the cradle ready. We did at least have the car seat set up in the car. Luckily I had some lovely friends from church come over and set everything up for us - when we got home from the hospital we had a diaper changing station, a swing, and the cradle set up and ready to lay down our little newborn.

Well, if pregnancies are any indications of personalities then these two sibling are going to be polar opposites! I have been obsessed with getting the house clean, I start new projects before I've finished old ones. The only thing slowing me down is the lack of energy and morning sickness that comes with pregnancy. Oh and Samuel. As I get nearer to my due date I start to freak out a little bit more. There are papers to organize, rooms to completely refurbish, boxes that need to be packed, boxes that need to be unpacked, items to give away, sale, replace, or put away. We need to dust, vaccuum, wash, scrub, launder, sweep, and mop everything. I've also compulsively researched car seats, strollers, cradles, and the list goes on.

Carlin doesn't quite understand this behavior (of course, according to him the house is always clean), but has been very supportive. Especially when he finds that I've tried to move big furniture items by myself. Ah - the joys of pregnancy...