Article - The Contagion Called Pornography

I saw this great article entitle The Contagion Called Pornography on The United Families International Blog.  It really is a plague that is affecting individuals and families in all nations.  Here is one analogy I liked from the article.  I know that some people are uncomfortable even discussing this, but if we are going to fight this contagion, we need to acknowledge that it is a huge problem and fight it.

"Years ago I heard a morality tale about a young man at the top of a mountain. As he descended the mountain, he noticed a rattlesnake curled on a warm rock. The snake spoke to him and asked him to  carry him to the bottom of the mountain. The young man was hesitant, “But you’re a rattlesnake. You might bite me and I would die.” “I promise I will not bite you. Please just carry me down.” The young man conceded to the request and carried the snake down the mountain. As he put the snake down, it bit him on the hand. “Why did you do that?! Why did you bite me? You promised you wouldn’t!” The snake then replied, “You knew what I was when you picked me up.”...As I said before, do not touch pornography. Don’t think that viewing it one time for kicks or out of curiosity will be a harmless thing to do. Think of the snake. Don’t pick it up. Don’t touch it. It is a damning practice in every way, meant to destroy the beautiful spirits of men and women by debasing them into objects of lust. It only harms. It is the most fatal poison to a normal mind in the way it warps and twists what is beautiful, meaningful and miraculous: the human body and the act of intimacy between a married couple."

Website - Fight the New Drug, Educating on the Harmful Effects of Pornography

I learned about this great website from a friend on Facebook.  Looks like a great one!  I am a big believer in the damage and chaos that come from pornography and have seen it destroy individuals, marriages, and families.  I applaud this group for fighting the good fight and helping people overcome the destructive affects of this "new drug."  Almost every family I know has been affected by pornography addiction in some way.  They say there is a Pornography Pandemic but people are afraid to discuss this "taboo" topic.  Let's expose this problem and fight it face on.

Here's the pledge that people can sign on their website:

"Now is the time for me to stand and help others overcome that which has affected my family, my friends and my community.  I will avoid exposure to this powerful drug called pornography.  I will be a source of strength to those who need support and accept help when I am in need.  I will be a voice of reason among the clatter of self serving opinion.  Too many have suffered.  Too many have sacrificed.  I must be open about a topic no one wants to discuss."

Click HERE to read about the harmful effect of porn.

If you are addicted to pornography or have a loved one who is struggling, there is hope.

Youth Talk - Strength of Youth

Hello my name is Benny and I have been asked to speak from the Strength of youth Pamphlet. I chose to speak on Physical and Emotional Health. In Doctrine in Covenants Section 89:18-19 it says: All saints who remember to keep and do these sayings shall receive health in the navel and marrow to the bones; and shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge. 

As you know I like to play football. If I don’t eat right, get enough sleep, and practice I will not be my best on the field. I get lots of exercise each week with my practices. This is a good way to stay physically fit. If I eat too much it makes me sick to my stomach and I don’t play well. If I don’t get enough sleep and rest I am cranky and I can’t run fast enough or remember the plays.  We should avoid things that are addictive like coffee, tea, alcohol, and drugs. Being under the influence if these things can weaken our judgments and self-control. These addictions harm our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Addictions can damage relationships with family and friends. It is hard to make good choices when we are doing what is wrong.

I can be a good football player if I stay away from addictions, and take care of my body, I need to get plenty of rest, eat good foods and practice. Last but not least I need to pray to my Heavenly Father so he can guide me. I love playing football and I am thankful that my Heavenly Father has given me this gift.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ and Amen.

Didn't Cause It, Can't Control It, Can't Cure It

The Three C’s of Al-anon explain that the family members didn’t cause the addiction, can’t control it and can’t cure it. The following information provides guidance for what we can do, which is more significant than what we cannot do.

1. I come to understand that I didn’t cause the addiction.
2. I come to realize that I can’t control my loved one or their addictive behaviors.
3. I come to accept that I can’t cure the addiction. However . . .
4. I can become aware of the challenges of addiction and the recovery process involved (length of time, slips, relapses, how the brain heals, etc.).(See Appendix 7: “Recovery, Slips and Relapses)
5. I can come to recognize that the recovery process of those in addiction is their choice and responsibility.
6. I can choose to avoid continually focusing on my loved one’s recovery journey because this focus can hinder my own healing journey.
7. I can learn to let go of my negative emotions and efforts to control, rescue, or shame so that I will quit harming myself and others around me through destructive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
8. I can come to accept that it is my responsibility with the help of my Father in Heaven to discover what I need to do to heal and recover.
9. I can avoid setting expectations about the future that negatively influence my emotional and spiritual health.
10. I can establish healthy boundaries to keep myself spiritually, emotionally and physically safe.
11. I can seek guidance from the Lord for myself, trust His will, and follow His plan for me.
12. I can receive the comforting assurance that “The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength” (Ps. 18: 2) and my true source of hope, healing and peace. I need not fear the future.

Developing Divine Dependency

Allowing our lives to become negatively impacted as a result of the behaviors of others is unhealthy and damaging but learning to completely rely upon our Father in Heaven is essential. We learn to say, on my own I can’t, but God and I together can. Divine dependency replaces codependency. We detach from fear, frustration, and hopelessness and attach to God, seeking His strength and grace to guide and comfort our lives. Elder Richard G. Scott taught this form of dependence upon the Lord when we are “completely willing to be taught by the Spirit and committed to apply consistently the lessons learned. . . . Be ‘easy to be entreated’ . . . and you will be amazed at the problems and challenges that will be avoided or dissipated.”

Both prayer and love are needed when addiction is present within the family unit. “The intent of mighty prayer is to accept the Lord as the changer of the human heart. When we are frustrated with a loved one, it is hard to focus on loving instead of criticizing . . . In mighty prayer we can take our frustration to God; then we can take our love to our loved ones. The Father will intervene.”

We always remember to not interfere with God’s plan through codependent behaviors. “Only with God’s way is there a promise that those who are faltering can come back. Suffice it to say that unrighteous dominion, improper criticism, and coercion are not the Lord’s way.  We can bind the Lord with a promise that in doing things His way . . . we will not be tied down in resentment but lifted by the Spirit.”

An unknown author said, “Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there.” Surrendering to God frees us from the worry and fear of what the future may hold and provides the strength to “endure all things”.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained, “With enduring comes a willingness, therefore, to ‘press forward’ even when we are bone weary and would much rather pull off to the side of the road.”  His invitation is and always will be to, “look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” (D&C 6:36)

Safeguarding Teens and Children from Pornography

Safeguarding Teens and Children from Pornography from SA Lifeline Foundation on Vimeo.

It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you.

I was watching an episode of "Body of Proof" (medical examiner, crime, drama type show).  In the episode, there was a very grouchy man who was struggling as he tried to diet.  He was just miserable and was irritable to everyone near him.  Finally, his friend/coworker sat next to him and asked him what was wrong.  The friend said that he had a college professor who had said something that left an impression on him....

"It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you."

That was a very insightful quote in my opinion.  I googled it and found that there is even a book with that title.  In the show, they were able to discuss feelings and gain insights. 

Many women (and men) eat for reasons other than hunger.  We can eat due to sadness, stress, happiness, nervousness, anxiety, etc.  So the next time I find myself reaching for something to nibble when I am not really hungry, I am going to ask myself what's eating at me.

Time Out for Women - Atonement

Brad Wilcox gave a great talk about the Atonement at Time Out for Women.  Here are my notes and thoughts on his talk.

God has a plan.  When you wonder about your future, look back and see how God has guided you in your life.  He gives you opportunities to grow.  He puts people in our lives that we need at that time.  He knows the big picture.

The miracle of the Atonement is that we can all be transformed.  This is more than just saying we are saved by grace, but rather learning to apply the Atonement in our lives and becoming perfected through Christ.

Brad Wilcox was asked by a "born again" Christian, "Have you been saved by grace?"  His response?  "Have you been CHANGED by grace?"

Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction

Click HERE to visit a website that is a great resource for LDS parents and leaders in the fight against pornography and sexual addiction.  You can download a copy of the book for free.  

From the website:  "In Light of the prevalence of pornography addiction, a group of professionals, therapists, and concerned individuals have created this manual.  Its purpose is to provide ready access to important information concerning pornography so that parents and leaders can be prepared to address the topic effectively, as directed by the spirit."

http://www.understandingpornography.com/

Ready to Change?

We all have hurts, habits and hang-ups that we need to deal with.  Lots of times it is easier to ignore the problem, but eventually we reach the point where we are ready to change.

I love this saying....

"When the pain of the problem gets worse than the pain of the solution, we'll be ready to change."

If you are puzzled over the meaning of that statement and need an example of what it means, just think how desperately ready to face labor and delivery the ninth month of pregnancy makes most women.
(from "He Did Deliver Me from Bondage" by Colleen Harrison)

I highly recommend Colleen Harrison's book.  Under the title on the cover of her book it says "using the Book of Mormon and the Principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as They Correlate with the 12-Step Program to Overcome Compulsive/Addictive Behavior and Other Problems."

So for those of you dealing with problems, addictions, habits and hurts, I wish you luck in finding your personal solution.  While there are many individual solutions to problems, they all come from the same source - Our Savior, Jesus Christ and His Atonement.

When Pornography Hits Home

Click HERE to read about how one woman handled it "when pornography hits home." She lists some great resources at the bottom of the article.

Quote - Stay Away from Pornography

A poignant message from our beloved late Prophet, President Hinckley:

Life is better than that which is so frequently portrayed. Nature is better than that. Love is better than that. This kind of entertainment is only an evil caricature of the good and the beautiful.

Pornography is everywhere with its seductive invitation. You must tur...n away from it. It can enslave you. It can destroy you. Recognize it for what it is—tawdry and sleazy stuff created and distributed by those who grow rich at the expense of those who see it.

The sanctity of sex is utterly destroyed in its salacious portrayal in the media. That which by its nature is inherently beautiful is corrupted in its popular presentation.

-- "An Ensign to the Nations, a Light to the World," Sunday Morning Session October 2003 General Conference

Pornography Prevention

Click HERE to go to a blog called "The Dear Brother Letters" that talks about fighting against pornography addiction.

Pornography and the Impact on the Brain

Click HERE to watch a video and learn how pornography affects the brain.

He Restoreth My Soul - Breaking the Chains of Pornography Addiction

Understanding And Breaking The Chemical And Spiritual Chains of Pornography Addiction Through The Atonement Of Jesus Christ


This work is for all who have become entangled in this devastating neurochemical web, who have lost their ability to resist temptation, and who feel abandoned by all that is good. Family members and loved ones of those who struggle with pornography addiction will also find understanding and hope. Know that there is, as Jeremiah said, “a balm in Gilead.” A physician is there. The Savior said, “They that are whole have no need of the physician. He told the Children of Israel through Moses, “I am the Lord that healeth thee.” In the end, there must be a connection with the Divine Presence to completely heal the body and the spirit, or the soul of man. And when the Lord heals, it is without reservation or limit.


Recording of Don directed to youth and parents. Click HERE


Don on Out in the light by KSL speaking about Why is Pornography so Addicting. Click HERE


Full length version of the Out in the Light Documentary that featured the Croshaw's. Click HERE

Steven and Rhyll's personal response to the Out in the Light documentary. Click HERE

Safeguarding Teens and Young Adults from Pornography

Safeguarding Teens and

Young Adults from Pornography
Jason S. Carroll Ph.D.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
7 p m at Dinosaur Museum Amber Room,

Thanksgiving Point, Lehi, UT

Click HERE for more information

Talk - Agency

We had wonderful talks in our Sacrament Meeting this past Sunday and I asked my friend, Thomas, for a copy of his talk to share on my blog. Enjoy!

Agency(direct comments or questions to: thwicke@gmail.com)

Introduction
Social Scientists should probably not be allowed to have children. To us children are a readily available source of subjects and the material for perpetual experiments:
-FHE Lesson: put ice cream on two tables, tie children together (Thomas explained that when his kids were younger, he was trying to teach them a lesson on cooperation. He placed a bowl of ice cream on two tables. He put the kids between the two tables, and he tied a rope around each of their waists so that they would, in theory, need to cooperate to move to either table. He told the kids that if they could reach both bowls of ice cream, they could each eat a bowl, but if they only reached one bowl, no one could have ice cream. Needless to say, the social experiment was a complete flop... the younger son ended up with the rope around his neck... the older daughter was in pain from the weight of her brother tightening the rope on her waist as she dragged him. Thomas' wife was laughing hysterically... Everyone at church was laughing as they heard the tale and my kids are still talking about the story).

Tricky Drug Stuff

I went to a class called "Not My Kid" last night and it was about drug prevention. Here are two things that I was disturbed to see.....


1) A fake highlighter that is actually a casing for a pipe (so that you can smoke pot or whatever other drug of choice). These are available on-line or at specialty smoke shops. Most parents or teachers would assume that a highlighter would be okay to find in your kids backpack or room. But highlighters are not really safe anymore.
2) Fake water bottle that houses drugs inside. To the average person it looks like a normal, full water bottle. The top section is filled with water as is the bottom section. But the top section pulls out to reveal a hidden chamber for hiding drugs. People sneak drugs into school, concerts, sporting events, etc. with these tricky bottles. Also easily available to kids and they cost around $20.00.

Do you see what we are up against? The conspiring men of the world are getting sneakier by the minute.

I will post later with my notes (and statistics) from the event.

The 12 Steps Adapted by LDS Church

I am a big believer in the 12 Step Program. I have seen it change people's lives.

The Church has a great Addiction Recovery Program and a workbook available called "Addiction Recovery Program - A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing." I personally think that everyone has some sort of addiction/weakness that can be improved by working through this workbook. I have gone through this book and I like to refer to it as an Atonement workbook. After working through this program I came to understand the Atonement so much better.

The Church, through LDS Family Services, offers meetings throughout the world. The meetings are coordinated by couples who are called as part-time LDS Family Services missionaries. A volunteer facilitator runs each meeting. The meetings are confidential and can be attended by anyone 18 or over who is willing to attend, whether you have an addiction or a loved one does. It also doesn't matter what addiction you are working on. They do however have specific pornography addiction support groups (PASG) for men only where they can delve into their specific issue more candidly.

The Addiction Recovery Program can help with any addiction - pornography, alcohol, drugs, prescription drugs, anger, codependence, overeating, gambling, caffeine, coffee, smoking, control, hoarding, OCD behavior, or any other addiction or compulsive behavior. It is also a great program to work through if you have a family member, child, spouse, etc. working through an addiction.

I've included links at the bottom for more information. If you have any specific or private questions about the program you can email me at pamthemom@gmail.com.

The 12 Steps as Adapted by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

1) Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
2) Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.
3) Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
4) Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself.
5) Admit to yourself, to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of your wrongs.
6) Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.
7) Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.
8) Make a written list of all persons you have harmed and become willing to make restitution to them.
9) Wherever possible, make direct restitution to all persons you have harmed.
10) Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it.
11) Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord’s will and to have the power to carry it out.
12) Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, share this message with others and practice these principles in all you do.

Article about pornography addiction and Addiction Recovery Program (ARP):

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/news-releases-stories/individuals-with-addictions-find-hope-and-help

Where to download the Addiction Recovery Program workbook and how to find meetings to attend:

http://www.providentliving.org/content/display/0,11666,6629-1-3414-1,00.html

Pornography - Does My Spouse Have a Problem?

In today’s world many parents and spouses are concerned about the availability and easy access of pornography. The negative and destructive influence of pornography has adversely affected many lives. You may share these same concerns. You may suspect, through actual evidence or an intuitive impression, that your spouse is using pornography. Accurately discerning whether or not a spouse is struggling with pornography is a difficult, yet important first step in confronting and coping with the suspicions you may have. Determining whether or not there is a pornography problem is a careful balancing act. Some spouses dismiss behavior that should be confronted due to incomplete or insufficient information. One woman, despite her frustration and disgust, excused her husband’s pornography habit because she inaccurately assumed it was part of normal male behavior. When his habit later led to further problems, she expressed regret about not confronting the behavior sooner. Another woman grew suspicious of her husband’s late night computer activities, which he said were “work related.” Rather than expressing her concern she quietly went to bed each night. A few months later she discovered that her suspicions were accurate and her husband had been viewing pornography. Both of these examples represent situations where more information should have been gathered and behavior should have been confronted.

Signs of an Existing Problem

1. Loss of interest in sexual relations or insatiable sexual appetite.
2. Introduction of unusual sexual practices in the relationship.
3. Diminished emotional, physical, social, spiritual, and intellectual intimacy.
4. Neglect of responsibilities.
5. Increased isolation (such as late night hours on the computer); withdrawal from family.
6. Easily irritated, irregular mood swings.
7. Unexplained absences.
8. Preference for masturbation over sexual relations with spouse.
9. Unexplained financial transactions.
10. Sexual relations that are rigid, rushed, without passion, and detached.

Collecting Information

If these signs are presents in a marriage, it is possible there is a problem. Awareness of these signs is important. Additionally, accurate and complete information about problem should be gathered. One spouse became extremely agitated when she discovered pornographic images in the temporary Internet files folder on the family computer. She assumed her husband was indulging in pornography and imagined the devastation that the marriage would now suffer as a result of his behavior. When he came home from work, she burst into tears and immediately began attacking him. As the details unfolded, the family discovered that their son’s teenage friend was responsible. Even if the friend had not confessed, there were other possible explanations for the images being present. For example, there are various Internet marketing techniques using new computer technology that can send pornographic images to a home computer without anyone’s knowledge. Thus, it is always important to gather sufficient information and consider various possibilities before concluding there is a problem.

Communicating Concerns

If you suspect but are unsure if there is a problem, it is appropriate to communicate your concerns to your spouse. Perhaps some of the signs listed previously may be part of your concerns. Listen and be prepared to give him (or her) the benefit of the doubt. If there really is a problem, time will usually reveal any inappropriate behaviors. If material is being used to facilitate fantasies about other women (or men), this is inappropriate. If you are hurt by such behavior, remember that your feelings are valid and need to be expressed. It is important to remember that change is possible. The motive behind confronting the problem must be born out of hope and love. The goal must be recovery, healing and repentance and the restoration of true and healthy intimacy. Such recovery and healing is available to all through the Atonement ofJesus Christ.

From http://www.lds.org/ (look under Provident Living)