met a girl, lovely, funny, just a joy to be around. We dated for almost 3 years. Blissful and regular sexy fun times. Bought her the most beautiful engagement ring. I was going to propose on Christmas. In November of that year, she ghosts me. Blocks me on everything. Left town with her ex-husband and moved to the other side of the country. I was completely floored. Even her parents were like WTF?! So I haven’t dated in a while. I have no desire to start over again. Now it’s just me and my cat.
fwiw I had a similar experience, though only over 1 year, and she went back to her ex after she demanded I pay off her $100K in debts and I said no. And she threw flower pots at my head after i mentioned I knew she’d been seeing someone else…
she’s still on dating apps, I see her profile occasionally and she’s using photos from 10+ years ago.
all that would do is further entrench traditional gender dynamics.
nobody would ever believe the lady I’m talking about is abusive and manipulative, because she is pretty and she knows who to manipulative people and play the part of sweet and innocent.
I had one move cross-country with me, then admit to cheating the whole time we were together, then disappear on my birthday, after which she apparently shaved her head and moved to Indonesia.
People are weird and complex. For all you know, she had a mini stroke and that’s that.
It’s weird how these sorts of unknowns can haunt us for years. It’s like a math equation that we can’t solve but we must solve. An itch that we can’t itch. You’ll get it eventually. I had a really fucked up breakup when I was a teenager that bothered me all through my 20s. It wasn’t until I matured a ton that I figured out how messed up it was. It took my own growth of perspective to be able to look back and understand why I felt the way I did for so long and why it was so confusing. We’re just weird like that.
it’s funny (not haha funny) you should mention a stroke. I had thought of that honestly. She had a couple of concussions at her job. Once while we were dating, she was knocked out cold. I noticed a few changes after that but nothing that would make me think she would drop her whole life and just move one day without a word. Mostly just short term memory issues. The brain is a weird thing.
Strokes happen, and a lot more often than we know. Like it’s funny, but brain damage is well within the realm of possibility. It doesn’t change anything - or, I guess, I suppose it does change things, often permanently, so that might be one very real, very possible reason.
Probably not good to chalk it up to “my partner left me because they had a stroke”. I, personally, would say it’s healthiest to land on “there were differences between both of us that somehow disabled healthy communication” because that’s most often reality. That being said, until there’s a pattern and you still can’t tell what you may be doing, I wouldn’t worry too much about you doing something worth changing. If there is a pattern, however, that’s probably worth looking into.
I’ve dated people who have this pattern. It’s not really their fault. One person was neurodivergent (i am too) and I’m avoidant af. I basically lied and ghosted them for a few months, claiming needing space, which was true, but it helped me see the issues I had with their person, the incompatibilities that I couldn’t get over. They bothered me deeply, but I decided they were not something about them I could emotionally handle or would be in any way constructive to confront them over. To this day, I still feel horrible that I had to do that, but saw no other way out. I’d like to think I’ve matured since then and maybe could handle it better, but it hasn’t been that long since.
And eventually reconnected with them and apologized and we officially broke up. They weren’t happy, but thankful that I didn’t entirely ghost them. We’re still sort of friends but don’t talk much, and they seem to have found their people, which I’m really glad for.
This story is just one, very specific possibility. From what I’ve seen in my limited lifespan, it’s probably not the only kind of situation. I’m definitely at fault too.
Breaking up is hard. There isn’t a set way and a lot of people just don’t know how to do it. I don’t have great advice for you, but I still think empathy is the way forward for us all, including for yourself.
met a girl, lovely, funny, just a joy to be around. We dated for almost 3 years. Blissful and regular sexy fun times. Bought her the most beautiful engagement ring. I was going to propose on Christmas. In November of that year, she ghosts me. Blocks me on everything. Left town with her ex-husband and moved to the other side of the country. I was completely floored. Even her parents were like WTF?! So I haven’t dated in a while. I have no desire to start over again. Now it’s just me and my cat.
she was using you to get him back.
fwiw I had a similar experience, though only over 1 year, and she went back to her ex after she demanded I pay off her $100K in debts and I said no. And she threw flower pots at my head after i mentioned I knew she’d been seeing someone else…
she’s still on dating apps, I see her profile occasionally and she’s using photos from 10+ years ago.
We need a Tesseract list for crazy dates…
all that would do is further entrench traditional gender dynamics.
nobody would ever believe the lady I’m talking about is abusive and manipulative, because she is pretty and she knows who to manipulative people and play the part of sweet and innocent.
There is something like that for women talking about men they date. Groups for the other side though? Taken down immediatly.
sexism at it’s finest.
Both should be taken down though, people will abuse this in every way possible
I had one move cross-country with me, then admit to cheating the whole time we were together, then disappear on my birthday, after which she apparently shaved her head and moved to Indonesia.
Dodged a bullet? She could have ghosted you after the proposal for the sake reason.
Seems like person that really craves novelty because they uprooted their life spontaneously
People are weird and complex. For all you know, she had a mini stroke and that’s that.
It’s weird how these sorts of unknowns can haunt us for years. It’s like a math equation that we can’t solve but we must solve. An itch that we can’t itch. You’ll get it eventually. I had a really fucked up breakup when I was a teenager that bothered me all through my 20s. It wasn’t until I matured a ton that I figured out how messed up it was. It took my own growth of perspective to be able to look back and understand why I felt the way I did for so long and why it was so confusing. We’re just weird like that.
I hope you can find happiness 🫂
it’s funny (not haha funny) you should mention a stroke. I had thought of that honestly. She had a couple of concussions at her job. Once while we were dating, she was knocked out cold. I noticed a few changes after that but nothing that would make me think she would drop her whole life and just move one day without a word. Mostly just short term memory issues. The brain is a weird thing.
Strokes happen, and a lot more often than we know. Like it’s funny, but brain damage is well within the realm of possibility. It doesn’t change anything - or, I guess, I suppose it does change things, often permanently, so that might be one very real, very possible reason.
Probably not good to chalk it up to “my partner left me because they had a stroke”. I, personally, would say it’s healthiest to land on “there were differences between both of us that somehow disabled healthy communication” because that’s most often reality. That being said, until there’s a pattern and you still can’t tell what you may be doing, I wouldn’t worry too much about you doing something worth changing. If there is a pattern, however, that’s probably worth looking into.
I’ve dated people who have this pattern. It’s not really their fault. One person was neurodivergent (i am too) and I’m avoidant af. I basically lied and ghosted them for a few months, claiming needing space, which was true, but it helped me see the issues I had with their person, the incompatibilities that I couldn’t get over. They bothered me deeply, but I decided they were not something about them I could emotionally handle or would be in any way constructive to confront them over. To this day, I still feel horrible that I had to do that, but saw no other way out. I’d like to think I’ve matured since then and maybe could handle it better, but it hasn’t been that long since.
And eventually reconnected with them and apologized and we officially broke up. They weren’t happy, but thankful that I didn’t entirely ghost them. We’re still sort of friends but don’t talk much, and they seem to have found their people, which I’m really glad for.
This story is just one, very specific possibility. From what I’ve seen in my limited lifespan, it’s probably not the only kind of situation. I’m definitely at fault too.
Breaking up is hard. There isn’t a set way and a lot of people just don’t know how to do it. I don’t have great advice for you, but I still think empathy is the way forward for us all, including for yourself.
Good thoughts, well said.