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Aquileo | cake
Cake day: June 30th, 2023

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  • Seven Samurai 3.5/5 - Look, I know that sounds crazy. The last hour of this really is incredible and I’m not opposed to a long or old movie. However before the intermission there’s a lot of retreading ground and hammering the premise into you. It doesn’t help I found several of the samurai annoying along with the constant whining of the villagers

    There Will be Blood 4/5 - This is one of the most American movies I’ve ever seen. Daniel almost immediately identifies Eli as being just as ruthless and craven as he is. They are constantly trying to exploit the other at the expense of everyone around them while both ultimately end up miserable and alone

    Tour de Pharmacy 4.5/5 - Short, hilarious, and everyone is totally fine taking the piss out of bicycling. The old/young versions being separate actors has some very funny payoffs

    A Few Good Men 4/5 - Sorkin is at his best when he’s writing and not writing/directing which is admittedly a pretty lukewarm take. I like the build up to give the court case the punch it needs to close the movie. I would personally move the “code red” scene to the beginning of the movie, it feels out of place as an unlabeled flashback

    M3GAN 3.5/5 - It’s good horror/comedy and does a better job at modernizing Child’s Play than Child’s Play does. I’m excited to see what SOULM8TE does in a few days

    The Matrix Revolutions 4/5 - I would love to sit down and really talk about this with someone. Neo descending to hell to confront the Merovingian (who may be a previous iteration of The One), the dual filming of both movies, where the messiah allegory stops/ends, the INCREDIBLE highway fight scene. There’s so much that’s just so interesting going into this it’s just a shame Reloaded and later Resurrections don’t quite land

    One Night Only 3/5 - Even ignoring the batshit premise of the film it still is held together by insane coincidences that it doesn’t really have the narrative strength to justify. It is funny for most of it, but it’s also surprisingly chaste for being an R rated movie about every single person in the country fucking for 12 hours. I think I saw a single woman’s nipple in the whole thing and neither of the main characters gets seriously nude in the entire thing








  • Minons & Monsters 1/5 - The current trend of “collection of loosely related scenes with little narrative connection” comedies has its strengths but boy does it fall apart here. The Minions speak just enough real language to distract you into thinking it’s real, the plot is incoherent while also contradicting previous movies, and just referencing a bunch of old Hollywood stuff doesn’t make you cultured, it makes you lazy

    American Psycho 4.5/5 - This was a special Fangoria screening which was odd because my theater was laughing at the memes while I was laughing at the jokes. It’s frustrating so many people don’t understand this as a critique despite it being a British man, directed by a woman, and written by a gay man talking about the insanity of white American business culture

    Edward Scissorhands 3.5/5 - This was much more adult than I expected. I don’t fully understand why so many people are emotionally attached to this but it’s fine

    The Game 4.5/5 - At first I thought this was a little lost in the sauce especially with the on the nose Parallax View reference. However it really won me over in the end and I only had a few minor gripes along the way

    The Invite 3.5/5 - Pretty solid comedy with very good writing. It very much feels like watching a play

    Ghost in the Shell (2017) 3/5 - Obviously the movie is the first point of comparison and this isn’t as good. Still the stuff that works in this is really cool and looks good on screen, the stuff that doesn’t is its own thing and that’s fine too