When I think about phases in the past, the way I remember it is that I felt lost. Struggling, juggling with all the things to do and solving problems, not that happy, no progress.

On the other hand, while thinking like that, I often feel like things are improving. Until it becomes the past, at which point I think of it again as lost.

I think that my brain has a bias about what memories it stores. I once read that this can be a problem of depressive people, that their brain stores certain bad things better than good ones.

Things that were truly awesome I do remember, but they are rare. What I believe I tend to not remember are the times where everything was just fine and relaxed. Nicely sitting at my desk and watching a show or reading a book, tea is next to me so I don’t have to get up, not very hungry, but a nice snack in reach. Or just walking somewhere, the weather is just right, it’s through a nice park, nice daydreaming. Watching a mediocre show with the girlfriend from back then, with the impossible-to-recall feelings for her I had then, not now.

I thought about that when I went through boxes of old stuff, some from over 25 years ago, and I saw all the proof of the good times: Tons of books I read and enjoyed, notes of stuff I studied successfully, leading to success later, gifts from beloved people.

Also, some things that I love don’t feel appealing when I consider doing them right now, same as when I remember them. A bike tour through the forest? Why did I even do that in the past, why do I have a bike for that? Sounds like a lot of work! I’d sit on the bike, legs hurt, boredom. But as soon as I’m on the bike, I feel great! I just won’t remember feeling great. Even watching some 6 out of 10 movie would be more fun, it seems.