Rock City is 35

Rock City - surely the leading light of UK venues which smell of pickled onions - has just turned 35, and to celebrate, the Nottingham Evening Post has compiled a list of favourite memories. Like this one:

Tara Dunne

The Comsat Angels, Wall of Voodoo and U2 for two quid. Bono climbed the speaker stack into the lighting rig while singing and got stuck up there. They had to stop the gig and get a ladder to rescue him. The 40 or so people that were there gave him 20 minutes of verbal abuse and I guarantee he heard every word.

This is a story which should be told every Christmas.

[Spotted in @badger5000's Twitter stream]

Bono tries to claim he's a business person, not an arsehole

Having previously attempted to explain his 'do as I say, not as I do' line on tax as being somehow an obligation, high priest of the tax weasels Bono is now suggesting he's merely being sensible:

Asked about his position on tax, he told Sky News that just because he had campaigned for a fairer society it did not mean he had to be “stupid” in business.

Bono said: “It’s just some smart people we have working for us trying to be sensible about the way we’re taxed. And that’s just one of our companies, by the way. There’s loads of companies.”

They're just being sensible. Because minimising your tax bill - or minimisering, if you'd prefer - is sensible.

The trouble with this line is that if you accept it, there's not really any way to object to a UKIP spokesperson saying that foreign aid is expensive, and if we stopped paying any foreign aid we could reduce everyone's tax burden. Because that, too, is a sensible statement. It's also fucking selfish.

When Bono said "it’s just some smart people we have working for us trying to be sensible about the way we’re taxed", what he means is "it’s just some fucking selfish people we have working for us trying to be fucking sensible about the way we’re taxed."

Because you'll note those "smart people". This isn't Bono turning up at a tax place, with one box saying '20% tax' and one saying '80% tax' and choosing the smaller figure. It is people who are working to come up with "smart" ways to avoid paying tax. Bono and U2 are actively trying to avoid paying tax. It's not sensible, it's deliberate. Different thing.

Hang about, The Edge is also keen to not be seen as some sort of rich arsehole avoid taxes:

U2’s lead guitarist, The Edge – real name David Evans – said: “So much of our business is outside Ireland. It’s ridiculous to sort of make a big deal about the fact that we operate outside of Ireland.”

Yes, that's true. A lot of your business is outside Ireland. In a huge part because you channel a lot of your business outside Ireland to avoid paying tax in Ireland. That's not a defence against the charge of tax avoiding, it's the methodology you use to avoid tax:

[T]he Rolling Stones and U2 also channel royalties through the country, and that both bands have an office on Amsterdam’s Herengracht.

It's hard to imagine how U2 could make this any more insulting to our intelligence, but Bono manages it:

Bono added: “And we pay a fortune in tax. Just so people know, we pay a fortune in tax; and we’re happy to pay a fortune in tax, people should."

Bono, when you're discussing how you sensibly avoid paying a fair share of taxes, that might not be the best time to tell people that they should be paying their taxes.

And you might pay a lot in taxes, but don't you dare come round trying to argue that you're doing the right thing by making that amount as small as possible and expect thanks for paying that smallest possible amount.

Your behaviour is legal. Your behaviour is rational.

Your behaviour is selfish.

Russian politician finally finds something positive about U2's iTunes giveaway

Who knew? That time when the U2 album cluttered up desktops and mobiles across the world wasn't a dying dinosaur's desperate grab for relevance. It turns out it was gay propaganda all along:

In Russia, Duma deputy Alexander Starovoitov​, a member of the far right LDPR party, asked Russia's attorney general to investigate U2 for distributing "gay pornography" to minors.
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This is apparently because of the album's cover picture (by Glen Luchford) of U2 drummer Larry Mullen jr embracing his 18-year-old son, Elvis. Both were shirtless.

Now, if only Bono had thought of that line at the time, maybe he might have found some support.

Although the rantings of a right-wing jabberloon might be amusing, this is part of the hardening hatred for LGBT people in Russia, and while we don't need to take Starovoitov's U2 gay panic seriously, we need to take the witch-hunt winds on which his stench is blowing very seriously indeed.

Rolling Stone has chosen their best album

Oh, Rolling Stone, could you be any more of a Dad? With all of 2014's albums to choose from, you've chosen the one we didn't get to choose:

There was no bigger album of 2014 – in terms of surprise, generosity and controversy. Songs of Innocence is also the rebirth of the year. Bono, the Edge, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen Jr. put their lives on the line: giving away 11 songs of guitar rapture and frank, emotional tales of how they became a band out of the rough streets and spiritual ferment of Seventies Dublin.

Or 'fading brand attempt a desperate reboot by creating a Year Zero mythos; realising nobody would buy it, they force it into people's hands'. Who would fall for that schtick, bar another fading brand?

See the collection of everyone's best-of lists

Bono apologises, in a Bono way

Having foisted the dreadful new U2 album on everyone, now Bono is apologising.

Not, obviously, saying sorry. But doing one of those 'hey, baby, if I'm guilty of anything it's just loving too much' apologies:

The questioner on the Facebook session said: "Can you please never release an album on iTunes that automatically downloads to peoples playlists ever again? It's really rude."

Bono replied: "I had this beautiful idea and we got carried away with ourselves. Artists are prone to that kind of thing.

"A drop of megalomania, a touch of generosity, a dash of self-promotion and deep fear that these songs that we poured our life into over the last few years mightn't be heard.

"There's a lot of noise out there. I guess we got a little noisy ourselves to get through it," he said.

Oh, man, I've just written this song. What if nobody hears the song? I know, I'll force the shitting song down their throats, whether they want it or not. Repeat ten times.

You know that at some point, in one of the meetings, someone - and it will have been Bono - said "look, guys, it's better to do something and say sorry rather than ask for permission and get a no". And he would have been wrong.

Formatwatch: Bono busy inventing something else nobody wants

You've got to hand it to Bono - just days after not realising nobody wanted his rump-reeking new record, even for free, he's coming up with another thing that people are neither seeking, nor requiring:

In a new Time magazine article, the singer has detailed the group's plans to help combat the illegal downloading of artists' music by creating a new file format which cannot be copied.

Unless there's some magic way it doesn't need to pass audio to an output, let me stop you right there Bono and say it doesn't work.

But do carry on.

The aim of the top secret project is to tempt fans to purchase full albums, not just individual tracks, once more so new material will once again become profitable for artists who aren't big on touring.

The problem here, Bono, is that 'bundling stuff into albums' is a thing that was convenient for labels and artists. It wasn't, ever, a thing that happened because music fans went to bed wishing that when they bought six songs they liked, they could get another four tracks they didn't like, and would never play.

Apple have already tried to resurrect the album format once - with the iTunesLP. That was meant to be an "immersive experience" with all sorts of extras which would make buying a bundle attractive again.

Nobody seems to have released one since last November's Justin Timberlake 20/20 Experience.

But, still, good luck, Bono.

U2 apparently on a mission to turn cold reception of new album into full-on pitchfork rage

Guy Oseary, current U2 manager, isn't brooking any criticism of the flopped U2 album stunt. He tells Mashabale:

"It’s a gift from Apple," Oseary said. "If someone doesn’t like the gift, they should delete it. ... There are people who are going to be thrilled to get a gift. There are people who are not going to care to have this gift. We knew all of that going in. No surprises here. If someone doesn’t like it, then great, that’s OK, delete it. ... We just want to share it with as many people as possible. If you don’t want it and you don’t need it, delete it."

If it was just as simple as deleting it, this would still grate - because why should it be incumbent upon a person to have to clean up the firm turd left on their living room carpet? True, you can just pick it up and throw it away, but it might have been nicer to be asked in the first place - 'Do you want a free U2 album' - so we could all say 'is it one from the early 80s?' before going 'no'.

But it's not just a case of simply deleting it. Because it's not a firm turd; it's a runny one, and you either can at best "hide" the thing, or have to go to Apple and use a special tool to get all the dribble off your carpet.

A gift you can refuse is one thing. A gift that you have to invest time and effort into just pushing out of sight is another.

Something else interesting from the Mashable Q&A. When asked about how the release had been received, Oseary has a bright side:

A lot of people, from the look of the iTunes chart, are clearly rediscovering the band’s catalog or discovering it for the first time.

But then, asked about if it was disappointing that the record wasn't yet eligible for Billboard:

It doesn’t bother me because I haven’t even wrapped my head around it yet. I’m not looking at the charts as high on my list of concerns.

I mean, who cares about charts, right, unless the information they're giving us is useful for the purposes of spinning the biggest backsplash PR disaster since someone wrote 'New' on a flipchart at the Coca-Cola Company?

U2: All that you can't leave behind

The triumphalist parping as U2 "made history" by foisting an unwanted record on people now has a historic counterblast: Songs Of Innocence is now the first record in history to have a special tool dedicated to its removal:

"Some customers asked for the ability to delete 'Songs of Innocence' from their library, so we set up itunes.com/soi-remove to let them easily do so. Any customer that needs additional help should contact AppleCare," spokesman Adam Howorth told the BBC.

Yeah. Apple didn't even stop to think before the release that some people might not want the bloody thing.

Apple did change things last week. Up until last Tuesday, someone in front of you tapping the front of their watch impatiently used to be a sign they wanted you to hurry up. Now, that gesture just means they're trying to wipe U2 off their devices.

Hold on, Bono's found a way to make that unwanted album even worse

As if the whole distribution of the lumpen U2 album wasn't enough to make it as attractive as an open sore while swimming in the waters of Fukushima, Bono's found a way to make it even less attractive.

Talking about it in a self-satisfied manner:

"We wanted to make a very personal album," Bono told Rolling Stone's Gus Wenner the day before the press conference in an exclusive interview. "Let's try to figure out why we wanted to be in a band, the relationships around the band, our friendships, our lovers, our family. The whole album is first journeys — first journeys geographically, spiritually, sexually. And that's hard. But we went there."

Oh, that's so hard, going "there", to a place that has only ever been visited by almost every single writer, poet, songwriter, mime artist, penis puppeteers, copywriters, silver-sprayed statue people and rodeo clown that has ever existed.

U2: Why that 'free' album is dangerous as well as turgid

There's a good piece on The Register about why pushing an unwanted U2 album into people's faces is more than just impertinence:

Some have said that the offer would have been more palatable if a band with more "street cred" had been promoted.

But that's not really the point. Days before the U2 push, crooks were spamming fake Apple emails accusing marks of buying the film Lane Splitter on a computer or device that hadn’t previously been linked to their Apple ID. In reality it's not an Apple purchase notification, it's an attempt to trick users into handing over their Apple ID usernames and passwords to a phishing site, as Symantec details. The scam messages are distributed by the Kelihos botnet.

With Apple randomly messing with the contents of people's iTunes cloud libraries, this sort of email alert looks plausible: I just got a free album, maybe I just got a free film, victims may wonder. Celebrities had their private nude images spilled from their Apple iCloud accounts – have I been hacked too, others will ask when faced with an email notifying them of an unexpected purchase.

Apple want to trust us with using their products as an electronic wallet. Proving they can't be trusted with your keys doesn't seem a great idea right now.

Neil McCormick (who knows Bono) says why the Apple U2 'gift' was OK

Neil McCormick, who knows Bono, just popped up on Today to explain why people who are annoyed that Apple has foisted an undeletable U2 album into their personal music collections are wrong.

Neil, who knows Bono, muttered something about how the people complaining were the same ones who let Google serve ads next to their emails. Then he came out with this:

[They're] whinging because the biggest band in the world has put a free album in their box

Firstly, Neil, who knows Bono, One Direction are completely innocent in all this so I don't know why you're suggesting they've done anything at all.

Oh, maybe you meant that U2 are the biggest band in the world, like you're sending a dispatch from the early 1990s.

This suggestion that, somehow, it's okay because U2 are (or rather, once were) popular is fascinating - 'why are you complaining? They've had number one albums'.

Neil then went on to say that it didn't matter any way because it was all somehow in the cloud which also makes it alright, but then I had to go and watch some magpies throwing a mouse corpse around in the street. This isn't a metaphor; it was something that actually happened.

Quick message to Apple

Hi Apple.

Why is there a shitting U2 album in my iTunes this morning?

Why would you do that?

What do you think the advantage to me is of having, hidden amongst music that I actually like and want to have in my collection, a U2 album that I did not ask for, do not want, or would never seek out?

By all means, offer the record in your store. Advertise its availability far and wide. Float U2 on the magma atop a volcano, film the event in HD and book every advertising slot on every TV channel to show the results.

But do not, ever, insert unsolicited bullcrap into my iTunes library. Ever. You're making a Surface seem like a good idea.

I don't even seem to be able to delete the stinking things, either...

No, I don't want to "hide" them. I don't want them in my Cloud purchases. I want no connection with these tossers. I want them gone. I want them deleted.

Please don't ever do this again.

[This reminds me of the time that the BBC shoved unfunny sitcom Dossa and Joe onto Sky+ boxes without asking first.]

Bono almost notices his positon

Bono was talking to Zane Lowe:

Bono has suggested that U2 are "on the verge of irrelevance".

He's right, but what he doesn't realise is which side of the verge he's on. To reach irrelevance would be a comeback.

By the way: Zane Lowe? Really? Isn't 'U2 release another album' more a Simon Mayo type of offering?

Bono misses the point on tax, presumably deliberately

So in his big Observer interview at the weekend, Bono took the opportunity to address U2's "efficient" tax arrangements, and explain why he isn't a shitty, cash-nuzzling hypocrite. Go on, Bono:

The other persistent criticism is about the band's decision to offshore part of their income through the Netherlands to avoid tax. Was it not hypocrisy for you to try to hold the Irish government to account for its spending while going through fairly exhaustive efforts to avoid paying into the Irish exchequer yourself?

It is not an intellectually rigorous position unless you understand that at the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. Tax competitiveness has taken our country out of poverty. People in the revenue accept that if you engage in that policy then some people are going to go out, and some people are coming in. It has been a successful policy. On the cranky left that is very annoying, I can see that. But tax competitiveness is why Ireland has stayed afloat. When the Germans tried to impose a different tax regime on the country in exchange for a bailout, the taoiseach said they would rather not have the bailout. So U2 is in total harmony with our government's philosophy.

Now, what this is is a fair attempt to defend the Irish government's relaxed approach - you make tax-paying a thing that becomes a matter of choosing where you wish to pay tax, you must accept that some people will choose to pay tax elsewhere.

What it doesn't do, though, is even begin to address the charge that Bono and the boys make that choice.

"If people leave their front door open, they shouldn't be surprised if people steal their televisions" isn't a justification for stealing a television, it just explains the context in which you're walking down the street with someone else's Viera under your arm.

Furthermore, it really doesn't explain why you'd feel justified in telling people what to do with the valuables you hadn't pinched.

So, okay, Bono: you've established that the Irish Government might accept that what you've done is to be expected. Can you have another go at explaining why it was right?

Countryobit: Jack Clement

Jack Clement - known as "Cowboy" - has died.

Clement's nickname came from a sketch he was in on the radio and not authentic links to wrangling. He worked as an engineer and producer at Sun Studios; he was also the writer of two of Johnny Cash's early number ones. He also produced a couple of songs on U2's Rattle And Hum, but nobody's perfect.

Jack Clement was 82; he died Thursday 8th August in Nashville.

This isn't news, Matt Bellamy

Matt Bellamy has revealed that a big influence on the new Muse album is U2. Whoever would have thought?

Frontman Matt Bellamy told Classic Rock magazine: ''We toured with U2 last year in South America. And there's definitely a little bit of influence come on to this album, a little bit of [1991 album] 'Achtung Baby' here and there.''

Muse have been pushing stadium-shaped vacant bombast for years; surely the U2 influence has always been obvious?

Gordon in the morning: Bono versus God

It was only a matter of time before Bono started having a go at God. Gordon reports:

The U2 frontman said he would like to wait for the Big Man to bless him with inspiration when he’s stuck in the recording studio – but he doesn’t have time to wait.

I suspect this could just be God desperate to save the rest of his people from another U2 album, couldn't it?

Gordon in the morning: Looking at U2's stools

Gordon excitedly reports on a change of direction for U2:

The Irish rock giants are planning to reinvent themselves as a boyband when they leap back into action later this year.

Gordon has, of course, promised a High Court Judge that he diligently ensures all the stories he runs are genuine, even when it looks certain that - at best - he's fallen for some sort of April Fool jape:

Bono, Larry Mullen Jnr, Edge and Adam Clayton — have been in touch with a collection of hit Swedish songwriters who helped make One Direction a global sensation.

Carl Falk, who co-wrote the Brit award-winning What Makes You Beautiful and One Thing for the teen idols, revealed the secret plan, saying: “There’s a long way to go but we are doing something with U2.”

Gordon has created a "source" who elaborates on that single "something" by, er, listing known facts about U2:

A source added: “The band are back in the studio getting a feel for new material after the last album No Line On The Horizon. Will.i.am had a credit on that and they are looking to explore that direction further. They have been working with Dangermouse and Redone They are excited about getting to work with Carl Falk.”

Obviously, Gordon would never reveal his sources, although technically there'd have to be an actual source to not be revealing before that becomes honourable.

But Gordon's big claim?

U2 fans should brace themselves for a new twist to their famous live shows – four stools and standing up during key changes.

You'd be more likely to see Noh theatre reviewed in Bizarre.

What do you do when Bono says no?

What do you do when Bono and U2 grimly refuse you the rights to use a song, forcing you to pull out of a film festival?

This:



Moral: There is always a way round the self-importance of Bono.

[Thanks to Michael M for the tip]

Gordon in the morning: Bad teacher

Gordon Smart has had a bit of a chinwag with Gary Lightentertainment out of Snow Patrol:

Snow Patrol: U2 taught us to be rock stars

What exactly did those lessons cover? It can't have been how to be interesting on stage. Maybe it focused on arranging your tax affairs?

"When U2 took us on tour in 2005 and then the subsequent three years on the 360 Tour, they showed us the virtue of a show compared to a gig.

"Even when we were playing bigger gigs around Chasing Cars and Eyes Open, we were still turning up for gigs like we had just fallen out of the student's union at 3am.

"We didn't really think about stage presence. We would work out the set list five minutes before we went on stage in the same clothes we had been wearing in the pub.

"U2 showed us the approach we should be taking. There should be a show, a spectacle."

Really? I suppose you probably need something to lift your songs when they're taken from their natural home (being laid over Ellen Pompeo looking worried), but if you're plodding through Chasing Cars, no lasershow known to man is going to wake the audience up, is it?