Lewis Hamilton reckons he could have a go at music next

Lewis Hamilton, who is known for driving cars very fast, is planning to build on his fame as a fast car driver by making music. His plans are well advanced:

Hamilton says he is influenced by artists like Michael Jackson, Prince, Kodaline and Jay Z, as well as by his girlfriend, pop star Nicole Scherzinger.

Oddly, Hamilton doesn't mention the influence of the Arctic Monkeys or Gary Barlow, but they share a penchant for trying to squirrel money away so they don't have to pay their share of tax.

Gordon in the morning: Hurling insults

Like a 70s stand-up who's burned through his material and is now desperate to find something, anything, to talk about, Noel Gallagher has turned his attention to hurling:

“Gaelic football is a great game and quite exciting – but hurling? F*** that. Any sport where you have to wear a helmet is just wrong.”

He continued "am I right? And what about people who leave comments on websites reviewing toasters? What's that all about?"

Gordon, though, sniffs outrage:

Plenty of the sport’s fans hit out at the Oasis lord online over his comments – despite Noel always insisting he is proud of his Irish roots.

I'm not sure why, if something you love had been ridiculed, you'd go 'well, the guy from Manchester has ancestors who lived in the country in which my sport is popular, so I can't really argue against that, can I?'

The more pressing thing, though, is that Gordon is apparently now using "the Oasis lord" regularly when he just means Noel.

Meat Loaf off at Grand Final

He may or may not have been paid half a million Australian dollars for the performance, but Meat Loaf's appearance before kick-off at the Australian Football League's grand final hasn't exactly been a success.

Guess what, though?

Meat Loaf says it's not his fault:

"I'm sorry, they're jerks. I do not like them," he said of the AFL, according to News Ltd reports.

"And I'll tell you what, anybody that I hear announces that they're going to play for them I'm going to write to that particular artist a letter and tell them not to.

"And I hope the AFL hears this and I want this everywhere. Because I will go out of my way to tell any artist do not play for them."

The rocker said it was impossible to put on a good show in the allocated area.

I suspect if you're paying out half a million dollars, you'd be expecting you're getting an artist whose talents would allow him to put on a decent show in a back alley.

Mr. Loaf complains that there was no soundcheck, the earpiece didn't give him any guidance and there was no live piano.

It's almost as if he was warming-up for a sports event rather than playing a Meat Loaf gig. Oh... hang about...

The AFL have said that his show was "disappointing" but other than that have kept quiet.

John Elway takes on the punks

There's a band in Fort Collins who took the name Elway, as a way of (a) dumping their original, rotten name of 10-4 Eleanor and (b) paying tribute to their roots through John Elway, who used to play American "football" and sell cars in Denver.

John Elway found out, and was not flattered. He's now instructed his people to send a letter to Elway, the band, asking them to not use the name any more.

They're going to stick with the name. Not least, you suspect, because a band who by their own admission usually play to "about 30 people in a basement" are suddenly picking up coverage from CBS, Yahoo, and USA Today. Albeit the sports pages, but still, it's coverage.

Elway insist that they're not actually using Elway to mean John Elway - instead, they're using him as part of the local vernacular; Mr Elway, to be fair, hasn't sent a legal cease-and-desist. Not yet, anyway.

Gordon in the morning: Coldplay... do a nice thing, actually

Coldplay. They're meant to be evil. It makes it hard to remember this when they do something nice:

COLDPLAY have emerged as unlikely sponsors for small Gloucestershire village cricket side Slaughters Utd.

Bass player GUY BERRYMAN has offered to fork out for new whites and kit for the club.

Cricket, you say? Why, Gordon, can you think of a crickety pun?

HOWZAT for generosity?

Of course you can. And "delighted insider" at the Great Rissington cricket club, can you come up with one? (In other words, can you think of another, Gordon?)

A delighted insider at the club said: "It's knocked us for six."

Well done, every one.

Last night, Jackie Chan came round

Who knew - besides, you know, the Entire Population of China - that Jackie Chan was a successful singer as well as good at making movies with kicking in them? It's made him the natural choice to record the official song of the Beijing Olympics which - smog permitting - take place next year.

Here is having a crack at something from Disney's Mulan:



He appears to be more powerful than mannered in his delivery, but that might be appropriate for the Olympics.