Folding magazines: Three titles shutter

None music magazines, although all had connections (greater or lesser) with music - Details, FHM and Zoo have all run out of time today.

Bauer is officially only suspending FHM and Zoo, although it's pretty clear that they're not coming back in any meaningful form. FHM long ago lost its ability to write about music in an interesting way; Zoo never had it.

Meanwhile, in the US, Conde Nast has decided that maintaining Details and GQ is one aftershave-and-cufflink title too many, so it won't sweat the Details any longer. Around the turn of the century, Details would do a regular music issue, and ran a series of sampler CDs, but recently it's been focusing more firmly on the 'men who have an ironing board' market.

Tulisa wins a prize

Tulisa has won the annual title of Most Famous Woman Prepared To Do An FHM Photoshoot ("FHM sexiest woman in the world") and has been telling the Daily Mail all about it:

Speaking of her win, Tulisa told the MailOnline it was 'the most self-indulgent award she's ever won.'

What does that actually mean? That she voted for herself? That there was some way in which she had to allow the prize to be given to her?

Or does she simply mean that the award was voted for by an electorate most well-known for their love of self-indulgence?

[Thanks to Michael M]

Gordon in the morning: Back to Paris

Gordon brings news of an attempt by Paris Hilton to relaunch her music career with a house album.

House, Paris?

She said: "I have a huge passion for house music. It always has been my passion. I just haven't been able to focus on it, because I have been doing reality TV for so long now.

Yeah, I could see how you'd have to do a bit of TV, in order to get a few quid behind you before launching your house career.

Oddly, though, IMDB suggests she made eight episodes of something called The World According To Paris last year, and nothing else since the BFF thing spluttered to an unwatched halt in 2009. Not exactly the most demanding of schedules.

Still, when it comes to house, Hilton is something of an expert:

"There are just so many great DJs right now. And I should know – I've been to over 100 raves in the past year, so I've heard every type of music."

Really? You've been to raves where pubrock, shoegaze, lion rock and raggle-taggle have been played? I guess that would command some sort of respect.

But why is Gordon even wasting his time regurgitating this FHM interview?

Topless Paris Hilton is in the house

Ah, that would be it. I know for a fact Judge Jules got his big DJing break by pulling his bodystocking down for FHM.

Gordon in the morning: Not a Lott to add

How are the attempts to get people to head off to the newsagent to buy a proper, paper product going over at Bizarre? Today they make a good effort, only it's FHM they're promoting.

Or rather not promoting, as they run a couple of shots from the hugely uncomfortable Pixie Lott photoshoot from this month's magazine, which couldn't look any more awkward and intrusive if the pictures had got into the paper after someone stole her boyfriend's cameraphone.

Marcus Barnes takes responsibility for turning "here are some pictures that are in a different company's magazine" into the sort of showbiz coverage that the Murdochs think they can charge for:

The chart-topping blonde, 18, shows off her perfect pins while posing in tiny shorts and a skimpy top in a long-awaited spread for lads' mag FHM.

Ah, yes. There's the value added - they've not just printed FHM's pictures, Marcus has described them as well. They have colleges which teach this sort of thing.

There's also one of the most horrible usability fudges I've seen on a professional website for a while:

For a chance to win an exclusive chance to accompany the sexy Mama Do singer all the way to Germany for her European album launch party - click on the top Related Story to the right of this article.

... and then say "Pixielott" three times, backwards. Perhaps the idea is that finding the link is the competition, like a clunky HTML version of Masquerade. Or maybe nobody left at The Sun knows how to make a link without their CMS doing it for them.

Gordon, meanwhile, is left to concentrate on the big story: George Sampson being evicted after playing show tunes too loud, too often.
Still, it shouldn't worry a high-roller like George, right? He's got options.

While his mum Lesley searches for a house for them, she and George are holed up in an Ibis hotel in town.

Oh. Oh, dear.

Gordon in the morning: Flogging H.Bauer's Magazines

Not only has Gordon's team somehow got really confused and concluded that reproducing the cover of this month's FHM is some sort of exclusive, but it seems a little late to be even trying to pull that when the magazine's already been on the shelves for a couple of days.

Perhaps someone saw the copy with the word "Saturdays" on it and assumed that it was an embargo rather than the subject?

So, yes, it's The Saturdays - or the Pussycat Girls Aloud, as it seems likely the working title would have been. Or Thunderbugs 2.0, as would seem appropriate. They're confident, they tell FHM:

Rochelle, a Miss England finalist, said: “I believe we’ll be a household name.”

Yes. There won't be a household in the country that hasn't heard of Saturdays by the end of the month, that's for sure.

Actually, there's something almost sweet about aiming to be a "household name", which a phrase that predates the concept of always-on celebrity.

Meanwhile, Gordon has been going through Robbie Williams' accounts, which makes a change from sending people to go through his bins.

Actually, I say Gordon has. He's got in an expert:

A bean-counting source revealed:

Yes. Gordon fears his audience might struggle with a concept like "accountant" or even "a money expert". It's a bean-counting source. Or perhaps he really did ask someone whose job was counting beans for a living.

Smart seems incensed that Williams took five million quid in salary last year:

Rob has given himself the incredible salary from his own business, The In Good Company, despite a pretty dire year for his books.

He paid himself out of his own money. Doesn't he realise that's not the way we do things anymore? You're meant to lose everyone else's money, and then pay yourself from emergency funds drawn from central taxation.

To be fair, five million quid for a year when he's done nothing much might seem outrageous, but it's not like he doesn't have income streams from back catalogue and so on which is going to bring in money for him. And surely he's better he lives off his past rather than churning out more of his stuff?

Sarah Harding: It's just pants

Sarah Harding has stripped down to her underwear to help flog bras and pants for Ultimo, reports the Daily Mail, barely able to contain itself:

Girls Aloud star Sarah Harding showed off her curves today in a new campaign for Ultimo lingerie.

The blonde singer posed in black and white underwear from the brand's spring-summer collection.

The Mail is clearly happy to see a singer in a band with a large following amongst kids dancing about in her scanties - even printing the pictures in a family newspaper.

Oddly, though, the Mail is outraged that Angellica Bell has appeared in her scanties for FHM, and that the BBC hasn't "disciplined" her. (It's not clear what the paper has in mind - we're assuming they're thinking of a scarlet letter.)

So, apparently, it's okay for a young girl's role model to be photgraphed in her underwear, providing that they aren't employed by the BBC. Hope that's clear, then.