There is a rock in my shoe, and I am trying to fly.

I can't sleep, I can't even think.
My life is just water, dressed in pink.
As I say goodbye, I hate the sound.
I lost my mind, but now it's been found.
I hear my heart, as it begins to pound.
I know someday I will come back around.



My stomach yells and my brain screams.
I'd know myself better, if I knew what this means.

The voice in here never says goodbye,
she just sits in my head and tells me to die.
Fighting and screaming, and making me cry.

I've got so much emotion, I am crying.
Too much too handle, I think I am dying.
I need help, I do admit.
Or some day soon I may have a fit.
I just don't care about the things that should matter,
My brain is insane; Am I making myself sadder?

I tried my hardest, now I am done.
For if I try harder I will look dumb.

No more of these people,
No more of this place.
Because I have just come down with a new kind of case.
In my head I am blue,
I just called to talk to you.
But you disagree, you don't understand.

It's raining outside, just like in my head.
I'm sitting here thinking, alone in my bed.
Wish I could say more, than what's already been said.
I know it's not right to wish I were dead.

I sleep all day, I sleep all night.
In my head, there's this constant fight.
My legs are big, and my pants too small.
I'm on a cliff, and I hope to fall.

Is this a night in heaven, or a day in hell?
I get so loaded that I can't really tell.

This is me, letting go.
It's okay, don't tell me no.
See my hand, it's waving goodbye.
See no tears, I will not cry.


*Originally written in 2001

Friends??? This past week I have been questioning the people in my life. And it just doesn't add up. When all is said and done, I think I am putting in the most effort. I am putting in ALL of the effort as a matter of fact. And I don't want that to be a fact of my relationships. . . So I have decided to end them. Most of them anyhow. I figure if I am not benefiting from them at least in a small way. Than what is the point? Really, ask yourself that question. You must benefit from each of your relationships at least a little. Do they listen well? Make you laugh? It has got to be something! Let me tell you!!! I have got a whole bunch of meaningless relationships going on in my life that are just wasting my energy! And I have had enough of it. Today is when I call it quits. I quit. And what got me started on this whole theory in my life was when I read a particular question in a book I am reading. . . It went something like:

"Can you name six good friends of yours, in your life right now, that would carry your casket? If you were to die tomorrow???"


Hahahahaha! I couldn't name ONE person that wasn't a family memer! Actually put quite a damper on my day. . . But really also opened my eyes!!
How about you? Do you have six?

Home, Sweet Home

I am what some people might call a free soul. Where ever the wind is blowing, I am usually going that way. I spend a lot of my life living out of a suitcase. I have been renting a place now for over a year, and that is longest I have stayed in one spot for quite some time. Which doesn't neccassarily mean I go home often. 

A little over three weeks ago I packed up my trusty suitcase. And I am excited to say I will be returning home tomorrow morning. I always enjoy returning home after being gone. Whether it has been a day, a week, or a month. Of course the longer I am gone, the better my return; And the more stuff I come home with! It never fails me, that when I return home from an adventure, I have some kind of knew treasure in hand. One might begin to think there isn't room for walking in my small, one bedroom apartment.

I am looking forward to opening my front door and taking that first, deep breath in. And smelling that familiar smell of home, sweet home after being gone for just a little too long this time. I often find myself thinking I should  stay home more often. Not pack up my suitcase anymore. But then after a few weeks at home I get a smell of that wind blowing again. . .

"I had the blues because I had no shoes, until upon the street I met a man who had no feet."

-Harold Abbott

A day for Rest.

I start to look forward to Sunday when I wake up on Monday mornings.

I use Sunday as a day dedicated to doing activities that involve very little work, anything that I find relaxing and enjoyable. Things such as: reading, napping, movie watching, praying, listening to music (cities 97!), taking a bubble bath, or my favorite past time- enjoying a bit of solitude.

Today was just another typical Sunday in my life. I woke up and before I even gained full consciousness, I rolled over and turned on Acoustic Sunrise. Which plays on my favorite radio station every Sunday morning (I think this radio show has a lot to do with Sunday being my favorite day). My morning was hazy. I didn't do much of anything but lie in bed and read. . . and watch some boob tube with my Sister. 

Then it was off to my early afternoon nap. Which was in turn followed by more reading, and praying. I did, however, get one thing accomplished today; I switched a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer. And for me, that is enough to please myself for the day.

This evening I spent quite some time playing in a fort with my two year old nephew. I mainly hung out in there and held the flashlight, while he was in and out gathering supplies. I was sad to end our fun, but I needed to shower- and he needed to get to bed. . . 

So here I am wrapping up my night. About slather on some calming Lavender lotion, curl up in my comfy bed, and read until my eyes burn. Then drift happily off to sleep thinking about another Sunday well accomplished.

"Wanting to reform the world without discovering one's true self is like trying to cover the world with leather to avoid the pain of walking on stones and thorns. It is much simpler to wear shoes."