Mother's Day 2015

Today is Mother’s Day.  A day that I use to wish never existed as I was waiting to become a mother for so long. I was never sure what my title was or if I could accept a flower at the end of Sacrament. I didn’t have a child. I wasn’t a mother yet, even though my heart wanted to be.  And now this year a day that I have not been looking forward to again knowing that my own mother is gone and that I can’t go see her or phone her and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day.

Some say celebrate the life of your mother and remember her.  Don’t get down on Mother’s Day.  I’m trying. I’m trying to stay positive and embrace the idea and joys of Motherhood. I’m trying to remember all the joyous memories that we’ve had together before you left this mortality and returned to be with our Heavenly Father and Mother.

I know you are here with me. Even as I am writing this on this cold and rainy morning I feel you present with me. I know you are my angel watching over me and my family and that because of you miracles are going to happen. I know there is a reason for the things that happen in our lives. I am trying to stay strong. You taught me that. You taught me to walk with a smile on my face and stand up tall and be proud of all that life has to offer. You have given me strength and continue to do so as I get down on my knees and pray for you to be here with me and help me through my trying times. I feel peace knowing that you are watching over me. I feel comfort in knowing that you have been called home for a reason. I want to believe that maybe you are taking care of your future grandbabies that are still waiting their turn to come and be a part of our family. I know you are already watching over the ones that are here. I can also picture you taking care of beautiful gardens. You always loved the garden and flowers were your calling in life. You could always make a bouquet that looked so beautiful.

Today is going to be hard, but I will be strong, just like I have tried every other day since you have been gone. I have a void that can be filled by no other, but by you my mother. And that’s ok. I will learn to live with it. I will celebrate in a different way. I will listen with my heart instead of my ears. I will embrace the breezes of the wind and the gentle rain and know that is a hug from you. I will cherish the time I had with you. I will remember the things you have taught me. And most of all I will live. I will continue to move forward each day and live in a way to make you proud. I will love others with unconditional love just as you did. I will embrace life just as you did. I will be happy and put a smile on my face just like you did. I will be a good mother just as you did. I will live because you are my mom! I love you mom and Happy Mother’s Day!

A Very Special Day

Today is the 9th which is JP day (in remembrance of my mom). I want to honor a woman who is very special in my life and who will forever be a part of my life because of her sacrifice. Being December 9th it is also her birthday today. I want Debra McWhirter to know what a blessing she is to our family. She made a choice 6 years ago to place her baby for adoption and we were the family she chose. She may not have recognized at that point what an impact she would have on our family that would change our lives forever. We are so grateful to her and for her courage to make such a decision. We love her and care about her as if she is a part of our family. She has given us a gift we couldn't give ourselves. Thank you Debbie and we love you!

Gethsemane

Last night our Stake Primary shared this at our meeting. I absolutely loved this song and had to share it. As I continue to learn about the Atonement and all that our Savior did for each one of us my testimony continues to grow. For every trial and every sad moment that I face I need to remember that my Savior has been through it all and He did it for each one of us. I know that my Savior loves me, and it is through Him I can turn, when I need comforted and need answers in my life.

A tribute to my mother

I know I am way behind in my catching up of my blog. My goal is to become more dedicated and keep up with it like I use to. My mom recently passed away just over 2 months ago and I have yet to accomplish writing any of my thoughts down through this hard time. I know it would help me if I would and I do plan to do that. I know it would be very healing for me.

For now a friend of my mother's wrote this on her facebook page as a way to honor my mom: "In thinking of how best to honor this amazing woman and Daughter of God I wanted to propose a day when everyone smiles, tells those they love that they love them, seek to say only positive uplifting things to everyone they meet (or say nothing), give hugs freely, and seek to leave everyone that day better than you found them. Jana's birthday is the 9th of July; so I propose that the 9th of every month be a day we seek to help others' lives in the way that Jana helped us. What an amazing world we would live in if we all followed Jana's example--I think we might discover why she always had a smile on her face, and we would have her bless our lives yet again. There is one more aspect I would propose. As you all know Jana loved Facebook, and used it to post things about those she loved. I would propose also on the 9th of every month that we seek to post something about someone special to us on their Facebook page for all family and friends to read and add additional comments--and that we post a little about the experience here on Jana's page, making Jana's page a living memorial. It will be a living tribute to Jana, something that will improve our lives, and the communities we live in; much as Jana did while she was here with us."

Tonight I am choosing to write about my mother for this month. Who better to start with right? And I thought I would share it on facebook and here on my blog. What an honor to be able to share with you some of the great qualities my mother has taught me. I really like this idea of posting something about someone special because my mom was always one for writing a quick note or sending a card to let you know how much she cared. Just the other day I came across a few cards and letters that I will always cherish. She had sent them to me awhile ago letting me know how much she loved me. She shared with me what a good wife and mother I am and how proud she is to be my mom. Mom always knew when you needed a little pick me up and to be reminded that we are all doing our best. She was always so good to let me know that things will be ok and turn out the way they should and that good things were to come. I just needed to trust in the Lord.

Even though she could not empathize or fully understand, she was my strongest cheerleader and tried to do her best at comforting me as I struggled through all my infertility. I know she was more than excited on the day we shared the news that we were chosen to adopt a little girl. In fact she was the first one here waiting when we arrived home with our little Lizzie after she was born. My mom was smiling from ear to ear with so much gratitude and happiness. I felt she was smiling not only because she had another grandchild to love, but she was smiling inside for me. She knew how my heart ached and how long I had been waiting for that day to come. She wanted to be here to share with me everything she knew about being a mom and how to take care of my child. On numerous occassions since that day she has lifted me up and given me advice when being a "mommy" can get tough. I always knew I could call and talk to my mom. She was always willing to listen to me and then often would remind me of what kind of child I was (I know some of you are laughing) and that she survived and made it through. And then of course share her advice of what she thought I could do.

In fact the last conversation that I had with my mom was just a few days before she passed away. She called me to see how my daughter was doing with her first year of school starting. It was a long conversation that I will never forget as I told her that we had a rough start and that my 5 year old was already quitting school after 4 days...She was dropping out of Kindergarten. My mom reassured me during that conversation that things would get better. And sure enough over time you were right mom they did. If you could only see your grand daughter now you would be proud. She looks forward to school every day and comes running home to share with me what she did that day.

My mom has always been an example to me for so many years. She was an example that left a legacy of love for all her family. She was a woman of strength and lots of encouragement. She always wanted us to be happy and would do anything for any of us. She taught me how to take time for others and to listen and to be a friend to everyone. She taught me to work hard and to serve others. I look up to her in so many ways and hope I can be as good as mother to my daughter as she was for me. I will love you forever mom!

Fall 2013

 This is a catch up post from last fall. Here are a couple of the fun things we did last year. 

 Celebrated Koby's birthday. Lizzie wanted to surprise him that morning with waffles with a candle in them.

 We attended a USU football game. We always like to at least get 1 game in if not more each year.

 Lizzie (our little pumpkin farmer) harvested a HUGE patch of pumpkins with her dad.

 

 And made faces at the camera

 and loved every minute of sitting up on top of them.

 We played in the leaves....

carved our own pumpkins to put out on the porch.

 This girl loves the GOOP inside of the pumpkins. GLAD SHE DOES...then mom doesn't have to do it!

 

 visited the pumpkin walk with our preschool group

 

 This was our adoption group that does a scene every year. Lizzie helped paint one of the kid pumpkins on the back of the dinosaur train.

 Lizzie painted pumpkins with her cousin Max!

 Lizzie sold pumpkins and...

 played in the straw maze at the Fall Festival in Lewiston.

 Koby ran a couple of races

  Koby won tickets to a huge Harvest Festival down near Salt Lake with lots of kid activities and we even got to ride out on a wagon into a field and pick our very own pumpkin. (Not that we needed another pumpkin!) But it was still fun to do.

 

 Lizzie loved all the rides

 and even Koby tried to get on and ride. Lizzie really wanted him to come with her on this one. What a good daddy!

 We visited the corn maze

  and rode in the wagon behind the tractor to go pick our very own pumpkin.

 

 I choose this one!

 Look at all our pumpkins! They were gigantic and heavy!

We went to a Halloween party

 

 Yes, this really is our family!!!

 did some trick or treating with this cute little butterfly princess

 and some of the other neighborhood kids. This year we did the real trick or treating door to door. No more of the trunk or treat. The kids really liked walking around to the homes. It was so fun!

 We rode our bikes and....

 went to the park to play

  Raked up more leaves

  and played in them.

 Lizzie decided to hug a dog. (Not such a good choice) She got a lovely dog bite to her cheek! OUCH!

And started another year of preschool fun!

So much fun and we look forward to another fun filled fall this year! (Hopefully I will do better blogging about it when it happens)