Alpaca farm field trip

We went to an Alapaca farm today for a field trip with our local homeschool group. It was very cool. Collins, the owner, had so much information about them and the different kinds, history of them and shared a wealth of info with us and answered all of our questions. I feel very lucky to have such awesome local opportunities for our group to take advantage of. 

These are a couple of the alpaca. 

           A quick pic of me and C. She was so thrilled because she didnt eat breakfast. Oops.

                                   This is Sassy. She is named that because she is sassy.

This great big dog is Gabriel. He is a Great Pyrenees and he is super friendly, loves kids and followed us everywhere.

                  The babies had just been separated from their moms not too long ago.

This puppy is Gabriels daughter. She was knocking over the little dog, Chewy, so she could get pets from the kids.

 I had to take this photo of the evidence that Rumpelstiltskin may have been here.

This morning was fun! Stay tuned for more adventures. xoxo

All the things, all the things......

We have been super busy little bees lately and oh my goodness, we need a nap. Working on finishing up all the cosplays for Sakura Con and I worked 3 days at the convention center this past week. I couldn't find numbers for the Nathan Scott basketball jersey that I am working on for Claire, so I called a local screen printing place and dropped it off for them to do it. In 2 days and 25 bucks, I could just save myself some headache and stress. All I have left is to help Tori straighten up her cosplays, finish the trim on Little Red Riding Hoods cape, find a helmet for Darth Vader and attach Nathan Scott's last name when I get the jersey back from screen print. Then, we should be ready.

Last week, I had emailed our local Girl Scout council looking for an already established troop for Claire. I was hoping there would be one looking for 9 year olds locally. I really didn't want to add another organizing thing to my box of tricks and Tori was ready to jump in and help me. I got an email last night that there is a local troop, they are looking for girls and they would be happy to have us. Of course, we are starting right smack dab in the middle of cookie season. Should be fun. 

I'm super stoked for Sakura Con and I know it will be fun to spend a few days in Seattle with friends and doing fun stuff. That should help me relax. 

Till next time. xoxo 

Vegan banana muffin recipe

When I make banana bread or muffins, I usually use a recipe from Namaste. Today I decided to look for a new one to make, so I headed over to Pinterest to find one. I found this eggless banana muffin recipe http://www.spiceupthecurry.com/banana-muffins-egg-less/

Charles always brings me the overripe bananas from work, so I had five that I needed to use before they went bad. The kids all love banana bread and muffins, so I was glad I found this. I am egg free and Kyle, Tori and I are all dairy free and Kyle and I are gluten free. So I substituted the Namaste Gluten Free flour blend that I get from Costco and used dairy free butter spread. This list is what I added to my muffins. You can change it up for your own needs or allergies.

Namaste Gluten free flour- 1 1/2 cups
Baking soda- 1 tsp
Baking powder - 1 tsp
Cinnamon - 1 tsp
Very ripe bananas- I used 5
Dairy free butter - 2 tblsp
Coconut oil - 1 tblsp
Light brown sugar- 1/4 cup packed
natural organic sugar cane- 1/2 cup
pure vanilla extract- 1 tsp
Vegan chocolate chips - 1/2 cup

I always preheat my oven to make sure it is nice and hot. This recipe calls for a 375 degree oven. In a medium bowl, I mixed 1 1/2 cups of Namaste Gluten free flour blend, 1 tsp of baking soda, 1 tsp of baking powder, and 1 tsp of cinnamon.

In my Kitchen aid mixer, I mashed the 5 bananas until they were soft. I hadnt pulled the dairy free butter out to get to room temp so I quickly melted it in my melting pot on a low heat, then I added that to the bananas and threw in the tablespoon of coconut oil. I always have coconut oil on my counter next to the stove and it was liquid from all of the cooking done today. I beat it well with the mixer, I think speed 5 or around there. Next, I added the sugar and beat it again until it was well incorporated. I added the vanilla and mixed again. Then I dumped in the flour mixture and scraped the sides down. I mixed it well and then added the chocolate chips by hand.

I always have liners for muffins on hand, so I got the pans ready. I was able to get 16 muffins out of this mix.

I baked them for the minimum 25 minutes and it was the perfect amount of time. They very moist and soft and delcious and as usual #Foodthatwontkilllme

My kids love them and for me they are best taste testers. Enjoy!

Generous, thoughtful, considerate humans

My four children are generous, thoughtful, considerate humans. I have seen in the past few months or so a genuine growth in them sharing with other people. As examples, Tori chose to help me play with Claire over doing something she had already planned to do, Kal lent a video game to Ky, Ky helped Claire get through levels and Claire jumps in and helps randomly for anyone. All four will unload the van if I yell through the house for helpers. They are aware of each others needs, sensitivities, and sleep patterns. So when an older kid is day sleeping, the younger ones are mindful to be a bit more quiet then normally. They are giving to each other so much of what we have given them. 

 Kindness: Random acts of kindness are so important to me. When I was at my lowest, someone helped me get to the police station, another person gave me a ride to the public transportation station, and someone else fed me and my kids. Anytime I see someone in need of help, I do what I can. Sometimes Claire is with me and the help may look like giving someone money when they are standing on a corner with a sign, or giving someone a jump when they have a dead battery, or giving someone a ride when they need one or feeding someone I know might be hungry when I take extra food to work. I am glad that I can model generosity so that my children can learn from that example. I want them to always have help when they need it, even if I am not close by and I hope they can find it.

So I ask myself, what is my purpose? How do I want to be remembered? 

My purpose is to help my children grow and learn to be good humans and treat other people well. I want to be remembered for being someone that anyone can come to for anything, even if it is just to listen or to give one of my really awesome big squishy hugs (you know you want one too). Sometimes, being a listener is the best thing to be. I know when I am stuck and frustrated, I just want to vent about what I am upset about, without someone else trying to make it better or fix it. I used to be a fixer but that didn't work out so well. So I will continue to model generosity, compassion, thoughtfulness and consideration. After all, we are all humans. 

To live like today is the last day

Caution: This is a very deep and soul cleansing post.

As a child, I would question life and death. I still do as an adult. I started to feel empathetic and sometimes psychic feelings as a child. I would often skip school because of anxiety or panic attacks. The death of my grandmother, who had been like a mother to me, impacted me in a way I couldn't recover from. I was depressed for a long time.

Before I was in the accident in 1997, I couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen to me and I couldn't stop it. The thing was that it wasn't a bad feeling. It was a very peaceful feeling. I knew that if I was to die, it would be OK and Tori would be fine. The day of the accident, I didn't feel those feelings all day. I got a call at midnight that my then partner was at the train station and needed me to come pick him up. I was hit by the drunk driver on the way to the station. The thing is that I remember every second of the slow motion montage in my head that lead up to him hitting me. I remember having a thought of clarity that this is why my body was giving off signals. I physically relaxed my body and braced for impact. I also said out loud, "God, please let me live." I came out of that accident without one broken bone in my body. Instead, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I question that every day that I live how am I still here. I don't know if there is a higher power who was looking out for me or if I had a guardian angel looking out for me or if they were psychic feelings connecting my body with my subconscious self. I don't know if I will ever figure it out.

After leaving that very abusive relationship, I took years to heal myself. I would look in the mirror and tell myself how good a person I am and how beautiful I am and that I deserve better than that and if no one was going to take care of me, then I was going to empower myself and boost my self confidence. I was pulling myself out of depression. Having almost died, I no longer had time to waste with people who didn't care about me the same way I cared about myself. I didn't seriously date anyone until I accidentally met Charles and loved him. It feels like decades ago yet I have only lived in Washington state for 12 years.

I feel like I have so much more healing to do. I am constantly growing and changing. Over the past 17 years, I have been to so many chiropractors and massage therapists that have tried to help my pain. The fact really is though that I am alive and I am here and I can walk. I just hope when it really is my time to die that my body tells me again. I wouldn't want to not be ready.

Love to all humans,
MK

I am going to be 40 in July and I have been doing a lot of self care and stretching and growing so much lately. Some things that have been a big or even small part of my life have been coming to an end lately. As with anything in life, there has to be an end to things before you can start new things and move on from the old. You may not know it at the time but when you are in the thick of it and it seems like things are hard or you are struggling with letting go, there is something new that will come along for you. 

This is what I am struggling with. Some things are ending and it is really hard for me to put myself out there and try to create new opportunities for myself and the kids. People that know me now may not realize that as a young girl I was extremely quiet and shy to the point of internal suffering. I would've rather suffered in silence then speak up to anyone about anything. Sometimes, I feel her shifting back into my mind. I may appear outgoing, extroverted, and happy, but really I am taking big, deep breaths and hoping not to be rejected. I am sure there are many others who feel this very same way. I live with a couple of them. I try to tell myself that I don't care what others truly think when they don't like me, why their opinions even matter. All any of us really want is to belong somewhere. If others don't like me, there must be some reason why. I step outside of myself to figure out if there are social skills I need to work on, but honestly with chronic pain, that is exhausting. So I continue to just be me and hope that people can see past my hyperactive outbursts or my repetitive talking (yes, I know I repeat myself). 

When we get together with others and I am feeling insecure, I will stay quiet and try to think out what it is I am trying to say. When I am not feeling insecure, I have this thing I call insert foot in mouth, because nine times out of ten, what I am saying isn't coming out how it should or I am repeating myself or I am shouting because I am excited that I finally have the nerve to talk! I talk so much now as an adult, it is as if I am making up for all the years of being so quiet. My oldest son is so much like I was as a kid. He never talks unless he has something important to say. I understand him in that aspect and sometimes am grateful that I get to be his mom because we are very much alike, so he understands me too. 

This year we have been doing so many more things with our local homeschool group since my job doesn't make it easy to travel places and honestly, we just don't have the money to go anywhere this year. My youngest is my motivator. She is so super social and needs to be around people. It has been nice getting to know people a little bit. We are slowly getting there and I just keep showing up and trying.

Futurama strikes again!

This is the conversation from the pool tonight.
Claire comes out with "001100110011001100110011"
Me-"Where did you hear that from?
Her- "Bender on Futurama says it."
I tell her its Binary Code.
C-"Whats Binary Code?"
Me-"It's how programmers talk to computers to tell them what to do."
C-"Oh, cool!, I can program Bender!"

Futurama strikes again! Really people, learning is everywhere. Now she can program Bender.