NASCAR....National Association of Stock Car Auto Racing. I love it. I love everything about it. I love sitting at home on a Sunday afternoon with the TV on and the peace of mind I have knowing that I have no where to be, or have nothing to do for the next 3 to 4 hours. Even better is the opportunity to go to a race live, which I've done 5 times now.
You can't beat live and in person. 80,000 fans of all shapes, sizes, and colors (mostly favorite driver colors) existing together, feeding the atmosphere with an exhileration that gives you goosebumps. The cars fire up and once they go green, nothing can compare to the thunderous roar of the engines, 43 of them to be exact, hammered down, flying through the gears. I can honestly say that I'm a junkie at the moment.
I discovered the sport about 10 years ago. Went to my first race February 2002 and that was when I was truly hooked. From the get go I liked Dale Earnhardt, Jr. He drove the #8 Budweiser car back then. After the death of his father at the conclusion of the 2001 Daytona 500, he quickly became the most popular driver in NASCAR. Everyone was pulling for him to be the new version of his father.
I like Junior because he seems like the kind of guy that you would want to hang out with. He seemed like an average, fun loving, beer drinking guy that didn't take himself too seriously. He's cute, shy, and honest. He doesn't talk or act like it's rehearsed.
Fast forward to 2008. Junior has been over exposed over the past seven years, built up to be something he's not, nor will he ever be. The pressure to be as great as his father is always looming over his head. He signs on with Hendrick Motorsports and now has to content with teammates like Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson. He basically took an already crazy situation and magnified it. The pressure to perform is more intense than ever and guess what? He can't live up to those expectations still as of September 2010. He is his own worst enemy.
I love the man, trust me, I honestly do. I sit down to watch a race every week with a hopeful heart, praying that this will be the day that he pulls out a win for all his faithful fans. I've never wanted him to be just like his father. There will never be another driver like his father. But I want him to be successful. I crave it for him. We don't follow a football or baseball team and hope they just play well even if they don't win. We love that win. I think of the day when I can silence the critics and say, "Junior won!"
When you're as passionate about a sport as I am about NASCAR, or a fan of a team the way I am of Dale Earnhardt, Jr., you want to celebrate and be excited about it. It breaks your heart every week when you see them struggle and drop positions like I so often see with him. I don't so much want Dale to win for me, but for himself. I want him to realize that he has it in himself, not to beat himself up for not winning week in and week out. I want him to realize that there are people out there like me who stand behind him and believe in him. I've seen him win some amazing races where he has overcome a million different obstacles and it's those moments that make me keep the faith.

Twilight Obsession

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a HUGE Twilight fan. I read all the books in one week and then re-read them again because I just couldn't get enough! I have never read anything that I just couldn't put down and I love to read. Reading allows you to see anything you want to see in your own mind, and you are able to absorb yourself into the story in a way that movies can't. When Twilight was made into a movie, I was ecstatic! I loved the movie, but most will agree it could never compete with the book.
Last night, I went to the premier of New Moon, the second installment in the series. To say the least, it blew Twilight out of the water! Amazing! I won't say anymore right now. Just go see it! You will be surprised!
Guys, and some girls, just don't understand the phenomenon of Twilight. What is it about the books that have everyone in the whole world reading them, rushing out to see the movies at midnight, and people obsessing over it all, no matter their age, race, or nationality? I'll break it down for you....
Bella is the main character. If I had to sum her up, according to the books, I would say she is plain, clumsy, but intelligent, and a little more grown up for her age. She has never seen herself as anything special, nor has anyone else. She moves to Forks to live with her dad and meets Edward. He is devastatingly handsome, rich, intellectual, good at everything he does, AND he likes Bella. But he is also a vampire who will live forever at 17.
Most women can easily relate to Bella. We all tend to knit-pick everything about ourselves. We have an easier time believing our faults, then believing ourselves to be good enough for someone as perfect as Edward. Edward is what every girl wants, but will never have....Perfection. He is utterly devoted to her in every way. He thinks she is everything that she feels about him. Plus, there is that rush of danger about him. You know, he could kill her at any second, but loves her enough that he can control the overwhelming desire he lives with to suck her dry!
Girls live in a fantasy world when it comes to relationships. They believe that romance should be like Romeo & Juliet, or even Gone with the Wind. They want perfection, yet they will never find themselves perfect. They want undying love and adoration, yet they find they are wishy-washy at times (especially when a warm blooded new friend with killer abs, tan skin, and a great sense of humor shows up, even if he is a werewolf). Edward is patient and protective. His only concern in life is Bella and keeping her safe. He does not ditch her to go hang out with his buddies, or grow tired of her for the moment so he quits calling and texting. He's never told her that she's anything but beautiful to him, even when she thinks the opposite. Everything he does is for her and for her safety now that she's been exposed to his world. Edward always leaves the ball in Bella's court to decide if she wants to be with him or not.
Once Jacob comes along in New Moon, he is there for Bella when Edward is not. They form a beautiful friendship that is tested over and over. No matter how Bella feels for Edward, she can't help but love Jacob. Through out the rest of the books we see a struggle between the two sides, both Edward and Jacob fighting for her affections, and Bella staying neutral because of her two different loves for them. Two hot guys fighting over you. Girls like that, too!
In the reality of our world, a man like Edward Cullen just does not exist! We can dream all we want to, but no drop dead gorgeous vampire is going to drive you off into the sunset in his silver Volvo. In my reality, it's some guy who is nothing to write home about or he's good-looking, but extremely vain, drives a vehicle that he makes monthly payments on, and isn't really all that into you....because he has several others that he is also into and must spread the love! The things he cares the most about in life are usually gas powered or the person he sees when he looks in the mirror. You are easily disposable to him because he doesn't really care if you are a winning ticket of a girlfriend. He needs his freedom and doesn't want to be tied down or serious with anyone. He has no priorities in life besides his day to day events or his weekend activities.
Blah! I'd rather not even waste my time. I'm over it all! Give me my books any day!
So if this is how I feel about it all, then I can only imagine how other girls/women feel. Do we put unrealistic expectations on men? Yes. Are we wrong for doing it? No. I think Edward sounds a hell of a lot better than the douche bag I described above. And here is the big kicker: Every girls Edward doesn't have to look or have the same qualities as Edward Cullen. I think a girl has to look inside herself and decide what is important to her in life and hope and dream for someone who has the same passions. That is what I think would allow someone to find that perfect guy. He doesn't have to be perfect to the world, just perfect to her.
Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward in the movies, is gorgeous and I ADORE him. I would not have a problem if a guy that looked like him wanted to be my Edward. But I like a different type of guy, too. And I'd take a new Camaro over a Volvo anyday, but that is beside the point. My Edward would be required to do all the things I like to do, instead of me changing my interests for the things he likes all the time. Not that I wouldn't be willing to do the things he likes, but it has to be give and take. He also would definitely need to be more of a man, and less of a fan. Ponder on that one.
I think I got off the subject a little, but hopefully this explains why "we" love Twilight. It certainly helps that Edward and Jacob are smokin’ hot in the movies, but would you expect anything less? NO! They just add to the fantasy a little bit more in my opinion!
And my final note to add to this: Team Edward! I would sacrifice the cold any day for him!

Sound's like LIFE to me....

Music is good for the soul. I truly believe that. It seems there is a song out there for every mood, every situation, and every special moment. We can hear a song that takes us back to another time, another place, and makes us smile, laugh, cry, or reminisce. That is why I love music and rarely do much without it.
Music is always on in my car as I drive. I turn my MP3 player on while I am doing housework or working out. Many mornings the radio is playing while I am getting ready for work. We go out to clubs or bars, concerts and fairs, church gatherings and dances, to listen to the music and let go of life’s worries for a short time.
What would a dance be without music? Have you ever watched a movie and noticed how the music sets the tone of the movie and what is to come? A movie wouldn’t be the same if we couldn’t anticipate what was around the corner, or the sadness or happiness that the character feels.
When I was growing up, my parents listened to mostly country music. I am a fan of country from the 1970’s and 80’s. Some of those songs make me feel like I am a kid again. They take me back to a time and place when life was easy. Carefree. Some of the old “hair bands,” that were popular in the 80’s, are also a favorite of mine. They remind me of my sister and childhood friends. Good times and good memories that I will always remember.
Who hasn’t broken up with a significant other and listened to all the sappy love songs? It may not be entirely healthy, but we all do it. We have those select songs that we refer to as “our song,” meaning the song that speaks for you and your significant others relationship. Maybe you danced to the song together for the first time. Maybe you walked down the aisle with that song playing.
Songs from our past our imbedded in our souls and when the music starts, we can’t help but sing along to the words and smile. Sometimes new songs come along at the right moment, touch us just when we need it, and leave a lasting impression with their words of wisdom. I had this happen to me yesterday on my way home from work.
I have been in a real funk lately. Life sometimes beats us up and the only thing we know how to do is wallow in our self pity. When I get this way, I go through all the bad and unfair things that have happened to me in my life and throw them out on the table so I can rehash everything over and over. Stupid. But, sometimes I forget how to be grateful for all I do have. So anyway, back to my story. I don’t listen to much country music, just the old stuff. I turned it on a country station and the following song was playing……

Got a call last night from an old friend’s wife
Said I hate to bother you
Johnny Ray fell off the wagon
He’s been gone all afternoon
I know my buddy so I drove to Skully’s
And found him at the bar
I say hey man, what’s going on
He said I don’t know where to start

Sarah’s old car’s about to fall apart
And the washer quit last week
We had to put momma in the nursing home
And the baby’s cutting teeth
I didn’t get much work this week
And I got bills to pay
I said I know this ain’t what you wanna hear
But it’s what I’m gonna say

(Chorus)
Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
It sounds like life to me

Well his face turned red and he shook his head
He said you don’t understand
Three kids and a wife depend on me
And I’m just one man
To top it off I just found out
That Sarah’s 2 months late
I said hey bartender set us up a round
We need to celebrate

(Chorus)
Sounds like life to me plain old destiny
Yeah the only thing for certain is uncertainty
You gotta hold on tight just enjoy the ride
Get used to all this unpredictability
Sounds like life

Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
Sounds like life to me
Sounds like life

I smiled for the first time all day long. Not because this song said, “Poor Tarah. Life has been truly unfair to you. You are a victim.” Nope. I smiled because it says, “I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up. To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy. Sounds like LIFE to me.” Life is hard. Life is uncertain in every possible way. Here today, gone tomorrow. Happiness is what you make of it. The people around you will love you or hate you, but they are there for a reason. Every heartache, every challenge, every disappointment……It was put there for a reason, to help you overcome your weaknesses. I know the person I am inside. I know what my heart goes through. I know all my thoughts and feelings. Therefore, I know I am a good person and I’m strong. I can overcome anything.
Funny, that a cheesy little country song allowed me to say this about myself. 

HOTTIE THURSDAY!!!

Ha! This is going to be my thing for Thursdays. Let's face it: Thursdays suck! You're anticipating Friday, yet you know you still have one more work day after today! Make sense? GOOD!

So this is my current love. Jonathan Rhys Meyers.
Here are a few things that I love about Jonny Boy:

* Blue eyes, dark hair. My favorite combination.
* He plays King Henry VIII in my new favorite obsession, THE TUDORS on Showtime. Patiently waiting for December 19 when season 3 comes out on DVD.
* He is IRISH! Yes, if there is one accent I love as much as a southern accent, it's an Irish accent. TOTALLY HOT!
* He can play the guitar and sing. Have you seen AUGUST RUSH? Fantastic movie. And he's sooo adorable.
* He played one of my all time favorite people in a TV mini-series: Elvis Presley. And he rocked it. He won a Golden Globe for it!
* He's 32, not 23 (like my other "boyfriend" Robert Pattinson). I don't have to feel like a pedophile for lusting after him!
* He knows how to ride horses and doesn't look like an A** doing it on The Tudors.

So there ya have it. I do think he may be an EXTREME pretty boy, but there is something about him I just don't know what it is.

High Maintenance?

For those of us on a budget, it’s hard to go without certain things in our beauty regimen. When you are trying to cut back and save money, or just plain broke, it’s almost impossible to give up certain items. It would be so much easier to be a guy, I think. The average dude, on a daily basis use: a bar of soap, shampoo, cologne, deodorant, and an electric shaver, or shaving gel and a disposable razor. Some will use a little hair gel or hairspray, but not many.
I started to think about all the beauty products I use and can’t live without. It’s insane! Let’s start with the first steps to my day. I get in the shower and use a mild cleansing scrub such as Neutrogena Deep Clean Gentle Scrub, $6.50. Then I move on to shampooing and conditioning my hair. I prefer a salon brand product such as Brocato (for you Parra), but usually end up using something from the store. I like L’Oreal Vive Pro Nutrigloss Shampoo and Conditioner, $4.99/a piece. For my body wash, I like Dove Body Wash Crème, $8.49. You have to have a loofah for that. You can pick those up for a $1.00. If I am shaving that day, I like the BIC Soleil razors, $6.99 for a 4 pack. My shave cream is Skintimate Moisturizing Cream Shave, $3.49. Now I must brush my teeth. I use Colgate Luminous, $3.49.
Now I’m out of the shower, with just shaved legs, I’ll use some lotion on them, or baby oil. I will only use lotion from Bath and Body Works or Victoria’s Secret. My favorite right now, Bath and Body Works Black Amethyst body lotion, $10.50. Baby oil is super cheap and is used for more than just freshly shaven legs. I also use it to remove eye makeup and keep the skin around my eyes moisturized and soft. I also use petroleum jelly for that (great for dry feet after a bath, too). Chalk up $2.00 more dollars for that. Now I put on deodorant. I love Secret Flawless solid, $4.99.
My face care is next. I am the girl who could go in Sephora (www.sephora.com) and spend HOURS upon HOURS. I love skin care and makeup. Oh, man this is where it all gets insanely tricky. Most of the time my skin is really acne prone and I’m forever battling blemishes. The only thing that seems to work is Proactive at about $30.00 for the cleanser, toner, moisturizer, acne mask, and oil control lotion. It’s a great deal, I think. But I have to take a break from it from time to time. I try to use just an oil free daily moisturizer like Neutrogena, $7.99. But now that I’m in my 30’s, I’m thinking about trying Bare Escentuals RareMinerals Purely Nourishing Facial Moisturizer, $32.00. I’ve heard it is excellent and I’ve used the cleanser in that line.
Makeup. Sigh. Love make up. My ultimate favorite that I can’t live without: Bare Escentuals. You can get a great “getting started kit” at Sephora for $60.00.
What this kit includes:
- 0.06 oz bareMinerals SPF 15 Foundation in Medium
- 0.06 oz bareMinerals SPF 15 Foundation in Medium Beige
- 0.06 All Over Face Color in Warmth
- 0.06 oz Mineral Veil
- Full Flawless Face Brush
- Flawless Application Face Brush
- Maximum Coverage Concealer Brush
- a How-to instructional DVD
- BONUS - Exclusively for SEPHORA : 0.05 oz Prime Time Foundation Primer
Fabulous, fabulous stuff. Their eye shadows, Warmth, Mineral Veil, and blushes last forever! The brushes are top of the line and awesome. Not a bad deal. My mascara is usually whatever sounds good. I change every time I buy something new. You have to figure about $8.00 for that, $7.00 for eyeliner. I don’t use much lipstick, just gloss. I like all the Victoria’s Secret lip glosses at 2 for $10.00.
Hair Care: Since I have blonde, highlighted hair, it tends to look dry at times. The first thing I put on my hair is Kenra Platinum Silkening Gloss, $14.45. I am addicted to this stuff and the smell is yummy. Next I use Brocato Volumizing Spray on my roots. I get this from sister so I have no price. I also use Brocato Hair Spray and a Shine spray when my hair is done. I’m sure these three products retail for around $25.00 or $30.00. Sometimes I use more product than this, but this is just an average day.
Now that my makeup is on, my hair is done, I might use some perfume if I don’t think my yummy Black Amethyst lotion is enough. Everyone knows a good perfume is anywhere from $45-$85. They usually last quite a while though.
After adding all that up, that is about $315.00 worth of products. If I had to start all over from scratch, I would have to go out and spend that much money just to get to the point where I can get ready on a daily basis. Does this make me high maintenance? I think of all the girls out there that get pedicures, manicures, nails, facials, massages, waxing, hair treatments and coloring, and go tanning. Not to mention Botox and cosmetic surgery! The price of beauty and feeling good about one’s self is not cheap! I haven’t even explored talking about clothes and they are just as much of part of our beauty as our makeup and hair. Shoes, jeans, dresses, shirts, bras, and panties, oh my!
I know I’m not that high maintenance. Not that I don’t want to be at times (who doesn’t love spending money on yourself?). I don’t know how women do it, honestly. No wonder husbands complain!

It will be as though I never existed....

Those words are haunting when I think about the actual story of New Moon. Edward must leave Bella, the love of his life, and these are the words he tells her. Sad. Tragic. Heartbreaking. But so not true.

Man, if only my ex-husband said those words to me when he left me for someone else! It would be great to never have to think of him! Who is with me? As much as we try to forget, are the people who leave your life every really forgotten? Can they be? (By the way, I can't get rid of him cause we share a kid, not because I'm still in love with him. Just wanted to make that CLEAR!!!)

Every person in your life is there for a reason and they all leave their own personal footprint on the path of your soul. I don't believe those footprints ever magically disappear. So this all leads me to another thought. What if you never get over someone who was a part of your life once? What if their impact was so monumental that you are never able to leave them behind you? Some of us suffer with this on a daily basis. We beat ourselves up wondering, questioning, hurting over the fact that maybe, just maybe, that one special person was not supposed to leave us.

People come and people go. But that ONE person never really leaves us. It is that one person that is the model for all others to compare to. How unfair is that? We pick out little things about a new someone that compare with the ONE. "He's just as funny as the ONE." When the new person doesn't live up to the ONE in someway, we find that we are disappointed. Living in the past, in what you see in your mind as perfection, is unhealthy, but it's reality. We never really forget the ONE.

Can we erase someone as though they never existed? No, but we can take steps to quit dwelling on them.
1. Get rid of anything left from them that keeps you holding on to them or hoping that they will come back. For me, at one time in my life, was a letter that promised that maybe someday in the future, we could get back together. I burned it. It was difficult. I held on to that letter for 8 years!!!
This also would include deleting text messages that were sweet and loving. You know the ones. Get rid of them.
Don't get rid of pictures though, but put them away if you have them some where you can view them often.
2. Try not to put yourself in that person's path in anyway. If they are married, not a good plan to try to see them.
3. Give up on the comparisons. Everyone is different. Learn to enjoy someone for the way they are. If you can't enjoy these things, or they make you unhappy, then it just isn't right! Don't force it.
4. Lose their number. Enough said.
5. It is great to stay friends, but if it sends you into a tailspin every time you see them, don't do it. If you can do it and not be affected, then obviously there isn't a problem.
6. If you are single and he/she is single, pour your heart out in a non-psycho way and put it on the table. You will get your answer one way or the other. If they still want you, they'll take you back. If not, there ya go. Case closed, move on.

Most people hold on to their first loves and not always do those situations work out. For one, you are young, practically undamaged by the brutality of relationships. You haven't been heartbroken and let down repeatedly. Everything is fresh, new, exciting. Safe. You are able to love in a way that at the age of 31, a divorce under my belt, and few broken hearts, I could never love that way again.

No one ever really leaves you. You just find a way of making them a memory and trying to smile when you think about them. Sometimes it hurts, but you never forget.

Spring is around the corner.....

You heard me right. Spring is around the corner. Okay, honestly, I really HATE winter. I wish I was a bear and I could just hybernate right on through it and pretend that it didn't exist. I don't like the snow, scraping the snow off my windshield in the mornings, shoveling the snow off my walk or driveway, or the fact that snow disrupts me sitting on my steps enjoying the evening or the morning. I hate being cold. I would rather roast to death than spend a minute cold. So yeah. I totally live in the wrong state.

I like to look forward to things to help get me through the winter. It is the only way to keep pressing on for me. So this is my thought for Spring 2010: I want to take a vacation. An awesome get-away somewhere fabulous. My ultimate dream vacation? IRELAND.

I would like any feedback anyone has. If you have been there, know someone who has been there, or any information about it. This is number 1 on my list. I'll continue on with the other places I've been thinking of.