The Uncertainty Principle

Mark 7even get you open like an attache / briefcase in this case defeat there is no way

I never bought the line that working in the voluntary sector was very different to working in business. However, attending a few private sector events and meetings recently has put me in a bit of a whirl - wandering around the City like a country bumpkin, intoxicated by all the black ash tables, sheet glass and smart suits. It is very different, at least on the surface.

One of the great advantages of temping is that you never get overly involved in any one company's work, you're never so close to it that you can't see the apparent absurdity of most jobs that go on.

But I have been out of the game a while.

So can anyone tell me why corporate cogs-in-the-machine do not use briefcases anymore?

Other than the reckless decline in the satorial standards of public servants, I can think of two other contributing factors to the death of the brief case,

1. The rise of hip-hop and dance culture = record bags

2. The rise of metrosexuality = satchels and man-bags.

But why should this be? Good Heavens! Briefcases are functional, useful for preventing documents from getting dog-eared and beaten up and stopping retractable pencils from going astray.

The traditional ones also make that nice sound of the double latches flying up when you release the locks. That never fails to breed excitement. As if £1 million in used notes were nestling under the lid, rather than spiral bound reports on strategic alignment, or something.

The Uncertainty Principle Duck of the week

The Ruddy Duck

The Ruddy duck has a distinctive blue bill and a majestic stiff tail.

Singularly unimpressed by this, Minister for Rural Affairs, Jim Knight is laying down the law, Elmer Fudd style. Defra is putting up over £3m for a Ruddy duck takedown.

Jim, a Dorset lad and the Minister for Rural Affairs, said in Parliament yesterday,

In essence, the ruddy ducks are over-sexed and over here, they are going on
holiday to Spain and they are causing all sorts of trouble, so we have to do
something about them

While there is a moral justification for this on duck-arian grounds, I demand at least two UN resolutions before I make up my mind on this one.

The truth about Jake

Lazy, off-the-shelf blogging? Count me in.

I am picking up this meme, from Rob, uninvited.

I am pleased with the results.

Jake needs a home
Jake Needs Red Paint
Jake needs to Jack it up
Jake needs more Backstory
Jake needs to make changes
Jake needs all forms of training
Jake needs to decide is who their audience is
Jake needs and appreciates comfort after the fiesta

Doesn't he just. Doesn't he just.

They came back to the world that they fought for / Didn't turn out just like they thought

A few years ago, Channel 4 made a programme arguing that the 14th century was the worst century in which to live.

As a recovering intellectual snob, I was surprised to find myself in strong agreement with this docupophistory.

I could try and argue against it. You could point to fourteenth century cultural development. I mean: knitting and Lollardy.

I am particularly in favour of the latter as it is an example of my University being a cradle of progressive thought for one of the few times in its history. Wrong side in the reformation? Yep! Wrong side in the Civil War? Yep! Against Catholic Emancipation? Yep!

Clearly, the extent to which any century is the worst to live in is contingent on where you are in the pecking order. That is because most things in Britain are to do with class.

That said, go for the fourteenth! Picking the century during which half the population of Britain died is a good way of hedging your bets.

But the best generation be from? I have had a think, and decided it was my parents' generation. Those Baby Boomers. The spirit of post-war optimism. Okay they had the red peril hanging over them, but at least they got Dr. Strangelove out of it.

Mainly though, it is the juicy benefits of the welfare state. Their generation was the most well nourished, the healthiest and, the final stitch-up, those in the public sector retire at 60 and get pensioned-up an absolute treat.

We came close guys, and I don't mean to get you down. We have Girls Aloud, Thai food and badass computer stuff. We nearly make it, but we just fall short.

Thinking up the alibis that everyone's forgotten

With Andrew Marr vacating the post of chief BBC Political Correspondent, the coveted position of my favourite BBC news presenter/ correspondent was left wide open too.

Marr had serious game, and I wondered whether anyone could seriously fill his shoes.

Well, I did find out that Jeremy Vine wrote two letters to Elvis Costello in his youth. The first asked Elvis out for a coffee, the second several years later offered him a beer.

Bonus points for you Jeremy.

Yesterday I found out that the Vinester is an amateur magician. This is absolutely true.

London calling / speak the slang now / Boys say wa'gwan / Girls say wha-what

'The personal is the political' was one of the noble cries of '70s second wave feminism. Widely used, its prescription was in fact quite specific; even with high-level progress on equal pay, childcare and the like, personal relationships of authority and deference could have a political basis. And fair enough.


Since the idea gained currency, partisan dealignment has forced parties to think of broader appeals than the merely dogmatic. This is far from a Bad Thing. However, it has led to an assumption that just as the personal can be the political, the political is also the personal. And that is rubbish.

We want public figures, particular our political leaders, to have belief and passion. Of course we do. But this should not prevent us from conceiving of a public sphere distinct from the private one where different rules apply and to which different appeals should be made.

Simon Hughes: you pompous buffoon! You can and should make arguments against ID cards. The fact that you are prepared to be imprisoned for your views does not add anything to the debate. What were you trying to achieve, 'Oh well, I thought the security benefits of ID cards were valid and that it would actually be useful for me to have these various publicly held pieces of information about me brought together. But if Simon Hughes is prepared to go on lockdown for it...sheesh he must be serious!'

Public issues require political arguments. No one should side with you because you claim to be more sincere than the other guys. Personal conviction can sell arguments, but they should never become the arguments themselves.

The Lib Dems should know better than others of the importance of political debate over the personal, as they, and particularly Simon Hughes, are never going to win the personality wars.

Interactive toolkit to help Conservatives select their next leader

Tory. Times must be troubling for you, what with this extended mix of a leadership campaign and all. But with all the major front-runners sounding so convincing in their claims to the centre ground, how on earth do you pick a candidate and get on the road to recovery?

Stage one

Consider the candidates. Select your favourite on the basis of,

(a) physical appearance,
(b) who has the best back story; and,
(c) who is left in the field after previous use of this toolkit.

Stage two

Would this candidate scare the Labour leadership?

YES / NO

No, not in parliamentary terms. Hague repeatedly rinsed Blair at PMQs and it didn't make a blind bit of difference. I mean, would their policies appeal to readers of both The Sun and the Times.

If 'yes' continue to stage three. If 'no', ditch the candidate and begin the process again.

Stage three

Could this candidate have won an Tory leadership election ten years ago?

YES / NO

If you can even vaguely imagine the candidate leading the 1995 party as well as the 2005 party then you're on the wrong track. There is no way Tony could have been elected by Labour in 1985. You need an clean ideological break with the messy, half-arsed meanderings of recent years. The very election of a new leader should kick-start that.

If 'yes', jettison candidate and begin the process again, if 'no', congratulations! You have just selected the correct candidate for the Tory leadership.

Stage four

Write to Michael Portillo and / or Chris Patten just to check they are absolutely sure they don't want to stand. (Optional).

Stage five

Write to Tory Chief Whip, suggesting they withdraw the whip from: Crispin Blunt, Peter Bottomley, Jacqui Lait and Andrew Pelling.