house arrest

* disclaimer: This is long and wordy but I needed to record it 

Where do I begin. I must say that the last 2 months or so have been a blur and almost pure survival.  I must also add that it has forced me to count my blessings very much.  From my wonderful primary counselors who have picked up the slack when I haven't felt well, neighbors who have graciously let my girls play everyday after school at their homes while I sat in the basement and watched Man V. Food and counted down the minutes until Aaron arrived home from work. To my in-laws and friends who dropped off food so I didn't have to worry about dinner. To my mom who drove down everyday and drive Brooklyn to school because I wasn't allowed to drive. That is where I have to explain.

Sunday the 27th was just like any other Sunday. Church was at 9am. I had ward counsel at 7:30am so I had been up for a while and was tired. Primary had gone well but I was anxious to get home from church, get out of my heals, pop a zofran, get some lunch and take it easy. When we got home I changed my clothes and pulled out some left overs to eat quickly. When I finished I told Aaron I was going to go lay down for a bit. He was busy just getting Carter down for a nap and getting the girls some lunch. Telling Aaron I was going to lay down was the last thing I remember.

The next thing I new I came too, on my bed with a room full of people. There was a man kneeling down next to me on the side of the bed asking me questions. I don't really remember much of what he said to me. I was very confused about what was going on. Apparently it was an off duty police officer who had arrived before the ambulance.  Aaron said the ambulance took about 10 minutes or so to arrive after he called 911. Aaron told me later that he came in to change his clothes and said he saw me on the bed with my eyes open. He said he asked me how I was feeling and I didn't respond. He asked me again and I didn't respond. Then he got very nervous and called 911.  I was breathing but unresponsive to him. Shortly after the ambulance arrived I "came to" but was very confused for a few hours.  I recognized the people around me but for instance when they asked me what month it was, I said February and when Aaron mentioned the pregnancy I said, "I'm pregnant?!"  It is a scary feeling when a doctor asks you a question like how old are you, and you know you should know the answer and you don't. Eventually everything did come back but not with a lot of unanswered questions.  Aaron and I weren't sure what happened between the time I went back to our room and he found me.

It took two weeks to get in with a neurologist (The ER doctor thought I had some type of seizure) in the meantime I wasn't allowed to drive, hence my mom driving down everyday to take Brooklyn to kindergarten.  When Aaron and I were seen by the doctor he did confirm that I had a grand mal seizure.  I was pretty surprised because Aaron never saw me shaking. The doctor said that Aaron must have come in right after I finished.  He sighted that Aaron said I was coughing a bit while I was "out" and that the next day my whole body was very sore, and the confusion that I had after. (I never put then together) All very typical for having a seizure.  We have a family history of seizures so I wasn't completely surprised either.   I was heartbroken when he said I would have to be on daily medication, although I am grateful there is medicine to help control it, and that as a result I couldn't drive for 6 months while they insured the medication was stopping all types of seizures. How glad I was though that it happened at home, and not in front of my kids.

At first I didn't really think it would be a big deal but when reality set in, it was very hard. Not being able to drive takes away a huge bit of my independence.  I now depend on the service of friends, family and neighbors for errands, making sure Brooklyn can get to school, getting to the grocery store, doctors appointments etc.  I have been over-whelmed at the kindness of others just in the last few weeks.  It has made Christmas preparations a little tricky but we are managing. Life just needs some tweaking now. On another note, the baby is fine. I don't know if the OBGYN will want to monitor me any closer now.. I haven't seen him since the neurologist. My biggest concern has been the baby.  I have faith that everything will be ok.  I am trying to have a good attitude and figure I'll just have to get a lot of projects around my house to keep me busy.  So if you're ever wondering where to find me...

I'll be at home!

My cousin Keri took these amazing pictures of our family this Fall.  They've been waiting to make their Christmas card debut but alas I don't think they're going to happen.  Enjoy and please look for our card next year as a family of 6! Wow that sounds scary!

some things... have got to give

I've come to the conclusion that right now, in the midst of pregnancy yuck, there are a few things in my life that are just going to have to go by the way side, or simply not happen.  It makes me extra discouraged that this "3 month flu" I like to call it, happened to hit during all the holidays, especially Christmas.  I've had to come to the realization that this year is going to be different and hopefully my kids won't be scarred for life because of an absence of baking, cooking, getting dressed on my part, laundry, treat making, and a lack of an over-all Christmas-y disposition.  Poor Aaron comes home from work, usually cooks dinner, cleans up and then I am in bed around 8 pm. 

I really have so much to be grateful for though. High on the list is unisom so I can sleep. zofran for my nausea, my family and friends who have been so willing to help out with kids, errands and picking up the slack in my calling, and the bus that takes the kids to school in the freezing temperatures.  Really I am blessed to be able to be a mother and have this baby. I know that there are so many who would love to feel as bad as I do, just to have a baby.  I remind myself that this isn't going to last forever and this is probably going to be our last one. I am trying to live in the moment of each part of it and not wish it away. Even though I am counting down the days until I feel like myself again.  I remember with Anna thinking things like, I am never going to sleep again, I am never going to be able to sit though sacrament meeting in church again,  and I'm never going to loose this weight. Although with each baby your life does change drastically, some things do get back to more normal, and they don't last forever.  I guess that is the perspective that you gain with time and experience.

independence day

Pleased to announce Tonks' #4

Who wouldn't like fireworks every year on their birthday!

he's at it again

Phew

That is how I feel about the past 6 weeks or so. A blur of total exhaustion.  I feel like if I don't stay on top of these pictures then it'll never happen. According to my memory card, this is what has been going on in the Tonks' household. Aaron and his dad spent a couple days building us a huge storage shelf in our garage. It is so nice to be be able to utilize all of that wasted space for storage! I love a handy man.

 Aaron had some work training this year in Las Vegas and I decided to join him for a few days. (Thanks to my mom and in laws) It sure was a lot of work just to get our the door but it was great to be able to spend a few days childless.  We ate some great food, went to an amazing cirque show, sat by the pool enjoying the great weather, and walked until we had blisters.  I have to admit that I don't really love Las Vegas and was glad to get home to our open space and yes.... even the kids! 

 While Aaron was fishing with a friend he spotted this beauty the river. Unable to rescue it that day he somehow convinced his friend Marc to use his day off to go back to the river to retrieve it.  After hearing so much about this bike I couldn't believe my eyes when he pulled up with that.  I have to thank the show American Pickers for this one. I think Aaron thought he had found a real diamond in the ruff.  We did find out that it is very very old (1930's) and Aaron has this wild idea to restore it. Right now it lives in the garage next to the garbage can.

 A few Saturdays in September were Spent canning in the garage. My very patient mother-in-law taught me the ins and outs of canning and I really learned a lot.  The jury is still out on if it is worth it cost effective wise but I know it is a good thing to know how to do.  We canned peaches and apple sauce from apples from my mOm's backyard.

 The beautiful Fall colors on our tree outside.

 This little boy turned 15 months in October and is pure business. 

October also brings hunting season. Aaron, Marc, and Ben spent months planning a three day camping/hunting trip.  It is funny to see grown men so gitty and excited to sleep in freezing temperatures, walk around all day and hope they see a buck. Well Aaron got one and was so proud. We had it hanging in our garage for a few days driving our dog crazy, and then Aaron cut it up and made it into jerky.  I love a man that can bring home the bacon... and well.... jerky

   A good friend of the family is a bishop of a student ward at BYU-Idaho.  About 20 or so students came up and spent a couple hours raking bag after bag of leaves. Boy there were a lot.  mOm made chili, cornbread, and had donuts for everyone when we were finished. It was a great way to spend probably the last fall evening. The next day it got very cold and began to snow.

I am afraid Winter is here. Oh boy, here we go. It is cold!  I told Aaron last night as we were leaving a church meeting

"It takes a very special person to live here."

I don't mean special as in, better than others... maybe just special as in crazy!

October brought sickness to our house also. It started with Anna. A fever and croup. Then Brooklyn got it. Many days of school were missed and we hoped that Carter would be lucky to avoid the sickness.  To no avail.  He actually didn't get the fever but the cough and then after a trip to the doctor double ear infections were confirmed. Oh boy it seemed never ending. In the middle of all that, I was called to be our ward's primary president.  After much prayer, and pondering and more prayer I feel at peace with my new responsibility.  I still feel like I have so much to learn but am so lucky to be serving with amazing women who I know I will learn so much from.  I told Aaron the other day... I feel like I am always thinking about primary.  I am looking forward to all that is in store for our family... we are very blessed!



you find what you are looking for

First.... a little background.

Soon after my mOm and Alain were married (I was 12 years old) he and my sister Aubrey were on a run and they found a rock that was shaped like a heart, and brought it home for mOm.  Since then it had been something that Alain was always on the hunt for. It became a tradition for Alain to find and bring home rocks shaped like hearts. Over the past 14 years or so my mom has collected dozens of heart rocks! 

My mOm has had many people ask her, "How did he find them."  She will reply that Alain always said.... "You find what you are looking for."  It is now a tradition that I hope to pass onto my family. Brooklyn will search when we are out for heart rocks and brought me home a beauty the other day.  What an amazing lesson for life

"You find what you are looking for"

That brings me to my next point. I really like to know what is going on in the world. Politics, world news, social trends (good and bad) church news ect. I watch and read the news daily. I majored in sociology because I love people. I love to watch people, study why people do things, nature vs nurture...you get the idea.

Some days though I find myself feeling very down, discouraged and defeated. There is so much in our world that is so wrong.  Violent angry protests, famine, wars, injustice, crime, disease. Some problems seem so big that a person could just want to give up.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ  gives hope and peace but sometimes I still harbor fear for my children and their generation. 

That is when I came across this program (Thanks mOm)

It is called Turning Point
(and worth every minute... seriously please make time to  watch these.. you'll be changed) 

It highlights everyday people who have made an extraordinary difference in the lives of others. I encourage everyone to watch these and pass them along to others. Instead of getting caught up in all the negativity that is all around us, I am going to Choose to look for good, to be inspired by those around me.  I may not be able to start a non-profit organization (right now) or travel the world.... but I can make a difference today  first in my own family, in my community, for neighbors and strangers a like.  There is a time and a season for all things but I know that in our lives if we choose to look for good, for ways to be an instrument  for our Heavenly Father to bless the lives of His children no matter who they are, we will be able to find the happiness that we are all looking for!

cookie fun

Anna, Caroline, Anna, Brooklyn, Emery, Alex and Brinlee

 I had the idea to have a few of the girls friends over for a cookie decorating party.  Nothing too complicated..... sugar cookies, frosting, candy, sprinkles, and a quick fun game.  I didn't realize when I planned this little shin-dig that Aaron was going to be on a hunting trip leaving me to plan and get ready solo. Luckily my mom saved the day and came down to help with Carter and manage all the little girls. Above is the game I created after seeing the idea on pintrest.  It wasn't nearly as simple to create as I anticipated but the girls really seemed to enjoy it. I filled each balloon with either candy or confetti and the girls each took turns throwing a dart at the board. We only have two small wall punctures and fun all around. !  

Anna B, Brooklyn, and Emery

This little guy was supposed to be napping but just couldn't stand being left out. Mom and Nana (Who is the real softy) got him out so he could enjoy a treat with the group. Oh does he melt my heart.

The finished product... everyone picked their favorite cookie to display!

I love this picture my mom got. You'd think that little red line is the light coming through the window. It is actually the dart flying through the air! Bulls-eye!

Caroline and Anna eagerly watching and waiting their turn

One last one of the boy.... just because!

......more updates to follow. Where has the time gone

freckles

paychecks

(Sunset from our front porch)

Yesterday Carter recieved 6 immunizations. Wow, that seemed like a lot to me. I always become a little wary when my kids recieve their immunizations.  Especially that many at once.  I do feel they are a blessing though and can't imagine my children contracting one of those horrible diseases that children used to die so often from.  

He actually did quite well yesterday,  but last night he did not sleep well and today he woke up not feeling and acting worse. He had a slight fever, and was just not happy. I was rushing getting Anna ready for school and trying to keep him happy. Multi-tasking seems to be the name of the game around here. 

(Brooklyn holding our carrott "lovers")

I finally got Anna our the door and then could focus on Carter. I found his blanket and took him in to the rocking chair. He immedietly put his head on my shoulder and we rocked and rocked.  I thought to myself,

"This is my paycheck"

Believe me, there are days that I wish I could put on a pant suit and run for the door, but those days really are few and far between. I am so grateful that I don't have to run out the door to get to work. That I am the one that can put off a shower to rock my baby who isn't feeling well.  I understand that some moms have to work, and that reenforces so much to me how blessed I am that Aaron and I have made it a priority to have me home.

Speaking of my wonderful husband, yesterday Anna was saying our morning prayer before leaving for school. She ended the prayer by saying,

"And please bless daddy that he can go to work and make lots of money."

Ahhhh Paychecks! 

fun in the sun... camping with friends

*Caution: Picture overload, they're all worth looking at though :)
This past week we had the chance to go camping with several of our best friends from Oregon.  Aaron and I have often commented on how much we love living in Rexburg, but that how we never feel like we are going to have the kind of friends that we had in Portland.  While living there our friends were our family and we miss them all terriblly. 

Many know that I was not too excited when I first heard about this camping trip.  Short background is that Aaron planned this camping trip  months and months ago without talking with me first.  It was not that I wasn't thrilled to be going to see our friends, it was the 12 hour drive in the car each way that was the road block in my mind. Also, at the time Aaron sprung the idea to me Carter was not sleeping through the night, and all I could picture was me trying to calm a screaming baby in a tent in a quiet camp-site. Yikes. Also the camp site was first come first serve and I was terrified that we would drive all that way and we couldn't even get a spot. Most people who know me well know I am a bit of a worrier and a control freak (I am working on that one ) and there were just too many things working against me to want to make this trip.  Obviously we went after many many long conversations with Aaron working though all my fears, him agreeing to sleep with Carter, and my dear friend Ciara offering to shop for, and bring food for our family so we didn't have to haul 4 nights of dinners 800 miles, I agreed. The trip there was surprisingly good but still very long. The last 4 1/2 hours of the drive were slow through windy canyons and I get very very car sick. Another reason why I don't travel well.  We were so happy to arrive to our great friends and plenty of camp sites to choose from. We spend our days boating, eating, applying sunscreen (It was hot), trying to get our babies to take naps, swimming, applying more sunscreen. eating more, boating more and then crashing at night.  I couldn't find my camera for a few days so I feel bad I didn't get pictures of all our great friends but I still think I did pretty good! Enjoy!

This picture is my favorite of the trip
Herbie and Brooklyn in their "Awkward prom photo pose"

Getting ready to head out on the boat

Maisy was such a trooper with her cast on

The Gals

Lisa, Rachel, Julie, Ciara, me and Melissa (There were so many that I wished could have made it )

Rachel, Chad, Ci, Nora, Herb, Naomi and Jeremy

Nora and Carter had so much fun with this little pool

For some reason Carter kept eating the dirt. We found it in his diaper for days

"Stick em' up!"

You had to really watch out for Brooklyn and her stick

Anna and Grace

Brooklyn, Grace, Anna and Maisey

Me and Ci

Filthy, dirty, tired family shot

Some of the men

Carter practicing the javelin

The men spent a lot of time doing this

Aaron teaching Carter about fire safety

 The men went out one night shooting. Probably the highlight of the trip

 Rachel and me getting ready to battle it out on the tube

Overall it was a great trip..... we just wish the kids would have done more of this!  We were glad to get home to a shower and a washing machine.