The Unplanned Pregnancy

So, a long time ago, 16.5 years to be exact, I found out I was pregnant with a baby that I really didn't want to be pregnant with. Okay, maybe a little longer than 16.5 years, but you get the idea.  In fact, I found I was pregnant, and I cried for about 3 weeks.  And it was like God was punishing me even more, because just after I got the great news, I started to get sick, and I was sick

every. single. day. 

for seven and a half months.

It was horrible.

And then God thought he would be really funny and he had my bishop at the time, a wise man named Bob Heiner, call me to be the Relief Society President.  I told him, 

"I can't do that calling.  I homeschool my three kids,

my husband is always gone, I swear sometimes, I drink caffeine

and

I'm very unexpectedly pregnant."

To which he replied,

"That's okay, you wouldn't be the first pregnant Relief Society President."

So, reluctantly I took the calling, but that's a story for another day....

Back to the baby....

So, after much crying, and dealing with intense "all day" sickness, I gave birth two weeks early to an almost 10 pound, chubby cheeked, baby girl. In fact, when Ron saw her he said, "Did you eat a lot of donuts while you were pregnant?" Um no, didn't you notice me writhing in the bathroom for the last 7.5 months?????

Now, by the time I had her, I was all over the whole, "I don't want to be pregnant again" phase, which is a really good thing.  But I'm not going to lie....it was horrible. And there's a reason she is the baby.

We homeschooled on my bed, and my family ate a lot of stuff I didn't cook but pulled from a box.

I was the RS president the best I knew how to be, and I learned a couple of things about service, the people in my ward, my family, myself and mostly that baby girl Heavenly Father decided to place in my life at that particular time. So, here's my list:

•  I learned that God laughs when you think you're in control.

• I learned that people generally love to serve each other and more than happy to do so

• I learned that sometimes serving in an intense calling like RS president in the middle of several trials can be done, and it's not always supposed to be done the way you have it in your mind.

• I learned that  some of our biggest self-perceived problems become our biggest blessings
• I learned that  my children, at ages 8, 6 and 3, were highly responsible and capable at young ages and that they were born greater than I ever gave them credit for.
• I learned that just sitting back and letting things happen to you sometimes is OKAY.  And often fun.  So, take pictures, journal about it, and mostly QUIT WHINING.

When I was pregnant, I was always obsessing about what to name my baby, and with this one, it was no exception.  Nothing was coming to me.  Ron and I didn't agree on anything.  I think because I was cranky about the whole thing, that Heavenly Father was holding out on me.

Until one day I was walking through the garage of our little Nashville house, and the other 3 were helping me get groceries out of the car, and I heard a very distinct voice,

"This child's name is Rachel"

and I knew without a doubt she was Rachel.

I called and told Ron what happened, and he said it was perfect for her.

I was induced on March 31, 1997 at Baptist Hospital.  It wasn't an easy birth....she was big and she was stuck and the cord was around her neck and arm.  The anesthesiologist got on top of my bed and pushed her out while the doctor pulled on her arm.  I remember how quiet it got in the room.  The only comic relief  was when the anesthesiologist said, "I just had to do the same thing to Wynonna Judd a few weeks ago!"  

Only in Nashville.

I remember looking down when they said she was being delivered and I just saw her hand, and noticed how blue her very long fingers were.  

The whisked her away from me.  No laying her on my chest, No Ron cutting the cord.

No one saying anything and worse:

She didn't cry.

I panicked, and prayed that I was so sorry I hadn't wanted her at first but promised that I would take good care of her and to please let her stay with me.  

What seemed like minutes later, I heard a struggling little cry.

She had been deprived of oxygen, they had damaged her shoulder in getting her out, but she was okay.  I've never felt such relief in my life.

Amazing how Heavenly Father put that protective feeling into my heart right away.

I remember when I had her, my sisters, Carolyn and Cathy, came to Nashville to help me with the kids and they were the first ones to see her when she was born.  A few days later, while I was still reflecting on her birth, Cathy said something to me that I have never forgotten:

"I think you needed her way more than she needed you."

and she was right.

That little chunky chubby baby girl has been the biggest blessing in my life.

So fun and funny and a delight from the beginning.  Easy to be around, a great sleeper the first night home. A lover of friends and animals, bugs and snakes and drawing and singing and the underdog.

Which brings me to today.

 This lovely is sixteen.

How? When? Where?

I can barely stand to think about it.  It makes my heart hurt.

To my dear beloved angel daughter that Heavenly Father let me keep:

Thank you for loving me from the first moment and staying with me and letting me be your mom.

Thank you for forgiving and being a peacemaker

Thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts and testimony with everyone

Thank you for looking out for little people

Thank you for being the bright spot in my day on so many many occasions.

Thank you for choosing me to be your mom

and forgiving me when I don't do it right.

Guard your heart and don't ever settle.

People are watching you and your funny self, and listening to your amazing voice, 

but most of all....

the are watching who you are.

And your Aunt Cathy was right....

I definitely need you way more than you needed me.

Happy 16th year.  

I love you!

 

So...there was this one time when I blogged.....

And I blogged for a couple of years and then stopped.

And I don't know why.

I guess I thought no one cared, and maybe they didn't.

But today I came to a decision that I need to start writing again.  

I'm turning 50 next month.  FIFTY.

F.I.F.T.Y.

And I don't even care!

But, I do have some stuff to say....and since I'm 50....sorta...you have to listen to me.  

Thanks, Mom and Dad for not giving me a ton of wrinkles.  Just a few.  Plenty of gray hair that I cover up on a regular basis.  Other that than, no biggie.

So, what am I gonna say.  Why am I going to say it??  

Well, for some morbid reason, I've been thinking a lot about my own mortality.  Seems a little morbid, no?  Maybe a touch, but I guess that as I get older I see lots of people I know get cancer, get sick, die unexpectedly, and go through horrible things.  We don't really know what's going to happen one minute to the next.  

So, even if you don't care what I'm going to say, I have a few things to say just in case my number comes up and my kids would like to "read" me nagging to them.  :)

I realize now that I'm on that side of the hill, that I didn't adopt the mantra, "live with no regrets" quite soon enough in my life.  I have many regrets. 

 I have regrets that I yell(ed) at my children and that I spanked them when they were little.

I regret that I wasted so. much. time. on things that don't matter.

I regret that I didn't keep a better journal.

I regret not talking sooner about the mental illness of depression and anxiety I suffer with instead of hiding it in shame.  Maybe I could have helped someone instead of being worried that they might "judge me".

I have regrets that I didn't teach my kids enough.  Oh hey, I know they have turned out great, but I think sometimes that it's more in spite of me rather than because of anything I've done.

I regret that I haven't taken more time to travel.

I regret that I am a HUGE PROCRASTINATOR

I regret that I haven't finished the book I started writing a LONG time ago.  

I regret that I feel like I have "skated by" in life instead of really doing my best

I regret that sometimes I say swear words.  (don't laugh)

I really really really regret that I have a hard time finishing things

I regret that I haven't been a better sister, daughter, friend, mother, wife...etc etc etc etc etc

I regret that I haven't taken care of my body like I know I should have.  I mean, I'm good at the big stuff...you know like smoking and alcohol and blah blah...but you gotta eat....and apparently I have, and too often in response to stress.

I regret that I get my feelings hurt and I'm global and that I had struggles with my daughter and that she once said she wasn't sure I loved her.  That was my fault, fer sure.

with that said.....at the risk of being a Debbie Downer....

I'm proud of many things in my life:

I'm proud of my amazing children.  I know I did something somewhere that contributed to them being amazing. Heck, even if it's just that I contributed to their musical talent and gave them good skin.

I'm proud of myself for blogging again.  I've felt prompted to write again.  I think someone somewhere needs to hear my ramblings.

I'm proud that I am compassionate and can make people laugh, even if I'm slightly inappropriate sometimes.

I'm proud that my kids friends like me and confide in me and ask me for their advice.

I'm proud of the fact that even though my husband is amazingly gifted and talented and everyone wants his autograph (except his kids)...that I know he couldn't have done it without me standing behind him and telling him he could...and he's told me so.

I'm proud that I've stood up and faced fears to do some really stupid, seemingly easy stuff

I'm proud that I continue to work on my relationship with my Savior and that He forgives me every step of the way.

I'm proud that I graduated from college and I served a full time mission.

I'm proud that I can touch children every day at school and that I follow the spirit to know what to say to those who may need it.

and I guess I could go on....on both lists.

But, the bottom line is this.....

my Heavenly Father loves me.  He wants me to come back to Him someday.  He wants to love and support me through not beating myself up over crap I can't change.  (I said crap). 

I may be turning 50 next month, but you know what?  It's not to late to change those regrets into things I'm proud of.  

Change can be good.....even at 50.

DAMN YANKEES!

Jordan and Krista were involved in the play, Damn Yankees! at American Fork High School. At AFHS, we are lucky to have one of the best Musical Theater programs in the state, with a great director. In the fall, we did Wizard of Oz and Jordan did the sound and worked on the sound crew. When he saw how great the play was and how fun it was, he decided to try out performing instead, and after auditioning, made Musical Theater! Lucky for him, the play, about a baseball player, had lots of male roles. Bad for Krista, not as many girl roles. I think they both had a great time and Jordan has caught the theater/performing bug for sure! Here are some photos from the show:

It's been WAY too long....

I guess I have put blogging on the back burner, because it just seems like it's another thing that takes up my time. But then I realized that there are many thing that I like about looking at others blogs. I check almost every day to see if my cute nieces have blogged and put up any pictures of my great nieces and nephews. I love seeing what they are doing and what is happening in their lives because I don't get to see them and talk to them very often. So, I figured, maybe others would like to see what's going on with us. I haven't been taking many pictures lately, so all of these that I'm posting today are the latest from Scott. He only has FIVE MONTHS left on his mission!! I'm so excited! Here are some of the most recent photos that he sent home. Enjoy!

Scott with Marcus and Bictoria. Marcus was one of Scott's favorite invetigators. He was baptized but Bictoria is still digging in her heels!
Holes in his shoes....proof of lots of tracting!
He'll knock on any door!
Scott turns 21!!
Proof that is snowed in southern Georgia...first time in 60 years!

TWENTY ONE!!
Fernandina Beach
This armadillo met a violent death...by missionary car...then Scott finished off the job!

Two Epic Days

On July 30th, two amazing things happened. My cute Dad turned 80 and my son had his Hump Day...or one year mark. Both very cool things! We celebrated by going to Market Street Grill with Cathy, Meredith, Dad, Jordan, me, Rachel and Ron. We had a yummy dinner and reminisced about of fun things. I love it that Dad has very little gray hair, very few wrinkles and I hope that I inherit his genes....crossing fingers... He doesn't look anywhere near 80!

Cathy and Dad

Mere with G-pa




This poster hangs in our hallway marking everyday Scott is out. We are at the top of the first section which means it's downhill from here!!! Yipee! When Scott saw the poster before he left, he made snide, rude comments about it. Now, look here.....we have 365 days worth of stickers.

Rachel wins "Highland Idol"!!

Rachel competed in our local city "Highland Fling" on Saturday. She sang the song "Love Song" by Sara Barielles and she did awesome! We are proud to announce that she won first place and $25 in cold hard cash. Go Rach! The band she sang with, This is Your Band is a band that sometimes Ron plays with and so he knows all the guys in the band. It was a big day for her and we are so proud of her.

Rachel in Cinderella

These are pictures from the play Cinderella that Rachel was just in in the American Fork Youth Theater. As you can tell, she was Cinderella! She did a wonderful job and looked darling in her gown. Her voice was beautiful! She also got to be in the American Fork Parade.

This guy.....

On Father's Day, I'd just like to say.....I love this man and what an amazing father he is to our children. They are lucky to have him as their Dad and I am lucky to have him as my husband. Thank you for everything you do for me, sweetie!

Scenes from Trek

We had a great week on our Pioneer Trek this week. We spent four days at a place in Wyoming called Deseret Land and Livestock. It was a tough four days, but we had a neat experience trekking through the land of the where our pioneer ancestors went. Here are just a few pictures from the week.

I love this picture that I took from far away when the company was taking off on the last morning there. We had a total of 700 people from our stake there which included youth and staff. I was on the food committee...we fed 700 people 3 times a day in under an hour each time. We were impressive!

I love this picture of Jordan and Ron. Ron was a company captain in charge of a group of 4 families. Each family had 10 kids. Neither Krista or Jordan was in his family. This was on the last day of trek.

I tried to get some pictures of the kids from the ward as they trekked in....here is Tyler Belliston....the stinker would only give me a half of a smile. That's okay, I still love him. The picture below him is of Kailin Hansen, one of Krista's best friends.


Krista is allergic to mosquitoes, so when she gets bit she swells up and her skin gets hot and swollen. It's painful and really sad. Here a member of our Stake Presidency, Pres. Cosgrave, who is also a physician, was making sure I got a really good picture of her swollen eye. It looks like he hit her, huh?

Our impressive camp! We got poured on the first night. It was cold, wet and rainy. Miserable, really.

I love these two more than life itself. They are amazing people who I get to have as my children! I'm so lucky.

I took this picture of Krista's family as they got ready to go for the day. I was trying to take it from far away so that Krista wouldn't see me. Guess what?? She saw me. :)

Jordan pulling into the staging area on the last day.


This is Ron and his friend from the high council, Mark Forbes. He is crazy. He was Krista's company captain. He always calls Ron "Cap'n Salty" in a pirate voice. We're not sure why. He was delighted when Ron told him that he was descended from pirates.

And last but not least, my friend Tammie who I love, and her husband Brett who is a pain in the rear, leading their family along. She will kill me for this picture, but maybe it will force her to comment on my blog. :)