One Month

Our little Paige is one month old.

Oh, how time flies.

It's been a little crazy with four kids...but it's been fun.  Paige is a bundle of joy.  She (generally) sleeps well and eats well.  The girls love to hold her and give her plenty of kisses.  Paige is one loved baby!

Gifted People

Not long after baby Paige was born, one of the young women (whom I and the kids adore) offered to take some newborn pictures.  She had never done any before, so she wanted to have a go at it.  They are beautiful.  Thank you Leah.

Then, because I'm obviously spoiled by talented people, another friend of mine offered to take family pictures with the new addition a week or so ago.  Since my mother in law gave the girls matching outfits, I figured I'd take Kirsten up on that offer.  Thank you Kirsten.  I'm so grateful for talented and giving people in my life.

Paige Allen Finlinson

Paige Allen Finlinson is here!

Born:  January 27, 2015

Time: 2:28 AM 

Height: 18.5 inches

Weight:  7 lb 1 oz

(Birth story below)

Paige's Birth Story

I luckily went to bed a little earlier the 26th since I woke up at midnight with contractions.  They were on and off for about a half hour and then they became regular as time passed.  Molly woke up and wanted me to sit with her and sing some songs...so during contractions I sat by her bed and sang her some songs.

After another half hour, I woke up Tyson and told him but planned to wait at least an hour to make sure this was "true labor" instead of "false labor" (since I had gone in with both Leila and Molly early and sent home) but Tyson basically said, "nope, we're going in" and off we went.  My mom was in town, thank goodness, and so she stuck around with the sleeping kids while we made the journey to the hospital, 40 minutes away.

When we made it to the hospital they wheeled me up to labor and delivery and checked me.  I was dilated to a 9 and they quickly transferred me to a delivery room.  My doctor was on her way and the on-call trauma doctor at the hospital was notified to come help out.

Apparently Paige (although we didn't know that was her name at the time...took a few days to decide on her name) couldn't wait to come and I couldn't stop myself from pushing.  After two times of the nurses saying, "try not to push", Paige was born.  Shortly after she arrived, the on-call doctor entered the room followed shortly after by my doctor.

My doctor checked the hospital videos to find that it was 18 minutes from the time we came into the hospital entrance to when Paige was born.  Thank goodness we didn't wait any longer when my contractions started.

Unfortunately the birth did quite a doozy on my body.  I became extremely nauseous and lost a lot of blood and may have passed out for a split second.  It took a few days to recover and be able to stand up and walk anywhere on my own.  But both Paige and I are both well now.

Symbols in Pregnancy and Birth (Part 3, the Final): Giving Life

Giving Life

I went on a slight tangent in my young women's class I taught some Sundays ago.  We talked about Zion and somehow I ended up talking about the divine calling of motherhood.  Moses 7:18 states, “the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them”.  One of the three main points of creating Zion is that there is "no poor among them".  I posed the question, "Why is this so important to Zion?"  While there is more to this answer than my answer, I gave this answer as a thought.  Giving the basic needs of all human beings (food, shelter, clothing…all of which provide energy and heat to your body, keeping your body physically alive) when they cannot do so for themselves is giving LIFE to another.  We need these things to live.  By giving birth you are actually giving life as well.  You give a part of your physical self in order to give life to another.  This ability to give life relates to a small family structure, but we need to remember that we are all brothers and sisters on Earth and it is our responsibility to give life to those who need it as well.  Even if you are unable to bear children; raising a child, giving to the poor and needy, or helping to care for anyone who has a need that they cannot provide for themselves would also be giving your life (time, service, money, etc) to give life to another so that they too may have what they need to live...they depend on you to live.

Lehi's dream of the Tree of Life tells us, “Yea, it [the tree of life] is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men” (1 Ne 11:22).  What is the “love of God"?  How come this is the Tree of Life?  What relationship do they have with one another?  I always thought the love of God was simply His love he had for me.  But I think it goes much deeper than that brief explanation.  So deep in fact, that no matter what I say it wouldn’t do justice to the full meaning.  God loves us so much that He let His Son descend from his throne above to come to an endlessly flawed Earth so that He could give us life eternal, no matter how wicked, flawed, or righteous we are.  He gave that gift of life to all mankind.  That is how God's love is related to a tree that gives life.  To achieve the "love of God" in our own lives, it would be to feel that love that God and Christ has for each and every one of us and place that love inside of our own hearts about all mankind individually, including finding that love for myself.  That requires having an understanding of everyone's differences, trials, needs, dreams, etc.  But since we are not God, being imperfect, and on Earth it is impossible to actually "fill another's shoes", it is important for us to never judge another's actions.  Recognize that if people really understood what they were doing then they wouldn't do it.  Recognize that they need love and there is something in their life that is lacking.  Recognize that I'm in the same boat with needs and imperfections.  Just love them.  Just love myself. Don't seek justice, seek mercy.  Pray for those in need, including praying for myself.

The creation is so important to understanding who God is so that we may be like him.  He is the giver of LIFE in all things.  The Earth, the skies, animals, humans.  “For this is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39).  Giving life is HIS WORK and HIS GLORY.  He gives life in a physical sense that we have a body.  He also gives life eternal.  Even if we were to describe someone who is “full of life” we would expect to find someone who is excited and happy, which is another thing God gives to us.  In Alma 32 it talks about the experiment of your faith like unto a seed.  You know the seed is good because “your understanding doth begin to be enlightened, and your mind doth begin to expand” (Alma 32:34).  God gives us light and understanding to expand our minds.  When a person learns and understands something new, they become “enlightened” and excited and often seek to learn and grow more, giving life to someone and something that didn’t before have life.  Enlightenment and understanding, those are also given from God as a form of life and are a requirement to receiving life eternal.

Those are simply a few things I have learned over the past few months that have helped me come to the conclusion that I would like to try having a natural birth this time around.  Not that I feel that a natural birth is greater or more spiritual than medicated birth, c-section, or adoption.  But to feel an incredibly small part of what Christ did to bring life, eternal life, to me.  And even now, writing all these things down makes me happier.  And Christ is happy.  I can feel the truth of the things that I have stated by the feeling of enlightenment and happiness that it brings as I think about them.  I have many fears and doubts, but perhaps I simply need to cast those things aside because they make me feel closed off and sad, which is the opposite of what God wants for me.  If I need or end up having a medicated birth, I still would feel at peace with myself because I still have the opportunity to bring life into this world and to simply be blessed with healthy children.  All of this has also given new understanding to also being a mother.

Symbols in Pregnancy and Birth (Part 2): Labor

*This is the section that I am most hesitant to write and share for a few reasons...it is a serious rough draft that definitely needs polishing to the point where I hope it makes sense and is actually accurate and I've never actually been through a natural birth myself so I lack experience and knowledge.

Symbols in Pregnancy and Birth (Part 2):  Labor

I have been preparing to have a “natural birth” this time around (though I never committed myself 100% probably because I had three very nice, relaxing, and enjoyable medicated births that had no complications).  But studying natural birthing has brought me a greater understanding of Christ.  I have never had a natural birth before, so in the end, I have no idea what it truly is like.  So, please forgive me of my somewhat shallow education and experience on the matter.

There is one thing that I do strongly believe…The 11^th article of faith states, "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."  There is not set of rules or standards to get to Heaven.  We need to listen to ourselves and let others listen to themselves.  Don't judge one woman for having a c-section or one woman for breastfeeding their child until they are three or one woman for having a natural birth.  Everyone is different.  Everyone is entitled to worship God the way that they best do it for themselves, so let’s not judge.  We need to listen to God, however we best are able to listen, in order to come closer to Him.  That goes for life as well.  I think people, including myself, often care too much about things that are really of no importance.  Rules and lists about “what is best” often distract us from what we really should be doing in our lives.

Ina May Gaskin is a popular midwife that has studied childbirth in different countries around the world.  From what I've read and seen of hers, birthing is not much different than having faith and ridding yourself of fear.  It is a battle over your mind.  Telling your brain to tell your body to relax when all odds are against it.  Even when things are unbearably difficult, and to find peace, even during times of pain.  Let your mind guide your body.  Listen to your body.  Forget the world around you and do what FEELS right even if you look stupid from an outside perspective, mocked, or told that you can’t.

Perhaps as we endure our own trials in life and those hard times when we want to quit, it is simply the same.  We need to relax and ponder upon what feels right, what God wants.  Listen.  Sit back and listen.  (And I suppose that if I want something to listen to, I should also ASK with faith and humble prayer that God can open himself up to me and give me an answer for me to listen to…but perhaps that will have to be something to discuss another time.)  I could write down lists and lists of "to do" items on things to do to help during labor, but in the end, it’s about listening and feeling and letting go of myself, and giving in to something else entirely.  Just as pondering is more about listening and giving myself over entirely to God to relieve my pains and suffering.  There is no master list out there while in labor or while in life that will take me right where I need to go.  No matter how many books I read on birthing or how many books I read by general authorities, there isn't step by step list of "how to endure to the end" because having faith is personal.

Several books and people have mentioned to me that while during heavy contractions they needed to focus on one very specific object or idea that is extremely simple in order to get through the hardest points.  People have focused on a crack in the wall or being enveloped in a specific color. In fact, that is called a "birth color".  This reminded me of D&C 4:5, "And faith, hope, charity and an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work."  During the worst of the worst time thinking only of A COLOR, that sounds like what it should be like to have your eye single.  That is the way it should be when we have an eye single to the glory of God, an intense focus that is not distracted by anything other than that one specific thing, God.  Not to mention faith, hope, charity and love are all entailed in life as well as in birth as well.

In order to obtain your "fruit" (when talking about pregnancy and birth) then you go through a period of contractions.  Contractions wave in and out and increase in intensity over time.  In a record given by someone who has claimed to have seen Christ he states that he was also able to view Christ's atonement.  He said that while in the Garden of Gethsemane his pains went in waves of pain, each gradually increasing in intensity.  I can't remember exactly why, although there was a reason for the coming and going.  But in the end, he bled from every pore.  The completion of the atonement was His death upon the cross. He continued to have severe pain up until his death.  And upon the cross, to make sure of his death, those who sought to take His life pierced His side with a sword pouring out blood and water.  And this final ending was what in the end brought life eternal to all mankind.  There is great symbolism in birth here.  After having gone through contractions, finally your body is prepared to give life and as we go through the last push (get it? oh man, not a good time for a terrible pun) and with birth comes a pouring out of blood and water which brings forth a birth into the world.

Water is a symbol of birth in and of itself.  We are baptized by immersion to "wash away our sins" and begin a new life of commitment and devotion to God.  Blood is a symbol of sacrifice and our giving of ourselves.  So together they are giving life to another through the sacrifice of ourselves.

So, with all the symbolism of Christ's atonement and giving birth it makes me feel a greater gratitude for what Christ has done for me.  If all that pain and hardship that comes with pregnancy and birth is only to create life to ONE soul, imagine the pain and suffering that must have been paid by Christ for the lives of all mankind.  It is truly amazing and I am forever grateful.  And I know that if my mind is in the correct place then I can have a greater understanding of Christ's love for us as I hold my new life inside my arms for the first time.

During the Christmas season I wanted to read through and study the life of Christ.  I admit I didn't get nearly as far into the scriptures as I had hoped, but I did gain some insights from it.  After Mary gave birth to Jesus Luke 2:22 says, "And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord".  I became curious.  What was this "purification" that they spoke of?  I did some searching and studying to better understand what they called the "Law of Purification".  It was a time after giving birth that the woman pretty much stays closed off from the world to purify herself after having the loss of this special closeness to God through this pure spirit which was inside of you that had come from Heaven.  Moroni 8:8 states, "...little children are whole, for they are not capable of committing sin" and verse 12, "But little children are alive in Christ".  Children are sinless, perfect.  So the purification was almost like mourning the loss of such perfection and holiness from your own body.  The law states that purification was 40 days for a male (once again, the number forty stating a trial period of loss) and 80 days for a female (which is double forty).  From what I read, Jewish culture viewed women highly and to have suffered the loss of a girl and her purity and her ability to have children and that closeness to God was more of a loss than the males.  When I ponder upon what happens after having a baby, it is no picnic either.  It truly does seem like a loss.  Many women stay indoors and away from people.  They are continuously bleeding and often get what is known as the "baby blues" for no particular reason.  It is also approximately 40 days (doctors say six weeks which is 42 days) before engaging in sexual intercourse in order for your body to properly heal.  Perhaps it is simply because your body recognizes the loss of such a great soul that once resided inside of you.  A part of you is lost as you gave birth and there is a time of sadness and healing associated with that loss.

Symbols in Pregnancy and Birth (Part 1): Pregnancy

*I am writing this simply to share my different thoughts and feelings of things that I have studied while being pregnant with baby #4 and in my scripture study in case anyone else was interested.  I am dividing this into three parts because its quite long and overwhelming.  Plus, I'm still trying to get some of what is in my brain to be comprehend-able enough to write down for others to understand.

Symbols in Pregnancy and Birth (Part 1): Pregnancy

To begin, I just want to state a simple symbol that I find interesting in showing that God uses symbols in everything around us that we may learn and grow and develop faith if we open our eyes to see. 

The number forty is a symbol of trial.  Moses and the children of Isreal wandered for forty years.  In Noah’s day the rains came down for forty days and flooded the earth.  Christ fasted for 40 days.  It just so happens that pregnancy is forty weeks.

Pregnancy and birth from the beginning was meant to be difficult.  In the story of Adam and Eve, when both had partaken of the forbidden fruit, something happened.  God cursed them.  What did he curse them with? Gen 3:17-19, "...cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground,,," in other words, difficulty in producing food for his family.  For Eve, Gen 3:16, "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children...", showing the difficulty that would come with having children, which in my opinion, was her desire and reasoning for partaking of the fruit in the first place.  Both Adam and Eve were given a curse upon in producing "fruit", food for the man and children for the women.

A tree is a common symbol within the scriptures that is used over and over.  A common symbol with the tree is the fruit which it holds.  It just so happens that a placenta is a lot like a tree in the way it functions.  A tree has a trunk that takes nutrients to the fruit through the fruit’s stem until the fruit is ready to let go.  The placenta has a main blood source that stems out into many branches around the placenta and this blood source is what connects mother to baby through the umbilical cord and provides nutrients to the baby, or my "fruit".  The tree takes the nutrients and creates fruit.  If the tree lacks of nutrients or takes in toxins then the fruit will be affected, just as my baby is affected by what I take into my body.

A while back, I studied fasting and fast offerings.  It has many similarities to pregnancy and birth.  You are putting your body in a physical "starvation" as you give your nutrients to your baby, just as one who fasts.  And then paying a fast offering is a way giving what I have to those in need who cannot provide for themselves, just as I am giving of myself (physically) to a baby who cannot provide for itself while in my womb.  

Fasting also gives you the opportunity to be spiritually heightened to receive certain blessings and answers in life.  I believe that is also similar to pregnancy.  Going through initiatories in the temple while pregnant with Molly, I recognized how interesting the words to the initiatory are.  They talk a lot about the body and its functions.  During pregnancy, your body changes.  All of a sudden your nose is comparable to that of a blood hound, your taste buds crave foods that you've never craved before and hates foods that you've never hated before, you get an eye exam after you have a baby because it can often change, and after your baby is born your ears all of a sudden become strangely sensitive to being able to hear your baby squeak when before you could sleep through a rock concert if you wanted, and OBVIOUSLY your "loins" are changed during the process.  Your body and senses are heightened with pregnancy.

Not going to lie, these heightened senses are generally not a wanted or desirable thing to most women,  It is considered a burden and uncomfortable when it hits you like a wall and you find yourself vomiting at the sight or smell of cooked broccoli or ground beef.  Just as any experience that you have in life expands your mind and helps you have greater understanding of something new that you never realized before, this is the same.  Your senses perceive something different and new (perhaps heavenly), a new level of understanding that perhaps is hard for our Earthly bodies to take in.  Just like when you are in a dark room for a long time and then someone turns on the light and you almost can't stand the way the light feels on your eyes.  It feels uncomfortable.  It hurts.  It seems like a burden.  But it’s light.  Alma 32:35, "O then, is not this real? I say unto you, Yea, because it is light; and whatsoever is light, is good, because it is discernible".  Light is good, it helps you to discern.  Darkness is not good.  We need the light, even if sometimes it hurts.  It helps you to "discern" or understand something you didn't understand before.  Such as empathy for others who are going through similar things.  Perhaps it even helps us to have a small understanding of life beyond the veil which is not comprehendible to us on Earth because we have forgotten and don’t realize what kind of potential and knowledge that heaven holds.  But it is waiting for us to seek that knowledge and understanding even if it is uncomfortable or even hurts.  But that's how we get the fruit in the end.  And the fruit is worth it.

To perhaps take that further, you have much more vivid dreams while pregnant.  I've been trying to study a lot about dreams and visions.  I still don't have answers as of yet.  All I know is that I've been one to dream and I do believe that many dreams have meaning.  There are certain dreams in my life that have meant a lot to me spiritually in guiding and directing me.  Being pregnant gives you an ability to have heightened dreams.  I believe that if you had the faith or even desire, with the heightened ability to dream, you could truly see things and feel things and be given insights to things that are beyond this realm.  Dreams are given throughout scriptures as a way God communicates with his sons and daughters, why not us?  Having a being so close to God within you and having your body be the gateway between Heaven and Earth, I believe it gives you an opening to God.  Your senses are opened. Your mind is opened.  Your ability to communicate is opened.

Fasting is denying yourselves of certain physical needs for spiritual growth.  But just as "natural birthing" isn't going to do you a lot of good spiritually if in your mind you don't do more than "endure the pain", so it is the same with fasting.  The scriptures talk about how fasting without the right mind is worthless, unless of course you are “as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast” (Matt 6:16) seeking praises of men for their “spirituality” …then in that case, I guess you get or at least feel like you are getting what you want.  We need to understand and then sincerely seek “that He will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.” (2 Nephi 32:9)  Like Elder Uchdorf recently taught in General Conference, we just need to “close the umbrella so we can receive the shower of heavenly blessings.” Otherwise, we will go through the experience and miss the opportunity of connecting with God.

Finally, while studying Alma 32 was that it is NOT about the seed growing into a little plant.  While that is of great importance, the greatness comes with the fruit in the end, just like while it is a miracle that a bunch of cells were able to come together to form a child, the true greatest comes when you actually see and partake of the fruit in the end.  The goal is the fruit.  Not just in pregnancy but also in life.  We test the seed to form a plant.  We care for the plant that we may partake of the fruit.  Just like you wouldn't want to stop being pregnant after having just been pregnant saying, "oh, that was a good experience" but you'd want to see that baby in your arms.  It doesn’t do much good in life to find faith and truth in something and then not nourish it and care for it and let it die.  But it requires “your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is more precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white about all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.” (Alma 32:42)  The fruit is where the real joy comes from.